You deserve better
Take care of your own self-esteem. Look in the mirror and note the appearance features that you like. Maybe you have gorgeous hair or a chiseled nose, long fingers, a wonderful figure or plump sexy lips. Admire the beautiful lady you see. Remember how many fans you had (there are boys in love at school too). Realize that you deserve to be the only lady for a loving man, who will be proudly presented to family and friends. If you are dissatisfied with your own appearance, it is better to fight it with the help of fitness clubs and beauty salons, and not with a married man.
The right to grief and joy
Human nature is such that it requires the manifestation of the entire palette of emotions - then we can talk about a healthy psyche.
Life is varied, there is a lot of joy in it, we just forgot about it, and joy cannot be understood without grief.
Grief requires a reason, but suffering does not. Suffering turns the palette of emotions into gray, nondescript, dull chewing gum, so joy is also not experienced, it merges with the grayness of suffering. Grief demands its payment only once.
There are not so many reasons for grief, and the hardest is the death of loved ones; everything else is fixable. It takes time to get over this grief.
All religions of the world have rituals designed to help a person survive the death of a loved one and accept it. Therefore, if you are a believer, contact a priest and perform the necessary rituals. If you’re not a believer, do it anyway. This is a sign of respect for both the deceased and the living.
But in order to move on in life and not fall into suffering and self-pity, consult a psychologist.
The rest can be fixed
Everything else is fixable, but sometimes it seems like you are in a hopeless situation. This is not so, there is a way out and you know it, but you don’t like it. If the situation seems so difficult that it is impossible to bear, surrender to it: cry out loud, scream, growl, swear, hit a pillow or punching bag - let it go through aggression that is safe for others - usually 15-20 minutes is enough (it’s better to survive the pain now, rather than trying to drown it out and squeeze it out drop by drop).
Then powerlessness will come, and then enlightenment in the brain. As a result, a search and enumeration of options for solving the current situation begins, and there is no shame in asking for help.
Just don’t fall into despondency, whining and whining - they are followed by dullness, indifference and depression. Getting out of a depressive binge is difficult and time-consuming. Life will pass, you won’t catch up with it and won’t bring it back... Only regrets and dissatisfaction will remain.
The conclusion is this - allow yourself the right to express mental pain and distinguish it from whining for any reason.
Purpose in life
Think about what you would like from life. Imagine your flawless home. Do you live with a man, do you have children, how many are there, how does your lover treat you? Write down the answers on a piece of paper and wonder if you can achieve your perfect life with today's gentleman. Most likely, your answer will be “no.” If you still have hope, on the same piece of paper write down how often a man promised to leave his wife and be with you, but did not keep his word.
Why is suffering a habit? And what you should pay attention to
Suffering as an immutable truth.
Our whole life is a set of certain habits, following them, each of us has what he has.
If there is a habit, it means that it is needed for something and helps in life, in any case, it maintains the fragile balance of the contour of being given from birth.
The eternally dissatisfied, unhappy and suffering can be found everywhere.
But have you ever met a person with the habit of being happy?
Always happy... A person’s dream in which he himself does not believe. Why?
It's simple, I'll list a few reasons.
One of them is that Life is complicated.
Buddha said, “Birth is suffering, life is suffering, death is suffering,” and all his life he was looking for nirvana.
And yet, God endured and commanded us...
Is it possible to be happy with such a basis?
Suffering does not even need to have a cause; it is simply the way of life of the common man. You can suffer for any reason or without it.
But if you’re still tired of it, pictures with happy stories don’t give you peace - they make your teeth hurt, what kind of suffering they cause, then it’s worth drawing some conclusion.
Conclusion - if this is so, then in this case begin to doubt generally accepted truths and stop using them, eliminate them from your vocabulary and replace them with more suitable ones.
What should you say thank you to your parents for?
Another way to instill a habit is through involuntary or unconscious learning.
This happens in the family and we learn from adults who are significant to us, most often our parents.
A parent is an adult that has not only survived to puberty, but has also reproduced. That is, by definition, it does everything right in order to survive - this is the law of evolution and self-preservation in a hostile environment. Children perceive their behavior uncritically, as a given, as the only correct reaction to the current situation. This happens throughout the animal world and we are no exception.
This is why we, as children, take tracings—photos of our parents’ behavior. They taught the cub what they themselves knew how to do. It follows from this that you are doing the same thing that your parents did, and they are doing what their parents did - a certain behavioral script is being passed on from generation to generation.
By understanding this method, you will better understand the reasons for the behavior of your parents, friends and acquaintances, and yourself. And also make predictions for the future of your children.
Read: Do we really own our destiny?
Conclusion. If you want to see your children happy, learn to be happy yourself, change the script written by your ancestors.
Environmental phenomenon
The next method is operant conditioning.
This is learning where the rules of behavior are set by the group, setting conditions and rewards for its members.
We ourselves choose to suffer or not, this can already be seen in children.
In childhood
For example, a child plays a game that is exciting for him, stumbles and falls on the floor. There are no injuries, but he is in pain. Events in this case can develop in different ways:
1. if an adult, seeing this situation, ignored the fall and reacted to it calmly, then the child will react to his fall calmly, whimpering a couple of times, rub the bruised area and continue with his exciting game. And next time, he won’t even whine, but will continue to play;
2. if an adult gets scared and rushes to the child, begins to console him, kiss him and show behavior associated with the manifestation of love, thereby showing the importance of suffering and a way to attract attention to himself. The child will forget about the game and will cry even more to receive even more love. In subsequent times, in order to attract attention to himself, the child will increasingly begin to involuntarily (unconsciously) injure himself; this may become a more important matter than interest (play).
In this case, the adult sets the rules for the child’s behavior in response to his acceptance and the appearance of love, encouraging trauma (illness) and suffering.
But such behavior can develop not only in childhood. Since we live among people, acceptance is one of the basic needs in life.
… and not only
Who are these people? - friends and relatives, kindergartens, schools, colleges and universities, professional groups. It’s not for nothing that they say: whoever you get along with, you’ll get the hang of it.
Remember yourself - the more compassionately and sincerely you complained about something, the more attention you received, the more indulgence you received, and the more people might love you for the suffering you suffered.
I tried to share my success, and here you are: condemnation, talking behind your back, gossip, envy. And your friends are no longer friends, and you begin to feel like an outcast, and there’s nothing to talk about with you...
That is, the more suffering and unhappy you look, the safer it is. Mom was right when she said, “Don’t brag, they’ll envy you.”
The rules are determined by the reference group, that is, if you want to be accepted, follow the rules.
Conclusion - carefully choose friends and topics for communication with relatives and colleagues, as well as the corporate culture of the company. Learn to say no and move the topic of conversation in another direction. Limit communication with toxic people.
Turn around
Look around. You are probably surrounded by a huge number of smart and handsome guys - colleagues, classmates, just passers-by. Start being interested in them. You shouldn’t rush headlong into new affairs with the first guy you come across, for whom you don’t even feel anything. Just note to yourself (and sometimes out loud - men also love compliments) the features of men that you like. Eventually you will understand that the world has not settled on a married guy, and there are a lot of free and handsome guys around you with whom you can build a relationship that suits you.
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How to get rid of falling in love?
How to get rid of falling in love in a short time:
Take care of yourself
Why not turn the attention to yourself? Update your wardrobe, change your hairstyle, take care of your skin, etc. Taking care of your body not only improves your mood, but also significantly increases your self-esteem. And a self-confident person is not inclined to suffer from addictions, one of the varieties of which is falling in love. The unnecessary feeling will go away on its own.
Burn out
Fear can be overcome if it is artificially intensified through willpower. When the psyche cannot withstand excess, it is easier for it not to feel fear at all. It's the same with falling in love. You should cultivate this feeling in yourself until there is nothing left of it. It is advisable to intensify your love for no longer than a few days: then burnout will be replaced by some kind of insight. If you stretch out the “pleasure” for a long time, then falling in love can take on even more frightening proportions.
Accept your feelings
There is no need to try to convince yourself that there is no trace of love. It is much more useful to recognize the presence of destructive feelings. To do this, you should sit in silence for a few minutes, observing your inner state. When your thoughts calm down a little, you need to admit: “Yes, I love (name). I understand that this is not mutual/unsafe/pointless.”
When meeting the object of your love, you need to repeat this phrase to yourself. This will help keep your mind cool and not rush into the abyss of emotions.
Survive the pain
Parting with a loved one is always difficult, even if the couple as such never existed. You need to give yourself the right to a juicy hysteria, accompanied by tears, howls and other ways of expressing a broken heart.
You should make a scene for yourself, and not in the presence of interested parties: after all, the goal is not to attract attention, but to get rid of the pain of love. It is necessary to put your whole soul into crying and screaming so that no stone is left unturned from your internal experiences. Then you need to go to bed. It will be much easier when you wake up.
Make a list against
Everyone has shortcomings, but not the person you love. The good thing is that it only seems so.
You need to think through with a fresh mind all the bad things that exist in your chosen one or chosen one. You should turn on a critical eye and analyze situations where the “ideal” behaved completely inappropriately.
Having compiled a list of shortcomings, you need to honestly answer yourself whether this is the person with whom you can live your whole life. Especially if you consider that in close relationships people are not inclined to hide their bad character traits, believing: “If you love, endure.”
Get busy
The brain cannot focus on two things at the same time. This is what you need to take advantage of.
You should keep yourself busy as much as possible: complete all non-urgent projects, take on additional tasks, help less experienced colleagues. During the day, all attention will be devoted to work matters, and there will simply be no time left for heartache. And when, upon arriving home, you only have enough strength to crawl to bed, then thoughts of love on their own will fade away. The main thing is not to work yourself to the point of nervous exhaustion.
Out of sight
Countless photographs, cute trinkets, personal items - you should get rid of everything that can remind you of unnecessary love. Why poison your soul every day with the sight of a teddy bear, given out of politeness on March 8th? When there is nothing left before your eyes connected with the object of adoration, the feelings will become less intense and then disappear altogether.
Empty spaces in the room can be filled with new things dear to the heart, purchased only with the goal of pleasing yourself.
Live your life
A person's happiness should not depend on someone else. Therefore, there is no need to evaluate the success of the day by whether you met your loved one or not. There is no need to set up collisions with the object of love or call him from unknown numbers: such “games” are very clearly visible to the opposite side and, at best, only cause a benevolent smile.
You should devote your free time to your favorite activities, trips, and new acquaintances. When life is filled with impressions, then any troubles on the personal front are experienced much easier. It is difficult for an unhappy lover to get along with a person who never loses heart and is always ready to discover new horizons for himself.
Find support
In order not to completely lose faith in yourself, you need to communicate as much as possible with friendly people. They will not only be able to provide support, but also, if necessary, give good advice: after all, their gaze is not clouded by the veil of love and they see perfectly well what is happening.
Start a new romance
"Fight fire with fire". In personal matters, this rule works 100%. Even if the new passion does not become the love of your life, it is much more pleasant to realize that tonight will be spent on a date, and not in anxious thoughts about an unattainable “ideal”. Experienced heartbreakers claim that 3 short-term affairs are enough to forever get rid of excessive romance and stop being tormented by falling in love.
It is quite possible that all of the above methods will not even have time to be tested. After all, fortunately, falling in love is very fleeting.
Active steps to get rid of love
First of all, you should distance yourself as much as possible from the object of your love, try not to intersect with him, do not go to his page on social networks, if you cannot resist - perhaps you should give up on them altogether for a while. Remember that people usually fall in love through close communication or eye contact; accordingly, in order to get rid of love, it is also necessary to break off such connections. This pattern is well illustrated by the popular proverb “out of sight, out of mind.”
Perhaps, on the contrary, you should spend more time with attractive representatives of the opposite sex. At first, such an idea will seem disgusting to you in itself, but if you overcome yourself, then, most likely, you will soon be able to learn to have fun again in the company of guys and, perhaps, forget about the sorrows that tormented you so recently.
Internal manifestations of feeling
You can repeat to yourself “I don’t want to fall in love!” as much as you like, but this will not eradicate the tendency to inconstancy in love. This behavior is observed in people of different genders and ages. During adolescence, romantic feelings are usually non-reciprocal, which causes a constant change of objects of sympathy. But for adults building real relationships, such a habit can result in a number of problems.
It’s worth thinking about what leads to this situation and finding out the reasons. This may be the perception of the parental marriage, latently expressed in the constant change of partners and the search for love. There are other internal and external reasons for such behavior.
Concept of falling in love
Scientists have long established the chemical nature of love and its biological significance. This is nothing more than a procreation program. It takes time to grow into true conscious love. If you constantly jump from one relationship to another, you will not be able to achieve this high feeling.
You will have to be content with falling in love, which is accompanied by the release of various hormones into the blood. This can cause addiction akin to a drug. A person susceptible to this condition will not be able to build stable relationships and will completely lose himself as a person.
