No! Don't want! I won't! I'm not giving it! Go away! You are bad (bad)! I do not love you! I don't need you (don't need you)! Have you already heard similar phrases from your children? Congratulations!!! Your child has reached an age crisis of 1, 3, 7, 14 or 18 years.
You may ask why congratulations? But because this means the correct and normal development of your child. According to psychologists, a child who has not gone through a real crisis in due time is not able to develop fully further.
However, many parents are afraid of these periods and often resort to drastic measures to pacify the little “revolutionary”. Sometimes the intensity of emotions reaches such a degree that adults can shout at him and even spank him. But such influences, at a minimum, will not bring any benefit, or at most will worsen the situation (this depends on the mental properties of the child himself and the internal microclimate in the family). And most of the parents will later regret and suffer because of their unexpected reaction, reproaching themselves for what bad teachers they are.
It is important to remember here that the irritation and anger that parents experience is a normal reaction in this case, since in fact these crises are not only children’s, but at the same time family crises, too. Both children and adults can experience negative emotions. This is fine! You just need to understand it, accept it and react correctly to the current situation.
Developmental crises accompany a person throughout his life: a newborn crisis, a crisis of 1 year, a crisis of 3 years, a crisis of 7 years, 14, 17, 30 years, etc. A crisis is a temporary phenomenon. With a correct understanding of it, we can either completely rid ourselves of the manifestations of the crisis or reduce them to a minimum. However, if this period is not passed through by the child fully and profitably, then all unresolved problems that arose in the last critical period will manifest themselves with renewed vigor in the next age crisis and, coupled with new problems of the next age, will give an even greater emotional and psychological explosion than it did. could be.
Why does it happen that your beloved, sweet and obedient baby today suddenly turned into a capricious and nervous pest? Let's take a closer look at the main crises in children by year.
Symptoms and main periods of crisis
The impending age crisis in children is quite easy to determine. A child's developmental crisis is always accompanied by negative behavioral changes. The sleeping and feeding patterns change sharply, the baby becomes nervous, hysterical, often cries, screams, and cannot really explain what he needs or what he doesn’t like. At an older age, conflicts arise over studies, failure to fulfill household duties, and unreasonable attacks of rudeness, isolation or tearfulness.
It has been noticed that crises in children occur at approximately the same age. A calendar of child crises was compiled, in which the following crises were identified: newborn, 1 year, 3 years, 7 years, puberty, 17 years.
Difficult age: crisis periods in the lives of children
Seven years is another important stage in a child’s development. This is an age characterized by the mobility of nervous processes, especially excitation processes. Seven-year-olds are very active and subject to frequent mood changes; the transition from tears to laughter occurs within 10 minutes. Preschoolers are characterized by acute reactions: fear, aggression, hysteria. As a rule, all this coincides with the time of preparation for school or entry into first grade. Arguments, conflicts, and ignoring requests certainly confuse parents, but these are the features of the seven-year crisis. It is important to understand that another necessary stage of growing up has arrived, when the child tries on new roles. The formation of one’s own “I” is characterized by a stage of mannerisms or antics, which is sometimes even more annoying than disobedience. The baby's antics look natural: the preschooler does what he thinks. A junior schoolboy makes faces, trying to look more mature. Otherwise, he does not yet know how to express his desire to be an adult.
The arguments that exhaust parents are just the development of logical and abstract thinking. This is how children learn to defend their point of view. The developmental crisis of a 7-year-old child is also an indicator of his psychological readiness for learning. By the end of the first grade, children are already able to come to an understanding of the rules, prohibitions and requirements, to understand their capabilities and responsibilities. However, understanding comes precisely through denial or ignorance of these requirements. How else can a child understand and accept this or that rule if he does not try to break it? And it is important for parents not to give up their positions here.
At the age of 6–8 years, the development of the emotional sphere also occurs. The child is already able to voice his experiences and associate emotions with any specific situation.
“At this age, hobbies and a disposition to a certain type of activity are formed. However, along with them, complexes can also form if something doesn’t work out,” says psychologist Anatoly Olenev.
Another innovation of the 7-year crisis is the acquisition of a social position. The child finally went to school and became “big”, because this is how the transition from kindergarten to school is most often explained to children. Having become an “adult,” a first-grader may refuse to play with a younger brother or sister, considering for some time that this activity does not correspond to his new status as a schoolchild.
The question is no less important - how can parents survive the crisis of a 7-year-old child? Parents need to change their communication style. It is better to prepare the baby for a new way of life in advance, for example, establish a daily routine, introduce him to the teacher and the school building, that is, to outline the new boundaries of the child’s capabilities. Yes, the baby has become older, which means he has more opportunities, but he should be explained that along with rights come duties and responsibilities, and taught to see the consequences of his actions.
At 7–8 years old, children still love to play, which means a lot can be explained to them through play. Let your child read books to his toys, help you make a shopping list for the store, or choose shower gel. This way the child will be able to see that his opinion is important and help is important. Praise at this age is of great importance. After all, the crisis is 7 years old, however, like all other crises, aggravated reactions to criticism are characteristic. The child begins to evaluate himself, compare with others or with a possible ideal. Only parents can help their child by supporting his self-confidence.
Newborn crisis
For every baby, birth is the beginning of a long and difficult journey. He gets acquainted with the world around him, in which everything is new, unfamiliar and, of course, scares him. It is very important that after the birth of a child there is always a loved one next to him who will help in overcoming the crisis of the first days of life. It is absolutely not necessary, although it is desirable for many reasons, that this person be the mother. The role of assistant can be performed by a father, grandmother or other relative. The main condition is consistency. It is this person who must perform the functions of caring for the child: feeding, bathing, laying him down, picking him up when he cries.
The intimacy and trust that arise are of fundamental importance for the proper development of the baby, they give peace of mind, and help to establish a rest and nutritional regime. The child has enough non-verbal, tactile communication until he gets stronger and begins to acquire new skills - crawling and walking. This happens closer to the first year of life and means the emergence of a new crisis.
What psychologists say
The psyche of a little man develops unevenly. Imagine for yourself how much the little one has to learn. He gets acquainted with the world around him and new people, strives for independence and already has his own changeable but convincing opinion.
The older he gets, the faster the development path. Agree, it would be strange to observe a schoolchild with the behavior of a child in his first year of life?
Changes in behavior patterns and personality progression accompany crisis surges. Psychologists have a whole calendar for them.
We encounter it throughout our lives - first in childhood, then in adolescence, in relationships with a partner, after 30 years, 50, 60...
- How can you tell if your child is having an age crisis?
- He does not lend himself to the methods of education that “worked” before.
- Behaves unpredictably and experiences mood swings.
- He is often capricious, becomes hot-tempered, even cruel.
- Emotional outbursts last longer than a week.
Children are all different and the crisis can proceed differently for them. If you read the listed points and thought: “My little guy always behaves like this,” know that the main sign is uncharacteristic behavior, strange, suspicious.
This means that an emotional toddler can become withdrawn, silent, inactive, or, conversely, behave too defiantly. Calm and obedient children usually change noticeably for the worse.
When can we expect these “terrible” times? Everything is very individual and depends on the mental development of the child. Below is a calendar of crises for 1 year, 3 and 7 years.
First year crisis
The physical maturation of the baby gives him the opportunity to feel autonomy for the first time. The feeling of unity with the mother fades into the background, and the baby begins to independently explore the huge and interesting world that surrounds him. It is quite natural that he will react sharply to any prohibition and restriction and come into conflict with his parents. In this case, it is very important not to force the child’s research activity into a rigid framework, but to direct it in the right direction and achieve a compromise. The good news is that a one-year-old baby can be easily distracted and switched to a new object or activity that can calm him down.
Age-related crises in children: is it possible to avoid them?
Caution: three year old
It is imperative to know what a crisis of three years is, and what is behind the external manifestations of a little whim and brawler.
After all, this will help you form the right attitude towards what is happening: the baby behaves so disgustingly not because he himself is “bad”, but simply because he cannot do otherwise yet. Understanding the internal mechanisms will help you be more tolerant of your child. However, in difficult situations, even understanding may not be enough to cope with “whims” and “scandals”. Therefore, it is better to prepare in advance for possible quarrels: as they say, “hard to learn, easy to fight.”
1) Calm, just calm
The main manifestations of the crisis that worry parents usually consist of so-called “affective outbursts” - hysterics, tears, whims. Of course, they can also occur during other, “stable” periods of development, but then they happen much less frequently and with less intensity. The recommendations for behavior in such situations will be the same: do not do anything or decide until the baby has completely calmed down. By the age of three, you already know your child quite well and probably have a couple of ways in stock on how to calm your baby. Some people are used to simply ignoring such outbursts of negative emotions or reacting to them as calmly as possible. This method is very good if... it works. However, there are many babies who are capable of “beating in hysterics” for a long time, and few mothers’ hearts can withstand this picture. Therefore, it may be useful to “pity” the child: hug, sit on your lap, pat him on the head. This method usually works flawlessly, but it should not be abused. After all, the child gets used to the fact that his tears and whims are followed by “positive reinforcement.” And once he gets used to it, he will use this opportunity to receive an additional “portion” of affection and attention. It is best to stop a beginning hysteria by simply switching attention. At the age of three, kids are very receptive to everything new, and a new toy, cartoon or offer to do something interesting can stop the conflict and save your nerves.
2) Trial and error
Three years is the development of independence, the first understanding of “what I am and mean in this world.” You want your baby to grow into a healthy person with adequate self-esteem, confident in his own abilities. All these qualities are developed right here and now - through trial, achievement and error. Give your baby the opportunity to make mistakes now, before your eyes. This will help him avoid many serious problems in the future. But for this, you yourself must see in your baby, yesterday’s baby, an independent person who has the right to go his own way and be understood. It was found that if parents limit the manifestations of a child’s independence, punish or ridicule his attempts at independence, then the development of the little man is disrupted: and instead of will and independence, a heightened sense of shame and uncertainty is formed.
Of course, the path of freedom is not the path of connivance. Determine for yourself the boundaries beyond which the child has no right. For example, you can’t play on the roadway, you can’t skip naps, you can’t walk in the forest without a hat, etc. You must adhere to these boundaries under any circumstances. In other situations, give your child the freedom to act according to his own understanding.
3) Freedom of choice
The right to make our own decisions is one of the main signs of how free we feel in a given situation. A three-year-old child has the same perception of reality. Most of the negative manifestations of the three-year crisis from the “seven-star” described above are the result of the fact that the baby does not feel freedom in his own decisions, actions, and actions. Of course, letting a three-year-old toddler go “free flight” would be madness, but you simply must give him the opportunity to make his own decisions. This will allow the child to develop the qualities he needs in life, and you will be able to cope with some of the negative manifestations of the three-year-old crisis.
Does your child say “no”, “I won’t”, “I don’t want” to everything? Then don't force him! Offer him two options: draw with felt-tip pens or pencils, walk in the yard or in the park, eat from a blue or green plate. You will save your nerves, and the child will have pleasure and confidence that his opinion is taken into account.
Is your child stubborn and you can’t convince him otherwise? Try to “stage” such situations in “safe” conditions. For example, when you are not in a hurry and can choose from several options. After all, if a child manages to defend his point of view, he gains confidence in his abilities and the importance of his own opinion. Stubbornness is the beginning of the development of will, the achievement of a goal. And it is in your power to direct him in this direction, and not make him a source of “donkey” character traits for the rest of his life.
It is also worth mentioning the “do the opposite” technique known to some parents. Tired of the endless “no”, “I don’t want” and “I won’t”, the mother begins to energetically convince her baby of the opposite of what she is trying to achieve. For example, “Don’t go to bed under any circumstances,” “You shouldn’t sleep,” “Don’t eat this soup.” With a small, stubborn three-year-old, this method often works. However, is it worth using it? Even from the outside it looks very unethical: the child is the same person as you, however, using your position, experience, knowledge, you deceive and manipulate him. In addition to the issue of ethics, another point can be remembered here: the crisis serves the development of the individual, the formation of character. Will a child who is constantly “deceived” in this way learn anything new? Will he develop the necessary qualities? One can only doubt this.
4) What is our life? A game!
Increased independence is one of the features of the three-year crisis. The baby wants to do everything himself, completely out of proportion to his own desires and capabilities. Learning to correlate “I can” and “I want” is the task of its development for the near future. And he will experiment with this constantly and in a variety of circumstances. And parents, by participating in such experiments, can really help the child overcome the crisis faster, making it less painful both for the baby himself and for everyone around him. This can be done in the game. It was the great psychologist and expert on child development, Erik Erikson, who compared it to a “safe island” where the baby can “develop and test his independence and autonomy.” The game, with its special rules and norms that reflect social connections, allows the child in “greenhouse conditions” to test his strength, acquire the necessary skills and see the limits of his capabilities.
Lost crisis
Everything is good in moderation. It’s great if, around the age of three, you notice signs of an emerging crisis in your baby. It’s even better when after some time you are relieved to recognize your affectionate and flexible child again, who has become a little more mature. However, there are situations when the “crisis” - with all its negativity, obstinacy and other troubles - does not want to come. Parents who have never heard of or thought about any developmental crises can only rejoice. A problem-free, non-capricious child - what could be better? However, mothers and fathers, who are aware of the importance of developmental crises and do not notice any signs of the “age of obstinacy” in their three- to three-and-a-half-year-old child, begin to worry. There is a point of view that if a crisis proceeds sluggishly, unnoticed, then this indicates a delay in the development of the affective and volitional sides of the personality. Therefore, enlightened adults begin to observe the baby with keen attention, try to “out of nowhere” find at least some manifestation of the crisis, and make trips to psychologists and psychotherapists.
However, based on special studies, it was found that there are children who at three years old show almost no negative manifestations. And if they do, they pass so quickly that parents may not even notice them. There is no point in thinking that this will somehow negatively affect mental development or personality development. After all, the main thing in a development crisis is not how it proceeds, but what it leads to. Therefore, the main task of parents in such a situation is to monitor the emergence of new things in the child’s behavior: the formation of will, independence, pride in achievements. You should contact a specialist only if you still do not find all this in your child.
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Crisis of three years
During the period lasting from approximately one and a half to three years, the baby tries to determine his place in the world around him and develops such a character trait as independence. It is important for him to feel like an individual and to be able to perform various actions himself. During this period, it is necessary to offer the child a choice from several (two, maximum three) actions that are obviously beneficial for the parent. For example, “you want to play in the sandbox or swing on a swing,” “you want to wear trousers or jeans.” By making a choice from the proposed options, the child gains a sense of freedom and satisfies the need for independent decision-making.
It is also necessary to remember the boundaries, introduce them gently but clearly. Without a framework, it is still difficult for a child to navigate the understanding of what can be done and what cannot be done. Further disorientation can lead to significant behavioral problems during puberty.
Crisis 3 years
This is the famous “I myself!” This is perhaps the most famous childhood crisis after adolescence. The child separates even more from those around him, he develops an awareness of himself as a separate person, one who can do something himself. A comparison appears between yourself and others.
The child strives to assert his will so that adults will take him into account, and sometimes because of this he himself falls into a trap. For example, he was asked if he wanted ice cream, and he blurted out: “No,” and then he realized that he wanted it, but he had already said it and it was important for him that his opinion be taken into account.
Thus, he finds himself caught between two conflicting desires, which causes great emotional stress, even to the point of explosion. Another aspiration of the baby during this period is that he wants to do everything himself. Hence the motto of this time “I myself!”
But the child does not ask to do it himself; he needs confirmation from adults that he can really do it. Therefore, wherever possible, support your child’s initiative. Of course, something will take more time, for example, when the baby dresses himself, or something will not be done so carefully.
However, with your support, your friendly response, the reward will be your child’s happy face and his positive emotions: “I could do it!”, “I can do it!”, “I can do it!” Strengthens self-confidence, self-confidence,
Beware of comments like: “You can’t, you won’t succeed.” Try to create conditions that will facilitate this to happen. You can, for example, set aside more time for dressing. After all, the persistence with which a child will fasten buttons is worth a lot.
At the same time, of course, the baby will inevitably come across his “I can’t.” Here you will definitely need to support him, tell him that you love him in any case, give hope that if he practices, he will definitely succeed, and where it is completely impossible to do anything, inform the baby about this that, alas, we , people are not omnipotent.
Thus, the child will form a picture of what he can and cannot do, where the border of his “I can” lies.
Seven Years Crisis
The crisis period of 7 years occurs approximately from 6 to 8 years. The still recent baby continues to grow up, because now school appears in his life, which means a new load, experience and responsibility. The child develops and strengthens his own opinion and experiences, which he must share with loved ones. To do this, it is necessary to ensure a friendly, calm environment in the family. Knowing that you can share your impressions or worries at home, your child will feel confident, calm and supported. The lack of dialogue can provoke a child’s isolation and aggravate his feelings.
The role of the educator should not be placed solely on the school. The child should be offered a choice of household chores that only he will perform. This step will help the child grow up and make truly serious decisions.
Puberty (11-15 years)
The mental crisis of a child during puberty is a fairly serious problem for most families. Sharp changes in a growing body caused by hormonal surges and increased workload become a trigger for a teenager’s constant changes in mood, fatigue and inevitable conflict situations. If mistakes were made in upbringing during previous crises, they will all come out and attract attention precisely during puberty.
Puberty is called a “growing pain,” and like any disease, it must be endured and waited out. A child rushes between two worlds - the world of children's games and entertainment and the world of adults with its freedom, opportunities and inevitable, not always pleasant responsibilities. The task of parents during this period is to act as good friends, listen without harsh criticism, share experiences without unnecessary edification, and provide the necessary support if the teenager asks for it.
Crisis 17 years
The last age crisis in children occurs from approximately 15 to 18 years. The child enters adulthood and begins to look for his place in it. During this period, as a rule, studies end, difficult choices are made in future professional activities, and the first serious romantic interests occur.
The crisis of 17 years is due to the fact that the child begins to use all the skills and qualities that he acquired earlier and strengthen his position in society. It is vital that a child has family support. This will help during the period of making important decisions and will protect you from possible feelings of inferiority and lack of demand. Leaving a new adult to deal with their problems on their own can lead to fears, antisocial behavior, neuroses, and health problems.
Age crises are important, there is no need to be afraid of them. There is an opinion that if crises were not discovered, they would have to be defined theoretically. Periods of crisis in children are important for their psychological development. Having enlisted the support of loved ones, the child easily overcomes himself and develops into a strong, strong, interesting personality.
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Developmental crises of preschool children
Crises of development of preschool children.
Teacher-psychologist, MBDOU, Combined Kindergarten No. 41 “Katyusha”
Kuznetsova M.E.
Psychologists distinguish three periods in the development of a preschooler:
- infant - from birth to one year;
- early childhood - from one to three years;
- preschool childhood - from three years to seven.
The transition to each of these periods is accompanied by a development crisis. Age-related crises of children (from the Greek krisis - turning point, outcome) is a problematic period in the development of a child, the transition from one age stage to another. Age-related crises are special, relatively short-term periods of ontogenesis (up to a year), characterized by sharp mental changes. Refer to the normative processes necessary for the normal progressive course of personal development (Erikson).
A crisis is a natural stage in the life of every person, a transition to a qualitatively new level of development. A crisis occurs where new needs appear, and the old forms of satisfying them cease to fulfill their functions and no longer help, and more often than not even hinder development. According to the above-described periods in the child’s life, L.S. Vygodsky identified the following age-related crises in children:
- newborn crisis - separates the embryonic period of development from infancy;
- one year crisis - separates infancy from early childhood;
- three-year crisis - transition to preschool age;
-the crisis of seven years is a connecting link between preschool and school age.
Each of these crises is manifested by the appearance of stubbornness, disobedience, and whims, which the baby expresses extremely clearly. What is the essence of each of these crises?
It is impossible to avoid the listed stages, but everyone experiences their crisis differently. If the parents of one child do not even notice significant changes in the behavior of their child, then others may face serious problems and misunderstandings. The less parents know about the reasons for their child’s unusual behavior, the less they build relationships in accordance with changing conditions, the deeper and more complex the crisis may turn out to be.
The form and duration of crisis periods, as well as the severity of the course, depend on individual characteristics, social and microsocial conditions. In developmental psychology, there is no consensus on crises, their place and role in mental development. Some psychologists believe that development should be harmonious and crisis-free. Crises are an abnormal, “painful” phenomenon, the result of improper upbringing. Another part of psychologists argues that the presence of crises in development is natural. Moreover, according to some ideas in developmental psychology, a child who has not truly experienced a crisis will not fully develop further. This topic was addressed by Bozovic, Polivanova, and Gail Sheehy.
L.S. Vygotsky examines the dynamics of transitions from one age to another. At different stages, changes in the child’s psyche can occur slowly and gradually, or they can occur quickly and abruptly. Stable and crisis stages of development are distinguished, their alternation is the law of child development. A stable period is characterized by a smooth course of the development process, without sudden shifts and changes in the child’s personality. Long in duration. Minor, minimal changes accumulate and at the end of the period give a qualitative leap in development: age-related neoplasms appear, stable, fixed in the personality structure.
D.B. Elkonin developed the ideas of L.S. Vygotsky about child development. “The child approaches each point in his development with a certain discrepancy between what he has learned from the system of person-person relations and what he has learned from the system of person-object relations. It is precisely the moments when this discrepancy takes on the greatest magnitude that are called crises, after which the development of the side that lagged behind in the previous period occurs. But each side prepares the development of the other.
Newborn crisis. Associated with a sharp change in living conditions. The child goes from comfortable, familiar living conditions to difficult ones (new nutrition, breathing). Adaptation of the child to new living conditions.
Crisis of the first year of life. By the end of the first year of life, the child's independence increases sharply. By this age, he is already on his feet and learning to walk independently. Freedom of movement brings him a sense of independence from the adult with whom he was inextricably linked before. He runs around the apartment, climbs into all corners, grabs, throws and pulls everything that catches his eye. He knocks over jars of jam, spills his mother's perfume, chews shoes with his baby teeth, tastes his grandmother's medicine. The desire for independence is often expressed in the child’s negative behavior. He sharply protests against controlling himself and tries to control his close adults. He wants to decide for himself when and where he will go, when and what he will wear or what to play. If he is refused or is not understood, he can scream furiously and throw real tantrums. This is the crisis of the first year of life - the main event that marks the transition from infancy to early childhood.
The range of indicators of the crisis period covers all areas of a child’s life. The main one is the sphere of subject activity. Here, independence, activity in play and object-based activities, their variety and mastery of new ways sharply increases, and most importantly, the desire to do everything yourself, even in the absence of the appropriate skills. Another area of manifestation of crisis symptoms is relationships with adults. In this area, selectivity in relationships with different adults is clearly increasing; There is hostility and distrust of strangers, increased demands and sometimes aggressiveness in relationships with loved ones. And finally, significant changes occur in the child’s attitude towards himself. His obvious desire to defend his independence and assert his right to independence is manifested in the child’s increased sensitivity, and in protests against adults, and in persistent demands for the fulfillment of his desires.
The expansion of the child’s objective capabilities is provoked by prohibitions on the part of the adult. Not all of a child’s wishes can be satisfied: for example, he is not allowed to stick his fingers into a socket, eat from a dog bowl, etc. A ban on the part of an adult divides the surrounding space into accessible and inaccessible.
Thus, during this period, the primary connection with the adult is broken and the child’s autonomy from the adult arises, sharply increasing his own activity. But this autonomy is very relative. The baby still doesn’t know how to do anything on his own. He constantly needs the help of an adult. The contradiction between the desire for independence and dependence on an adult is the essence of this age-related crisis.
What to do when a child has a one-year crisis?
It is necessary to give the child more space for games - do not snatch from the hands of the crumbs everything that is not specifically intended for games. Just put all fragile, sharp and expensive things up high, and you can let the child play with the rest. Mom especially keeps a lot of interesting things in her kitchen - jar lids, unbreakable plates, spoons, a funnel for liquids, etc.
During the year, you can begin activities that the child would not have appreciated before. You can buy your baby finger paints, a children's pipe, a metallophone, etc.
You cannot indulge all the whims of a child, pamper him. Therefore, the following rules apply for parents of a one-year-old baby:
— there should be as few prohibitions as possible;
— it is better not to prohibit, but to distract;
- distract not with an object, but with an action: if the child is not attracted to a yellow plastic jar instead of a vase that he wanted to grab, show an action that can be done with this jar (knock on it with a spoon, pour something inside, put a rustling newspaper in it and etc.).
Crisis of three years. The crisis of three years is one of the most famous and studied crises in the development of a little man. A special feature of this crisis is an even greater increase in independence compared to previous years. Now the baby not only explores the world, he wants to interact with it. And he wants to interact independently, completely out of proportion to his own desires and capabilities. Here he demands the right to make his own decision, as if studying and determining “what I mean in this world and what others mean in this world.”
The border between early and preschool age is one of the most difficult moments in a child’s life. This is destruction, a revision of the old system of social relations, a crisis of identifying one’s “I,” according to D.B. Elkonin. The child, separating from adults, tries to establish new, deeper relationships with them. The emergence of the phenomenon “I myself,” according to Vygotsky, is a new formation of “external I myself.” “The child is trying to establish new forms of relationships with others - a crisis of social relations.”
L.S. Vygodsky described the following seven symptoms of the three-year crisis:
1. Negativism. This is not just disobedience or unwillingness to follow the instructions of an adult, but the desire to do everything the other way around, contrary to the requests or demands of elders. With negativity, a child does not do something just because he was asked to do it. Moreover, such a desire often harms the child’s own interests. For example, a child who really likes to walk refuses to go for a walk because his mother suggests it to him. As soon as his mother stops persuading him, he insists: “Go for a walk!”
2. Stubbornness. It should be distinguished from persistence. For example, if a child wants an object and persistently strives for it, this is not stubbornness. But when a child insists on his own not because he really wants it, but because he demanded it, this is already a manifestation of stubbornness.
3. Obstinacy. The child's protest is directed against the way of life. The child begins to deny everything that he calmly did before. He doesn’t like anything, he doesn’t want to go hand in hand with his mother, he refuses to brush his teeth, put on slippers, etc. It’s as if he’s rebelling against everything he’s dealt with before.
4. Self-will. The child wants to do everything himself, refuses the help of adults and achieves independence where he still knows little.
5. Rebellion against others. The child seems to be in a state of severe conflict with the people around him, constantly quarrels with them, and behaves very aggressively.
6. The child’s devaluation of the personality of loved ones. So, the baby may start calling his mother or father names. May change attitudes towards his toys, swing at them, refuse to play with them.
7. The desire for despotic suppression of others: the whole family must satisfy any desire of the child, otherwise adults will face hysterical attacks with tears and screams. If there are several children in the family, this symptom manifests itself in jealousy or aggression towards other children, in the demand for constant attention to oneself.
Behind all these symptoms are personal new formations - the consciousness of “I myself”, a sense of pride in one’s achievements.
The child's self-esteem is formed.
In this case, the following rules will apply to parents of a three-year-old:
- allow the child to have his own space (room, toys, clothes, etc.), which he will manage himself;
- respect his decisions, even if they are wrong: sometimes the method of natural consequences is a better teacher than warnings;
— involve your child in the discussion, ask for advice: what to cook for dinner, which route to take, which bag to put things in, etc.;
- pretend to be a stranger, let the child teach you how to brush your teeth, how to dress, how to play, etc.;
- the most important thing is to accept the fact that the child is really growing up and deserves not only love, but also real respect, because he is already a person;
— it is unnecessary and useless to influence a child, you need to negotiate with him, i.e. learn to discuss your conflicts and find compromises;
- sometimes, when this is possible (if the issue is not urgent), you can and should make concessions, thereby you teach the child by your example to be flexible and not to be stubborn to the last.
Crisis of seven years. The crisis of seven years is based on the transition from one leading activity to another: from play to learning. During the transition from preschool to school age, the child changes very dramatically and becomes more difficult educationally than before. This is some kind of transitional stage - no longer a preschooler and not yet a schoolchild. The child begins to make faces, behave, and be capricious for no reason. Something absurd and artificial appears in his behavior. The child may speak in a squeaky voice and walk with a broken gait. This is striking and gives the impression of some strange, unmotivated behavior.
These features are the main symptoms of the transition period from preschool to school age. During this period, important changes occur in the child’s psyche - the loss of childish spontaneity (L.S. Vygodsky).
As Vygodsky noted, the main reason for children's spontaneity is the lack of differentiation of external and internal life, that is, the child is the same on the outside as on the inside. The loss of spontaneity indicates that an intellectual moment is wedged between experience and action - the child wants to show something with his behavior, comes up with a new image for himself, wants to portray something that is not really there.
During this period, new difficulties arise in the child’s relationships with close adults. These difficulties were specifically studied in the work of K.N. Polivanova (1994). According to her data, in the seventh year of life, a new reaction to the instructions of adults arises: in familiar situations, the child does not react in any way to simple requests or comments from parents, pretending that he is not hears them. There is disobedience, arguments with adults, objections on all sorts of occasions. For example, a child may refuse to wash his hands before eating, and prove that this is not at all necessary. He can demonstratively do things that are unpleasant and undesirable for his parents. The past, childhood way of life is devalued, denied, rejected. The child tries to take on new responsibilities and take a new position - the position of an adult. He tests himself in familiar situations through violations of ordinary rules.
The loss of spontaneity is for a child the greatest gain on the path of his human development. If earlier, in preschool age, a child could behave more or less arbitrarily only in play, then at 6-7 years old this ability becomes his internal property and extends to different spheres of life. Vygodsky emphasized the significant difference between experiencing certain feelings (joy, resentment, grief, etc.) and knowing that I am experiencing them (“I am happy,” “I am upset,” “I am angry”). At the age of 7, a meaningful orientation in one’s own experiences arises: the child discovers the very fact of their existence.
D.B. Elkonin cited as an example the story of a lame boy who, in preschool age, loved to play football with the kids. The natural failures and ridicule of schoolchildren upset him, but despite this, every time at the first opportunity he rushed into the yard and joined the children playing. Despite his chronic slowness, he did not have a general feeling of inferiority. And at the age of seven he gave up playing football for the first time, realizing his inadequacy in this matter.
Self-demandingness, pride, self-esteem, and the level of demands for one’s success arise precisely at this age and are a consequence of awareness and generalization of one’s experiences.
At this age, the child’s life world expands significantly. In his communication with adults, new topics arise that are not related to momentary family everyday events.
Used Books:
- Vygodsky L.S. Mental development of the child. M.: Eksmo-Press, Smysl, 2003.
- Polivanova K.N. Psychology of age-related crises. M.: Academy, 2000.
- Smirnova E.O. Child psychology. M.: Knorus, 2013.
