What are complexes and how do they arise?
A complex is an obsessive state of mind, excessive concentration on some details that may seem insignificant to others; a collection of thoughts, feelings, emotions and experiences that have changed the psyche, adding new patterns, and influencing behavior.
Let's look inside, as each complex has deep roots. Most often they begin to grow in childhood in the following ways:
From parents
90% of complexes come from parents. Often in families with codependency, where a “slave and master” relationship is established between parents, children grow up with a victim complex or a torturer complex. They accumulate aggression and pain inside because they cannot change anything, which is why in adulthood they replay the same scenarios from childhood.
Parents create the basic foundation of values, attitudes to life, priorities and attitude towards oneself. If parents approach parenting unreasonably, then children are most likely to have several severe complexes that will interfere with feeling happy and needed in adulthood.
From society
Society also makes its contribution to the development of the psyche and character. Adolescents become especially dependent on public opinion at around 12-14 years of age, when they want to stand out and show off. If, during this vulnerable period, a teenager begins to be bullied by his peers, this will also add complexes to a person’s life, which can persist even into adulthood.
From loved ones
These include loved ones, friends and family members. A person is dependent on the opinions of those who are dear to him. For example, an unfortunate mockery of body image in everyday discussion can create a complex associated with the body in a person.
Take care of yourself
For many, the desire to control appearance intensifies during times of stress. To avoid this, take care of yourself. This will help shift the focus from imaginary shortcomings to a positive attitude towards yourself and your body. Try to drown out the flow of internal criticism. Make time for those activities and communicate with those people who give you support.
If your desire to control your appearance is negatively impacting your daily life, you may want to seek professional help. A psychotherapist will help you understand the roots of the problem and keep the obsessive habit under control.
Types of complexes
There are 2 main types of complexes:
- Physical . Associated with external parameters. Often people have a complex associated with their figure. Physical complexes are easier to overcome than mental ones. Often, physical complexes that arise in adolescence go away without additional effort by the age of 20.
- Mental . They arise due to unsuccessful emotional experiences, difficult situations for the psyche, and connections with mentally ill people. With rare exceptions, it is almost impossible to get rid of mental complexes on your own. Among the common mental complexes are the victim complex and the inferiority complex.
Protect yourself from social media influence
Comparing yourself to people on Instagram is another manifestation of the obsessive desire to control appearance. Remind yourself that influencers, and ordinary users alike, most often post edited photos. Add variety to your feed: follow people with different appearance types and different opinions.
Check out the “Instagram vs Reality” Reddit thread from time to time. You will see how much pictures from the Internet can differ from reality. From time to time, you can even delete social media apps to take a break from them.
Victim complex
The victim complex arises from a lack of love. Parents have taught their child that in order to be loved, he must be someone.
The victim complex creates a subconscious need to find unreceived love from the outside, through pleasing and manipulation. People around him do not like to communicate closely with such a person, since he is withdrawn, has low self-esteem and is completely uninteresting. He is not responsible for his life, blaming everyone except himself for his troubles. They will not fight for their dream, but will whine to everyone around them that everything in the world is against them.
Often an adult runs to help everyone when he was not even asked to do so. Having received a negative reaction, or not receiving widespread gratitude in return, a person can begin to portray deep resentment through scenes with hysterics, or by manipulating his health. Often such people can grab their hearts and begin to depict terrible pain from the fact that you did not appreciate them. Those around such people avoid them or keep them at a distance. The hardest thing is for loved ones who are forced to receive excessive care on an ongoing basis.
How to get rid of it?
By following simple rules, you can gradually get rid of the victim complex:
- Make an appointment with a psychotherapist. Unfortunately, many things are at the unconscious level. A person who does not have knowledge of himself and psychology will not be able to identify the subconscious causes of the complex. Therefore, the most effective and fastest way to get rid of the complex is to make an appointment with a qualified specialist.
- Stop whining. Whining is a trait of any victim. You must develop the opposite habit and stop whining about bad weather, a bad boss and injustice around you.
- Start taking responsibility. What happens in your life is your own choice. You should repeat this phrase as a mantra morning, noon and evening. Take responsibility for everything around you. If you want to start whining, stop yourself and think about how you can fix this situation. Start small - write yourself a to-do list for the day, thereby you will take responsibility for your day, and therefore for your life.
- Affirmations. These are phrases that remove negative attitudes from consciousness. Affirmations need to be repeated constantly and as soon as you track a negative thought, immediately repeat the opposite out loud. For example, you have the thought “I won’t be able to live the way I want because...”, you immediately replace it with “I am the creator of my life and only I decide how I will live. My choice is to live well!”
Signs
To know how to get rid of complexes about appearance, you need to understand what the symptoms of this disease are. Its most famous features are:
- irritability for no reason,
- fear of new acquaintances,
- manifestation of increased attention to one’s own personality, others usually sympathize or get angry,
- arrogance, which serves as a defense against gossip and ridicule,
- great attention to expensive things,
- addiction to alcohol, which helps to feel normal,
- the need for acquaintances and friends to always compliment,
- self-humiliation, or humiliation of other individuals,
- transferring responsibility for oneself to another.
Signs of an inferiority complex
Inferiority complex
An inferiority complex is characterized by a lack of self-confidence. Such a person sees the superiority of everyone around him. It seems to him that someone else’s appearance, thoughts and events are much more important and better than his own.
Often an inferiority complex arises in an inadequate family environment, as well as at school, when children’s performance is constantly subject to comparison. When some disciplines are beyond a child's control, he begins to feel inferior. If we add to this state the caustic remarks of teachers, the complex will blossom to colossal proportions.
How to get rid of it?
In this case, there are also a number of rules that will help cope with the complex:
- Make an appointment with a psychotherapist. It is very difficult here without him. He will determine the most accurate cause of the complex and help resolve it.
- Do what we are good at. To gain faith in yourself and your strengths, stop doing what you can’t do. Let's say you play the piano great, but you can't do math. If you constantly study mathematics, you will dig yourself a deeper hole, killing your self-esteem. If the issue is academic performance, then allow yourself to be average in what you can't do.
- Look for reasons to love yourself. Start reading interesting books and setting small goals for yourself. You must definitely find reasons to love yourself. Goals, even if not very grandiose ones, will help restore self-esteem.
Find and remove major triggers in your environment
These could be mirrors, scales, measuring tape, old clothes that no longer fit. You should get rid of all this first.
Then pay attention to your behavior during video calls. If you constantly look at yourself and not at the other person, turn the monitor so that you cannot see your face. Zoom, for example, allows you to hide Hiding or showing my video on my display your own image from yourself, while remaining visible to other participants in the conversation.
If you play sports, check to see if your workouts have become a trigger. Think about what motivates you: health benefits or the desire to control your appearance. If the latter, it is better to give up sports for a while until you change your attitude towards it.
Appearance complexes
Appearance complexes are often associated with self-esteem and the desire to compare oneself with other people. Such children were often pointed out about their shortcomings. They could hear from others that they were fat, protruding, ugly, and so on. This instilled a negative attitude towards my appearance. As a result, they see only their shortcomings, not paying attention to their advantages. This behavior forms a behavior pattern in the child to live with an eye on others. He compares himself all his life, constantly finding flaws in himself.
The beauty industry (magazines, television, advertising, etc.) constantly promotes a certain ideal of appearance. And if a person does not correspond to this ideal, then he develops complexes. But you need to understand that beauty is a profitable business. And the more people are dissatisfied with their appearance, the more money they will spend on their transformation.
How to fight?
It’s much easier to deal with appearance complexes:
- Find harmony in body, mind and spirit. Spiritual practices such as yoga and meditation will help. You need to learn to perceive yourself completely: with your thoughts, emotions, knowledge and appearance. Meditate, do yoga, spend more time alone with yourself and interesting activities.
- Stop comparing yourself. If someone close to you constantly compares you, then you need to minimize communication with such a person, or explain your problem to him and ask him to stop doing it. You should do the same with yourself: stop comparing yourself to others, because every person is unique. Constantly repeat to yourself the phrase that every person is unique and everyone has their own destiny, when you want to think that your legs are not as straight as those of that girl over there, or your eyes are not as blue as those of the person opposite.
- Change what we don't like about us. Let's say you don't like your nose because it doesn't look like Megan Fox's. Start looking at yourself more in the mirror, look at your face type, structure, etc. When you begin to accept yourself outwardly, to know yourself, many complexes associated with appearance will go away forever. Otherwise, change what you don't like through surgery or procedures. The main thing here is not to improve the good or chase a star or ideal, but to correct what really prevents you from feeling attractive.
Identify what fuels this habit
Fixation on your appearance is not always caused by a desire to look a certain way. Often this is an attempt to psychologically adapt to anxiety, self-doubt or a feeling of helplessness. That's why it's so important to understand what makes you often look in the mirror or compare yourself to others.
Maybe you feel uncomfortable in your relationship with someone, haven't healed from an old trauma, or suffer from anxiety. Try to find the answer to this question. It will become the starting point for healing.
