What is influence and manipulation: what is common and what is different?

Mind manipulation

There is only one way in the world to get someone to do something... And that is to make the other person want to do it. Remember - there is no other way.

Dale Carnegie

When it comes to psychology, when discussing it, a topic such as manipulation of consciousness is often raised, in which many people show quite a great interest.
And they do this because manipulation of consciousness is an integral part of our lives. We all manipulate each other, but mostly unconsciously, so we are not always able to succeed in this matter. However, many of us love to use manipulation as a tool to influence other people. This, of course, is somewhat unethical, but it is effective and convenient. After all, manipulating people is better than using violence against them to achieve your goals. And being manipulated is also more pleasant than being subjected to someone else’s violence. So manipulation from this point of view is the lesser of evils. In this article, we will look at several manipulation techniques that people commonly use to covertly influence each other. To begin with, I will briefly tell you what manipulation is. Manipulation is a hidden psychological technique that allows a person to get the actions he needs from people, contrary to their desires and interests. That is, this is the ability to secretly encourage people to take the necessary actions. This is a very effective way of interacting with other people if it is not possible to negotiate with them openly and honestly. In general, if you are a good manipulator, then limitless possibilities open up before you. You can achieve a lot if you learn to motivate people to take the actions you want with the help of hidden psychological techniques. Consciousness can be manipulated in different ways. We will look at several of the most common manipulation techniques that many people most often resort to. These techniques can be used in different situations: in interpersonal relationships, at work, in sales, in negotiations, for raising children, for protection from violence.

1. Feelings of guilt, resentment . This is one of the most common and effective manipulation techniques. Its essence is quite simple - you need to present yourself as an unfortunate victim and, if possible, convince another person [or people], usually close ones, that it is he who is to blame for this, that it is because of him that the victim suffers, so that he wants to correct himself and atone your guilt. If this person believes that he is really guilty, then most likely this will cause him a feeling of discomfort and he will begin to condemn himself and even punish himself. This is what the manipulator seeks - to weaken the victim’s defensive reactions. When a person is depressed, when he considers himself to blame for the suffering of other people, he can be persuaded to do something that will supposedly allow him to make amends for his guilt, that is, he can be encouraged to take the necessary actions. If you are guilty, be kind, help the victim, do something for him, atone for your guilt.

There can be quite a lot of varieties of such manipulation. The essence is always the same - the victim makes other people to blame for his suffering, either directly blaming them for something, or indirectly demonstrating his suffering to others. For example, the same beggars on the street indirectly affect the feeling of guilt of other people who are supposedly obliged to help them - the poor and unfortunate. How to protect yourself from this manipulation? Yes, very simple. You need to understand just one simple thing - everyone is responsible for themselves in this life. It doesn’t matter who is trying to influence your feelings of guilt - loved ones or strangers - you don’t owe anyone anything. More precisely, you decide for yourself for whose sake and what you are ready for. If you love your family, you will take care of it as you see fit, and not as you are called to do it. If you want to help strangers, you will do it regardless of their wishes. You are not guilty of anything to anyone and do not owe anything to anyone - remember this. This attitude will protect you from being manipulated by your feelings of guilt.

2. Flattery . Flattering a person in order to please him, gain his trust and then use this trust to encourage the person to take the necessary actions is also a fairly common method of manipulation. And where is it not used? And all because many people are susceptible to flattery, although they themselves, as a rule, deny it. But deny it, don’t deny it, and flatterers often achieve success in this life. After all, people like it when they are flattered, because flattery relaxes, it plays along with our ego, thanks to it a person perceives himself as he wants to be in the eyes of other people. We all need recognition and therefore, when we are praised, we become softer. Well, in this softened state, a person is more susceptible to suggestion and is able to do much of what the flatterer asks him to do in a timely manner. Therefore, many people let flatterers get closer to them, and not those who tell them the truth in their eyes. Few people need the truth in this world.

On the Internet and in books you can often find advice that one should flatter very carefully - noting only the real achievements of the person - the victim. But this is not entirely true. By noting a person’s real achievements, we are not so much flattering him as we are giving him a compliment, and these are different things. Flattery is precisely aimed at making a person more than he really is, in his own eyes. So sometimes flattery has to be rough and bold, depending on who you're flattering. If a person is not very smart, you can flatter him a lot, a lot and not cover it up, and he will succumb to this flattery. Critical barriers have different strengths for different people. There are also people who have very weak barriers and therefore believe everything good that other people tell them about them. Therefore, you need to not just praise a person - you need to blind him with sweet lies so that his ego grows and he is blinded by his self-confidence. Then it will be possible at the right moment to induce this person to take the necessary actions, both directly - by asking him for something, and indirectly - by hinting to him about something. And caution should be exercised only when the victim is in a bad mood, when she is puzzled by some problems and therefore treats all incoming information more critically. And on a positive wave, you can flatter people a lot, or rather strongly - by exaggerating their merits and achievements. But you don’t need to do this too often, because when there is too much of a good thing, it depreciates in value. It’s also very useful to play on people’s expectations – by flattering them. If, for example, a person is a victim and wants to be very smart or brave in the eyes of other people, then it is precisely this dignity that needs to be emphasized in him, even if in reality he is not like that.

As for protecting yourself from this manipulation technique, here again one simple but very useful life thought will help you. You must understand: a person is designed in such a way that he himself is more important to him, and not other people. Therefore, if someone praises you, gives you a lot of compliments, admires your successes, achievements, and skills, this is a reason to be wary. It is unnatural for people to talk too much and well about others, so if they do this, then you need to be careful with them. This does not mean that you should be afraid of other people's praise or even flattery - you just need to control yourself and take only those actions that will be useful for you. There is no need to make yourself an impregnable fortress and avoid flatterers in every possible way, much less expose them. Taking this to an extreme will leave you vulnerable to other manipulation techniques. Let people flatter you, and you flatter them - play this game with them, it will make you more flexible and cunning. But do what you need to do. That's all you need to do to avoid becoming a victim of other people's flattery.

3. Anger . This manipulation technique is aimed at frightening the victim with anger and forcing him to make concessions. Angry people attack, criticize, blame and humiliate their victims, making them feel at least uncomfortable. And people, in order to regain this comfort, often prefer to give in. But most often, the manipulator does not openly attack the victim, does not bring down his anger on her, but only indicates a threat, demonstrating the possibilities of his aggression. Because even such a demonstration can motivate people to make concessions. The trick is to make people understand that it is better not to anger the manipulator, otherwise it will be worse. The manipulator uses tactical anger in this case and completely controls his state. And this is very important for him, because the manipulator should not lose his composure, otherwise he will not be able to achieve his goal, but will only create a major conflict. In various combinations, people also call this manipulation technique the ability to take a person – a victim – to show off. The manipulator bluffs, indirectly hinting to the victim that he is capable of harming her, when in reality there may be nothing behind his anger except emotions.

To protect yourself from this technique, it is enough to remain completely calm and under no circumstances make concessions to the manipulator. Once he succeeds with this technique only once, he will begin to use it constantly and go even further in his quest to extract as much benefit as possible from his victim. If you are not a decisive enough person and cannot openly resist someone else’s anger, especially in cases where it is openly directed against you - start wagging - create the appearance that you are ready to give in, but do not give in - look for an opportunity to stall for time to come to your senses and figure it out with how you should respond to attacks against you. The main thing is not to do what the manipulator wants, under any pretext. You can leave, run away from an angry person, just so as not to do what he wants. Because the point of countering this manipulation is to prevent a person from achieving his goal in this way. Then he will be forced to change his approach, and with it his attitude towards you.

4. Silence . Some people like to manipulate others through silence. This, it should be noted, is a rather powerful technique, since silence can be very significant and therefore you never know what is on the mind of the silent one. And in such situations, when a person you know well suddenly stops communicating with you, a feeling arises that not everything is in order and internal discomfort arises. The manipulator, through silence, shows the victim that he is upset by his/her behavior, offended or even angry and therefore does not want to communicate with him/her. Manipulators often use this technique in their family, at work, and when communicating with friends. These are the people he works best with. After all, for silence to produce results, people must see the connection between this silence and their actions. And for this, the manipulator, before he becomes silent, must communicate with these people, in order to then demonstratively deprive them of communication with him. Therefore, he must know well those to whom he is going to apply this manipulation technique, because strangers do not care whether he is silent or not.

As for protecting yourself from this technique, you just need to continue to behave naturally, the way you usually behave, as if nothing had happened, and you do not perceive the manipulator’s silence as something unacceptable to you. Do not react to the manipulator’s silence, ignore him and he will understand that this technique will not work with you. Of course, if we are talking about a person very close and dear to you, then you can give in to him a little - talk to him, ask what happened to him, why he doesn’t communicate with you, and so on. Still, some people deserve to respond to their manipulations, otherwise they may become deeply resentful and this will harm your relationship with them. Therefore, ignore those silent manipulators who do not mean much to you and do not make concessions to them. Well, those people who are dear to you and who want to attract your attention to themselves in this way, I think, in some cases, still deserve you to talk to them and get them out of this state.

5. Hope . Hope, as we know, is the last to die. But it can live for a very long time, and manipulators know this very well, so they often use it. They instill in people faith in the best and thus encourage them to endure a state of affairs that does not completely suit these people. When a person hopes for the best, hopes for some significant changes for him, he can endure something or someone for a very long time, not daring to change his life on his own. Experienced manipulators know how to keep people hoping for the best for a very long time, forcing them, for example, to live with them, or work in a difficult, unpromising and low-paying job. As long as people believe that everything can change in their lives, they can remain passive, which plays into the hands of many manipulators.

Speaking about protecting yourself from this manipulation technique, I can only advise you one thing - be realistic and do not expect that your life will change by itself. You must be the initiators of any changes, this is the only way in this life you can change something, achieve something, get away from something and come to something. You don’t have to believe in other people’s fairy tales that if you wait a little longer, everything will change. Don’t count on other people, count only on yourself, then this kind of manipulation will not work with you. Make a sound calculation to understand what will actually change and what won't if you act in a certain way, and base your decisions on that. Remember: the more active a person you are, the more difficult it will be to drag you into some kind of swamp and keep you in it with the help of hope for the best. Without your activity, nothing will happen - hope will die last.

6. Promises . This manipulation technique is a continuation of the previous one. Here too - the more the manipulator promises, the more willingly people believe him. Beautiful promises can turn many heads. This is understandable, we all want a better life, a better future, so we willingly believe those who promise us mountains of gold. Politicians, traders, religious leaders most often resort to promises to motivate people to do something. And I must say that they do it very well. Some win votes, others sell all kinds of goods and services, and still others even promise a beautiful life after death. Everyone promises something different, and the better he does it, the more people believe him. And if they believe, it means they are ready to obey, so you can direct people in the right direction. Remember: the more promises and the more beautiful they look, the more willingly people believe in them. The main thing is to be and appear confident in yourself when you promise something, so that no one has any doubts that these promises will come true.

Well, as for protection from this technique, it is quite simple - you need to promise yourself something and fulfill these communications, and not believe in others. After all, who usually believes in other people's promises? – People who do not want or are afraid to take responsibility for their lives. And there are many of them. But as soon as you take on this responsibility, as soon as you start managing your life yourself, a person’s promises will simply become uninteresting - he will be indifferent to them. But you can promise yourself anything, and it will depend on you whether these communications will come true or not. Do this, and manipulators who love to make beautiful promises will no longer be a thing.

7. Take it weakly . This is a rather primitive, one might even say, childish method of manipulation. But very effective, especially considering that some people never become mature and responsible. Its essence is very simple. All people have a need for self-realization and recognition, and many are ready to do some pretty stupid things for this. All that is required of the manipulator is to express slight doubt that the person - the victim - is capable of any specific action. Then you can and often need to reinforce your doubt with praise and admiration for the capabilities of this person, calling on him to demonstrate them. Like, if you can, do it, show and prove your capabilities. As a result, a person will want to prove that he can easily cope with a task that, according to the manipulator, is too tough for him, in order to confirm a positive opinion about himself and receive a new portion of praise. Well, the manipulator can only add that he always believed in a person’s abilities and express his admiration for him. This is how you can easily motivate many people to do something that you need.

And you can protect yourself from this technique by being indifferent to what other people say about you and your abilities. You don't need to prove anything to anyone. Say that yes, you cannot do this or that, that you are not up to it, and so on. What are the challenges in agreeing with other people's opinions of you in these situations? No problem at all. Let them doubt anything, whatever. Embrace your pride - don't let it control you. Then manipulators will not be able to take you weakly.

8. Vanity . This technique is somewhat similar to flattery, only it is aimed at hooking a person’s ego by extolling his personal characteristics in comparison with other people. Help a person feel superior to others, show him that in this or that matter he is better than others, that he has no equal in something, that he can achieve outstanding results if he does what you think he needs to do. Emphasize the person's exclusivity so that he strives to dominate people by following your commands. A good manipulator will always find an opportunity to distinguish a person from the majority in order to thus play on his vanity.

To effectively resist this manipulation, you need to be quick. It's not that you shouldn't strive for anything and try to surpass other people in something, just do it meaningfully so that what you have in mind matches your interests and capabilities. Do not believe those who tell you that you are much better than others in something, that you are the best and unique - behind this there is always an attempt to use you. Don't be so naive as to believe in your exorbitant exceptionalism when someone tells you so.

9. Leading questions . This is a very subtle manipulation technique. With the help of leading questions, that is, questions that push a person to a certain answer, you can instill in people a variety of attitudes. At the same time, they will believe that they themselves came to such thoughts, which will significantly simplify their acceptance. And having accepted these thoughts, they will make appropriate decisions based on them, and then move on to the actions necessary for the manipulator. To ask leading questions, just think about how you need to pose the question so that the answer suggests itself. Of course, this answer should suit you - you should push the person towards it with the help of your questions. Well, when you instill in a person the necessary attitudes, you can ask the person what he needs to do to get the desired result. And offer your options so that he can choose the best one. That is, it is important to lead a person to specific options, without leaving him space for independent reflection - let him choose from what you offer him. The advantage of this technique is that, as I have already said, it allows a person to come to the thoughts that you want him to come to. This technique can be used for both harm and good. It all depends on what conclusions and actions you are going to lead the person to.

Protection against this manipulation technique is to strive to pose the right questions to yourself and consider all possible answers to them. Also, always doubt the relevance of questions posed to you by other people. Don't let anyone narrow your thinking and force it into a certain stream. And if you are faced with a choice: A or B, then remember that there are always other options - C, D, E and so on. Don't limit yourself in your choice. The very formulation of the question is a direction of thinking. It is desirable that you direct your thinking, and for this you need to learn to ask the right questions yourself, and not answer other people’s questions. Then the manipulators will not be able to direct you in the direction they need - you will be directing yourself where you need to go.

10. Sense of duty . And the last technique that we will consider in this article is aimed at placing certain obligations on a person. In our society, we have beliefs or even rules, both public and unspoken, according to which different people owe each other something. Well, for example, if you are a man, you must be able to earn money [meaning a lot of money], do hard physical work, keep your word, and so on. And if you are a woman, then you need to be fragile and weak, sometimes even a little stupid, so as not to embarrass a man with your intelligence. You also need to be able to cook and do laundry—it’s kind of like women’s work. In other words, every person who plays a certain role in life has his own template obligations. And all of them are applied to people automatically. Since you are who you are, then you must, must, must. And if you have to, then do it. And so you can hang a lot of all sorts of debts on people in order to induce them to take some kind of action. Any role can be endowed with the obligations necessary for the manipulator; the main thing is to convince the victim that she owes something to someone. This often works - many people really believe that they owe something to someone. Well, if they must, then they will repay the debt, whatever is left for them.

In order to protect yourself from this manipulation, you can do two things. The first is to renounce all the obligations that society or a specific person imposes on you. You decide for yourself who and what you owe. And the second is to independently assign various roles with the responsibilities that are necessary and convenient for you. That is, you can decide not only for yourself what and to whom you owe, but also for all the people performing a similar role. For example, if you are a man, you can instill in other people new patterns according to which a man should do things that you consider right. And you can point out to the manipulator your own beliefs regarding what and to whom people in your role owe. Roughly speaking, you can say: “Since I am a man, I should not do what you want, but what I want.” That is, you yourself will fill your role with obligations that are convenient for you. Then no one will be able to manipulate you by slapping you with non-existent debts and obligations. You do not owe anything to anyone and are not obligated to anyone - all obligations in this world are conditional.

As you can see, friends, you can manipulate people’s consciousness in different ways. I have given you the most common and fairly simple manipulation techniques. Let's call them everyday manipulation techniques. But there are techniques that are more complex and therefore more effective. We will call them military techniques of manipulation. These complex techniques can be used to outplay people in more serious games. They are used in war, in politics, in the criminal world, in the intelligence services, in fierce competition, in general, when it is necessary to outwit and outplay not the ordinary man in the street, but very cunning and insidious people who themselves actively manipulate others. Good manipulators are fluent in about a hundred manipulation techniques that allow them to achieve their goals in a variety of matters. And most of these techniques are precisely military techniques of manipulation. At the same time, I want to note that any person can be manipulated, no matter how smart he is. The right time, the right place, the right reception plus a jewelery performance and anyone will do whatever you want. Well, isn't this magic? So it makes sense to learn manipulation. And everyone has this opportunity. Manipulators are not born - they are made. And to become a good manipulator, you need to undergo special training. Anyone can purchase all the materials necessary for this.

As for the ethical side of this issue, it should be noted that regardless of our attitude towards manipulation, we will inevitably encounter them in our lives. Believe me, the vast majority of people use them very often in various situations to influence others. Manipulation is everywhere, it's just that many people don't always realize that they are manipulating someone or that someone is manipulating them. Therefore, I believe that it is better to learn this skill in order not only to more competently manipulate others, but also to successfully defend yourself from numerous manipulations.

Final Thoughts

Being a manipulated person is very harmful to our psyche and self-esteem. Therefore, pay special attention to such signs, and try to avoid people with similar signs of manipulation. Let them know that you understand what they want to achieve and that you should not be manipulated. Eventually, the manipulator will leave you behind. Because he will understand that you will no longer be such an easy target.