Psychological aspects of death and dying

Psychological death of a person: symptoms and its treatment

The human psyche is a dynamic structure.
Her work affects her lifestyle, life position, behavior and much more. An active state of mind ensures the normal functioning of physical processes. Psychological death is a state in which a person, while alive, loses his will and aspirations. Without timely help, he can die for real.

Therefore, it is important to know the symptoms of psychopathology in order to recognize them at the very beginning.

What is psychological death: forms of the disease, types of behavior of patients

In psychology, psychological death is understood as a state in which a person ceases to control his own life, letting it take its course. This is a disease, one of the common forms of which is depression. According to the type of manifestation, this state can be social and personal.

Social (social death) - self-isolation of a person from society. He stops interacting with other people, losing not only his job, but also any contacts. In severe cases of mental depression, the individual stays at home for weeks, not even going to the store.

Reacts negatively to external influences and the desire to help.

Personal apathy is complete indifference to oneself. A person may continue to participate in social life, but his sense of self changes completely. Although physically active, he remains indifferent. Without receiving pleasure from activities that were previously loved, the individual loses the meaning of life.

How to identify symptoms of psychopathology in yourself and loved ones

The gradual decline of personality is a multifaceted phenomenon. It is dangerous because it manifests itself in a complex of symptoms that are initially invisible to both the sick person and those around him. Typical symptoms of an incipient disease include:

causeless apathy, indifference;
increased fatigue, constant feeling of tiredness;
sleep disturbances;
refusal of food, disappearance of the feeling of hunger;
chills, decreased body temperature;
dulling of the feeling of pain;
hypochondria, increased interest in the diseases of other people;
addiction to alcohol;
aggression turning into self-flagellation.

As a rule, the disease manifests itself with several symptoms at once, successively following each other.

Unpleasant physical signs are accompanied by mood swings: outbursts of aggression appear without objective reasons, alternating with long stages of complete indifference.

The short-term manifestation of symptoms is not a reason to panic: at the initial stage, a person can help himself on his own. But if they persist for several weeks, you should seek psychological help.

Causes of psychological death: main risk factors

An apathetic state can develop in any person, even a positive and cheerful one. Its causes are varied and very individual, but risk factors can be identified:

Personal failures. Professional unfulfillment, loss of loved ones, family quarrels, especially those occurring in a short period of time, can seriously undermine mental health.
Social rejection. Rejection by the collective deprives the individual of one of the main needs - communication. Rejection, open negativity and hostility lead to symptoms of psychological dying.
Biological reasons. Decreased physical activity, disturbances in the functioning of the central nervous system, and hormonal imbalances can affect the state of the psyche.

A single factor does not necessarily lead to the development of psychopathology.

But people with a weak type of nervous system are more susceptible to the influence of negative environmental factors

Therefore, they need to pay additional attention to their health status and use preventive measures every day.

The dangers of unwillingness to live: the impact of pathology on life and health

The rapid development of psychological death brings a person a lot of problems related not only to health, but also to other areas of life:

Health problems. Psychological diseases affect the physical condition, causing the development of chronic pathologies: diseases of the cardiovascular system, respiratory system and musculoskeletal system.
Social maladjustment. The loss of social contacts often leads to complete self-isolation, depriving the individual of the opportunity for self-realization.
Suicidal tendencies. Prolonged apathy and lack of positive impressions are a common cause of suicide. Adolescents and older people are especially susceptible to the negative influence of pathology.

Since the insidiousness of psychopathology lies in the patient’s denial of symptoms, it is important to monitor the psychological state and pay attention to the state of loved ones

Timely assistance at an early stage saves from the development of symptoms and reduces the risk of relapse.

How to avoid the negative impact of psychopathology and get out of depression

To study the psychology of death, psychologists conduct group studies to compare how specific treatments help people cope with symptoms.

Methods approved by psychologists for overcoming depression without medication include:

New experience. Brain function is closely related to mental experience. The older an individual gets, the less new experience he receives. This leads to a slower reaction and the development of apathy. To avoid degradation of brain function, you should organize daily opportunities for yourself to gain new experiences: learn a foreign language, try new dishes, plan unusual routes.
Support social connections. Despite the reluctance to communicate, it is necessary to maintain social connections at least on a formal level: communicate with colleagues, family, and not withdraw into yourself.
Restoring the daily routine. Proper alternation of sleep and wakefulness is an indicative factor of good health. It is important to sleep at least 7 hours every day so that the psyche does not become exhausted.
Increased serotonin levels. If the natural level of the joy hormone is reduced, you need to increase it artificially by adding foods containing it to your diet: chocolate, bananas, green peas.
Support groups. It is difficult for a person with psychological problems to open up to loved ones. But communicating with people suffering from similar diseases can be an outlet. You can find such support groups on the Internet or contact your local mental health center.

Non-drug methods help only in the first stages and with mild forms of the disease, as well as for the prevention of pathology in conditions of increased stress. If the use of these methods does not help, you need to contact a psychotherapist to select individual treatment.

The video explains in detail the concept of psychological death.

Source: //mystroimmir.ru/psihologiya/smerti.html

The mystery of death. Essays on psychological thanatology

…

If the patient remains in a near-death state long enough, then he may find himself in the specific fifth phase of psychological death. E. Kübler-Ross calls it the phase of acceptance of death, resignation to the inevitable end, the phase of inner peace

Being in this phase is desirable because it allows a person to die with dignity

It is also assumed that the dying person should be given the opportunity to suffer, since only through suffering can he approach the phase of reconciliation with the inevitability, humility and acceptance of death without aggression.

From here the conclusion is drawn that if death is close and inevitable, then prolonging a person’s life is inappropriate: such a life is full of suffering and is no longer needed by a person. Thus, E. Kübler-Ross is a supporter of euthanasia, at least its passive version. But more on that in the next chapter.

During this stage, the person falls asleep frequently, usually in short intervals, but this is not ordinary sleep, the purpose of which is to relieve stress and relax, as well as escape from the troubles of the day, but rather something similar to the sleep of a newborn. Of course, at this stage there are still complaints about the pointlessness of further struggle and everything else, but such protests are not a sign of resignation to fate.

Acceptance of death and humility are evident when a person, like a child after birth and in the first months of life, sleeps for a long time - as if “resting before a long journey.” Humility, calm and acceptance of fate are combined with a narrowing of the interests of the dying person.

He wants to be alone and does not want to be disturbed by news and problems of the outside world. He does not want to be visited often and have long conversations.

He prefers that visitors sit silently and do not linger for long - wordless communication at this stage is considered more appropriate.

The most important thing is that family members and medical staff do not confuse the stage of resignation with the period of loss of hope that sometimes occurs long before death, while the person, receiving the necessary medical care, can still live for a long time. But if the stage of resignation to the inevitability of death has already begun, the patient should be given the opportunity to gradually break his ties with people and things in order to die peacefully.

They often fall into a state of reactive psychosis, defend themselves in every possible way from people’s interference in their affairs, and are afraid of death. The experience of E. Kübler-Ross has shown that patient and tactful work with such patients, understanding their problems and empathy with them can also ensure that they reach the stage of a wise and fearless attitude towards death.

This is also facilitated by belief in God and the existence of life after death.

In connection with the peculiarities of this - the fifth and final - stage of a person’s psychological death, it is appropriate to recall the following thought of the modern prominent psychologist and psychotherapist Erik Erikson

: the ideal is the person who has such a harmonious, perfect structure of “I” that throughout his entire life he retains a “basic sense of trust” in the world, and when the time comes, he meekly joins the “caravan” of those millions of people who died before him. A person must die resignedly, with a sense of self-worth and with the understanding that in the history of mankind a period of his life has irrevocably ended.

This requirement, of course, also applies to the relatives and friends of the deceased, especially in connection with such a long-known but still mysterious phenomenon as the “return of the soul.”

It is known that when the relatives of a dying person, being next to him, perceive the onset of clinical death as final death, begin to cry loudly and grieve, then the consciousness of the dying person often returns, the dying process stops, and the final death of the person is postponed.

This phenomenon is most often observed in those who die a “natural death” rather than suddenly or due to accidents.

Psychology bookap

Is it permissible to prevent the onset of death and “return the soul”, the consciousness of a sick person? Is the return of the soul pleasant to the dying person? What are a person’s experiences during the process of returning his soul and at the moments of clinical death? All these questions require complete and reasonable answers, and we will deal with them further in this book. You need to know that many, after returning consciousness, die again, and this time completely, although there are other cases.

We know a man (he was born and lived until a very old age in the city of Gyumri) who several times experienced the return of consciousness; his relatives several times did not allow the man to die in peace.

Source: //bookap.info/book/nalchadzhyan_zagadka_smerti_ocherki_psihologicheskoy_tanatologii/gl13.shtm

The first raised the question of the doctor’s responsibility not only for the health of the dying person, but also for ensuring that the last days of the patient’s life are lived with dignity, without fear and torment. The topic of death began to interest her as a child, when she first saw a dying person. It was her neighbor who fell from a tree and died in his bed among his family and friends. According to another version, when her neighbor in the hospital ward died, alone in a cold medical atmosphere, far from her family. Then Elizabeth thought that there was a right way to die.

Kübler Ross graduated from the Faculty of Medicine at the University of Zurich, after which she left for the USA in 1958. She worked extensively in hospitals in New York, Chicago and Colorado. She was deeply outraged by the treatment of dying patients by doctors. Unlike her colleagues, she communicated with the dying and listened to their confessions. This is how a course of lectures on near-death experiences appeared.

In 1994, after a stroke that left her partially paralyzed on the left side of her body, she moved to Scottsdale, Arizona. She spent the rest of her days sitting in front of the TV for 18 hours in a wheelchair, and on August 24, 2004, at the age of 78, Kübler Ross died.[1]

Investigating the problems of human death, Elisabeth Kübler Ross, in the course of seminars and conversations with patients she organized, accumulated extensive material about the experiences that take place in the patient’s psyche from the moment he somehow learns about his condition.

Summarizing her material, E. Kübler Ross discovered that before death, patients go through five stages of psychological changes and the work of defense mechanisms:

1) Stage of denial of reality and isolation.

2) Stage of indignation (aggression).

3) Stage of negotiations and conclusion of agreements.

4) Stage of depression.

5) Stage of acceptance of death (reconciliation with the idea of the inevitability of death).

STAGE OF DENIAL AND ISOLATION

E. Kübler Ross called this first stage the stage of denial of reality and isolation, since in the psyche of a sick person two protective-adaptive mechanisms work most actively: the mechanism of denial of an unpleasant, frightening reality and the mechanism of isolation. The patient at this stage does not want to understand that his end is near. During conversations with them, people who are in this phase of psychological death state that they do not believe that the diagnosis is correct. They try to discredit doctors, whose conclusion deeply frustrates them, depriving them of any prospects.

“No, this can’t be!” That's about their first reaction. Moreover, such a reaction is always basically the same, regardless of how the patient learned about his fate: from the directly spoken words of the doctor or by indirect signs, by changes in the behavior and non-verbal signs of those around him, based on his own, conscious or subconscious conclusions. One patient even began to claim that the X-rays with which her cancer was discovered were not genuine. The patient may also claim that the doctors’ conclusion is the result of the diagnosis of another patient, as if there was confusion. The same patient, who believed that the X-rays were fake, began to turn to other doctors to make sure that the first diagnosis of her illness was wrong. “Anxious denial” is what E. Kübler Ross calls this first reaction of terminally ill people.

Denial, sometimes complete, sometimes partial, is used to one degree or another by all patients, not only in the first stages of the disease, but from time to time in the subsequent course of its development. Even accepting the truth, patients sometimes move away from it and want to live as long as possible.

E. Kübler Ross considers this defensive reaction to be very useful, since it softens the first blow of the truth and creates conditions for the inclusion of other, more calmly operating and “less radical” defense mechanisms in the work of the psyche. Usually after denial of reality comes partial acceptance of the inevitability of death. Of the 200 terminally ill patients with whom E. Kübler Ross worked, only three denied its inevitability until the threshold of their death. They only rarely and briefly consciously remembered and talked about death, calling it “an unpleasant event that usually occurs in a dream and does not cause pain.”

Later in this stage, most patients begin to use mainly the isolation mechanism . What does it mean? Patients sometimes talk about their death in order to then move on to more pleasant and optimistic issues. Death and the emotions associated with it in the patient’s psyche are isolated from other mental contents and problems. At the level of the unconscious, E. Kübler Ross believes, we all consider ourselves immortal. We cannot imagine that we ourselves must face death face to face. It turns out that one part of the “I” knows about illness and the inevitability of death, while the other denies it, isolates it and displaces it from consciousness, filling its sphere with other images and thoughts. Talking about a sick young woman, the author notes that it was the first part of her psyche that kept her in the hospital and forced her to obey the demands of the medical staff. Here she surrounded herself with many familiar things, as if she had decided to settle down for a long time. She constantly moved from phases of complete denial of her death to phases where she not only realized its inevitability, but also accelerated its onset through her actions (for example, overeating forbidden food, which is considered an indirect form of suicide).

OUTRAGE STAGE

Then comes the stage of indignation, proving that the mental self-defense of the previous stage was not successful. The patient was unable to discredit the doctor who made the tragic diagnosis of death. He came to understand the terrible truth that the end was indeed near.

Being in this stage of psychological dying, patients very often show aggressiveness towards young and healthy people, feeling deeply offended. “Why should I die while others continue to live?” This is the main meaning of their grumbling and complaints. By the way, this topic is well reflected in the works of L.N. Tolstoy, E.M. Remarque, E. Hemingway and other writers. Patients experience feelings of envy, bitterness and regret. One of the dying people admitted that when he saw an 80-year-old man walking independently on the street, he thought: why should this person live, why is it not he who is dying, but me?

At this stage, it is very difficult for medical personnel and relatives of the patient to communicate with him. The reason is that the indignation and aggressiveness of the dying person radiates in all directions and is projected onto the environment.

The patient accuses doctors of allegedly not being well versed in their specialty, performing the wrong checks that are necessary, prescribing the wrong diet, keeping patients in the hospital for too long, etc. Nurses more often become targets of aggression for terminally ill patients: that’s all, what they are doing is wrong. Patients harass them with various unfounded claims. When the sister sits nearby, on duty with the patient, he wants to remain alone, and when she leaves he complains that she often leaves him, etc. The patient at this stage, without much joy, meets members of his family visiting him, their meetings usually become very heavy. Therefore, they avoid frequent meetings with the patient, which further aggravates his situation.

The reason for such aggressiveness is the numerous deprivations (frustrations) that a sick person experiences: deprivation of ordinary work, rhythms of work and rest, everyday pleasant activities, frequent immobility, a feeling of loss of all prospects in life, etc. how not to become angry and not suffer this aggressiveness on those who enjoy life? And he sees that people’s lives continue without him, that almost no one remembers him and he is abandoned by people. And so that he is not completely forgotten, he raises his voice of protest, makes various demands on people, making it clear with all his behavior that he is still alive. And when he receives the attention and care that he so needs, he calms down a little and communication with him becomes more pleasant. Understanding the reasons for the patient’s aggressiveness and proper communication with him significantly improves his situation.

When a patient remains so angry for the rest of his life, pushing people away from him, his loneliness worsens. Those who come to terms with the tragic reality and accept the advice and help of people die more calmly and with dignity. Apparently, it is psychologically most difficult for people with extreme authoritarian character traits to die, who during the course of their lives have developed a high level of autonomy and a tendency to make independent decisions. Their main reaction to their latest existential frustration is aggression and hostility towards people.

NEGOTIATION STAGE

E. Kübler Ross called the third stage of psychological dying the stage of “negotiating and concluding agreements.” To some extent, accepting the inevitability of death, its idea, the dying person shows concern for the completion of his earthly affairs. He is most concerned about fulfilling his duties to his loved ones. It seems that he believes that if he can solve these problems well, then death will come later or his suffering will not be so terrible. And if a dying believer is a person, then he can, in addition, make promises to God and ask him to extend his earthly existence. Believers conduct the bulk of their “bargaining” with God.

This stage is relatively short, but also useful for patients. They seem to think that if direct demands and hostility fail, perhaps peace negotiations will prolong life. E. Kübler Ross sees similarities in the behavior of terminally ill patients with the behavior of children at the negotiation stage. Children first demand something from their parents loudly and categorically, stamp their feet if they are refused, etc. When such tactics do not lead to positive results, they change it: they begin to make promises that they will behave well, study well, be obedient, etc., as long as the parents give in. In this way, they sometimes actually achieve their goal.

Here is an interesting example of the use of negotiation tactics in the behavior of a terminally ill woman. The seriously ill and still relatively young woman felt severe pain all the time and did not feel well. She could not live at home because she often needed painkilling injections. She had an eldest son who was about to get married, and his mother approved of his plans. It was very difficult for her to bear the thought that she might miss this big day, the wedding day. At the cost of great effort, she was taught methods of self-hypnosis, with the help of which she became able to feel tolerable for several hours. She made a number of promises in case she managed to attend the wedding of her eldest son. The day before the wedding, she left the hospital looking like an elegant and happily smiling woman. No one would have thought that her days were numbered. She looked like the happiest person in the world.

“I will never forget the moment of her return to the hospital,” she says! She looked tired... and before I even had time to greet her, she said: “Now don’t forget that I have another son!” She demanded a new term, began a new cycle of negotiations in order to further extend her life.”

Negotiations are a way to postpone death. The patient promises to do something else, sets a new goal, etc., but, having achieved this goal, does not keep his promise and enters into new negotiations. Only the deepening of the disease, loss of the ability to be active, and increased suffering transfer patients to the next stage of the process of psychological death.

STAGE OF DEPRESSION

After the onset of the fourth stage of psychological death, the dying person finds himself in a state of deep depression: he loses hope of recovery, refuses to meet with people, and asks to be left alone with his suffering and grief. He is no longer able to deny his illness and the inevitability of the imminent end, his condemnation. There is a feeling of enormous loss, loss of health, appearance, abilities, social status, etc. Since the person does not work and is undergoing treatment, he begins to experience great financial difficulties. To pay expenses, patients often sell their home and much of what they acquired during their lives through great effort. Children of such patients are often left without a means of subsistence, and there is a threat that they will not be able to receive a full education. Many dreams of a dying person remain unfulfilled.

E. Kübler Ross identifies two types of depression in hopelessly ill people: reactive and preparatory.

She believes that their nature is different. Reactive depression , being a response to loss of values, usual activities, attractiveness, etc., can be quite successfully eliminated with the right approach from doctors and family members.

As for the second type of depression ( preparatory ), it is associated with expected, upcoming losses. If we are dealing with the first type of depression, then we can divert the patient’s attention to more pleasant aspects of life and make him laugh. For example, if a sick mother finds herself in a depressed state because her children are left without care and protection, then it is enough to provide the children with everything they need and inform the mother about this, and her depression will soften or even disappear, and her mood will improve.

But the anticipatory, preparatory depression of a terminal patient is a preparation for future even greater losses, for the loss of everything that he loved and valued. In this case, distraction, instilling optimism and other usual methods do not help. A dying person in the stage of depression finds it more pleasant to have people sitting next to him, but who do not say the usual words of consolation. The dying person no longer needs words, but genuine feelings, which are better conveyed by a look, the whole appearance of an empathetic person, touching the patient’s hand, stroking the hair, or simply sitting next to him. The patient at this stage is more occupied with the future, and it is painful for him to visit a large number of people, even if they sincerely sympathize with his grief.

But often those around him, even family members, do not understand the true needs of the dying person, do not suspect that he is already preparing for death and all actions intended to instill in him good spirits and optimism are already unpleasant for him. Both doctors and relatives, according to E. Kübler Ross, must understand that this type of depression is necessary and useful for the patient if we want him to die in the stage of humility, with a calm soul. Without going through the previous stages, it is impossible to reach the stage of humility and acceptance of death. Using the example of one patient, she showed that depression is not only a consequence of waiting for death and loss of hope: one of its reasons is that a person understands that even close people did not appreciate or truly understand him.

STAGE OF ACCEPTING DEATH AND HUMILITY

If the patient remains in a near-death state long enough, then he may find himself in the specific fifth phase of psychological death. E. Kübler Ross calls it the phase of acceptance of death, resignation to the inevitable end, the phase of inner peace . Being in this phase is desirable because it allows a person to die with dignity . It is also assumed that the dying person should be given the opportunity to suffer, since only through suffering can he approach the phase of reconciliation with the inevitability, humility and acceptance of death without aggression. From here the conclusion is drawn that if death is close and inevitable, then prolonging a person’s life is inappropriate: such a life is full of suffering and is no longer needed by a person. Thus, E. Kübler Ross is a supporter of euthanasia, at least its passive version.

Acceptance of death and humility are evident when a person, like a child after birth and in the first months of life, sleeps for a long time, as if “resting before a long journey.” Humility, calm and acceptance of fate are combined with a narrowing of the interests of the dying person. He wants to be alone and does not want to be disturbed by news and problems of the outside world. He does not want to be visited often and have long conversations. He prefers that visitors sit silently and do not linger for long; wordless communication at this stage is considered more appropriate.

Some dying people come to this state of calm, absence of fear and hopelessness on their own, passing through the previous stages. These are usually old people who have raised their children and solved other problems in their lives. But there is a second group of people who, in order to come to terms with death and die without fear, need more help from people. They often fall into a state of reactive psychosis, defend themselves in every possible way from people’s interference in their affairs, and are afraid of death. The experience of E. Kübler Ross has shown that patient and tactful work with such patients, understanding their problems and empathy with them can also ensure that they reach the stage of a wise and fearless attitude towards death. This is also facilitated by belief in God and the existence of life after death.

In connection with the features of this fifth and final stage of a person’s psychological death, it is appropriate to recall the following thought of the modern prominent psychologist and psychotherapist Erik Erikson: the ideal person is the one who has such a harmonious, perfect structure of the “I” that he retains a “basic feeling” throughout his life trust” in the world, and when the time comes, he meekly joins the “caravan” of those millions of people who died before him. A person must die resignedly, with a sense of self-worth and with the understanding that in the history of mankind a period of his life has irrevocably ended.

This requirement, of course, also applies to the relatives and friends of the deceased, especially in connection with such a long-known but still mysterious phenomenon as the “return of the soul.” It is known that when the relatives of a dying person, being next to him, perceive the onset of clinical death as final death, begin to cry loudly and grieve, then the consciousness of the dying person often returns, the dying process stops, and the final death of the person is postponed. This phenomenon is most often observed in those who die a “natural death” rather than suddenly or due to accidents.

You need to know that many, after returning consciousness, die again and this time completely, although there are other cases[2].

To what has been said, we can add that it makes sense before the first stage of dying, when the patient is fully conscious, to inform him of the latest scientific news in the field of thanatology. And focus the conversation on the possibility of overcoming death in the near future through scientific methods and laboratory experiments. For example, you can tell the patient in detail about the latest achievements of scientists in the field of cloning and other experiments on a large number of the animal world... in which one can hope for the return of human life after the current (given) death. Only in this way can we instill in the patient to accept the five stages of dying with the hope of living again after this death.

Compiled by:

Didavar Bekzoda

psychologist

[1] A.A. Nalchadzhyan. The mystery of death. Essays on psychological thanatology. Peter. Moscow. St. Petersburg. Nizhny Novgorod. Voronezh Rostov-on-Don. Ekaterinburg. Samara. Novosibirsk Kyiv. Kharkov.Minsk 2004. P.30-38. (223 s).

[2] Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth https://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/%D0%9A%D1%8E%D0%B1%D0%BB%D0%B5%D1%80-%D0%A0% D0%BE%D1%81%D1%81,_%D0%AD%D0%BB%D0…

Psychological death

How painful it is when loved ones pass away, and even more so if they are young. And it doesn’t matter how this death occurred: from illness, suicide, accident, or murder.

Your loved one is simply not nearby.

But of course there is a psychological difference for relatives. If a person died a natural death, they will sympathize; if he had an accident, they will also gossip about the cause of the accident: whether he was to blame or not. When a violent death occurs, one should heap curses on the monster, but in the case of suicide... it was previously (and still is!) believed that this is a disgrace to the family, and this makes it even more painful for the relatives.

There is no one to blame, the person himself chose this path, without thinking about the pain it brings to the family. (although now there are many sites on the Internet where they literally “lead by the hand” to suicide), but nevertheless he did not leave this site and remained for some reason.

But it turns out, no matter what death is, there is one factor that unites everyone. Very often, biological death occurs after psychological and social death (this is the opinion of scientists!), but we will now look at and see the stages of “little death”.

Special signs

The smell of death cannot be explained, but we will not repeat it either. When you pass near such a person, this smell literally stops you, and you want to turn around and look at the person.

It’s impossible to say for sure whether it’s rotten earth or pain, but you understand that soon the person will be gone (no matter how old he is!).

But if this is your loved one, then it is difficult to smell him; people are together and get used to the smell of partners and loved ones.

The mark of death - the look becomes absent, as if the person is no longer here, the pupils become dull (like those of older people).

Elisabeth Vigée-Lebrun wrote about this when she painted a portrait of one king:

“I saw death in his left eye. He was so dim as if he wasn’t alive.”

Fussy behavior - about some people they say that he is in a hurry to live. It seems to a person that he does not have time, he does everything quickly, as if he strives to enjoy life.

At first glance, these are very fiery and cheerful people, they often change partners (or lovers, if married), they are successful, they can achieve a lot at an early age, and sometimes they are fussy.

They can be noticed by their strong energy, ... and haste.

Photos - how often when we look through photos of our departed people, we see signs. Some darkening or scratches, inconsistencies that we mistake for a dummy photo or damage to the film, sun glare, accidental objects falling into the frame, etc.

Here I will show a photo of my husband, who passed away two years ago, at the age of 38. I took a photograph of him on the day of his death, he asked himself, but I saw it after he was gone. For two years I couldn’t post a photo, but now I’ve decided to.

Looking through the photo, I saw that the face was somehow unnaturally deflated and there were blue-violet shadows under the eyes, and there was some kind of gaping hole in the mouth - this was no longer my husband (on the left side of the photo, as he remains in our memory).

The mark of death was imposed on the physical body. (I was afraid to look at this photo, as if the person had been dead for several weeks!).

Humility is another indicator that a person is already ready for biological death.

A simple nurse in an American hospital accurately predicted the death of already recovering patients. She explained this by saying that they were behaving somehow wrong!

The patients were unusually meek, did not demand anything, were well-mannered and calm, as if they already knew about their death and were ready for it.

Farewell words - when a person leaves for another world, we suddenly remember that literally on the eve of death we saw him, and he said goodbye to us.

Someone remembers encouraging words: “hang in there, you will succeed!”

The wife may remember an unusual goodbye before work, a long gaze, a kiss, or an unusual phrase...

Life and death

For the Japanese, accepting death with dignity is more important than living unworthy.

Film "Spiritus et sponsa dicunt veni"

Death can be empty, deep and solemn. Agnellius. Pavana

Death is the end of life. Doctors distinguish between biological and clinical death; in life, social death is also often encountered - a life in which a person died for those around him, ceased to be significant, and became a nobody for people.

Film "Clinic"

Doctor Thorin, believe me, I don’t regret anything in my life. I'm ready to die, I really am!

As for the attitude towards death, it is completely determined by the local culture - local religion, attitudes of the family and immediate environment. Children initially do not relate to death in any way; they have no fear or horror of death. However, in Russian culture, the fear and horror of children in the face of death is formed quite actively in children, and starting from the age of 5-7, most children begin to experience fears of someone else’s death or their own. In many other modern cultures, the attitude towards death is as neutral and businesslike as the weather.

It's raining - you need to open an umbrella. Someone died, which means they need to be buried. And continue to do the following things.

There are people who love life and fear death. There are people who do not love life and are not afraid of death. Are there any lucky ones? - who love life and are not afraid of death. And, unfortunately, there is a sad category of people who do not love life and are afraid of death...

It seems that this is not so important: whether you are afraid of death or not, what is more important is whether you love life or not, with what attention and respect you treat your life and other people’s, how much you care about life: you like to wake up with pleasure, with pleasure work and relax, you enjoy helping other wonderful people...

Death is a natural end to the life of each of us and each of our loved ones, and depending on the life wisdom of the culture, the type of religion, local stereotypes and their own philosophy of life, different people experience the fact of death in different ways. It is clear that someone who has already died does not experience his death, and in this sense he has no problems. However, his death is deeply experienced (at least in our culture) by the relatives of the dying or deceased - and by the person himself, if he feels the proximity of his death and considers it premature.

How to cope with the death of a loved one?

If a loved one dies, the first thing you need to do is think (again) about what can be done, what measures to take, and act as vigorously as possible whenever possible. If everything possible has been done, go about your business: the more busy you are, the better your soul will be, and the calmer it will be for the one who is dying.

He has enough of his own problems and sores, there is no need to add to him your experiences and your mental pain.

If a loved one has already died, the situation is closed. Start looking forward and taking care of those around you. Probably, your calmness and focus on business will be their best support.

How to tell children about the death of a loved one - see

If your child died

The death of a child is a very powerful fragment in the life of any person. Only time will smooth everything out, but you can definitely live with this. There will be different periods. There is despair, anger at oneself, even at the dead child, emptiness, guilt, fixation on the question “Why?” and so on, but on average, after 6 months, the most worried people return to normal life. It can be difficult to return to normal life, but the sooner a person starts to at least try to do this, the faster it will happen. Any business, any routine is here to help. Sleep, food, work - everything is better than worries. You can’t be alone – you have to go against it with all your might. You can’t sit alone and cry - even if you don’t want to, you have to go out among people, sit with friends and talk to them. If you can go to work, you need to go to work. If you need to go to work, we get to work faster.

Grandmothers, after breaking the news, must immediately switch to living people - to children, to living grandchildren.

Soul insurance

Mental insurance is an effective way to prevent mental pain when losing loved ones.

Everyone knows what insurance is. You pay not a lot of money, and then in the event of a loss (or other insured event), the amount of the loss is reimbursed to you. But the losses are not only about money. The loss of beloved things or, especially, people dear to us can be experienced very hard, and if you don’t want to experience this mental pain, this can also be done - with the help of mental insurance. Cm.

Attitude towards one's own death

Attitudes towards one’s own death can be very different, depending on the type and level of a person’s culture and his position in life. If a person finds out that he will die very soon, his experiences can be very different. An ordinary person in modern European culture is, as a rule, not prepared for his death, for the possibility of his death. For him, this is news, terrible news, and the course of his experiences is the same as with a great loss: denial, anger, apathy, acceptance. Are these experiences obligatory? Not at all. A wise person is always prepared for the possibility of his death, whether it comes in 60 minutes, 60 hours or 60 years. A wise man does not think about death: he thinks about life, about what to do today and how to prepare tomorrow - for those he loves.