Good manners is a personality quality, one of the many characteristics of a person.
Society sees it as obligatory; it is not for nothing that parents, teachers and other older comrades try to raise it in childhood. It is difficult to argue: it is beneficial for society to deal with educated people who sacredly respect its laws.
Good manners implies politeness, tact, respect, adherence to the rules of etiquette and generally accepted norms of behavior, but that’s not all..
Well-mannered behavior reveals a person’s internal culture, his good habits and the best character traits.
Where does education begin?
What do parents, and in their absence, the entire kindergarten staff do, day and night? That's right, they educate. They sow good and eternal things, instill good manners - with carrots, sticks, their own example and long conversations.
In many ways, good manners is a habit developed over the years, a stable skill of competent behavior in society.
From childhood, the child’s most glorious traits are nurtured, his virtues are nourished, and his shortcomings are eradicated.
In parallel with this, work is underway to teach the baby proper behavior in society.
But you shouldn’t think that a well-mannered person is a real example of high-quality parental training. Not at all!
It is impossible to simply “instill good manners” in a child and tell him what norms of behavior in society are now in fashion.
Many mothers and fathers believe that it is enough to teach the little one etiquette and instill in the brain respect for others (usually elders), and the job is done - the upbringing was successful!
Perhaps such a child will say “magic words”, use a fork correctly and remove his elbows from the table, but will he be truly well-mannered - inside, under the superficial politeness and tact?
The goals of education - is it necessary for society or the individual?
Now we understand what education is, but why do we need to educate children ? What is the point of this event? At the moment, there are two concepts of the purpose of education.
The pragmatic concept (by the way, the USA adheres to it) assumes that the purpose of education is survival .
That is, society must educate socially effective, responsible and law-abiding citizens so that they can successfully get along with each other and think together about how to live further. Maybe that's why Americans are so calm, smiling and friendly?
The second concept is humanistic , which “sees” as its goal the organization of such conditions that will help the individual develop talents and express his “I”.
Some pundits quite seriously said that education itself in the form that currently exists is meaningless and needs to be abolished in order to give a person the opportunity to develop naturally, without interfering with his true nature.
The first concept prioritizes the interests of society (in the USA, these are the interests of capitalists who receive an obedient herd), the second - the individual. Which one is more effective and correct is unknown. At least this question is still raised in the scientific community.
Good manners criteria: such a different trait
There is a widespread understanding of civility in society, which includes courtesy, restraint, self-control and politeness.
Well-mannered people are far from hysterics and squabbles, do not spread rumors and avoid vulgarity. A well-behaved young man, a true gentleman, a modest and decent lady, a child who respectfully addresses his elders... Everything that was valued three hundred years ago is still in demand today.
This lies on the surface, however, true upbringing is a much deeper concept: only a balance between a person’s beliefs, thoughts, knowledge and his actions gives rise to a harmonious personality .
When words and gestures are one thing, but something else is in the heart, a person literally falls apart into its component parts.
In philosophical reflections, an educated person is seen as a standard of education and moral perfection. This is an intelligent, impeccably behaved individual who seriously cares about ethics and morality.
Usually good manners are characteristic of decent, highly moral, tolerant and altruistic individuals. It is difficult to meet an egoist and a scoundrel with this vital trait. But this is not an immutable rule: the world has seen thousands of well-mannered thieves, deceivers and lazy people!
The definition and essence of what education is
Education is usually called the influence aimed at an individual with the goal of raising him to be a worthy member of society.
Impact implies the introduction of positive habits in the form of psychological new formations.
Education is the transfer of existing knowledge from elders to younger ones.
This concept can be considered from two sides: the influence of society (what is it?) on the formation of an individual’s views and the targeted influence of teachers.
Parenting is an endless process of socialization
If we talk about this concept in the social aspect , then we will find that a person is raised by someone almost all his life: parents raise children, a boss raises a subordinate, a sister raises a brother, a wife raises a husband, friends raise each other, and so on.
Sometimes an adult learns useful lessons for himself even by looking at small children. All this is called socialization, which we have already discussed in detail (see link). We try on social roles, receive various statuses and determine social and moral norms for ourselves.
Simply put, we are raised by the society in which we live.
This includes:
- mass media;
- parents;
- significant other adults;
- Friends;
- neighbours;
- teachers and classmates;
- works of art;
- additional development institutions.
As a result of such education, the individual’s personal and spiritual growth occurs, behavior and worldview (what is this?), moral, cultural and moral values are formed.
Therefore, we can conclude that the degree of efficiency of an adult’s life depends on the quality of upbringing.
A difficult, uncontrollable or downtrodden child is always the result of an unfavorable climate in the family and an incorrect approach to it on the part of, first of all, the parents. However, such problems can be corrected psychologically, provided the psychological environment changes for the better.
Education is also the task of pedagogy
From the point of view of pedagogy (upbringing as a process is the subject of its study), the influence on the individual is carried out by the educational staff of the educational institution with the aim of developing his special skills and abilities.
Each educational institution sets itself the task of cultivating certain qualities in a person (if you are studying to become a programmer, you will be taught everything that a programmer, and not a mechanic, accountant or psychologist, should know and do).
The educational process is aimed at development and relies on it, since it depends on its level. The methodology (what is this?) and goal-setting of the impact must correspond to the stage of development at which a person is in a given period of time, as well as to the next stages of his growth.
For example, teaching a one-year-old baby to read is pointless, since at this time he is just learning to walk. But at 5-6 years old, such an event will be adequate and useful. There are, of course, unique people who begin to read at the age of 3, but this is the exception, not the rule.
Qualities of a well-mannered person
More than 100 years ago, Anton Chekhov wrote a letter to his brother, a talented artist, but weak-willed and suffering from heavy drinking. Anton Pavlovich Chekhov, knowing his brother’s weaknesses, always worried about him and was upset because of Nikolai’s disregard for his gift. He wrote: “A strong Russian talent is dying, dying for nothing.” And, of course, he tried to reason with him, to explain that he was making a mistake by living such a life. In one of his letters to his brother, in a rather harsh form, he once again pointed out to him his terrible lifestyle and disregard for himself.
He wrote an emotional, frank letter that we should definitely read. We, of course, may not be alcoholics vegetating in bedbug infestations, but in general many of us, like Nikolai Pavlovich, are mired in self-pity, belittle talents and stand in the pose of “nobody understands me.” At the same time, making it worse for yourself and loved ones who care.
Be sure to read this letter. The great classic of our literature can teach you more.
Letter to a brother, 1886.
You often complained to me that you were “not understood!” Even Goethe and Newton did not complain about this... Only Christ complained, but he spoke not about his “I”, but about his teaching... They understand you perfectly... If you don’t understand yourself, then it’s not the fault of others...
I assure you that, as a brother and a person close to you, I understand you and sympathize with you with all my heart... I know all your good qualities like the back of my hand, I value them and treat them with the deepest respect. If you want, I can even list these qualities to prove that I understand you. In my opinion, you are kind to the point of rags, generous, not selfish, sharing your last penny, sincere; you are alien to envy and hatred, you are simple-minded, you feel sorry for people and animals, you are not malicious, unforgiving, trusting... You are gifted from above with something that others do not have: you have talent. This talent puts you above millions of people, because on earth there is only one artist out of 2,000,000...
Clarity of thinking. How to restore mental clarity?
Talent puts you in an isolated position: if you were a toad or a tarantula, then even then you would be respected, because talent forgives everything. You have only one drawback. It contains your false soil, your grief, and your catarrh of the intestines. This is your extreme bad manners. Excuse me, please, but veritas magis amicitiae... The fact is that life has its own conditions... In order to feel at ease in an intelligent environment, so as not to be a stranger among it and not be burdened by it yourself, you need to be brought up in a certain way... Talent has carried you in this environment, you belong to it, but... you are pulled away from it, and you have to balance between the cultural public and the vis-a-vis residents. The flesh of the bourgeoisie, grown on rods, near the Rhine cellar, on handouts, takes its toll. It is difficult to defeat her, terribly difficult.
Anton Pavlovich Chekhov and his brother Nikolai
Well-mannered people, in my opinion, must satisfy the following conditions:
1) They respect the human personality, and therefore are always condescending, soft, polite, compliant... They do not rebel because of a hammer or a missing rubber band; when they live with someone, they don’t make a favor out of it, and when they leave, they don’t say: I can’t live with you! They forgive noise, cold, overcooked meat, witticisms, and the presence of strangers in their home...
2) They are compassionate not only towards beggars and cats. They are sick in their souls and from what cannot be seen with the naked eye...
3) They respect other people's property, and therefore pay debts.
4) They are sincere and fear lies like fire. They don't lie even about trifles. A lie is offensive to the listener and vulgarizes the speaker in his eyes. They don’t show off, they behave on the street the same way as at home, they don’t throw dust in the eyes of the smaller brethren... They are not talkative and don’t barge in with frankness when they are not asked... Out of respect for other people’s ears, they are often silent.
What to do in difficult times? How to adapt?
5) They do not destroy themselves in order to arouse sympathy and help in others. They do not play on the strings of other people's souls, so that in response they sigh and coddle them. They don’t say: they don’t understand me!..
6) They are not vain. They are not interested in such false diamonds as meeting celebrities, the delight of someone they meet at the Salon, fame from porters...
7) If they have talent, they respect it. They sacrifice peace, women, wine, vanity for him...
They cultivate aesthetics in themselves. They cannot sleep in their clothes, see cracks with bugs on the wall, breathe crappy air, walk on a spit-stained floor, or eat from a kerosene stove. They try to tame and ennoble the sexual instinct as much as possible... […] Those brought up in this regard are not so good at cooking. What they need from a woman is not a bed, not horse sweat, […] not intelligence, expressed in the ability to deceive with a fake pregnancy and lie tirelessly... They, especially artists, need freshness, grace, humanity […]... They do not casually crack vodka, they sniff the cabinets, because they know that they are not pigs. They drink only when they are free, on occasion... Because they need mens sana in corpore sano.
Etc. This is how people are brought up... In order to be brought up and not stand below the level of the environment in which you find yourself, it is not enough to read only Pickwick and memorize a monologue from Faust. It’s not enough to take a cab and go to Yakimanka in order to escape from there in a week...
Here you need continuous day and night work, eternal reading, studying, will... Every hour is precious here... Trips to Yakimanka and back will not help. We must boldly spit and jerk sharply... Come to us, break the decanter of vodka and lie down to read... at least Turgenev, whom you haven’t read...”
How to speak and have a conversation correctly?
