Cheating is an unpleasant phenomenon and does not decorate any person. Even if your partner is wrong a thousand times, jumping into another person’s bed because of relationship problems is mean and ugly. You can imagine how offensive it is to someone who has been cheated on. And the minimum that a traitor or a traitor can do in such a situation is to apologize for the betrayal.
Why ask for forgiveness for cheating?
After betrayal, as after a fight, they don’t wave their fists. There is no point in sorting things out and discussing why this happened - there is probably a reason, and a very serious one. But is this the point? Whatever the guy is guilty of, he does not deserve such treatment, betrayal. Agree, cheating is betrayal. This is exactly what you would think if someone cheated on you.
But the deed is done, the betrayal has occurred. Some girls confess themselves in order to cleanse a guilty soul, or to hurt their boyfriend in retaliation for the insults caused. Other girls hide the fact of infidelity until the last moment and confess only if there is concrete evidence. In any case, you need to ask for forgiveness for the betrayal and the offense caused. Even without knowing what the further outcome will be, whether the guy will forgive the betrayal or not, you need to apologize for the following reasons:
- relieve your soul - you are probably ashamed of what you did;
- explain the reasons for your action;
- to save the relationship.
Of course, if a girl is thinking about how to apologize to a guy for cheating, then she at least understands that she did something wrong. It also means that she wants to save the relationship. Otherwise, why ask for forgiveness? Some women believe that cheating is a kind of gesture that explains the end of a relationship. Another category of ladies is sincerely confident that they have the right to dispose of their body as they please. Unfortunately, the concept of fidelity in modern society is not so relevant, but it is encouraging to know that someone really considers cheating to be something wrong.
Will a man be able to forgive betrayal?
Most men will answer this question in the negative. And indeed, imagining how someone else touched his beloved, a man feels an insurmountable disgust. Touching and kissing a woman, he imagines what happened to the other. The traitor immediately loses trust. In addition, pain and disappointment are not conducive to forgiveness.
The man who wants to forgive his wife for cheating will be afraid of losing her respect. This, of course, can happen. A woman will regard forgiveness as weakness, but she needs a strong man. But this is only if there is no longer love and, in fact, she no longer needs this man.
Another well-founded fear of men is that, having received forgiveness, the wife will begin to cheat again and again. There is an opinion that it is difficult to decide to cheat the first time, but it becomes easier the next time. In this case, the husband will most likely decide to divorce even if he still loves.
But it also happens differently. There are husbands who blame themselves for their wives' infidelity. They are ready to easily forgive a fleeting affair and even try to understand a protracted affair on the side. And it happens that it is after such a shake-up that the husband’s eyes open and he begins to see a beautiful, attractive woman in his wife. Everything is individual.
In relation to betrayal, our stronger half can be divided into five categories (conditionally, of course).
- Husbands who will not forgive betrayal under any circumstances and will not live with a traitor;
- Those representatives of the stronger sex who try to forgive betrayal will even pretend at first that they have forgiven. But then old grievances and humiliations resurface again and again. Quarrels and scandals begin. A man who has long tried to hide his wounded pride may even raise his hand against his beloved, who once betrayed him. Such relationships have no future, and divorce will be the most reasonable option.
- The third category includes weak men who will forgive the dishonest behavior of their beloved. Both a fleeting romance and the constant presence of a lover in the wife’s life will be forgiven. Such specimens are ready to accept everything as is only to avoid the need to solve family problems.
- Category of strong men. Such people will understand the problem and forgive this wrong step taken if the woman is worthy of forgiveness. They will never reproach their beloved in the future. But such a person will make the decision to separate finally and irrevocably.
- Men classified in the fifth category consider cheating to be something ordinary and do not attach much importance to it. There are couples in which it is mutually accepted that cheating is not a terrible act; people give each other complete freedom.
A woman who decides to cheat must be aware that there is only a small chance of saving the family.
How to ask your loved one for forgiveness for cheating
If a woman cheated on her boyfriend or husband, you need to understand that this act is not comparable to an ordinary argument during which hurtful words were said. By cheating, you betray and lose trust. You are no longer deified as before, you are no longer considered special. Therefore, by apologizing, you regain lost trust and ask for another chance.
Female and male infidelity are different things. And attitudes towards adultery are also different. Women can forgive men's infidelities endlessly, showing patience and sacrifice. A man forgives rarely and only once. Having earned his forgiveness once, you should no longer count on his favor. Therefore, think carefully: why are you asking for forgiveness to your husband or boyfriend? To restore the relationship? But are you sure that the situation will not happen again? It all depends on how the betrayal was committed. It happens that girls cheat in a fit of feelings: passion, anger, resentment. Of course, they regret such an act later, but it’s too late. Cheating also happens under the influence of alcohol.
The most difficult thing to explain and justify is conscious betrayal. In this case, it is impossible to do without mutual reproaches and accusations.
How to ask for forgiveness from your beloved husband, using a pause to think
Whatever the subject of the quarrel, you need to pause before asking for forgiveness from your beloved husband. Immediately after the scandal, the resentment towards you in the young man’s soul drowns out all other feelings. And you simply may not reach his heart. He won’t hear you, even if you’re on your knees, don’t expect any results. Give both yourself and your boyfriend a few hours to think about the situation.
But now the passions have subsided. What to do next? You can ask for forgiveness from your loved one in different ways, but the main thing is sincerity. Try to do this in your own words, say directly that you repent, that you were wrong and ask for forgiveness. If a guy values your relationship, then he will definitely listen to you and understand.
How to apologize properly
The process of asking for forgiveness itself is an undertaking that requires great effort and courage. It's not easy to admit your guilt. Moreover, you need to understand that the main thing is not words, but actions. Simply saying “sorry” or “excuse me” is not difficult. It is difficult to convince a person that these are not just words. To earn the forgiveness of a loved one, you need to stock up on three qualities:
- Determination. Pluck up the courage and confess. To apologize. Do not justify yourself - the act has already been committed and the guilt is already there. In addition, be prepared for any reaction from the guy, including insults. Have the courage to endure it all.
- Patience. Don't expect to be forgiven right away. Just as you should not ask for forgiveness as soon as your husband or boyfriend becomes aware of the betrayal. Give him time to cool down and calm down. Try to talk calmly. If you are not sure that your man will be able to listen to you while maintaining composure, then write him a letter or message. Record a video message. If he is overwhelmed with rage the first time, the second time he will be able to accept the information more adequately.
- Repentance. Prove that you really regret what you did. To do this, you need to completely end the relationship with the one with whom you cheated. He must disappear from your life. Any reminder of him will infuriate a man and arouse suspicion. Often, after spiritual revelations, reconciliation occurs, but the relationship does not become the same. Apparently, it is not possible to completely remove the burden of guilt from one side and betrayal from the other. In this case, it is recommended to visit a family psychologist who will help you sort out your feelings and improve your relationship.
How can I help my loved one forgive my betrayal?
Hello, Oksana.
In any situation, you always need to consider the context. Including in situations of betrayal. The context is not clear at all from your letter. There is only a fact. that cheating happened, that the guy found out about it, and the question is what to do. There is nothing from which any conclusions can be drawn.
Here you write: “At that time, everything was bad in the relationship with the guy. I thought that he no longer loved me and that when I returned I had to break up.” For what reason “everything was bad”? Did you decide this yourself, or did he tell you, or did some situation happen that made it clear that everything was bad? Without context, it seems that you are simply trying to justify your betrayal. Well, it seems like, “everything was bad,” so I ran to be consoled in the arms of another.
Then you write: “It so happened that a classmate turned my head.” Here you shift responsibility to a classmate. It's not my fault, it's all him. And, again, it is not clear how your communication developed. It is impossible to analyze your relationship and draw any conclusion.
But from the letter it is clear that you are getting into your boyfriend’s head. We decided for him that he loves and wants to be with you, but cannot forgive: “And he also loves me very much. But now it’s very painful and disgusting for him to be around” and “He wants to forgive me, but he can’t get over it. He wants to see me, communicate, but as soon as he sees me, he hates me. I know that he loves very much and the love remains…” and “After all, deep down in his soul he wants it.” Where did you get all this from is not clear. Did he tell you about this? But then you would write that: he said that he loves me, he said that he wants to forgive me. But, no, you write your thoughts on this matter. You shouldn’t get into another person’s head; you still won’t know what he’s really thinking about. Even if he speaks about his thoughts, this does not mean that he told the truth, or part of the truth. It may be that he loved before, but now fell out of love because of the current situation, or maybe before that (from your letter this is not clear, I’m making guesses in order to explain the problem more clearly). Do you think that he still loves you, but is simply offended. Look at things realistically, based on the present moment.
The only thing I can say is that you don’t need to worry so much: “I’m sick of myself.” It has already happened, you cannot change the past. If you continue to blame yourself, nothing good will come of it. And if you make excuses for yourself, that’s no good either. Accept this as a fact, draw conclusions and move on with your life. Take care of yourself, switch to something useful and interesting (study, work, sports, interests, hobbies, etc.) And leave your boyfriend alone for now. It’s unpleasant for him to see you and communicate with you now. Don’t put pressure on him with your presence, love, desire to fix everything, “help him forgive.” Nothing will come of it, you will only disgust him. It is better to apologize for your actions, briefly, concisely and calmly, and sincerely. And move away. Don't write to him, don't call him, don't bother him. Give him space and air. Let him take a break from this situation, calm down, and think. Let him decide for himself what to do next.
And then you will act according to the situation. Just don't rush, it takes time.
I wish you good luck and patience, Oksana)
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Advice from a psychologist on how to ask for forgiveness for cheating
The very fact that a person decides how to ask for forgiveness from a husband or boyfriend, wife or girlfriend speaks of his readiness to change and improve. Such a person should be given a chance, of course. For those who are looking for a path to forgiveness, psychologists recommend being open and sincere, not trying to shift the blame to another person or circumstances, and being honest. Your partner will always feel true sincerity and forgive.
There is no need to make promises like “I won’t do this again.” The very fact that you ask for forgiveness already implies that there will be no repetition. A man should see and hear an adult woman who has committed a serious offense and sincerely apologizes for it, and in no case a little girl who has committed something stupid.
All people have the right to make mistakes, just as all people can forgive a person or not. If a man has not forgiven you, you do not need to blame him. This is his choice and perhaps it is better this way than caustic reproaches in the future. For a woman, this situation should serve as a serious lesson.
How to ask for forgiveness from your beloved man with deeds that prove it
However, there are times when asking forgiveness from a loved one is much more difficult. This is when you not only offended him, but touched him where it hurt most, insulted him, humiliated him. In this case, prove your love not only with words, but also with deeds. Knit him the scarf he's been dreaming about all fall. Give a figurine for his collection that he so wanted to find, but could not. Show that you know about his hobbies, his desires, value his opinion.
