10833№368 How to ask your wife for forgiveness?

08/19/2020 Zoryan Freidovich Psychology

If you've ever had a fight, broken a promise, or hurt your spouse's feelings, learning to ask for forgiveness is the first thing you need to do.

In fact, knowing how to apologize to your wife or husband is a necessary life skill that would come in handy in a marriage. This is because each of us is a person with emotions and feelings. In this article we will tell you some of the most reliable and effective ways that will tell you how to apologize to your wife.

Everyone faces this

In any marriage, couples face struggles and heated arguments where any argument can make you feel terrible.

When you make mistakes, it is important to accept and admit your mistakes. You will become a better person and spouse if you start working on yourself. There is nothing more effective during an apology than to realize everything and try to never make the same mistakes again.

If you are thinking about how to apologize to your wife, then it’s time to talk to her one-on-one and say the cherished words “Forgive me.” You don't have to be the one who is "wrong" to apologize.

Don't use the word "but"

"I'm sorry I kissed your best friend, but she came to me on her own." Imagine a man saying this phrase in a whiny and weak voice, suggesting that his only crime is his inability to resist temptation. Besides the fact that such things make you look like a liar and a deceiver, they also make you look like a weak person.

The word “but” should not be used at all, even in this context: “Yesterday I wanted to come home early from the bar, but if you hadn’t started calling me, I wouldn’t have turned off the phone and stayed there until the morning.”

Sometimes there is no right and wrong

“By apologizing, I admitted that I was wrong in the argument, but at the same time I allowed my pride to take over, expecting my husband to ask for forgiveness. When I didn't get what I wanted, it made me angry because I felt like we both needed to repent and move on."

This story often happens in relationships. A conflict arose, one decided to make concessions and ask for forgiveness, but not disinterestedly. Expectations and reality were not met, which gave rise to misunderstandings and a wave of negativity.

Apologies are one of the components of successful family relationships. Constant stress, problems at work, raising children, illness, etc. can drive spouses crazy and become the cause of conflicts and disagreements. But if a quarrel has already occurred, it is important to be able to apologize in time, without expecting anything in return.

“I'm sorry I yelled at you” and “I'm sorry, I should be more patient” are usually the most popular apology phrases in relationships. From the outside, they look like a verbal recognition that the person understands that he was wrong and will try not to make the same mistakes next time.

The easy way

When you have a minor disagreement, asking for forgiveness is quite easy and simple. There is such a method in your arsenal as gifts. This could be flowers, jewelry, a trip to a restaurant, a song written in your own words, a romantic evening, and so on.

You can also arrange a surprise at home. While she is at work, fill the bathtub, pour salt or foam into it, light candles throughout the house (please remember about safety precautions), buy delicious wine or champagne. When she comes, take her to the bath, let her relax, calm down. Then give her a relaxing massage, which can gradually develop into an erotic one.

But what if the quarrel is much more serious and even a romantic evening cannot make up for your guilt? For example, after betrayal. I think there’s no need to even explain here that a bouquet is absolutely not the step that your spouse expects from you.

Say “Sorry!” much easier once you really understand what it means

Many men don’t understand how to apologize to their wife if they mess up badly. But an even greater number of representatives of the stronger sex do not realize why they are asking for forgiveness, doing it “automatically” and “because this is what you should do in marriage.”

No people are perfect. Each of us sooner or later makes mistakes for which we have to apologize. To understand the meaning of the word “Sorry!”, you need to put yourself in the shoes of your spouse.

Sit comfortably, and then mentally switch places with your wife. Imagine what it would be like for you to be in her place, listen to obscene language or insults, wait for hours after work, take care of the house and children, limit yourself in communication with friends. At the same time, endure your constant “fishing”, “sports bars” and “Sasha from next door”, from where in 60% of cases you will return in a state of alcoholic intoxication.

Either spouse must put their pride aside to become wiser and grow together. Conflicts, disagreements, and quarrels should not be a struggle for power and a battle for what is right.

Sincere and warm words in prose

It is important to understand that prose is not poetry or poems. You can write a regular letter that will reflect all your feelings and regrets. Here are some examples:

1. "My lovely! You know that it is extremely difficult for me to contain my emotions, but you change me every day. With you I am learning to be different, to be restrained and calm! I’m very sorry that I offended you yesterday, but I promise to work on myself so that our relationship becomes better.”
2. “Not a minute went by that I didn’t blame myself. You give me happiness, warmth and love, but I offend you and cannot restrain my emotions. I am extremely ashamed that I allowed you to express offensive words to you, so I want to make amends. Just tell me what I can do for you, so that my beloved girl will never be offended by me!”
3. “You are my soul, my swallow, my spring! You give me warmth, radiating rays of sunshine. Without you I am nothing, but with you the whole Universe. Don't be offended by me, please. Without your smile, the light will dim, all the flowers will wither! I love you, my lovely wife."

What can I do to make a girl forgive me?

To make peace with your wife after a quarrel over betrayal, you need to follow the recommendations below:

• we need to act without delay, throw all our efforts into searching for reconciliation tactics. You cannot wait for a long time, since the angry and offended spouse will have time to file for divorce and the chances of reuniting will be much less. In addition, relatives will be informed about these plans. Can you guess whose side they will be on?

• We all know that the fair sex loves with their ears. Pour out your soul to her, tell her what is tormenting you, how you regret your mistake and dream of regaining her trust. Remember that you need to be extremely sincere so that your words touch her;
• Let your confession not be feigned. Do not deny your guilt, do not shift responsibility to other people. You are not a child, and you make your own decisions, so the story that you were framed, and you are not guilty of anything at all, is more likely to cause anger and disgust. Every person has the right to make mistakes and to be forgiven. Be wise and choose your words to “get through” and get the girl to forgive;
• forget about manipulation and pressure. There are men who make threats of suicide if they break up. Such words not only will not have the desired effect, but will also aggravate the girl’s psychological state. Because of such antics, people can make rash decisions that they regret in the future. Under no circumstances say that the betrayal was provoked by her behavior or shortcomings, this will not only offend the girl, but will also lead to the fact that you can forget about reconciliation with her;
• don't be indifferent. No matter how worried you are about the future, you cannot bury your worries inside. Due to ostentatious indifference, your other half may not realize that you sincerely regret your offense and want to make amends as much as possible;
• talk to close mutual friends, they can tell you how to apologize for cheating and make peace with your wife, and what will best have an effect. To keep them on your side, tell them how important family is to you; sincere repentance will be important. Your wife, most likely, also shares her experiences and doubts with her friends, so they can tell you what to emphasize and how to present your apology so that it makes the right impression on her and puts you in a favorable light;
• be sure to make compromises to atone for the girl. Pay her more attention, spend time together, pick her up from work, give her gifts. Become more romantic, this is the least price to pay for betrayal. Be glad that you managed to get her back after all the moral trauma that you made her endure with your betrayal;
• There can be no compromises regarding the mistress. Break off any relationship with her, even friendly communication after everything that happened is excluded. Even if you no longer plan to continue your sexual relationship with your former beloved, but you correspond, call each other, drink coffee, be prepared for the fact that one day your suitcases will be at the doorstep, and this time apologies will not save the situation. Regaining lost trust is incredibly difficult and requires a lot of time.

Admit your mistakes

This step is the most important for those who do not know how to apologize to their wife if they have seriously messed up.

As you may have noticed, unless you accept and admit that you are wrong, your apology will not be sincere, meaningful, or genuine. The fact that a person doubts his words can be seen from his facial expression, attitude and emotions. Learn to accept your mistakes, take responsibility for your actions.

Guide: How to Ask Your Wife for Forgiveness

1. Sincerely apologize to her. Even if you have already done this, it won't hurt to repeat. An apology is sincere when it is without loud words, but also without excuses! An unconditional apology means that you have acknowledged the wrong behavior and taken responsibility for your actions.

2. Explain that your actions did not mean to hurt her. Tell her that it's hard for you to see her upset, but don't make yourself look like a victim of the situation. Let her know that if you could do everything differently, you definitely would.

3. Be patient. It is likely that the offended woman will be closed towards you and cold. Let her remain in your thoughts. While she is in doubt about taking a step forward, demonstrate your love. It doesn't matter how receptive she is now - you need to show her that you're still there. Ask how her day went, how she’s doing at work, how she’s feeling. If she is upset, listen and offer your help.

4. Treat her the same way you did at the very beginning of the relationship. The fire between a man and a woman often weakens due to everyday life, habits, and other important matters in life. Take a break from daily stress and ask her out. Flirt, make her laugh and act like you just met.

5. If all else fails, it may be worth seeking professional counseling to save the relationship. Either way, you need to show her that you will do whatever it takes to keep her with you.

If the woman you love wants to take a break, give her the space she needs. Time and distance will help her realize how much she loves you.

Avoid sexual advances while your woman is upset, otherwise you will appear inconsiderate and selfish.

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Family life is a series of everyday activities and events: shopping, cleaning, repairs, moving, work, child care. It’s hard not to quarrel in this cycle, because family life is not easy. What should you do so that quarrels do not end in days of silence?

1. 1. Do not find out who is right and who is wrong. Men think rationally, that's their nature. If you need to ask for forgiveness from the woman you love, you should not hold a debriefing and say what exactly she did wrong. This will anger her even more and provoke another scandal. Women live by emotions. And why stir up unpleasant events and delve into them again? You need to focus on the good and pleasant.
2. 2. Don’t demand an immediate answer. There are different types of misconduct, a woman needs time to cool down, think about the situation again, accept her husband’s apology, and understand that she is ready to forgive him. There is no need to rush things and demand that the woman forgive immediately.
3. 3. Pleasant surprise. Before the conversation, you can try to appease your beloved. Going to the store for a bouquet of her favorite flowers, a box of chocolates, or something she has been dreaming about is not at all difficult, but can be a big help.
4. 4. Apologize in person. If a man apologizes via SMS, phone or on a social network, this may make his wife think that her husband is not taking the problem seriously. You should resort to remote apologies only in the most extreme cases. When meeting in person, you can see the emotions of the interlocutor, touch when necessary and simply hug when an apology is made.
5. 5. Don't go too far. You need to apologize sincerely, from the heart, in simple words without any flowery turns. There is no need to dramatize, wring your hands, fall to your knees and shed tears. Women are good at feeling falsehood.
6. 6. Repent of your actions. Making excuses, talking about how someone else is to blame and putting pressure without pity are hardly the characteristics of a real man. Responsibility for the wife and her condition lies only with the husband, so guilt must be admitted and repented.
7. 7. Gift. If before the conversation the man did not think to buy flowers or something else nice, he can take his wife to a cafe or restaurant, or invite him to a concert or exhibition. Are there any cultural events planned? Not scary. Then you can go to the store and together with your wife choose perfume, cosmetics, an outfit or a nice accessory.
8. 8. Draw the right conclusions. After a quarrel and reconciliation, you cannot make the same mistakes and misdeeds, otherwise it will be more difficult to earn forgiveness next time.

Women are unpredictable creatures. She may not pay attention to a serious offense, but be offended by a harmless joke and remember it for several years.

Situations are different, sometimes quarrels go so far that there is talk of divorce and separation.

In the event that betrayal has occurred, you need to act immediately, and not wait until this fact becomes the object of gossip and other people’s idle conclusions.

Cheating is a serious thing; in order to earn forgiveness, you will have to wait, moving towards your goal in small steps. The wife may cry, become hysterical, say nasty things and threaten divorce - you need to be prepared for this.

A woman must understand that the man regretted what he did, that it was his serious mistake.

Attention! Communication with your lover must be interrupted once and for all, even to the point of blocking her phone number and pages on social networks.

In case of adultery, the relationship will have to start from the very beginning: invite you on romantic dates, give flowers and gifts, give compliments, and win favor. At the same time, family life cannot be neglected.

The wife's suspicions will be minimized if the man spends his free time next to her, and not at friendly gatherings.

In the event that the husband got drunk, behaved boorishly, flirted with other women, or opened his hands to forgiveness, you need to ask for forgiveness as follows:

1. 1. Put yourself in an adequate state: get enough sleep, wash, change clothes, otherwise the wife will simply be disgusted to talk to such a husband.
2. 2. Sincerely say how ashamed you are of your behavior.
3. 3. Listen to your wife, hug her, promise that such behavior will not happen again.
4. 4. Make amends with a nice gift or help with housework.
5. 5. In the future, pay more attention to your spouse and provide assistance in household chores.

Attention! If children also witness inappropriate behavior while drunk, you will need to apologize to them too.

If alcohol use is systematic, it is not enough to simply ask for forgiveness. You will have to radically change your lifestyle. To do this, it’s worth estimating how much the family budget loses from regular drinking and thinking about what useful things could be bought for that money.

Do children see constant drinking of alcohol? In the future, this behavior may become the norm for them.

When your relationship with your wife is dear, you have to radically change your life. The first is to break off communication with drinking buddies, not look for reasons to drink, and devote more time to home and family.

If you cannot stop drinking on your own, you need to seek medical help.

Cases of assault and domestic violence become serious offenses. A sincere conversation with your wife will help to make amends for her, convincing her that this will not happen again under any circumstances, that next to her husband she will feel completely safe.

The wife has an easy temper and the husband’s guilt is not too serious? An original apology will do.

If your husband doesn’t know how to cook at all, you can order sweets and put a note there.

1. 5. Leave a note on the refrigerator or other visible place. If the husband knows how to draw, add pictures.

The chosen one may be so offended that she blocks the man on social networks, stops answering calls and opening the door.

In order for peace and tranquility to reign in the family, one must not forget about simple things:

1. 1. Do not wash dirty linen in public and do not tell friends, parents, or relatives about quarrels.
2. 2. Talk to each other, and resolve disagreements through constructive dialogue over a cup of tea, rather than shouting and accusations.
3. 3. Learn to give in to each other. Today the husband gives in to his wife and helps her bake pies all evening, and on weekends the wife lets her husband go to football with friends.
4. 4. Do not compare your family with the families of friends and relatives. A family is a single organism that develops individually in each individual case.

Thus, if a man has done something wrong and does not know how to ask for forgiveness from his wife, who is dear to him, then he must show imagination and turn on his intuition. All his actions and words must be sincere. The main thing is not to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.

Let your wife know how sorry you are

It must be an honest and sincere apology. You shouldn't just ask for forgiveness to please your wife. Also, be specific in your apology. Don't try to mix them with other phrases and words. Focus on one issue and one apology at a time.

Use phrases like “I’m so sorry,” but don’t replace them with “it’s such a shame we had a fight.” Sincere words can help rebuild trust, improve communication skills, and strengthen the intimacy of your marriage.

Be humble, ask your spouse to forgive you

Here's another tip on how to properly apologize to your wife. The best way to ask for forgiveness is to do it in person, face to face.

Try not to write apologies on a piece of paper or send an email. Even if you choose to do so because it is extremely difficult for you to repent personally. If you cannot verbalize recognition, look deep into the problem and ask yourself what is stopping you?

Perhaps the reason is that you do not know how to communicate with your spouse personally so that any conversation does not escalate into a conflict or quarrel.

While intoxicated, he offended and humiliated his wife; she wants a divorce.

Good evening, dear Jan!

Since I don’t have the opportunity to ask you questions, and without questions there are no answers, then I will ask you questions throughout the text that you yourself need to find answers to, since you are ready to consider the situation deeper and change what requires change.

I ask you to take a sheet of paper and write the answers in writing for yourself. This will allow you to concentrate and find answers. By writing them you can find the information you need and understand what exactly needs to be done. I ask you not to rush in searching for answers to questions. take your time and look within for the answers.

1. Please briefly formulate why your first marriage broke up. Try to fit the wording into one sentence or several phrases (maximum 3). You need to answer specifically, avoiding general phrases or blaming yourself or someone else. Close your eyes, look at your first family union as a whole and write down your wording.

2. Now do the same with your current family. Close your eyes. Look at your family life together as a whole, at all these five years. Do not concentrate on the two cases that you described (the one that happened 2 and a half years ago and the current one) look at your entire life together. Look for the wording: why the threat of disintegration looms over your second family. Without general phrases, without accusations, in one or three phrases.

3. Compare the answers. Is there anything in common in your two formulations? If so, write what you have in common.

4. Write down if there is something that you cannot say to your wife openly and directly, maybe for fear of offending her, maybe you don’t know how, it doesn’t matter now. The main thing is to understand if there is something that you want to say to her, but you don’t allow yourself or stop yourself, or maybe you don’t even realize it, but now thinking about the answer, you will find it. Perhaps this is some kind of complaint against her, perhaps something does not suit you in her character or her behavior, in her manifestations towards you or not towards you.

Ian, if it’s difficult for you, then please mentally look at your text, which was spoken while intoxicated. Remember what it was about? And formulate in one or three phrases the general message that you “handed” to your wife when she was insulted. Write it down. Sorry for the improvisation, I don’t know your speech, I’ll fantasize. For example: the message that “she is a fool...”, or that “she is a vicious woman...” Do you understand? Write all answers.

5. When you are sober, what do you think about your text that you said to her while intoxicated? Now I’m not talking about the fact that you are to blame; you need to think in neither direction. And as for what does the text that you said to her then have to do with your wife? How does he feel about her?

Perhaps, for example, you insulted your wife about the fact that “she is a complete fool..” but in a sober state you do not consider her as such and all the similarities that you will now find (which I am asking you about) will be that You were insultingly talking about some “stupid woman”; you don’t consider your wife such, and the only similarity between these two women is that they are both women and that’s all.

6. I suppose that perhaps there is something that you, Ian, cannot say openly and directly to your wife, and then it is held back, but inside it is there. And then, when you drink, control weakens, defenses fall and it comes out of you - you tell her all this. This is our point number 4.

Or, in principle, you have a certain attitude towards women in general, called an attitude, an idea that lies within you. And she's not very personable. But while you are sober, you can somehow deal with it, choose favorable behavior, but when you drink, you lose control and this attitude is realized externally in the form of insults. This is point number 5. I’ll explain now.

Inside all of us lie attitudes (this is the key thought about something), those that we are not aware of. They guide our actions, whether we know about them or not, but our actions will be aimed at realizing our goals. For example, “men cannot be trusted,” “all women are stupid chickens,” “men always cheat...” and so on. If a person is in a relationship and loves his partner and at the same time has some kind of similar attitude, then she will seek fulfillment in the existing relationship. So, if you have some kind of similar thought, attitude, idea about all women (you could highlight it in point No. 5), then it will burst out of you in your existing relationships. She can only have an indirect relationship with your wife. Because attitudes originate at some earlier point in life, often in childhood and adolescence, and are then realized in existing relationships in adulthood. So if this attitude of yours arose during strong painful emotional experiences, it can just like that, without an external reason, in adult life just like that, jump out of you.

I hope I was able to explain my idea clearly.

I have identified two reasons, and there is a third.

Perhaps there is something that happened once earlier in your life together with your wife, and it greatly affected or offended you, hurt you. You forgave the offense (you thought or think that the petitioners did). But in fact, they persuaded themselves and the resentment did not go away. And in this way - in such outbursts - you release your resentment. Sort of like “revenge”. You see. Again in a state of lack of control.

Now I’ll go through your text and outline what affected me and I think it’s important. And that’s exactly what I based my answer on for you.

1. “I, in a state of strong alcoholic intoxication, greatly offended and humiliated my wife, whom I love very much, with words.”

Agree that in order to insult the person we love, we need a reason. I don’t know what it is like for you, that’s why I asked you all these questions, so that you would search and find within yourself the reason why this happened. Perhaps there is another reason, some kind of internal disorder within you. I mean that there is something that is bothering you, that is not working out, that is difficult now, and this internal unsettlement (maybe with work, lack of fulfillment, money sphere...) resulted in such a breakdown on my wife. If you are a mentally healthy person, then there is a reason behind this. And I will emphasize that for your insults that day, you chose your wife and some topic (I asked you to explore this in paragraphs 4 and 5).

Ian, This phrase of yours is also about the same thing “... everything was fine, and now again I ruined everything, although I didn’t want to, I said very offensive words, although I don’t think so...”

Something prompts you to say something that you wouldn’t think when sober. I think this is important to understand. Again, I repeat that this is exactly what the upper part of my text was aimed at.

2. “...I’m ready to completely give up alcohol, bad acquaintances and everything vicious that can happen in life...” and “...or it provokes someone to break down and start drinking...”

Ian, I could be wrong, but I read these phrases in such a way that alcohol is heavily present in your life and you often resort to it for some of your needs. I mean that it performs some function in your life. It somehow supports you, is a way to solve some problems, I did this based on the words - “...or provokes you to break down and drink...”. You somehow hold on, it works, and then you break down and go this way.

And you express your readiness to give up everything and everything bad - that is, there is something that causes some inconvenience to you and your family as a whole. “...I’m ready to completely give up alcohol, bad acquaintances and everything vicious that can be in life...” - this phrase confuses me a little because you seem to be ready in order to “show this to your wife”, “to present it somehow " Or do you want her participation here because you need her help with this.

I’ll explain, if you have difficulties with alcohol addiction, then your word “ready...” is what exactly you mean there. It is important that you understand this yourself, Ian. Sometimes we can say something in order to somehow attract or return another - but we ourselves do not understand what exactly we are ready to do with that promise. “Ready...” - that’s what it’s about for you. Answer yourself. In what actions will this be expressed and implemented.

These words of yours also indicate that your wife knows that you can drink and also that you need willpower so that you don’t drink, then we are talking about addiction, and this is always a certain scenario in the family. And it is not always simple.

Jan, I wrote all this because there are difficulties in your relationship, some unresolved topics and questions. They need to be identified, acknowledged and addressed step by step.

The conflict that you described in your text is only an element, only a plot that clearly revealed something, and the point is not in it, and it is not that that needs to be resolved, but in those topics that have not been resolved between you and your wife. And they need to be solved.

And to do this, they need to be clearly formulated, openly identified and proposed to be solved jointly.

Ian, I hope you found some answers for yourself.

Best regards, Ilona.

I would be grateful if you write your answer to me, whether you managed to find anything in your research by answering questions and reading my text!

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Make an action plan

If you don’t know how to apologize to your wife if you’ve seriously offended you, then you definitely need an action plan or a list of things that will help you avoid repeating old fatal mistakes. You must show your spouse that you are willing to do something to apologize and prevent this from happening again.

Write down on a piece of paper things you could do better if you think it would help. For example, if you forgot to pay your bills, setting reminders on your calendar or phone is a great solution.

Ideally, you should create a plan of action with your wife. If you write it alone, then have the opportunity to contact your spouse and ask her opinion. When she sees the effort you put into being a better person, she will know how much you value her opinion.

Practice your action plan

Actions speak louder than words. So put your conversations into action. Commit to not repeating the same mistake or problem again. Remember that the only thing that matters is practice, practice and more practice.

Do your best to correct your mistakes. Change your behavior. When you become a better person, your wife will notice this progress and will also be able to get rid of fears and doubts that one day her husband will repeat his mistakes again.

Practicing your action plan is one way to reunite with your spouse after a fight or argument. This advice is also suitable for those who do not know how to apologize to their wife for cheating.

It is important to understand that betrayal is the worst thing that can happen to a person. No amount of flowers, expensive gifts or courtship will help heal the wounds of betrayal. But since the mistake has already been made, then you need to work on yourself and make every effort to regain your wife’s former trust and restore family relationships.

How can I forgive and get my wife to forgive me?

Hello Kirill!

I will say right away that the question is quite broad, without dialogue it is difficult to reach the required depth, but nevertheless I will try to give you the main directions for reflection.

A family union can only be strong if there are common goals for the future, common basic values ​​and priorities in life. Moreover, the goal of saving a marriage for the sake of 2 children is not considered “healthy”. Children do not require any sacrifices, it is important for them to see their parents happy and healthy, and if this is only possible separately, then it is better than living together, but crippling each other and the children’s psyche.

It is very good that you understand that the problem is not only with your wife, but also with you. Cheating does not happen in a vacuum, especially on the part of a woman, a mother, it is not so easy to cross this barrier. Therefore, if betrayal happens, then it is certainly time to reconsider your relationship, honestly talk about what you are not happy with, take action and outline common goals for the future. Whatever the outcome of the situation, it is important to be able to negotiate. It is important not only to talk about yourself and your pain, but also to hear your partner. What may seem insignificant and secondary to you can be experienced acutely and emotionally by a woman. Therefore, you should not judge by yourself, but you need to learn to perceive others as they are, without overthinking or attributing to them your own interpretations and thoughts.

Each of us simultaneously plays several roles in life: son, husband, father, colleague, friend, etc. But we do not always play these roles fully and without plagiarism. Very often, emotions in the course of a relationship are chewed over, suppressed, not expressed, or even worse, replaced by others, which leads to misunderstanding with the spouse and loss of contact with oneself.

I am sure that before the moment when you caught your wife cheating, you already suspected something and there were some hints or prerequisites for this. You can, of course, not want to see something, but again, this will be a bad performance of your role, in this case, the role of the husband. A husband is a man who has taken on the responsibility of caring for a woman (and children). Take care of their safety, comfort, health, well-being, etc. If a man plays his role 100%, a woman is not able to cheat on him. If she has to chronically put up with the deficiency of his masculine qualities (this is the ability to keep his word, set and achieve his goals, protect his family), then she begins to look around. And the longer this drags on, the more likely it is that she will look for support elsewhere. I can’t say how and what exactly was built in your relationship, you don’t write about this, you can think about it on your own. But, be that as it may, there was a betrayal; if something happens in life, then it was necessary. In the sense that other “clues” and “hints” were missed and more stringent methods were required.

I proceed from the fact that there are no accidents in our lives, everything is verified down to the smallest detail, and we came to this Earth to gain a certain experience. If we are mired in lies and stagnate in one place, then life will stimulate us to move on, using different ways: illness, betrayal, loss, material difficulties, etc.

So, if betrayal happened, it means that there were already problems in your family that were not resolved for a long time, which is why they say that both are to blame for betrayal.

Since both of you have not been sincere enough with each other in your roles, then cheating will aggravate your true feelings for each other and force you to change something. Therefore, there is no point in playing at being noble when it hurts in your soul. There is no need to try to quickly return “everything as it was,” because it will never be as it was. And only you both decide what and how it will be. Will each of you have the courage to be sincere, to expose your grievances and misplaced expectations that others had for each other?

How do you really feel about your wife? Love is a feeling that we ourselves generate, not consume. If you lash out at your wife because she refused intimacy, then of course, at this stage it’s anything but love. And the problem is that until you express everything negative that you experience, until you live your pain, you will not feel love. In order for the sun to shine, you need to disperse the clouds, defuse them with rain, thunder, snow, who knows, what else, but only after living through this element can you find bright feelings in yourself, no less strong.

What is your aggression directed at? Is it for my wife? Or maybe at yourself, at your weakness, for your lack of self-confidence? Or on her lover (for seducing her, knowing that she was married), this is about relationships between men, and you should not underestimate this aspect, because it is easy to dump your negativity on your wife, but you often don’t have the courage to attack your lover. Think about it too, because don't write details.

If this happened to your wife, then once would be enough, but no, aggression flares up in you again. I assume that it arises in a situation where you feel rejected, unloved, unwanted, etc. It is important to see and understand this for yourself.

How to discharge? Well, first of all, understand and find the real reason (the source, not the fact that it is the wife!). Secondly, to live this aggression with the one who causes it, it can be expressed in thoughts, words, actions, like any other feeling. And then change yourself, with the help of regular meditation, developing your personality (this is not one or two techniques, this is a life-long process that changes your thinking and, as a result, helps you feel better about yourself and cause-and-effect relationships). If you are limited only by your consciousness and the confines of your body, then many things seem impossible, but if you gradually bring yourself to the idea that you are part of the whole, then many things become clearer. Read A. Novykh “Sensei. The Original of Shambhala”, Michael Roach’s “Karmic Management”, Dmitry Trotsky’s “Until I Am Me”, their books and lectures will help you realize yourself and encourage you to spiritual development.

As for drinking alcohol, if you give up alcohol altogether, forever, without any exceptions, then you will only benefit in every sense (look at least at V.A. Efimov’s lectures on the dangers of alcohol).

We cannot force another person to forgive us, we cannot force him to love us. You are already at that age when you need to give more than you take, so if you want her to forgive you, start with yourself, forgive yourself, admit that you also have weaknesses and don’t be so categorical about her shortcomings. In the end, forgiveness is not words, but a state, you can only feel it, and if you don’t feel it yet, then don’t lie, but continue to work spiritually on yourself.

If you want to talk in more detail, write, I will definitely answer. I believe in you and your strength!

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If changed

Analyze what caused your infidelity and why you so desperately want your wife back. If this is selfishness or a sense of possessiveness, then over time it can cause even more pain to the spouse.

After cheating, as a rule, men begin to actively court and care for their wives, giving them countless gifts, helping with housework and investing in work. But think about how long you will last? Your wife simply has no guarantee that this will always continue, especially if before the betrayal you ignored her presence, did not give compliments, forgot to help around the house and often spent time outside the family after work.

But if you really admitted your guilt and realized that you hurt your loved one, then it’s time to act. Let's find out how to beautifully apologize to your wife:

Give a nice gift. So, the crucial moment has come when you have already asked your wife for forgiveness for what you did, and she decided to give you a second chance. Now you need to prove how much you love her. Give her an unforgettable evening by including in the surprise only what your wife will be delighted with. For example, a spouse loves the night sky. Take the car, cook delicious dishes, prepare candles, wait until the evening is windless and warm. Take your wife out into nature and have a romantic picnic under the starry sky.

And a little about secrets.

I looked at my husband in fascination, and he did not take his admiring eyes off his mistress. He acted like a lovesick idiot.

Good afternoon, dear men! Even in the happiest and most exemplary family, conflicts sometimes arise: spouses argue, quarrel, say nasty things to each other, or do bad things. Today I want to tell you how to ask your wife for forgiveness; what situation can be resolved with a bouquet, and when more serious measures need to be taken. By following my advice, you will be able to find harmony and achieve mutual understanding with your spouse.

Bar regulars

How to apologize to your wife after drinking? The best way to ask for forgiveness is to promise that it won't happen again. But don’t just throw words into the wind, but diligently fulfill this promise. A wise woman will not find any reason to be offended by her husband who drank a little alcohol if everything happens within normal limits. It is much worse when addiction to such a bad habit already develops into a way of life. But it’s even worse if a man cannot control himself while intoxicated.

Here we are talking not only about assault, but also about tyranny, creating stressful situations for the wife and children, increasing the risk of “disappearing” for several days, as well as difficult withdrawal from drinking.

There is a golden rule: “If you can’t control yourself while intoxicated, don’t drink.” If you are hurting others because of your addiction, then it is important to address it. For example, learn to say “No!” friends who invite you to sit at the bar or have a drink, be able to control the norms and understand that somewhere there are people who care and care about you.