What are fantasies?
Let's not beat around the bush and immediately understand the interpretation that the dictionary gives us. According to him, fantasy is a mental process through which a person is able to imagine in his head various places and objects that do not exist in reality.
Fantasies can be created either consciously or unconsciously. And if in the first case a person is the master of his imagination, then in the second he can be completely absorbed by it. For example, some mental disorders are associated with the fact that a person completely switches from the real world to the illusory one.
Imagination and fantasy: what is the difference between them?
Well, let's start with what imagination is. According to the psychological dictionary, it is the ability of the mind to simulate certain situations. For example, planning a daily routine, building logical and illogical chains, restoring pictures of past years, and so on. Simply put, imagination is considered to be all thought processes that are displayed in the form of images.
Then what is fantasy? These are the same images, only absolutely not related to personal experience. After all, if imagination is the manipulation of any information, then fantasy is something unreal.
Here's a simple example: the memory of a cat sitting in a tree is imagination, while the image of a pink cat floating freely in the sky is already a fantasy. Based on this, we can say with confidence that fantasies are part of the human imagination. But at the same time, they are subject to certain laws, which is why they are singled out as a special category.
Erotic intelligence test, or How to understand our fantasies
Illustration: Masha Mlekopitaeva We have already become accustomed to and accepted the acronym EQ - emotional intelligence, or the ability to understand and adequately interpret our own and others’ emotions. Only recently they started talking about another EQ, erotic intelligence. Psychologies magazine defines it as “the ability to trust ourselves, understand our bodies, our boundaries, our values, and how we experience our own energy. It’s knowing what turns us on, what gives pleasure to our body.”
One of the most important parts of self-knowledge in this area is our sexual fantasies. Almost everyone has them, but not everyone knows what they mean. Moreover, stigmas of incredible proportions stand in the way of this understanding. Sociologist Michael Anderson says in his TED talk that of all the taboo topics for a couple to discuss, sexual fantasies are the most taboo.
Until now, many psychologists and therapists rely on the outdated interpretation of fantasies as an infantile escape from reality, compensation for weak libido and fears. “We have been taught to see fantasies as a symptom of neurosis or immaturity, as painful romantic idealizations that undermine the agency of the partner and are an escape from real relationships,” psychotherapist Esther Perel writes in her book Mating in Captivity.
One of the first to propose a new theory for understanding sexual fantasies was psychoanalyst Michael Bader. In his book Arousal: The secret logic of sexual fantasies, he shows that our sexual fantasies and preferences are not the result of social or biological programming, but rather a psychological tool with which the psyche confronts subconscious fears.
Over the past decades, we have pulled out a lot from under the heading “shame on you!” We discovered that with the help of laziness the body saves us from burnout, with the help of anger and disgust it protects us from toxic relationships, with the help of procrastination it tells us that we are doing something through force, across ourselves. The time has come to pull sexual fantasies out from under this stamp - our way of regulating the psyche. “Sexual fantasy is the guiding path we create to find our way between anxiety, guilt and inhibitions. This is the work of the conscious mind responding to the pressure of the subconscious,” writes psychoanalyst and social historian Nancy Friday in her book Men in Love.
Once upon a time, my father, a psychologist, doctor of sciences and academician, taught me to understand dreams. Sleep is like a valve on a pressure cooker. This is a way of consciousness to reduce internal tension from those feelings that we forbid ourselves to experience and express in our daily reality. When, before an important speech, I dream that I lost my children in the city or that all my documents were stolen, my subconscious relieves the fear and anxiety that I forbid myself to experience during the day, saying “everything will be fine,” “yes, you’ve done this a hundred times.” " The images that the brain pulls up are individual, but selected for the sole purpose - so that in a dream I experience anxiety, delight, hope, anger, despair - all that I do not really dare to feel consciously. Fantasies do the same. Sex, sexuality is a minefield in which here and there are hidden shame, condemnation, fears, anxieties, needs that we don’t really know about and don’t really want to know. With the help of sexual fantasies, our psyche gives us a helping hand. As in a dream, in fantasy, we step on a mine and do not explode, thereby living through the painful and dangerous without fear.
Precisely because sexual fantasies allow us to touch and experience feelings that are forbidden to us, they are rarely consistent with our opinion of ourselves or our public persona. A feminist who gets aroused by the fantasy of a tough dominant man, a mother of a family who is turned on by fantasies of quick sex in the toilet with a stranger, a loving husband who gets an erection from the fantasy of group sex with young temptresses, a domineering executive who dreams of being tied up may feel ashamed and hide something that causes erotic arousal in them, asking “what’s wrong with me?!”, “What kind of person am I?”, doubting their adequacy.
But the more shame that excites us is labeled, the more we suppress our erotic imagination, the worse it is for libido and acceptance of our sexuality. Understanding that the fantasy scenario is just a decoration, that fantasies, like art and dreams, cannot be interpreted literally, that this is only a construct of the psyche that opens the way to our sexuality to experience forbidden feelings, to get rid of fears, allows us to remove this stamp of shame.
According to one study, 62% of women fantasize about forced sex. In the era of #MeToo, this is a surprising discovery if we consider fantasy as a call to action. But fantasy is not a call to action. None of the women fantasize about pain due to a broken nose or knocked out teeth; in fantasy, forced sex causes arousal, pleasure, orgasm.
Dr. Laurie Beth Bisbee explains this phenomenon: “Such fantasies are like tearing off a tight corset. The attacker is always handsome, he belongs to the type of man to whom a woman would like to give herself anyway. He's rough and pushy with her, but he doesn't really hurt her, and eventually she gives in."
At the core of this fantasy lies a feeling of irresistibility, desirability. They want a woman in her so much that a man is simply obliged to possess her, he is unable to control himself. Hidden in this fantasy is the release that many modern women need so much from responsibility, the need to take care of themselves and make decisions, from caring about their partner’s ego, from shame and the prohibition on pleasure. She is unable to resist (read: she can relax), she is forced to surrender (read: she can finally lose control), she is aroused in spite of herself (read: she gets rid of the mask of the right girl) and she orgasms from this forbidden fall for her . In fact, she experiences an orgasm from liberation, the realization of the forbidden and the lack of responsibility for everything in the world, including her own orgasm.
In fantasies, our decorative heroes save us from fears and self-rejection. The fantasy of being tied up allows one to experience submission without the fear of being in a submissive position, temporarily surrendering one's need for control to a cardboard rapist in a black mask. The fantasy of insatiable, always wanting beauties gives us the missing feeling of desirability and confidence. Phantasmagoric heroines in stockings or dressing gowns always want nurses, they always feel good, they don’t have headaches, they don’t have to pick up their child from kindergarten, they don’t have a past, sexually transmitted diseases, a bag of groceries and irritation with video games. With fantasy heroes, you can take risks without taking risks, be in danger without being in danger, express desire without being embarrassed, be dependent without being dependent, take what is yours without fear of causing pain.
Men fantasize about a woman who does not need to be persuaded and lured, who will not refuse, who is always in the mood, who will not say with a contemptuous face: “How can you think about sex now!” With her, they can not feel guilty for wanting sex, responsibility for being sure to give pleasure and to be “on top”. Women fantasize about a long, beautiful, forbidden seduction, in which she is not embarrassed by cellulite and the shape of her breasts, in which she sees and feels infinitely desired, and is not ashamed that she needs long foreplay. The mysterious persistent stranger will not run away if she says something is wrong, will never lose an erection for which she feels responsible, will not turn to the wall and will not snore. In our fantasies, we allow ourselves to express anything: fear, resistance, arrogance, aggression, desire. Scream in a way you can’t shout with your neighbors behind the wall, have sex in a way you can’t have with the mother of your own children, demand - and receive, don’t ask - and receive. Our scripts may change, but what we seek in sex, what we get from it does not change: ecstasy, power, escape, attraction, desirability, rebellion, intimacy, understanding, victory, confidence, freedom. All that we are missing.
The heroes of our fantasies always know exactly how we want, what excites us, what brings us great, forbidden pleasure. Because they are us. We know this. It is we who heal ourselves, who open ourselves, who free ourselves, who stop denying ourselves. It is we who give ourselves clues - what inside us requires a way out, what we have prohibited, suppressed, ridiculed, shamed, thrown out of consciousness. It is we who unite in fantasy with everything rejected, into wholeness. And we experience an orgasm.
Welcome to erotic intelligence.
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Why do we need fantasies?
What is more important is why a person needs imagination. Why does the human subconscious create images that simply do not exist in reality?
In order to understand this, let us turn our attention to such a category of people as artists. Undoubtedly, many of them are realists and depict ordinary landscapes, portraits and still lifes in their paintings. But there are also those whose canvases are a complete mystery, because they depict characters and figures hitherto unseen by man. And such works greatly fascinate viewers, because they can open the door to an unknown space for people.
Moreover, imagination is important not only for artists. Those same writers, designers and musicians cannot do without it. So this property of our brain is extremely important for people in creative professions. But now the next question arises: how to fantasize? More precisely, how to force your brain to regularly come up with new images?
Article Topic: “Fantasy and Dream.” article
Fantasy (Greek φαντασία - “imagination”) is a situation imagined by an individual or group that does not correspond to reality, but expresses their desires.
Fantasy is an improvisation on a free theme. To fantasize means to imagine, to compose, to imagine.
Fantasy is a prerequisite for human creative activity, which is expressed in the construction of an image or a visual model of its results in cases where information is not required (pure fantasy) or is insufficient. An example of this can be disparate archival sources, on the basis of which the writer creates a complete work, supplementing possible connections through his own imagination, and also introducing, to the extent possible, a living impression of his talent.
Fantasy is characterized by:
- NOT willingness to act to achieve
- There is a feeling of desire, that is, “I would like”
- Hope that someday it will come true
- Doesn't believe in its implementation
- Doesn't believe he can pull it off
- Humility, getting used to the current state of affairs
A dream is a special type of imagination, a cherished desire, the fulfillment of which often promises happiness. These may simply be desires that, for some reason, were not fulfilled at the time of their occurrence, but the person still wants them to come true (for example, such a dream may be the desire to go to some place - this will not make the person completely happy his days, but he will remember and talk about this event for quite a long time as one of the most pleasant moments in some period of his life). And these may also be unfulfilled desires, such as achieving immortality and semi-unrealistic desires that can come true under special circumstances (for example, power over the entire planet, becoming very strong, flying to Mars, etc.)
A dream is characterized by:
- Willingness to act to achieve
- Inherent feelings of passionate desire
- A person feels the need to make a dream come true
- 4 Believes in its implementation, and believes that he can implement it
The feeling of a dream is not limited to just hope or wish, but rather is a passionate desire, a need . This passion overshadows all other thoughts and becomes an obsession. This state is necessary in order to guide all your plans, actions, and goals. It helps to acquire that persistence in action that completely eliminates the possibility of defeat. And only such a desire will bring success. Such a desire will lead to your dreams coming true . And the whole point is to really want your dream to come true and to be so unshakable in your desire that you convince yourself of future success.
It is necessary to be true to your dreams, to be a true dreamer until they become an obsession and finally turn into reality. Anyone who wants to emerge victorious from any enterprise must decide to burn bridges and cut off all routes of retreat. Only then can you achieve that state of mind known as the passionate desire to win, which is so necessary for success.
The main difference between fantasy and dream is the strength of desire itself. The second very important difference is the faith factor. These 2 points entail all the others. This explains a person’s readiness to act.
Poetry
Dream and Fantasy Dream hurried along the path, carrying the Kitten for Marinka. Vovka’s Fantasy led the Shark towards him on a rope: “Where are you going, with the kitten in the basket?” “I’m in a hurry, you know, to Marinka.” It can’t remain a dream forever, but it must come true someday! Vovka’s fantasy nodded, gently stroked the shark, gave her a bun with nuts... - And we’re just going for a walk! Anna Ignatova
Fantasy, illusion, dream Fantasy, illusion, dream... How can I separate you, put the dots? So that I don’t pass off a horse for a donkey, Or lush roses for wild flowers... Sometimes we are led by an illusionary path, In which we believe without looking back. Only because faith in miracles has settled in us since childhood. We're not growing up. We want a miracle to come to the house, a Prince to gallop, a mermaid to save us from the waters... So that not we ourselves, but it ITSELF... Even a sorcerer or even a fortune teller. So we sit half our lives by the window, looking dreamily, sighing quietly. Let's wake up, people. Life is short. There are no two lives!
Tatiana Lamm
While we are small, we fantasize, dream, children tend to dream and invent by nature, this is the essence of any pioneer, which is any child.
Don't be scared if your little daughter suddenly declares that when she grows up, she will become a fairy, and your son says that he wants to become... a panda. For preschool children, such “professions” are the norm. Children's world is changing at the speed of light. We are looking for ourselves from the very moment we become aware of our existence, not even in kindergarten, but even earlier, trying on various situations and models in our imagination. Children's fantasy desires are very informative and associative; do not rush to react, try to understand the origin of this or that children's plan for adulthood. A bright imagination means a bright personality, and dreams, if you just take a closer look at them, reveal not just desires, but also the inclinations of your child, speak about his abilities and talents that need to be supported, revealed and directed. I think we need to choose a middle ground. Of course, there is no point in creating a dreamer completely divorced from life. He will be in constant conflict with reality. Listening to children's thoughts, you need to first find out what, why and why, and then very tactfully show the lack of practicality of individual ideas (taking into account the child's age) or, even better, transform them into realistically achievable ones, find similar paths and ideas.
The rational grain in a dream collection needs to be identified as the most important thing, emphasis placed on it, and transformed into an achievable goal. Go further, give the opportunity to realize individual dreams. Such a painstaking task will be good training; dreams will acquire a connection with reality. You will develop the skill of forming near and distant goals for your activities. The child’s character will gradually acquire purposefulness, perseverance, and courage. He will not be afraid to be proactive. These are the makings of a future personality, maybe even a leader. Tell your child that there is no need to bitterly regret what has not come true. A dream that is unfulfilled at the moment can come true later if you believe in it and make some efforts. Having fallen, you need to get up and move on. You cannot fold your arms and become despondent. By maintaining hope, we give it the opportunity to come true.
Dreams should come true, maybe not all, but at least partially. This gives a person confidence in his abilities, generates optimism and makes it possible to create new dreams. For most people, dreams are driven into a far corner and sit there quietly, only occasionally reminding of themselves with sadness. Even a person who does not admit to daydreaming has something hidden in his soul, some kind of hope that he does not bring out, quietly cherishing it and basking in its slightly sad warmth. Dream and fantasize, because without them there is no way.
How to develop the ability to fantasize?
The best time to develop creativity is in childhood, as during this period the mind is most amenable to learning. But even in adulthood, you can improve your imagination skills by using the following techniques.
- Mental exercise should be done several times a day. In this case, you need to imagine objects and places that do not exist in reality.
- The ideal way to develop imagination is drawing. As in the previous version, first of all you need to focus on fictitious images. For example, you can draw non-existent animals by crossing very real species with each other.
- Another good way is to replace properties. For example, we take a TV remote control as a basis and come up with a number of fantastic possibilities for it: time management, switching emotions, teleportation, and so on.
Using these techniques, you can quickly improve your fantasy skills. And if your work is related to creativity, then such practice will sooner or later help you achieve general recognition.
