Psychology of Personality. Crises and conflicts in human life

How to stop worrying?

Burnout, demotivation and depression

How to get out of the crisis? We all find ourselves in a situation where the implementation of a life plan becomes difficult or impossible. We experience difficulties or even fail. This critical moment is called a personality crisis. We are at a crossroads, but we don’t know where to go next.

What is a personal development crisis? This is a certain time in life when you are at a turning point and turning point. You must make a fateful decision that will greatly affect the subsequent course of your future life. At such moments, you want not to make a mistake, but you feel yourself in a dead end and a stalemate.

– A crisis is when you don’t want anything. And then you start wanting to want something. - That's okay. When you don’t want to want to want something, that’s a crisis. – This is not a crisis! This is fucked up! Film "What Men Talk About"

What is a midlife crisis in women?

A midlife crisis is an unstable psycho-emotional state of an adult who is at a turning point in his life. At this time, he conducts introspection, reevaluates his attitude towards himself and his social status. The duration of this period depends on how much a person can accept the new self, understand that everything is not so bad and see the prospect of further growth ahead.

Fact! Midlife crisis is also considered by psychologists as a person’s internal struggle with himself. The result of the struggle depends entirely on the characteristics of the individual who has entered the crisis phase. Typically, the concept of a midlife crisis includes a feeling of emptiness, uselessness, dissatisfaction with one’s life, both family and work, and prolonged depression.

At what age does it start?

The midlife crisis in women has no clear boundaries. For some, it occurs already at 20, while others begin to overestimate life values ​​after 30 or 40 years. On average, it is believed that the age stage of the female crisis begins at 35-40 years. This calculation is made based on the average life expectancy of women 75-78 years old. But in the end, everything largely depends on the psychological state of the woman and on how her life develops, whether it meets her expectations. This includes postpartum depression, dissatisfaction with the acquired profession, work or lack thereof, marriage, children. The combination of all these factors upsets a woman’s psyche and leads her into prolonged despair.

It all depends on her psychological state, willpower, character and temperament. After all, each person perceives the same moment in life differently. For example, a cheerful sanguine person perceives graduating from a university as a new period in his life, the opening of new roads, the opportunity for good employment, and a further prosperous life. A melancholic person may perceive graduation from university completely differently. For him, this means that another period of life has passed, bringing a person closer to death. Despite the different positions of people with different temperaments, reassessment of life values, setting priorities happens to everyone, they simply experience a crisis in their own way.

general information

If you are interested in the question, at what age does a crisis begin for women, then this is usually after the 38th birthday. However, it may occur earlier if there is:

• endocrine diseases;
• serious stress (intellectual or physical);
• difficult family situation;
• a serious upheaval in life, such as the loss of a job or a loved one.

If you are interested in the question of how long this crisis lasts, then it could be either one or three years.

The danger of this period is:

• loss of family ties;
• frayed nerves;
• turning into a hysteric;
• family loss;
• transition to a dissolute lifestyle;
• loss of property or job;
• gaining excess weight;
• suicidal tendencies.

How long does it last?

A crisis is a long-term condition. On average it lasts 2 years, but some women live in it for several years. This is due to a lack of understanding of the woman’s condition on the part of others and relatives. It seems to them that an adult gets offended over trifles, gets angry and breaks down for no apparent reason. It’s good if you have a faithful, understanding friend who will always listen and understand. If there is no such person nearby, then you will either have to live in this state, waiting for everything to improve on its own, or contact a psychologist.

But you should understand that prolonged dissatisfaction with your life leads to a loss of understanding between friends, husband and wife, and work colleagues. Of course, you may not get a divorce from your husband, but the relationship will become colorless, two strangers will live in the apartment.

Adviсe

A woman must love herself and engage in self-development

1. It is necessary to recognize that a crisis is a stage of life, and not the end of life.
2. What appears in the head are the consequences of accumulated fatigue or an advanced disease associated with an imbalance of hormones.
3. Take care of your vacation. Follow a daily routine, replace active activities with passive ones, avoid sitting in front of the computer or watching the news before bed.
4. Learn to control your own emotions.
5. Dedicate time to physical activity, play sports, just running in the morning or walking a lot is enough.
6. Improve yourself. For example, learn a new foreign language or master a skill, such as sewing or baking cakes.
7. Travel as much as possible, even within your own area. This will allow you to expand your horizons.
8. Pay attention to your significant other. Look after yourself. This way you can feel your importance.
9. If you suspect a hormone imbalance, be sure to consult an endocrinologist.

Now you know what to do if symptoms of a crisis arise. It is necessary to understand that no one is immune from this. One day it will touch every woman. The main thing is to be able to meet it with your head held high and quickly say goodbye to its manifestations. If problems of a psychological nature are to blame, consult a psychologist; if the cause is hormonal imbalances, consult an endocrinologist.

Symptoms of the crisis

You can understand when a woman is going to have a midlife crisis by looking at her characteristic signs. They resemble emotional fatigue, PMS symptoms, and apathy. And all this at the same time, but in a more global sense. A woman begins to delve into her life, evaluate, compare, what she wanted to achieve and what she achieved, and everything is analyzed in black. It seems that reality falls far short of expectations.

Symptoms of the crisis at 30–35 years old

During this period of life, girls are usually happy with life. The main factors of crisis at this age are unachieved life goals or the inability to choose between family and work. In one case, a woman’s career is going well, she loves her job, and the salary is good. But because of this, things don’t work out with my family; work takes up all my time. I want family happiness, the birth of children, and most importantly, the time for this is the best, but this will interfere with further career growth. And this state of affairs leads to emotional overstrain. The woman begins to lash out at her colleagues, and her productivity decreases.

There are opposite situations. The woman was unable to build a career due to early marriage and the birth of a child, or even several children. Everything is fine in the family, the children are growing up, the husband provides for the family.

Symptoms of a midlife crisis in women after 30 years of age may be associated with the following circumstances:

• dissatisfaction with the marriage (the husband turned out to be not a prince at all, does not know how to do anything around the house, requires constant attention and care);
• conflicts with the older generation, with whom they have to share living space;
• the appearance of an unwanted child, postpartum depression;
• lack of work according to your liking or acquired profession.

Day after day, these factors put pressure on a woman’s delicate psyche. As a result, she begins to delve into herself, withdraws, and falls into apathy. At this time, many women, tired of the household routine, dream of studying or working. And this is not so easy, especially if you do not have specialized education and work experience. Relatives and a successful husband often pour fuel on the fire, who do not want to help with the children, but at the same time constantly nag that it would not hurt to bring money into the house.

Midlife crisis at 40–45 years old

This period of life is most often called a real midlife crisis. To dissatisfaction with work, family or lack thereof, health problems, fading beauty, and early menopause are added. This period is called the fear of loss of youth. Every day a woman sees new wrinkles, extra pounds, gray hairs. Added to all this is the fear of being left alone in old age and the decline of childbearing function.

If dismissal from work is added to this, the crisis can lead to disastrous consequences. The woman feels like a failure. Because of this, you want to give up everything, quit your job, go somewhere unfamiliar to relax. At the same time, the mood is constantly changing and a woman often simply cannot say what exactly she wants, because she no longer believes in good things. It seems that youth has passed, it’s too late to start something new. In general, there is only a sad old age ahead.

Causes of the crisis

All people are subject to crisis at some stage in their lives. There are those who managed to avoid it, but this is rather a rare exception. Even women who have achieved success in their personal lives and careers eventually fall into crisis. They begin to think that they could choose different guidelines in life and achieve more.

Advice! To combat the crisis, it is necessary to recognize that it exists. This makes it easier to overcome this depressed state. If you try to escape from the situation, suppress emotions, then all the problems will only get worse.

Professional stagnation

This reason for the crisis is typical for successful women who have spent their whole lives on a career and achieved a lot. But at one point they begin to understand that they no longer want to work, the profession no longer brings the same joy, creative ideas no longer arise. It’s not for nothing that American psychologists recommend changing jobs every 5 years to prevent professional stagnation. This refreshes relationships with colleagues, excites the psyche, and causes a surge of emotion.

Fear of loneliness

Women are afraid of being lonely after 40. At this time, many people experience hormonal changes in their bodies, as a result of which the former beauty fades, men pay less attention. If at this time a woman does not have children, then the fear of being lonely in old age increases. This leads to the abuse of antidepressants, alcohol, and drugs.

Family

The cause of the family crisis most often becomes among career women who spent their youth moving up the career ladder, but did not have time to start a family. This often happens at 35-40 years old. It seems that the time to start a family has not yet been missed, but I don’t want to give up a promising job. As a result, the woman rushes between two fires, not knowing what to choose.

Fear of death

A person instinctively fears death as soon as he experiences its proximity. If friends close in age, father or mother die, the woman automatically thinks that she will be next. This leads to depression, apathy, and some women turn to God.

Personality crisis as a path of development

A person’s life is often presented as a path along which a person meets and says goodbye to people, faces and overcomes obstacles, finds himself at a crossroads, and is forced to make a decision. There is everything along the way: fair winds, rains of tears, storms of emotions, fireworks of happiness and rivers of sadness, etc. Every person at different moments in life, under the influence of different circumstances, is faced with the question of choosing a path: what is your path, how to live, with what quality of life. It happens that we don’t go our own way or at some point we turn off it, “get off track,” and, losing our way, we risk losing ourselves. At this moment, there is often a feeling of hopelessness, the meaninglessness of the further path. A person is, as it were, on the edge of life. This region is called a crisis.

Well-known foreign and domestic scientists studied the understanding of the concept of crisis (I.P. Manokha, T.S. Kirilenko, P.P. Ermine, T.M. Titarenko, L.V. Sokhan, E. Erickson, D. Matteson, E. P., Grof S., Krupnik, B.G. Ananyev, S.L. Rubinshtein, S.K. Nartova-Bochaver, L.I. Antsiferova, A.A. Kronik, R.A. Akhmerov, F.Yu Vasilyuk, K.N. Vasilevskaya, L. Peltsman, M.Sh. Magomed-Eminov, K.N. Artemova, Kozlov V.V., etc.). Despite the use of different epistemologies to explain the crisis, the authors put similar semantic content into this concept. Understanding critical situations as situations of aggravation of developmental contradictions in a person’s life, researchers are also unanimous in the opinion that the paths that a subject uses to overcome a crisis in the future determine his fate.

Being in a crisis, a person sometimes feels the desire to end everything, to leave life, but this desire coexists with an equally strong desire to live and survive. Many of the feelings that a person experiences at this moment are unusual for him and are considered unacceptable in society, since at this moment feelings often manifest themselves through inappropriate behavior that is unusual for the image of a given person. As a result, a person finds himself in a cage with his own naked “I”. Society in most cases is not able to see and provide real complicity to a person in crisis; at this moment he is an outcast, causing both regret and fear in others, since he becomes a living reminder of the inevitability of the “transition”, in which there are always great losses, but also great acquisitions, and for the latter to happen, it is necessary to go through this path of overcoming.

The Chinese pictogram for the word "crisis" reflects the idea of ​​crisis. It consists of two components: one depicts danger, and the other (by the way, larger in size) is opportunity. It's like a tunnel with the possibility of exiting into the light. But the state of tension, which is created by the spring of validity, stretched between opportunity and danger, pushes a person to the exit, to further development. The situation is complicated by the fact that when faced with a crisis situation, a person automatically connects people, so to speak, from his inner circle. Eyewitnesses, participants in rescue operations, and even just television viewers watching what is happening on air during terrorist attacks or disasters experience the same experience. And all these people face serious psychological problems. Currently, in many fields of knowledge (medicine, psychology, sociology, political science, etc.) specialists are looking for an answer to the question of what a crisis in a person’s life is, what is its nature, consequences and how to avoid the destructive consequences of the crisis, how to help a person reach a new level of development, what factors, what psychological characteristics will protect a person from the negative impacts of the crisis. It should be noted that most psychology dictionaries do not define crisis, referring to “crisis state”, “crisis personality”, “crisis therapy”, “crisis assistance”, etc.

From the Greek kreses, crisis is a decision, a turning point, an outcome, literally translated it means “parting of the roads”; in psychology it is defined as a serious condition caused by any reason or as a sharp change in the status of personal life.

A crisis state in the most general sense can be defined as a certain imbalance in a person’s life and activity, and even a breakdown of the neuropsychic and somatic state.

The relevance of the crisis is determined by a number of factors, both universal and specific, unique to our country. General human factors include a sharp increase in the number of man-made disasters and “hot spots” throughout the world. People daily encounter (mainly thanks to the media) crimes against individuals, natural and psychogenic disasters. In our country, there are also specific features of life that increase the risk of crisis situations (urbanization, radical changes in the way of life, political, economic, social, environmental troubles, instability in the country, loss of habitual, stereotypical values ​​and attitudes by almost all segments of the population). The above factors cause a massive increase in tension, an increase in the level of general anxiety, a tendency to intensify such conditions as loneliness, uselessness, meaninglessness of existence, fear for the future, etc. In addition, we can talk about crisis states of entire population groups. But with all its destructive power, a crisis is also one of the inevitable and necessary moments of life, one of the driving forces of development, including the development of an individual, group, and society. A crisis is always a moment of choice from at least two possible alternatives, a moment of choosing a regressive or progressive solution in further development. Humanity has always known this fact; fairy tales of all times and peoples are an example of this: this is the well-known situation of a hero at a crossroads. The choice of a further path is easily given to the hero only in fairy tales, but it is important that avoiding the choice is impossible, unnecessary and even dangerous. The entire subsequent life of the individual depends on what choice is made.

Even in archaic times, rituals of a person’s transition from one status state to another (birth, wedding, funeral), various types of initiation: initiation into a certain, new group for a given person - age (adults, old people), social (warrior, hunter, shaman and etc.), role (mother, wife, leader). “In many ways, a crisis state resembles a rite of passage, i.e. initiation of the individual into the new secrets of life." According to Professor V.V. Kozlov, it is “crises that lead a person to a deep experience of the mystery of the meaning of life, the spiritual spaces of culture. A crisis is not just a way to transform a personality into a new quality and a more complete social individual, but also something more.” Consequently, a crisis is always a test for the individual. According to V. Dahl, testing is “... to experience in practice, to try, to find out, to be convinced by research, to gain experience, to disassemble, to learn in detail, to learn through experience... - to endure, endure, endure, experience something, encounter something in your life” . Consequently, a crisis is a necessary, and even obligatory, stage that occurs on the life path of every person and shapes this path. A crisis is not determined by a person’s desire or readiness to make a “transition,” and, as a rule, not entering into a crisis can be much more dangerous than choosing the alternatives offered by the crisis. It is obvious that a psychological crisis requires concentration and the use of all the forces available to a person to solve the problems that life has set for him.

Entering a crisis means entering a point of transformation when life changes at all levels: cognitive (introjection of new life values ​​or a new hierarchy of values), affective (ability to pass a test while maintaining integrity) and behavioral (development of new behavioral patterns). It should be noted that the crisis itself and its transformative power create an interconnection and mutual influence of crisis processes both of an individual individual on society, and of social categories and trends on each individual.

How can a woman get out of a crisis?

According to statistics from psychologists, there are women who have never faced a midlife crisis. And this phenomenon was observed not in those women whose lives were ideal, but in those who were constantly worried and simply did not have time for self-analysis.

Overcoming the crisis has its positive consequences:

• strengthening mental strength;
• readiness for a new stage of life;
• accepting your own life experience, your mistakes and achievements;
• awareness of new perspectives.

But such consequences are possible if a woman managed to overcome the crisis. Otherwise, you can be disappointed in life and in your own abilities. As a consequence, this leads to prolonged depression, loss of work, drug addiction or alcoholism, and severe mental disorder.

If you cannot overcome the crisis on your own, you should contact a psychologist who will help you get through the difficult period and find positive aspects in the situation. At the same time, it is recommended to be examined by an endocrinologist, since an anxious state is often associated with hormonal disorders.

Children's age crises

Probably, any child psychologist knows that age-related crises are natural and necessary for a child. By experiencing them, the baby develops!

There are: Lactation crises (3, 7, 12 months) Crisis of one year Crisis of 2 years Crisis of 3 years (the most pronounced) Crisis of 6-8 years Adolescent crisis

The age limits of crises, as well as the forms of manifestation, vary greatly. What should parents do at this time? Of course, first of all, you need to help your child survive the crisis. No punitive measures will stop the crisis - they can only drive it deeper, make its course less noticeable, thereby aggravating the consequences and significantly damaging the harmonious development of the child’s personality. Childhood crises directly affect parents, especially mothers, so it is important to have sufficient skills and knowledge to not allow the crisis to destroy harmony inside and outside. We recommend that parents seek help from a specialist to avoid the destructive consequences of childhood crises.

Is it possible to overcome a crisis without outside help?

An experienced psychologist can best help you cope with a midlife crisis. But finding a competent specialist, especially in small towns and villages, is quite difficult, so often a woman has to bring herself out of a crisis state. You can read relevant literature, find forums on the Internet. The main thing is to act, find your footing, and begin to slowly lead yourself out of the crisis. Even very small victories will inspire further self-improvement.

First, you need to stop comparing yourself to others. You need to understand that each person is individual. You cannot equate yourself with others. You need to show your individuality, even despite the fact that those around you are whispering. It’s impossible to please everyone; there’s always a snide person, often a loved one, who “accidentally” hints at age or bad work.

It is important to value yourself as an individual. You should dye your hair, get a new haircut, buy beautiful clothes. In short, to radically change something in yourself. This is the first step. If a person likes himself, those around him will also feel it and look at him in a new way. For many girls and women, this one step is enough to get out of the crisis.

It is better to start the morning with a jog or light exercises, and give preference to proper nutrition. As soon as a few kilograms of weight are gone, the woman will feel attractive and rejuvenated. You need to communicate more with friends, relatives, colleagues, and participate in public life. He just goes out for a walk in good weather. Sometimes a smile from a stranger or a compliment made on the street raises self-esteem.

It is very important to find something you like in time, which will raise your self-esteem. It can be a hobby that will bring joy to people. Today on the Internet there are a lot of sites on various types of creativity, the existence of which no one knew about 10 years ago. Any creative person will certainly be captivated by some kind of creativity. People who are accustomed to active work can become volunteers at a pet shelter or help sick old people. It is important to find an activity that brings pleasure and at the same time a woman feels needed by society. You can sign up for personal growth trainings.

Possible reasons

Changes in appearance trigger the development of a midlife crisis.
There are a number of factors that can influence the development of the crisis:

• deterioration in appearance;
• lack of former strength;
• health problems;
• having friends who have more successful lives;
• the presence of examples of women who lost their attractiveness and remained lonely.

First, let's look at the physiological reasons.

1. Changes in appearance. A woman notices that she has imperfections, wrinkles, gray hair, and changes in her figure. All this greatly affects her emotional state. But it is necessary to understand that she is able to change this state of affairs. You need to use good cosmetics, sign up for a fitness class or gym, start going to the pool, go to the hairdresser. A woman who takes care of her appearance remains at her best at any age and looks attractive.
2. Changes in hormone balance. Menopause can occur at 40 or 50 years of age. A woman can delay this time if she takes care of herself, does not sit in one place, and continues to pay attention to physical activity. It is important to walk a lot; it would be nice to visit the pool or gym. If there is a hormonal imbalance, be sure to visit a gynecologist or endocrinologist who will help by prescribing replacement therapy.

A crisis can also arise for psychological reasons.

1. Family status. A woman who is over thirty begins to feel inadequate if she never got married and did not become a mother. Some young ladies decide to have a child for themselves, without a man. The appearance of a toddler allows you to look at yourself and the world differently. If for some reason a woman cannot become a mother, she should not focus on this, devote herself to her career and satisfying her needs. Girls who have managed to find themselves married may experience problems in their family life; their husband and his shortcomings begin to infuriate them; they seem unbearable. And at this time, children may begin to experience a teenage crisis, which will also create a negative atmosphere in the family. It is necessary to understand that there must be a golden mean in everything. You need to talk to the child as an equal, and instead of your spouse’s shortcomings, pay attention to his strengths. During this period, women often get divorced. And this aggravates their condition even more. The fact is that a man may also have a midlife crisis, because of which he will take a young mistress and go to her. But this is not a reason to give up on yourself. You can prove to your ex that he has lost a treasure, that you are happy without him.
2. Social status. If a woman, having crossed the threshold of forty, has not achieved certain successes in society and, in particular, in her career, she begins to develop serious complexes. You need to turn around and understand that besides this, there is a lot of beauty in life. Surely, you have become an excellent mother, a good wife, and friend. If you have not achieved success in your professional field, there is definitely something in which you have succeeded. You can decide on a hobby and devote yourself to it. Try to be in a good mood as often as possible and not get upset. Make sure you can be happy.

Recommendations for overcoming the crisis

The problems of the crisis are associated with internal imbalance. This is a kind of signal about the necessary internal restructuring, a change in one’s attitude towards the outside world. You should immediately be patient and be prepared for long-term introspection, and you will need to understand yourself without any concessions.

Important! The reason for constant dissatisfaction with oneself is the wrong emotional state, and not at all a bad husband, disobedient children, a arrogant boss or neighbors who need to stick their nose into everything. It is precisely this condition that needs to be fought.

Psychologists advise that when overcoming any stages of a midlife crisis in women, first look inside themselves, analyze their condition in order to find the cause of their obsessive anxiety. After this, conclusions should be drawn. Soberly evaluate your entire life experience not only from a critical, but also from a positive point of view. To realize that life is far from over, you can still set goals for yourself and achieve them, taking into account your life experience, opening up new perspectives for yourself.

These recommendations help you work on yourself, achieving order in your own thoughts and peace of mind.

If you learn to analyze a woman’s midlife crisis and find the positives in this situation, then life will be filled with new meaning. After all, the more difficult the crisis, the further a woman will be able to make a leap in personal growth. It is only important not to be afraid of change and look forward with optimism.