Low self-esteem: causes and psychological help

Soviet childhood. Then it was the norm to take a newborn from his mother, take him to a cold room, where no one came to his first cries. Feeding strictly according to schedule. And at six months or a year the nursery was waiting for the baby with “open” arms, because the mother had to go to work.

No one stood on ceremony in the kindergartens - 30 children per teacher and nanny. The problem of discipline was solved simply: it was customary to shame children for pranks, put them in a corner in their underpants during quiet time, and say many, many different phrases about them.

In schools, teachers could ridicule mistakes. Deuces were written in large handwriting and red ink. “I am the last letter of the alphabet” or “oh, how we love ourselves.” A good opinion of oneself was equated with something shameful, and any attempt to take care of oneself, to love oneself was perceived as something unacceptable.

All this turned into deep trauma for the psyche for many, many years. Until now, many people have the mistaken belief that being selfish is bad and that justice will definitely prevail.

Self-esteem has become the “Achilles heel” of a person who survived a Soviet childhood. Meanwhile, it affects all areas of life - we choose friends, a spouse, a job, assessing whether we are “worthy or unworthy.”

Ways to combat low self-esteem

It is necessary to know how to get rid of such self-doubt, even if everything is fine with your self-esteem. Using the simple techniques that I will describe below, you can increase the self-confidence of your loved ones and family.

After all, for example, a husband with low self-esteem will constantly look for a reason why he cannot be loved. And under such conditions, family discord is guaranteed.

Psychological help for low self-esteem:

List of achievements. Every success, even the smallest one, should be written down in a special notebook. And in moments of special self-disbelief, re-read it. When the list of successes becomes large, a moment comes when a person realizes that he is not such a failure as he thought;
In another notebook, write down the things that bring you pleasure. And do at least one item from this list once a week. Consider this your reward;
Be sure to play sports. Intense physical activity helps release negativity. Moreover, during and after class you will no longer have the strength to look for flaws in yourself;
Find those in your circle with whom your level of motivation increases and you want to move mountains. And strive for success by being around them;
Practice meditation. Take a few minutes every day to just relax. This way you can reduce your stress level and life will become much easier.

Causes

Before you start doing anything, you should figure out why a person has low self-esteem. Without understanding the source of the problem, solving it is difficult and almost impossible.

Reasons include:

Childhood

If parents compare the baby with others, and the comparison is not for the better, then the grown child will also compare himself with others and at the same time look for why he is worse;

Defeats in the past

If you tried something, but it didn’t work out and it was repeated several times, then this is quite enough for you to be completely disappointed in your abilities;

Guilt

Getting stuck in a feeling like guilt can lead to the destruction of your entire life. In this case, the person not only does not believe in himself, but also does not give himself the opportunity to do something because he is to blame.

Therefore, if you feel guilty, you should definitely sincerely ask for forgiveness. Believe me, if you do this with all your heart, you are unlikely to be forgiven;

Procrastination or constantly putting things off until later

This is a fairly common occurrence in the modern world. There are so many distractions around (for example, online games, unlimited access to TV series from all over the world, etc.) that a person puts off important things for the sake of entertainment.

But there is one nuance: when you put everything away for a long time, sooner or later someone near you achieves something. As a result, you tend to the rear, which cannot but affect the assessment of your capabilities;

Striving for ideal

There is too much information field around us. And as a result, we strive for a fashionable figure, a fashionable job. If this is not something for which you have talent and ability, then it is difficult to achieve it. As a result, success and self-confidence decrease.

What is low self-esteem

As you already understand, low self-esteem is an incorrect assessment of your abilities. It seems to a person that he is worse than he is. And worse than the rest. In this case, even a minor remark from others can cause depression.

Moreover, if we rate ourselves so low, then any unfavorable event (be it minor criticism from a boss or the cancellation of a meeting with a friend) can greatly dampen our mood.

A person, instead of shrugging his shoulders and going about his business, will digest the situation over and over again, each time blaming himself for what happened even more.

A distinctive feature of people with low self-esteem is that they are more willing to listen to criticism than compliments.

It sounds crazy, but the reason is simple: criticism only confirms their opinion about themselves. But if you receive a compliment, it becomes unclear what is happening and what to do next with this compliment.

Signs of low self-esteem

Of course, we are all unique. However, the following general characteristics are observed in the behavior of people with low levels of self-esteem:

Indecisiveness . Most often it manifests itself in the form of an inability to make a choice. There is a fear of possible consequences if the choice turns out to be unsuccessful;
Avoiding praise . Moreover, the person will also give several arguments in favor of the fact that he does not deserve any encouragement;
High level of observation . Such people carefully monitor the reactions of people around them to their actions. Subconsciously, in this way they look for evidence that other people do not accept them;

The “symptoms” also include the fact that people who are unsure of themselves quickly give up and rarely defend their position.

You also need to remember that low self-esteem can cause depression.

Another option: both high and low self-esteem.

This phenomenon most often occurs among people who have achieved success in one area and are unsuccessful in others. Then all the potential is realized in one direction. But this only intensifies the disappointment that nothing is working out in other areas.

It is worth mentioning the peculiarities of the manifestation of low self-esteem in women, men and children.

In women, low self-esteem most often concerns the search and choice of a partner.

For men, difficulties are encountered in professional development.

As for children, difficulties may arise in the process of socialization. Children simply do not believe that someone can be friends with them just like that. Therefore, they begin to look for a catch in everything and unconsciously distance themselves from their peers.

In this case, the first thing the child’s parents need to do is find out why this is happening and if they can’t do anything about the cause on their own, then it is better to contact a child psychologist.

Older Girlfriend

“Every person is worth exactly what he values himself at.”

Francois Rabelais

I foresee skepticism on the face of a certain number of people who disagree with this statement, however, as my life experience and observation of other successful people confirms, nothing is more important than how you feel and what you think about yourself.

Self-confidence , understanding who you are and what you do, and of course self-love are some of the most important parts of building high self-esteem that people often overlook in today's society.

Let's see why the ability to create and maintain high self-esteem is so important?

Life will become simpler and easier . You won't make mountains out of mountains as often as you used to. You will not castigate and humiliate yourself over making simple mistakes or not meeting an ideal, simply inhuman standard.

You will have more internal stability . If you love yourself, your self-esteem will increase and you will stop greedily trying to get the approval and attention of other people. As you become less needy to be judged by others, your inner state will feel less and less like an emotional rollercoaster based on what people might think or say about you today or next week.

You will realize that you deserve better. Most people's worst enemy is themselves. By raising and maintaining your self-esteem, you will feel more worthy of the good things in life. Therefore, you will be more motivated to achieve them.

You will become more successful in any relationship. Having high self-esteem will give you all the above benefits. You will be more collected and able to easily and easily cope with any tasks even in difficult times. You will take less and give more. It will become easier and more pleasant to be around you, since you will not cause a scandal out of the blue. All this is equally true for any relationship, be it friendly, work or family.

You will be happier. I say this from my own experience, and this is why I write so much about self-esteem and the need to maintain it at a high level every day. She has made my life much happier.

I hope I was able to convey to you how important high self-esteem is.

And now a logical question: how to improve your self-esteem in practice?

I would like to share with you a set of 11 recommendations and habits that, if implemented, will improve your self-esteem.

Stop your inner critic

A good start to improving your self-esteem is to manage the voice of your own inner critic.

We all have an inner critic.

It can motivate you to achieve a goal or take action to improve your life. But at the same time, it can drag down your self-esteem.

This inner voice can whisper or it can shout destructive thoughts in your mind. For example:

You are lazy and irresponsible to get a good job.

You are generally not doing a very good job, and as soon as this becomes clear, you will be fired immediately.

You are worse or uglier than your friend/colleague/sister.

You shouldn't get hung up on such thoughts.

As the Buddha said, you cannot stop a bird from flying over you, but you can certainly stop it from building a nest on your head.

There are ways to minimize this critical voice and replace it with more helpful thoughts. You can become who you imagine yourself to be.

One way to do this is when such thoughts come into your head again, say to yourself, “Erased, erased, erased.” And think the same thing only in a positive way. Eg:

I can't do anything. - I can do it!

I'm ugly/old/stupid/useless! – I’m young, smart, beautiful, rich, happy! (age doesn't matter)

In the long run, this helps greatly because you find new and better ways to motivate yourself than listening to your inner critic. Let's move in this direction!

Use motivating goals

To disarm your inner criticizing voice and at the same time motivate yourself to increase your self-esteem, of course, you need to have YOUR OWN goals that ignite you.

Remind yourself of the benefits of achieving your goal. A simple but powerful way to motivate yourself is to write down what you will get when you achieve your goal.

For example, if you are in good physical shape, you will have more energy for your children and loved ones. Or if you earn more money, you will be able to travel more and experience new vivid emotions.

Write a list of your wishes and goals, save it and attach it somewhere where you will see it every day. For example, on your desktop or refrigerator.

Focus on what you REALLY want to do . When you really set your goals, the motivation to achieve them usually comes automatically. When you are “burning” with your idea or dream, then it is easier to cope with internal resistance not to do something.

So if you suddenly feel unmotivated, just ask yourself: “Am I doing what I really want to do?” If not, then refocus and start doing what is important and necessary for you.