What to do if you fall in love with a married man

It happens that a strong feeling in a woman’s heart arises unexpectedly and is completely wrong for the object with which it is easy to build a full-fledged love relationship. Not a single lady is immune from an affair with a gentleman wearing a ring on his ring finger, indicating marriage. What to do if you fall in love with a married man: give up dreams of your lover, become a secret lover, take your husband away from the family - not an easy choice.

Why do married men cheat?

It would seem that marriages are created for a happy life, but much can be hidden behind external well-being. For example, a husband and wife are not compatible in bed: she rarely “want” it, she doesn’t like experiments, but he needs it often and give him variety. Sometimes the problem of low sexual activity lies in hormonal imbalances. In this case, there is no point in getting a divorce, because in other areas the couple reaches complete mutual understanding. Then the husband finds a mistress and relaxes with her for his own pleasure. Only one day she, too, gets tired of being in second place in this triangle.

It happens that a married man begins to cheat due to a midlife crisis. It seems to him that he is getting old, his life is boring, his youth is gone. Then a person wants to show off his brave prowess and prove at least to himself that he is still wow.

Sometimes a married man can suddenly become moved and fall deeply in love. A chance encounter, a surge of hormones and dizzying passion... Such romances do not always last, but sometimes they result in something more.

Positive points

Whether it is possible to love a married man, each woman decides for herself. In some cases, a relationship with a non-free person has its merits.

1. No obligation

You don’t have to constantly be at home and wait for your loved one, wash his shirts and socks, or cook dinner. Every meeting with your lover will be a real holiday with a complete absence of routine.

1. Relief from boredom

Love with a married man is an emotional volcano. This is a great opportunity to get rid of boredom and dull everyday life. Stealing glances at each other, spontaneous sex in the most unexpected places, the fear of being caught at the scene of a “crime” extremely excites the blood.

1. Material support

Usually, unfree gentlemen try to offset this “disadvantage” with expensive gifts or by taking on most of their mistress’s expenses. Some girls happily accept financial help from their lover.

If you love a married man, what psychologists will advise you to do. They recommend either fighting for your feelings, especially when the object of your adoration is unhappy in your marriage, or trying to forget about him forever as a passing hobby. If you cannot cope with the surging emotions on your own, the help of specialists will be extremely relevant.

Who should feel guilty?

From time immemorial, the woman of a married man has been condemned in society. Therefore, if a girl starts a relationship with a married man, then she subconsciously feels guilty. As if she is the one who destroys the family, profits from other people’s happiness and behaves immorally.

In fact, these are empty prejudices! If a woman is free and feels good with this man, then she has nothing to worry about. It's the man who should be worried. He's not a lamb being led around on a rope. He has freedom of choice. An affair on the side is his voluntary decision, his conscious choice. And he bears full responsibility for it.

Does the man feel guilty? This may well be the case. Then at some point he will decide for himself - wife or mistress?

There are three sides to a love triangle, but not all of them are responsible for what happens. A wife may be to some extent to blame for her husband's infidelity. Perhaps she became boring or stopped taking care of herself, was indifferent to her husband’s problems, which is why he began to look to the left. But! She didn't break her oath of allegiance, did she? In this sense, she cannot be responsible for the situation. But the situation itself can become very exciting for her and will certainly force her to make a choice.

The outcome of a love triangle is difficult to predict; a lot depends on the details of the specific situation. But in any case, if the man you love is married, you should initially, even before starting a relationship with a married man, answer yourself a few questions. Why did I decide to date a married man? What is my goal? Do I want to marry him? Is it possible to stay in a hopeless relationship for a long time? How do I feel about the prospect of meeting his wife in person?

In the answers to these questions, much may depend on the life circumstances in which the woman finds herself. Here are several possible scenarios.

You are not married and have no children: is there a chance?

A single and childless woman is of great interest to a married man. She has enough free time to freely, for example, go on a trip or a country trip. Such a lover diligently takes care of her appearance, maintains her beauty and shape. But she will have one goal: to take a married man away from the family. Can a union that grows out of betrayal become desirable and successful for the woman herself?

A successful outcome of relationships awaits cheaters with a significant age difference. A mature man becomes bored with his wife of the same age, who is already clearly showing age-related changes. Compared to his wife, the young and fresh young lady seems to be a more impressive and promising replacement. In this situation, a married man in love is interested in a serious relationship with his mistress and even in formalizing it. You just need to take into account that this is a rather specific type of man: he will most likely be an egoist and a manipulator. It's up to you to decide whether such a man-gift is worth your efforts?

Sometimes there is no age difference, but the husband still decides to divorce his wife. This happens if her replacement is bright and attractive, especially if the wife herself is a “gray mouse.” The spouse wants fire and passion, and this is what his mistress more than gives him. A married man falls in love with a woman similar to himself. Such an alliance can be strong and successful, as it is based on a commonality of temperaments.

Another reason why legal relationships fall apart is the absence of children in them. Here the young mistress looks much more promising, because it is unlikely that she also has problems with childbearing. This case is rare, if only because there are not many men who consciously want to have offspring.

However, if you are young, free and attractive, dating a married man will not always mean marrying him. In most cases, the man will keep his family, and his mistress will remain out of work.

Why can a man look to the side?

A man may seek a woman solely for intimacy

It may seem to you that you fell in love with an unfree man because he began to show signs of attention to you. Unfortunately, women are designed in such a way that they often feel in love only because they are interested in them.

A man can convince that he no longer lives with his wife, that his relationship is on the brink, all that remains is to sign the divorce papers. In fact, he starts an affair on the side for one of these reasons.

1. Tired of the problems of family life, he wants to unwind.
2. Dissatisfaction in sexual life and the desire to find an ideal partner on the side. He only needs you for sex.
3. Inability to resist an attractive woman. Believe me, you are not the first with such a person; most likely, he changes girls like gloves.
4. The desire to find a secret refuge where you can take a break from the constant scandals at home.
5. A way to diversify your usual intimate life, to try something new that you are afraid to tell your wife about.
6. Retaliatory revenge for the fact that the wife had an affair.

You are married: is change always necessary?

It is not always the single girl who becomes the chosen one of a married man. A married woman can also actively seek entertainment on the side. If a married woman falls in love with a married man, the relationship can be quite vibrant, since both parties take what they need without initially claiming anything more.

Sometimes a mistress wants to change her old husband and clings to her lover with a death grip. Then she first needs to make sure of her chosen one’s desire to build a new union. If he does not want to get a divorce, it is unlikely that the couple will face serious changes.

A mistress can take a risk and inform her wife about the fact of her existence. True, she will most likely do the same to her rival. Then both families will be forced to look for solutions that suit all participants at once.

Thus, if you are married and you like a married man, take into account the fact that you are worth each other and are in approximately the same conditions. And then it’s up to you to decide: take the next step or just enjoy life and not change anything? The main thing is to reach mutual agreement.

Options for the development of events

Usually everything starts out easy and cloudless: well, just think, I fell in love with a married man, and even if it’s a colleague. It seems that it only gets more interesting. New sensations. Coming to work is more pleasant. And if the colleague is also from your department, then you will see him as often as you want. At first. Then your colleague becomes so familiar that you yourself won’t be happy. Or vice versa - he won’t know how to get rid of you.

So. This is the beginning. Butterflies, lightness and love, just like in school. What then?

1. The man is married. Cross him out of your life and don’t fool yourself. The sooner you forget about him, the easier it is for you.
2. Yes, he is married. But I’m not married (and sometimes even married). We must try in every possible way to get it! Let him get a divorce.
3. It happened that way. And I don't want anything more. I will not do anything to destroy his family. I will remain a secret soul mate. I have enough of such meetings.

We’ll talk about the first method in the next article; with the last one, everything is clear. But what about the second? Of course, we will not take on such responsibility and say that we provide a strategically correct and 100% effective plan. But we’ll give you a plan of action.

1. Ask yourself an honest question. You love him? Or do you just want to show your spouse where crayfish spend the winter?
2. Weigh your chances. Approximately how long should we wait, is there a possibility that he will actually separate from his wife? Can you be with him if he has children?
3. Be the opposite of your wife. Usually married men complain to their mistresses about their wife. For example, that she doesn’t understand him at all, never listens, doesn’t appreciate him, doesn’t support him in anything. In this sense, you have many trump cards in your hands. And if you can give him what his wife does not give, then you will become a priority.
4. Always look attractive. Don't become a housewife, even if meetings are held at your home.
5. Let him be jealous. But here you need to kindle interest, show that he enjoys the attention of men and that he is not your last hope. But don't overdo it. It’s paradoxical, but true: even men who cheat don’t like it if they cheat on them.

And yes, you are still in constant search. Don't consider your married lover as your future spouse. Otherwise, you risk lingering in a feeling of hopeless love for years, or even decades.

The article was checked and approved by a psychologist. Gryzlova Olga Yuryevna, special psychologist, 15 years of experience. Learn more about the expert.

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Tags: fell in love with a married man, love, Mistress, Relationships with a married man

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You have children: is the game worth the candle?

If the mistress has a child or even several children, this greatly complicates the relationship. Moreover, both for the lady herself and for the married man. The mistress will need a nanny or a person who will look after the children during sweet dates. A married lover will have to come to terms with the fact that the woman will clearly have more than one interest. She, like any mother, will show sooner and later that children are very important to her. Men, and especially married men, rarely like this. Therefore, there is a high probability that a married man will not maintain such a relationship for long.

But if suddenly he didn’t disappear after a couple of meetings and even decided to meet your offspring, perhaps the relationship has good prospects. Watch how he behaves with your children. Talk to your children: do they like this man? In this situation, choose and decide only together with your child. The only exception may be infants.

Why do girls stare at married people?

A girl may agree to be a mistress for financial gain

Sometimes love comes when you don’t know that the chosen one already has a soul mate. Another case is when a woman is aware of the presence of a wife, but she is still attracted to other men. Why might this happen?

1. The desire to have a “home” man next to you. He is already accustomed to family life, he knows how to earn money for the family, maintain a home, and knows how to take care.
2. The desire to improve your financial situation. Often a woman becomes the mistress of a wealthy man.
3. Career advancement. A woman can become her boss's mistress in order for him to give her a promotion.
4. A girl can choose not just a married man, but also a man who is much older than her, if she is not interested in communicating with her peers. She sees them as dunces, whereas an adult man is already experienced, has a job and a settled life.
5. The bitchiness of female nature, which craves someone else's man. The desire to get him is like a challenge for a girl, the satisfaction of her ambitions.
6. Choosing a convenient man, for example, a neighbor who shows interest, if you do not want to make a long search for a life partner.

How to take a married man away from your family?

In many ways, the outcome of a relationship with a married man depends on the desires and actions of the mistress herself. If she is satisfied with the role of second fiddle, she will calmly continue dating her chosen one. Otherwise, you will have to take a radical approach.

You can put the issue bluntly and demand its immediate solution. A lover must leave either his wife or his ardent mistress. True, not everyone is capable of radical changes.

The most difficult thing is when a man depends on his legal wife financially, for example, they are connected by a joint business. In this case, hoping for a quick divorce is practically useless. Is it worth pursuing? Decide for yourself.

There is no point in trying to tie a lover to you as a child. If the baby is not planned, then the “holiday dad” will still not love him. In addition, disagreements may arise about with whom, how and where the child will live.

If a mistress wants to show her worth, she takes the man away from the family out of principle. Will this make her happy? Perhaps so. Only such a marriage risks lasting only a few months.

It is worth taking a man away from the family if you want to receive the privileges of a legal spouse - this concerns property and inheritance issues. This becomes especially important if the mistress does become pregnant and gives birth to a child.

There is another negative aspect of the future union - the constant fear of deception. If a man betrayed one woman, what would stop him from doing the same to another? Therefore, a new marriage can become unreliable and extremely fleeting. Such is the psychology of married men prone to cheating. It's unlikely that anything can be fixed here.

How to act

One of the possible options is an attempt to seduce the object of adoration

What to do in such a situation? There are actually three options.

When choosing which path to take, you need to be aware of what future awaits you.

1. Do everything to forget and never think about this man again. This method is the most painful for you. You will have to suffer and cry a lot. But you must understand that it is easier now to get over it and forget than to become the culprit of a broken family or sign up for the role of a woman who is used and who will never start her own family. It’s much easier to leave him alone and think that your betrothed simply hasn’t appeared on the horizon yet.
2. Seduce, become a lover. If you are ready to play the role of a secret person in the life of your loved one for more than one year, to put up with the fact that he will never spend all his time with you, that you will not be able to have children, then follow this path.
3. Do everything possible to separate your loved one from your wife and find yourself in her place. A woman must understand that if she breaks up someone else’s family, she will not be happy. You must realize that the man whom you have now taken away will be able to leave more than once, including from you.

What about the wife?

There are three sides to a love triangle, one of which is the legal spouse. She may guess about a vicious relationship or accidentally find out about it. Then she faces the problem of whether to forgive her husband for his betrayal or wish him happiness in another family.

First of all, the wife needs to sort out her feelings. In such a situation, you can get angry, feel sorry for yourself, and hate your spouse. If after this there is still love, talk to your husband and discuss everything frankly.

There is no need to save the marriage at any cost just because the spouses have children. They will still feel the falseness and begin to blame themselves for what is happening. With children, be completely honest and clearly explain to them that it is only their parents who are having problems.

You can try contacting a family psychologist with your husband. This option is suitable when a couple is trying to save their marriage, but are unable to restore trust. After all, the wife will now always suspect her husband of cheating.