A man is selfish in bed and not only – what to do and how to be?

Egoist, who is it?

The desire to improve one's life, self-development, attempts by any means to achieve one's goal, putting one's own interests above other people is a sign of a selfish person. Egoists concentrate on their feelings, personal needs and experiences. They want to have everything better that other people have. Egoists may feel a lack of something, and they do not realize what exactly. Often people with their inherent selfishness remain lonely. Men are not able to create normal relationships with women. In marriage, they often act as tyrants. At the same time, they experience great disappointment when they do not obey their whims.

Three types of egoists are considered:

reasonable, always puts himself first, but at the same time does not concentrate the attention of others on himself, is not capricious,
inveterate, considers himself the most important, prevents his loved ones from existing peacefully, is confident that everyone should instantly fulfill his desires and whims,
aggressive, does not lend itself to any criticism, any dispute directed in his direction causes a negative reaction. He absolutely does not listen to the opinions of other people. Often a tyrant in relationships.

How to deal with a selfish husband?

It is impossible to change a selfish husband radically. The situation becomes problematic if a woman lives with her husband for a long time. The usual way of life has already entered and taken root, so the woman will have to gradually introduce changes into their family so that the man does not resist.

Psychologists advise dealing with an egoistic husband in the following way:

Engage in self-development, shift attention a little from your husband to yourself.
Make family problems common, not your own. Involve your man in solving family problems so that he also takes responsibility for the consequences.
Try to make your desires the desires of your husband. Learn to talk to your husband in such a way that he also wants to achieve what you tell him.
Praise the egoist. Believe me, he will not only like it, but it will also make him become more open and trusting of you, so that you will praise him many more times. At the same time, praise only for the real actions that he has performed, and not for fictitious successes.
Create situations where the egoist will be forced to solve problems. In other words, don't solve problems so that they start to affect him and motivate him to deal with them.

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How to calculate it

Let's look at what the signs of an egoist man are.

Treats other people irresponsibly. You can't rely on him. Such a man ignores all requests. The exception is those that personally benefit him.
He is quite proud, unable to admit his own mistakes, even when he understands that he was wrong. Quite a narcissistic person.
Selfishness in relationships is characterized by emotional abuse. Such a man can verbally offend and morally humiliate his partner, while never apologizing.
Can't stand anyone's criticism. Heavily dependent on praise.
Never interested in other people's opinions. Always relies only on himself, refuses to make joint decisions.
Lacks the ability to openly express one's feelings. At the same time, he expects increased care and attention from his partner.
Often makes promises that he does not keep. He tries to create for himself the image of an all-powerful hero.
Behaves inappropriately if something does not happen the way he wants.
He is never interested in the state of health of his partner, her experiences and feelings.
We depend on financial well-being. Often thinks about his money.
Pretends to listen attentively to the interlocutor, but at the same time will not be able to tell what she was talking about.
He knows about all the shortcomings of his partner. She uses this knowledge to form complexes in her. Thus, he asserts himself at the expense of his beloved.

How to live with an egoist: advice from a psychologist

Your husband doesn’t ask how you are doing at work, doesn’t remember the date you met, doesn’t notice your new hairstyle... Yes, he only thinks about himself! He also throws things around and never washes the dishes after himself, as if you are a housekeeper who is obliged to clean up after him. Egoist!

Stop! Don't confuse the concepts. Sloppiness, forgetfulness, inattention to detail - all this does not mean boundless selfishness. Don't accuse a man of being selfish if he cares about you and shows compassion for people. If all his feelings and thoughts are directed only at himself, this is a different conversation.

An ordinary self-lover

The so-called healthy egoism is inherent in all of us. If you do not suffer from low self-esteem and victim syndrome, you will find signs of it in yourself. But as research shows, among the stronger sex, selfish people are more common. A man subject to moderate egoism may seem like a good-natured, merry fellow. But his distinctive feature is his emphasized narcissism. Whatever he does (bring groceries, hammer a nail), he expects admiration and recognition of his merits. Of course, you are offended by his attitude: he takes any troubles around his own person for granted and, it seems, does not feel gratitude to his wife. His poor health is always more serious than your illness, and any of his nonsense activities are more important than family matters.

Re-educating a life partner is difficult, but it is possible. And you should start... with yourself! Often, men's egoism is cultivated by women, shouldering all matters and concerns.

You need to learn the main rule: you cannot give up your own interests and principles! Your husband is an adult and independent person, and you can easily share household responsibilities and solve problems that arise together.

! Learn to talk about what doesn't suit you. But at the same time, avoid accusations and pretentious tone.

And don’t try to intimidate him by leaving: confident in his irresistibility, he believes that he will not be left alone. Get your way with praise! Approve of his actions more often, especially in the presence of friends and family. And the man will try to do as much as possible for you!

Rare specimen

You can find an approach to a weakly expressed egoist. If you fall in love with a man who doesn’t think about anyone but himself, then everything is more complicated. His egoism is pronounced: he does not tolerate criticism, gets irritated upon hearing any request, violently imposes his opinion on everyone and makes unreasonable claims. In marriage, the main thing for him is comfort, stability and the opportunity to solve his own problems at the expense of his partner.

What should you do? Either accept it, leave him, or fight for your love. If next to him he sees a confident, independent, admirable woman, he will not want to lose her!

About 42% of marriages break up due to the psychological unpreparedness of the spouses for life together. This is the inability or unwillingness to understand a loved one, to meet him halfway, sacrificing his own interests. Most unions could be saved if the partners began to listen to each other.

Text: Valeria Kopteva

Relationship with such a person

Many girls are mistaken when they believe that they can easily overcome male egoism, for example, with the help of a frank conversation. In fact, they will face great difficulties; they will need to make considerable efforts to somehow influence their partner.

Let's look at how to behave with an egoist with whom you are building a relationship.

Discuss your partner's behavior. Perhaps he has no idea what feelings he evokes in those around him.
Don't forget to praise him often. It is important for a man to feel indispensable.
Never allow yourself to be exploited. A man should treat you as an equal person. There is no need to take on too much, showing your independence and self-reliance. And even more so, don’t take men’s responsibilities on your shoulders. Thus, you only cultivate male egoism.
Try to ask him for some help more often. Let him feel that you need his support. Don't forget to thank for the help provided.
Don't be afraid to say out loud what you dream about, what you want to have. Let the man know that you also need something, let him strive to satisfy your needs.

Gingerbread without a stick 

The first thing that might come to mind is to file for divorce. How can you live with a person who only cares about himself, you think. And then what? Should I pull the children myself or look for a simpler selfish person? This is not the best option.

First you need to check if it is possible to change your egoist. Of course, you won’t be able to completely eradicate this feeling, but there is a chance that in some situations you will succeed.

Perhaps you are annoyed by minor everyday habits that your spouse most likely is not even aware of. In this case, you should talk to him about what does not suit you.

He listened carefully to your complaints, and, as often happens, even promised to improve. But after some time everything repeats itself again. Then you need to change tactics. In the face of those around him, the egoist needs to be on top, so he needs to be convinced that in our time the family should come first. That he should spend time with you as often as possible, a family photo should definitely have a place on his desk, buying gifts for children is much more important than fishing gear - such actions will cause the unconditional admiration of friends and acquaintances, and he will properly establish his position before his superiors. your status.

Selfish in bed: 7 simple ways to make him love you and not himself

No pretense or deception

Even if you are afraid of offending your gentleman or just want to please him, do not under any circumstances fake an orgasm if you have not actually felt anything similar. Otherwise, your partner will completely relax and decide that he doesn’t need to make any effort in sex, you’re already absolutely happy with everything. If you understand that you are far from a bright finale, and your boyfriend is already somewhere nearby and is ready to interrupt the process, just step away and try to switch his attention to yourself. Also explain to him (preferably before the start of the process) that you need a little more time, because the female body is much more complex and you cannot do without the preparatory stage in the form of foreplay, for example. During this time, you will have time to tune in, and the man, accordingly, will slow down a little and adapt to your rhythm.

Faster, higher, stronger…

In order not to suffer during the intimate process from the fact that your man cannot adapt to your needs, just try to take on the role of a navigator and clearly show him how and where you need to be caressed in order to bring you to the finale. Perhaps your chosen one would be happy to try, but he simply does not know where to press, stroke or kiss so that you receive vivid emotions. He acts on a whim, but in the end it turns out that in your eyes he looks like a kind of egoist, unable to satisfy a woman. Therefore, if you feel that events are not developing the way you would like, just gently guide your man. Believe me, he will appreciate it and next time he will try even harder.

Emotional intimacy

If there is no emotional connection between partners, then it is not surprising that they cannot find common ground (including in bed). Psychologists say that intimacy with a partner to whom you feel not only physical but also emotional attraction is much brighter than just sex without love and affection. Once you get close to a person, you want to do everything in your power to please them as much as possible. And your chosen one, believe me, wants the same thing. Therefore, if you feel that a man has begun to be lazy or perform acrobatic steps without much passion and desire, then try to leave love games for a while and switch to something else. Find an activity that will be interesting to both of you and that will help you get to know each other better (it doesn’t matter whether you’ve been in a relationship for a long time or just started dating, you still probably don’t know everything about each other). And sex can also get boring, so experts recommend thinking through joint leisure in such a way as to make your communication not only pleasant and comfortable, but also useful.

He is selfish, partly due to the fault of women themselves2

Often, the behavior and reaction of women to similar behavior of men contributes to the fact that nothing changes for years and decades. Why, if he’s already feeling good, but she’s putting up with it? When a lady is in love, she can turn a blind eye to indifference for a long time, adapt to her partner and imitate an orgasm. Why is this being done? Firstly, so as not to disappoint your bed hero and not hurt his ego.

Secondly, so as not to seem frigid to him, because again his conceit, as fragile as a crystal vase, will suffer. This leads to the third reason: if a man is not very good at sex, then he is unlikely to build further relationships with this woman - this is the main fear and complex for her. Why this happens and what to do is a separate topic, but the fact remains: a woman endures sex without getting any pleasure from it.

How long can this go on? Yes, as long as you like, maybe even all your life. The question arises: is it necessary to endure and become a toy to satisfy someone else’s sexual desires, but not your own? The answer here is clear - no, it’s not necessary. If a man is selfish in bed, then you shouldn’t remain silent. A man must understand a woman and satisfy her. It would not hurt to have an understanding of female erogenous zones and the characteristics of female orgasm.

Therefore, a man must be interested, using his heightened sense of self-esteem. How? Yes, very simple! Voice what you like and let him do it. And be sure to praise him for this; he will be pleased and will give him an incentive to try further.

Unfortunately, most men are not able to come up with a scenario or game in bed; they lack imagination. So, girls, let’s take the process into our own hands and act! We explain, dictate and demand. Yes, yes, we demand it! Having played on his egoism, we demand that you please and prove yourself to be a real macho. Isn't that what he himself needs?

He ruins women's lives and health3

According to psychologists and sexologists, 6-7 out of 10 women do not get an orgasm from sex with a partner. At the same time, they are not frigid, healthy and easily experience orgasm, for example, during self-satisfaction. Monstrous statistics, right? Although VTsIOM and Levada Center do not carry out such calculations, which is a pity. It is very useful to know how low the quality of life and health is for the majority of our women. To correct this, it is necessary to cultivate empathy and a caring, sensitive attitude towards women from childhood in men. Otherwise, why does she need a rude, insensitive egoist?

You can read more about what traits a narcissistic, egoistic man has, and how to get along with him, in our article at the link.

Love yourself

Before you decide to strengthen a man’s ego, think about whether maybe you are missing something that makes you feel deprived. In this case, you should follow the example of your husband - love yourself! Feel special. It is incredibly important for an egoistic man that his wife be excellent. This will give him the opportunity to raise self-esteem among others. Take care of yourself! Don't waste your last bit of money on going to the hairdresser. And kindly explain to your selfish other half that you tried just for him.