What attracts or repels people in interpersonal communication?
Communication is the most important component of our life. If you want to attract interesting people to you, then you must become such a person yourself. First of all, you need to figure out what attracts or repels people in interpersonal relationships. Perhaps it’s worth starting with the positive qualities that others like:
- neat appearance;
- tact;
- competent and clear speech;
- breadth of worldview;
- respect for other people's points of view;
- openness;
- listening skills;
- sense of humor;
- interest.
Remember that you not only need to acquire attractive qualities, but also get rid of negative ones. The latter include the following:
- sloppy appearance;
- selfishness;
- narcissism;
- rudeness;
- excessive mannerism;
- talkativeness;
- disregard for someone else's point of view;
- isolation.
Fifth secret: be pragmatic
If you want to attract someone who is interested in literature, for example, but you yourself go to nightclubs all the time, then you may meet him there, but it is still very unlikely. Agree, this is not the best strategy. If you want to meet someone who loves cinema, but you yourself don’t go to places that have anything to do with cinema, then it will be difficult for you too.
There are places where you increase your chances. I'm not saying that you will only meet your person there. But if I spend time among people, do something that inspires me, am in a state of happiness and with an open heart, and in those places where the chances of meeting the person I need are especially high, then the statistics are turned on. The chances of a meeting increase dramatically.
I myself met my soulmate at a training about the capabilities of the human brain. I’ve been interested in this for a long time, and I met the same person. You will definitely meet someone who is passionate about the same thing that interests you. If you go to places that inspire you, there will definitely be people there who are interested in at least a small part of what inspires you.
Do you love to travel? Travel! On a plane, at a local market, at a travel agency, you are sure to meet someone!
If you're sitting at home on the couch, complaining about life and doing things that don't inspire you, feeling unhappy and disappointed, and wondering why you haven't met the “worthy one” yet, take a closer look at yourself.
A little about external attractiveness
The first thing that attracts people in interpersonal relationships is, of course, appearance. Follow some simple rules to create pleasant emotions in others:
- Follow the rules of personal hygiene. There should be no unpleasant odors coming from you, your skin and hair should be clean. Take care of the condition of your hands and nails.
- If you are a girl, when going to a meeting, wear light makeup to hide skin problems and highlight your facial features. If you are a man, be sure to shave your stubble or trim the contours of your beard.
- Find your own clothing style that will highlight your unique personality. These should be original, but not vulgar things.
- Your clothing should be appropriate for the occasion. If you are going to a formal event, a business suit is required, but for an informal meeting it is quite possible to wear jeans.
- Watch your posture. A straight back and back shoulders are characteristics of a confident person.
Symptoms
Only a professional doctor can make a diagnosis of social phobia based on accurate data and personal clinical experience. However, there are symptoms of social phobia that anyone else can notice, which can lead to suspicion of this mental disorder.
For example, the most striking and most common manifestation of fear of the public is the problem of fear of being constrained when meeting new people in a brothel. If the acquaintance takes place on the territory of the individual, for example, in his apartment, this symptom may not be expressed to such a significant extent. Typically, fear manifests itself as small tremors in the body, increased sweating, redness of the face and chest area. In general, all this can resemble a classic panic attack.
The difference is that a panic attack occurs suddenly and is more short-lived. The fear of a social phobia is long-lasting, sometimes has a wave-like character, and is completely unfounded. It also happens that the very presence of social phobia in an individual, that is, awareness of the problem and the likelihood of developing panic, causes fear and apprehension in the individual. Such people often avoid all problems and their solutions related to society. They refuse to communicate, are afraid to seek medical help, and avoid going to restaurants, cafes, and clubs.
Constant exposure to the subconscious fear that he will be incorrectly, negatively evaluated, ridiculed, misunderstood, forces the social phobia to form somewhat differently within the framework of character traits. Such people are very shy, often embarrassed, and unsure of themselves. As a rule, they are accompanied by too low self-esteem. At the same time, they are in every possible way wary of situations that will put them in an awkward position and may lead to panic. For example, a socially phobic child will refuse to attend school or large children’s parties.
Conventionally, experts divide the signs of social phobia into several subgroups. Among them are behavioral, cognitive, and physiological disorders.
Behavioral disorders have been discussed previously. These are changes in the behavior patterns of a social phobe, the main feature of which is avoidance of contact with large groups of people and society. This includes avoiding large companies, visiting public places, or even avoiding hospitals and public transport.
Cognitively, social phobia manifests itself, by and large, in an individual’s inadequate view of himself. They are characterized by low self-esteem, the opinion that others see only bad and negative things in them.
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Eye contact
To attract the people you like so that you can continue communicating with them, it is important to make eye contact. This way you will demonstrate to your interlocutor that you are interested in him. If you are embarrassed to make eye contact and cannot maintain contact for a long time, use these techniques:
- when the interlocutor starts speaking, start counting the number of blinks he makes;
- imagine that your gaze is glued to the pupils of your interlocutor, and if you look away, you will experience severe pain;
- if you feel that a person is embarrassed by your gaze, periodically break eye contact, turning your gaze to some objects (but this should be done reluctantly).
I am in the spotlight: how to stop being afraid?
One of the noticeable complexes with social phobia is the fear of being the center of attention . Fear that people will look at you while you are doing something: talking, writing, eating, or just riding the bus.
This fear immediately provokes an avalanche of thoughts about one’s own incompetence, abnormality, insufficient skills, or the emergence of typical problems: “I’m going to blush terribly,” “Now my face is twitching,” “I won’t be able to stand normally,” “I don’t know if I need to.” to say hello or not,” “What if I start to stutter?” and so on. As a result, the person becomes completely lost and may actually begin to behave a little strangely.
This time I would like to tell you what you need to pay attention to during psychotherapy in such cases, and how you can get rid of this fear.
Causes of fear
Focus on yourself
Agree, it’s a strange thing: all people are constantly, every day, surrounded by other people: in transport, at work, at school, in a store, at home, etc. And only some of them perceive it as if they were constantly on stage, in the light of spotlights. Moreover, this situation is getting worse over time.
If at first a person was worried about only one thing, for example, the threat of blushing in public, then more and more fears are added to this. Why is this happening?
The thing is that social phobia is a vicious circle that grows like an avalanche . Roughly speaking, you should pay attention once to the fact that you are blushing and fixate on it, the next time the same situation arises - and it will not be slow to happen! - you will definitely blush and become even more fixed. And in addition, you will notice that your hands are shaking. And next time... and so on.
