7 steps to self-development: where to start working on yourself?

Welcome to my site. Here you will find a lot of articles on the topic “ self-development and self-improvement ”, which I write myself. The goal of self-development, in my opinion, is to achieve happiness and harmony. I do not believe that self-development is an end in itself and is carried out only for its own sake. And it doesn’t seem to me that a person should be developed just to be developed.

Articles on my blog will help you understand yourself, solve your problems, develop important personal qualities in order to live a fuller life, achieve your goals and not give up in the face of difficulties. My task is not just to dryly present some information, but also to motivate you, instill in you confidence in your own abilities, and prove that nothing is impossible.

On this site you will find a lot of useful practical and theoretical materials. These self-development lessons cover a wide range of topics: from developing personal qualities (for example, How to develop intelligence? and How to develop willpower?) to combating bad habits (The only way to quit smoking once and for all is to quit drinking forever)

Decisive step

So you decided that

you don't want to live like this anymore.

Great, this is exactly where a woman needs to start self-development, but this is only the first step. Let's agree right away: we will be aware of the fact that:

• self-development is not for weak women. Self-development is not a fashion trend and it does not consist of regularly posting “smart thoughts” on the wall. If you are not ready to put off watching the series and put things off until tomorrow, then you are actually quite happy with your life and role as a victim;
• you will have to force yourself to follow the plan for a maximum of 3-4 weeks, then it will become part of your life and you will enjoy these actions;
• time is precious. When laziness overcomes you, remember death. Famous motivational life hack:
  

  If you find out that you have a couple of weeks left to live, will you exchange precious hours for sorting things out, lying on the couch and watching “House-2”?

Practice

Completion time: A week or two, then move on to the next step. At the same time, continue to meditate, just move on to the next level.

Start meditating for 20 minutes 2 times a day, without fail, systematically, without missing a single session. If it is very difficult to sit in one place for 20 minutes, then reduce this time to 10-15 minutes…. It is better to reduce the time of meditation than to skip it altogether. If you, in the comments to this step, write your impressions of the practice a week after you started doing it, then this is only welcome. If you have any questions, be sure to ask them here in the comments. Don't be lazy, nothing else is required from you at this step. You are not obligated to achieve any results yet, and they are unlikely to happen right away, just meditate and try to follow all the accompanying recommendations regarding this process. Don’t be discouraged if you don’t succeed: few people succeed in everything at once.

Self-development plan for a woman

1. Identifying your true desires and real goals;
2. accepting yourself for who you are and working on self-esteem;
3. improving old skills, learning new skills;
4. development of intelligence;
5. finding strengths and improving them;
6. improving quality of life;
7. Professional Development;
8. improvement of material condition and increase in social status;
9. increased social connections;
10. health promotion, physical development.

Let's try to formulate what needs to be worked on. For this we need

a beautiful notepad in which we will make a list of goals.

Let's take, for example, a job that has long been not a joy for you, but a burden, and yet, for the sake of the notorious stability, you stubbornly go there. You listen to the boss’s comments, go to a tasteless lunch with eternally dissatisfied colleagues, and believe in an ephemeral bright future that never comes. But in fact, you secretly dream of swapping your office chair for that of a sought-after stylist. Or you don’t want to fall behind in discussing current issues, but when given the opportunity to express your opinion, you are simply lost.

Or do you get tired quickly and dream of becoming more energetic?

Learn to drive a car, develop creative abilities, tighten your figure - you never know!

Feel free to write down everything that comes to mind.

Are self-coaching and coaching the same thing or not?

In fact, under such loud, perhaps even exotic words, lie meanings that are absolutely familiar to all of us.

Coaching is a joint work of a person with a coach, during which they consider and calculate a strategy for achieving a given task. The main difference between coaching and our usual training is receiving recommendations that will suit your specific situation. Of course, with any education (and coaching is just a type of training), there is an opportunity to master all the necessary skills along with the tools for maximum effectiveness of the work done.

Self-coaching is independent work on your internal resources, drawing up a successful strategy or creating internal instructions without anyone’s help - only on your own.

And if the first term is more familiar in our minds (various seminars on self-development or advanced training have always been), then the latter may cause some confusion. Self-development training is no longer the only tool for self-development, because a set of such events is often not available to everyone, and one or two visits will not be enough.

More specifics

Give each desire a separate page and fill it with realistic small steps that will bring you closer to the fulfillment of your desire. Write clear formulations, for example, if this is participation in discussions, then not “read a lot of books”, but

1. Until tomorrow (next Tuesday, etc.) find (buy, borrow...) such and such a book.
2. Read it before such and such a date.
3. Take part in its discussion on such and such a forum/write a review on such and such a site,” etc.

If this is a desire to devote yourself to the beauty industry, then:

1. Find stylist courses on such and such a date.
2. Compare and sign up for a studio with the best conditions for me. You need N money for training.
3. Purchase the necessary tools.
4. Every day watch video lessons/programs with the participation of a reputable stylist N.
5. Try to improve Aunt Katya’s appearance with a new hairstyle”...

At the end of each plan, be sure to indicate the final goal, that is, answer the question:

“What do I want to get in the end?”

Try to constantly visualize in detail the future you really want for yourself. Imagine specific situations, where you are, what you are wearing, what your interlocutor is wearing, what topic you are discussing, what smells surround you, etc.

The plan has been drawn up, you have even started to follow it, but then the thought appears that this is all a stupid idea.

Don't think about quitting!

It is this feeling that is the first challenge on the path to self-improvement.

The path to self-improvement and self-development

Our life is somewhat reminiscent of a river that flows in the direction given by nature. But in our case, its course can be completely changed by setting the guidelines we need. It is those people who know what they want to achieve from life who are able to reason sensibly about ways and methods of achieving goals. After all, they have a powerful incentive and good motivation for this.

As soon as a person decides to radically change his life, he is faced with the choice of the path of self-development . Everyone will have their own path to self-improvement, since everyone’s goals and desires are completely different. And only by choosing the right path for further action can you begin your main journey to achieve what you want and improve what you already have.

Additional recommendations

And a couple more tips on how to engage in self-development for those women who need motivation.

Your notebook should be constantly filled.

And this doesn’t just mean adding goals. Regularly write down your victories, even the most insignificant ones at first glance. In the column “Learn Chinese”, “Learned 3 hieroglyphs”, “Answered the greeting correctly”, “Learned something new about the traditions of China”, “Met a native speaker”, etc. Do it “beautifully”: design the page, use colored markers, in a word, do everything so that you want to open the notebook more often.

Create a calendar and keep it in a notebook or in a visible place:

here you will mark your personal dates: “10 days without cigarettes”, “A month of sports”, “I follow a self-development plan for 3 weeks”, etc.

Content

So, in addition to the main material of this, as well as other steps, you will set yourself a certain plan that you will have to carry out, and this will become for you a parallel branch of your self-improvement, since the very structure of the course, its logic, already contains a certain an element of learning, training vital skills and all this, for now, regardless of the content of this lesson and more.

So, this lesson contains a number of theoretical materials that will introduce you to the basics of my view on self-development and tell you where to start.

Wheel of Life

When we want to improve something in ourselves, but cannot find what exactly, the “wheel of life” comes to the rescue - a system consisting of four directions. It is believed that to achieve harmony and happiness you need to develop at these levels.

• Intellectual is setting and achieving goals, working with emotions, calming the mind and controlling feelings, getting out of the influence of the false ego, getting an education and learning in general, learning languages, obtaining scientific degrees, etc.
• Social - here it is important to work on such areas as: purpose in activity and earning money, relationships with all family members, development of your feminine qualities, building harmonious relationships with others, the ability to live with benefit for others and the world.
• Spiritual - at this level we study the nature of the soul, gain knowledge about life, the world around us and the Universe, develop sublime qualities, for example, unselfishness and cheerfulness, learn to live “here and now” and accept life as it is, we strive to get rid of qualities , ruining the self-development of the individual (vanity, pride, selfishness...).
• Physical is probably the place to start.

This means that a woman’s self-development plan includes adjusting her diet, lifestyle, daily routine, sex life, doing physical exercise, getting rid of bad habits, setting personal boundaries, and frequent outdoor recreation.

Why this site?

This project is my humble attempt to somehow fill the gap in modern culture and public life. This gap, in my opinion, was formed as a result of the fact that there is no generally accepted system in the world that contains a set of instructions, lessons, theoretical, practical and moral foundations that would most broadly satisfy the needs of the individual in self-development and in achieving harmony . This pedestal has long been occupied by religion and morality. I have nothing against either one, but I believe that these two most important social institutions do not cope well with the role of such a universal behavioral system.

Because religion and morality are too dogmatic, categorical, they say “what should be done”, but not “why it should be done”, they lack flexibility, they lag behind the development of mankind and are not based on the best achievements of modern science and society. I constantly see that people suffer and do not know what to do, where to go, because society and culture do not offer them any well-founded and sober decisions: the market for spiritual goods is replete with all sorts of movements and teachings, but little of this is what can suit every person. Because of this, we have an opening abyss of social extremes: we see many unhappy people, people dependent on their passions and desires, who at the same time believe that this is “normal” and cannot be done differently.

All this happens because, despite all the enormous value of education and training, no one tells the growing individual something like: “to be happy and balanced developed, you need to do this and that, because...” Unfortunately, there is no such thing. - a system of “spiritual, moral and mental hygiene” that would instill in people from an early age all the necessary important personal skills, teach them how to deal with boredom, how not to give in to emotions, how to control their desires and at the same time be content with what you have.

Such a system would be capable of nipping in the bud many of the causes of human suffering and misunderstanding, while it would be based on applied human experience, on science, and not on ancient myths and ideas. She would justify every point of her code, and not limit herself to just the imperatives “don’t do this, don’t do that, otherwise you will be punished.”

I am, of course, not so arrogant as to take upon myself the mission of spreading such a system to the whole world. Perhaps I am not able to change all of humanity, but I want to do this, at least with a small part of it. Such a system, even if it existed, would hardly be suitable for every person, for the reason that some do not need it: someone is looking for the easiest solutions and relies on teachings that will immediately give answers to all questions and They will tell you what the meaning of life is. So my idea that with such a universal system in place there will immediately be world peace is perhaps just a form of dreamy idealism and not true.

Therefore, this site may not be for everyone. How do you know if it's right for you or not? Let's figure it out.

Intellectual development

Our brain is designed in such a way that it needs new food all the time - otherwise, at best, we freeze in place for many years, and at worst, we degrade. We constantly need to develop our intellectual abilities. And it is not at all necessary to force yourself to re-read a mountain of abstruse literature if our entire being resists it. Choose the most comfortable way for you to gain general knowledge - maybe it’s watching

10-minute videos before bed or a science show while cooking dinner.

In addition to well-known channels like Discovery, National Geographic or Animal Planet, there are a lot of fascinating sources. For example, the educational program “Galileo”, the resources “PostNauka”, “Nauchpok”, or the YouTube channels “A Little Bit About Science”, “TASS Science” or “SciOne”.

Improving social skills

Adaptation in society helps you gain life experience, hone your skills and teaches you to set boundaries for your comfort. Try to “play others”—imagine yourself in another person’s place and look at different situations through their eyes. Try not to evaluate his actions, but simply analyze and call everything by its proper name.

Now complicate the task: sit on a bench in the park and watch passers-by.

What can they do with their lives? What problems might surround them? What are they thinking about now? What are they doing and where are they going? What would you do in their place?

Exercises like these help you “see beyond your nose.” Believe me, this exciting activity will lead you to the best version of yourself. I suggest moving on to the next step:

improving oneself in the eyes of the interlocutor.

This will increase your self-esteem.

• Learn the basic elements of body language. I bring to your attention the following channel, which briefly and to the point talks about body language:

• Get rid of speech weeds - they really tire the interlocutor. Try discussing any issue with yourself in front of the mirror. Hunt for every "uh...", "umm", "uh", "look" and "kinda". Work on being able to pause a little before the weed leaves your mouth.
• Monitor yourself during a conversation: do you have a habit of looking at notifications on your phone? Eat? Get rid of it!

A short video about improving communication skills.

And one last thing. Find clubs that share your interests and visit them at least once a week.

Improve memory

To constantly learn something new, you need to remember the old well. Otherwise, what is the point of self-development if it passes you by? A good memory is necessary in study, at work and even in entertainment. Therefore, try to devote at least 10-15 minutes a day to memory development, and the result will not take long to arrive.

Train on Schulte tables. They are several tables with randomly placed numbers or letters. You should look at the Schulte table strictly in the center, trying to find numbers in increasing order or letters in alphabetical order with your peripheral vision. For greater effect, such exercises should be performed every day with breaks.

Travel

If you can’t afford new countries, start with cities in your own for now. Meet fellow travelers and residents of the cities you visit.

Ask yourself (you can also include others) honestly: what negative qualities do you have?

Try to react to the situation in a non-standard way next time. If you like to teach, one day you will agree with your interlocutor, even if you don’t think he’s right. Don't force it - just experiment. Look at yourself from the outside and experience a new role.

It will be fun, and you will learn a lot about yourself!

Don't take development seriously

Don’t write plans, don’t divide your day into stages, setting aside time for yoga in the morning and time for a seminar in the evening. Don’t try to squeeze the process of self-development into a tight framework with the expectation of an effective result. In our lives there are always only responsibilities, don’t turn such an exciting activity into a boring hobby.

Approach the process of self-improvement lightly. Play. Start a book, and if you get bored with it, quit and look for new options. Didn't like yoga? Try meditation. It didn’t work with affirmations, try general health improvement. There are plenty of options for self-development, so just get started and listen to your intuition.

Board books for the first time

What to read for self-development is a natural question that arises for a woman who finds herself at the foot of the bookish Himalayas. A huge number of books have been written, but not all will be of value to you. I'll start with a few that have received the highest ratings from the vast majority of readers.

• "Woman Code" How hormones affect your life. Author Alice Vitti knows firsthand how to awaken your femininity and get rid of many women's problems, including health. She wrote the book after recovering on her own and overcoming a bunch of obstacles.
• “What to Dream About” - Barbara Share has inspired many and helped them change their thinking. After reading the book, you will learn how to create luck, rather than wait for it.
• Brian Tracy is generally a great motivator. If you are still looking for something interesting to read for self-development, focus on “Achieving a Goal,” which explains in simple language what is preventing you from achieving personal growth and how to remove these obstacles.
• Vadim Zeland, “Reality Transurfing”. The techniques described in Zeeland's books have changed the lives of many who want to control their reality. These are simple, effective methods that are explained not so much on the esoteric as on the physical level.

How to master the basics?

Before describing the main tools for performing self-coaching, it is necessary to classify yourself into four types of groups of people who begin their journey along this path. Having managed to identify oneself in one of these groups, everyone will be able to adjust the self-development program for themselves personally, thus avoiding unnecessary actions on their part:

• Unconscious ignorance is practically zero knowledge about the subject of study itself. Simply put, you need to start everything from the very beginning, while capturing in teaching the leading characteristics of the subject with a methodology for achieving the required level of knowledge;
• Conscious ignorance - the individual has a minimal understanding of the subject being studied, and also has basic, although not properly developed, skills. The person himself knows his strengths and weaknesses;
• Unconscious skills – the level of performance is above average, but there is a lack of confidence in one’s abilities or the depth of knowledge itself;
• Conscious mastery is an excellent mastery of not only the theoretical basis, but also an excellent practical application of working methods.

The only thing that may be a problem is ignorance of some aspects about the work. Based on the experience of many people, the main thing that a person needs in order for him to perfectly master this technique is to “turn on” sobriety of thinking, and also not to look for confusing or even complex methods. Remember the old but still relevant saying - everything ingenious is simple. Self-coaching is precisely such a policy – ​​moving around with your brain, without help, and with it the influence of others.

So what does a person still need to achieve the perfection of such a technique?

Study coaching programs in detail, try to apply them in practice, with further analysis of errors - thus, you will have the opportunity to immediately understand the mistakes made in order to further eliminate them.

• Buy books, watch webinars - actively engage in self-education;
• Actively apply exercises based on coaching, which will become indispensable assistants in systematizing acquired knowledge for further analysis;
• Try to apply self-development programs during everyday episodes of your life. With frequent use, you will develop a habit that will soon serve you well;
• Develop a desire for self-development - learn to motivate yourself in various ways, not only at the very end of working on yourself, but also throughout the entire period of achieving the goal.

Let these joys not be too pretentious, but you cannot do without them at all. But at the same time, introduce a strict system of “fines” for yourself - if you don’t complete what you planned, then you need to be responsible for it. This carrot and stick method has always been effective.

Based on these rules, regularly adding something of your own to them, or creating a symbiosis of several methods at the same time, you create your own personal self-development training, which differs favorably from all others in that it is aimed purely at you. It takes into account your wishes, your characteristics - strengths or weaknesses, what needs to be emphasized or, conversely, hidden in the shadows.

Summing up the results

Like any type of training, and it doesn’t matter at all whether it is done independently or with the help of trainers, it requires enormous expenditure of strength, as well as a great desire to win. First of all, everything depends on the person himself - whether he can carry that fire, that burning flame of aspiration to the end, without letting it go out halfway. You need to understand that instant results without effort are achieved only in advertising on TV - only there everything is fun, simple, and at the same time fast and effective.

Real life is completely different - you need to constantly fight not only with the world around you, but also with yourself: your own laziness, fear, desire to give up everything or low self-esteem. Only by going through all the vicissitudes of fate on one’s own will a person be able to fully reveal his inner potential. Therefore, be adamant not only in your desire to change your life, but also in the pursuit of it.