Age difference between a man and a woman: what to expect from a relationship?

The age difference is often considered a serious problem for many modern people who grew up after the collapse of the USSR. However, in reality, in real life, most men and women do not believe that a relatively small age difference can become a source of serious problems. The difference can be critical only if:

It is more than five years.
Both partners sincerely believe that age difference is bad.

If the situation does not fall under any of the above points, then you don’t have to worry about anything. In this case, all minor conflicts and problems that arise on this basis can be easily avoided. To do this, partners just need to talk to each other, after which they can resolve all the issues that arise.

Problems related to age differences often arise on everyday grounds and resemble banal insults. The partner just needs to show mutual respect in order to neutralize all the associated negative consequences. In this case, problems can be forgotten, if not forever, then for a long time.

Age matters

The age difference between a man and a woman who decide to tie the knot often does not exceed 5 years. Psychologists explain why this happens. People try to find their “equal” both in social parameters and in the level of intellectual development. But love with an age difference exceeding 10 years is increasingly common in the modern world. People overwhelmed by a feeling of euphoria do not want to pay attention to their age. They are not interested in reproaches and questions from the indignant public. At the initial stage of a relationship, such couples believe that love has no barriers. But statistics prove the opposite: relationships with a large age difference more often end in divorce.

Unequal alliances

Opinions often differ on what the ideal age difference should be. But despite various restrictions and prejudices, life dictates its own rules. When choosing a life partner who is older or younger than himself, a person is still subconsciously afraid that such a union may be fraught with many difficulties that peers do not experience. There can be quite a few reasons for this opinion, therefore, in order to understand in more detail the pros and cons of unequal marriages, you need to study and analyze the possible options.

There are situations when people want to be together so much that they are not afraid of difficulties. When a relationship begins, few people worry about the age difference. If the decision is balanced and justified, then everything can work out. It is much worse when a family is created in a fit of first feelings and passion. Newlyweds may not be prepared for the difficulties that lie ahead.

Optimal difference

Psychologists believe that relationships between partners will develop harmoniously if they are no more than 6 years older than each other. It is desirable that this be a “classic” difference: the spouse is younger than the chosen one. According to experts, this contributes to the harmonious psycho-emotional development of partners. Sociologists note that such couples have the most children.

Marriages between the same age were a classic option during the Soviet Union. Any deviation from the “norm” was considered wrong and condemned by the public. In fact, unions where a man and a woman are the same age have many pitfalls. In addition to common interests, similar lifestyles and values, people often have everyday problems. Similar partners quickly get bored of each other, and they often have financial difficulties. The absence of a more experienced person threatens constant scandals and betrayals; in such relationships there is no one to “quench” the storms of emotions.

Chinese sages have their own formula for ideal relationships. To do this, they use simple mathematical calculations. The man's age is taken and divided in half. The number 7 is added to the result obtained. If the partner is 34 years old, then his ideal chosen one will be a girl whose age will not exceed 24 years. Chinese sages believe that true love is possible with an age difference of 10 years or even more. Western experts in the field of psychology do not agree with this. But the East is a delicate matter; it has its own rules and traditions.

The difference is 10-15 years

Such marriages are registered frequently. Relationships with an age difference of 10 years or more are interesting for both partners. And society is tolerant of such unions. Relationships can be both strong and fleeting. It all depends on the people. An older partner is more responsible when it comes to building relationships. He (she) does not make stupid mistakes, tolerates the shortcomings and whims of a loved one and behaves calmer in conflict situations. It is more difficult for couples in which 2 partners are overly emotional and have opposite temperaments. As a rule, such a union is saved by a common hobby or business.

Despite numerous advantages, marriages where the age difference is 10-15 years, according to statistics, often break up.

Pros and cons of relationships, taking into account the age factor

The psychology of gender comes down to the fact that the age of the other half has an indirect impact on the development of relationships in the family. Not only a person’s worldview, but also his goals for being married can depend on the numbers in the passport. To better understand the topic, let’s consider the main advantages and disadvantages of families in which spouses are in different age categories.

Between peers

Marriages of peers are a well-known classic from the times of the USSR. In the Soviet Union, equality between people was welcomed, and the slightest deviations from social norms were condemned. That is why the age of the spouses for the most part was almost the same.

Peers met, usually in adolescence. After school or college, boys and girls decided to start a family. Such unions had their advantages:

teenagers had common friends and interests;
the life values of the spouses were not much different;
the lifestyle in the family suited both of them;
in such a marriage, the “shoulder of life” was pulled equally by both husband and wife.

Despite the significant advantages of marriage with peers, such a union is not without its disadvantages. Among the main disadvantages are:

good income for early marriages was often an unattainable pleasure;
young spouses can quickly get tired of each other;
due to inexperience in a couple, it is difficult to come to a consensus and “quench the storm” during a scandal.

According to statistics, infidelity is more common in families of the same age, especially if the marriage was early. The reasons are lack of sexual experience and banal curiosity.

The man is much older

A marriage in which the husband is older than the wife is considered the most acceptable and classic. But the difference of 3–5 years is not as noticeable as 10 years or more.

Among the advantages of family life with a mature man are:

the woman feels younger and more beautiful;
a man has succeeded as a person, does not depend on the opinions of others;
with such a union the least number of divorces are registered;
the wife gives the man a second youth;
an elderly husband is tolerant of his beloved’s shortcomings, since he has much more experience in relationships;
a man takes a more responsible approach to starting a family;
the husband is more experienced in the intimate sphere, so it is easier for him to please his beloved;
An adult father is much better than a young father.

But marriage with a man who is much older also has negative sides. The main ones are:

it is almost impossible to change an adult man, since his principles of life have already been formed;
a big difference will have a significant impact on views on raising children and behavior in society;
husbands prefer to adhere to patriarchal views in the family.

Scientists have concluded that a difference of more than 20 years negatively affects the health of both spouses. Gossip, social stereotypes and judgment put lovers under stress every day. According to popular observations, adult husbands often “suck” all the beauty and youth out of their wives. Because of this, a man begins to blossom, and a woman quickly fades, as she subconsciously tries to adapt to the age of her beloved.

READ

Why I don’t have a boyfriend: reasons for loneliness and ways to get rid of it

Much older woman

Couples in which the wife is older than her husband are often condemned by the public. A man is often accused of self-interest towards his wife, and a woman is often accused of frivolity and lack of feminine wisdom. But such unions, according to statistics, are quite strong, especially if the difference between spouses does not exceed 7 years.

Among the positive aspects of such a marriage are the following:

The couple's sex life is at its peak. The activity of a young man fits perfectly with the needs of a mature woman.
The spouse in a couple has enough wisdom to smooth out rough edges. A woman in marriage teaches a man how to build relationships normally, negotiate and resolve misunderstandings that arise.
Relationships with a young husband have a beneficial effect on the wife’s appearance. She wants to take more care of herself in order to maintain an attractive appearance.

But such an alliance is not without its drawbacks. The most important enemies of marriage with a mature woman are:

More often, matriarchy flourishes in the family. The wife prefers to have full custody of her young husband and also support him financially. The guy may not like this kind of care.
Relatives and friends of the spouse may not share the man’s decision to marry an adult lady. Constant psychological pressure can negatively affect family relationships.
In society, a spouse may be confused with a man's mother or older sister. Not every woman can bear such comparisons without losing self-esteem.
In marriage, an adult lady will often stage scenes of jealousy towards younger people. Fear of betrayal and betrayal can provoke total control and surveillance.

When a man is older

This is a classic love relationship. But it is good if the difference between a man and a woman is 3-6 years. Such relationships are considered harmonious and promising from a scientific point of view. After all, boys lag behind girls in terms of intellectual development by 2-3 years. Therefore, a small difference in the age of the spouses is acceptable. It’s another matter when a man starts talking about love with a difference of 16 years or more. His feelings for the girl may be real, but more often they are supported by a material motive. A man wants to act as a “teacher” of a young, inexperienced chosen one. And he also likes her freedom from children. As a rule, young girls are not spoiled and are less capricious. And this reduces the amount of a man’s “financial investment” in their future life together.

When a woman is older

During the Soviet era, people considered a marriage in which the woman was significantly older than the man was abnormal. And even now such unions are condemned by society. A young man who decides to connect his life with an older lady is often classified as a “gigolo.”

When a woman is 5-7 years older than her chosen one, this difference is almost invisible and is considered the norm. If the lady is much older than her partner, then such a union does not last long. As a rule, a young man, having gained experience, leaves his life partner for a young mistress. If he lingers for a long time in the arms of a mature lady, it means that he has a mercantile interest. Psychologists came to these conclusions based on the results of numerous observations. But everywhere there are exceptions. Relationships in such a couple maintain a commonality of interests and a spiritual connection between the partners.

Up to 5 years

Although not everyone understands marriages when the woman is older, they are far from uncommon. This is especially true for those where the man is several years younger, no more than 5. This difference is practically not felt if people are over 30 years old. Their interests and goals largely coincide, so they do not experience any discomfort.

A woman who is a little older than her husband tries to take special care of herself and look young and attractive. Since the wife is more experienced, she helps the man quickly adapt to family life, “extinguishes” minor quarrels and helps him cope with troubles.

Women reach the peak of their sexuality by the age of 30, so a young husband can satisfy not only his hunger, but also give pleasure to his wife. Although such a marriage also has a drawback: the woman is very jealous of her husband and is subconsciously afraid that he will leave for a young girl.

Advice for spouses with a large age difference

Representatives of different generations face many problems. But the number of “unequal” marriages is increasing from year to year. Psychologists give several practical tips to help maintain love with a large age difference:

It is necessary to immediately discuss the topic of childbirth: do both partners have enough vitality and energy to raise children, and do they need them at all?
Understand the motives for building “unequal” relationships.
Prepare for criticism from the public.
Be prepared for the fact that misunderstandings will definitely arise in a relationship.
Do not focus on the age difference, especially in the company of other people.

Source: fb.ru

Acquaintance

Examples of happy representatives of an unequal marriage

An unequal union is not a death sentence. Among people with a large age difference you can often find happy married couples. Psychologists compiled the top 5 family unions whose representatives were not confused by the date of birth in their passport.

Their love turned out to be stronger than stereotypes:

Hugh Hefner, an American publisher who founded Playboy magazine, tied the knot at the age of 86 with the charming 26-year-old model Crystal Harris. So that the public and the groom would not think that she was interested in money, the girl signed a prenuptial agreement. In it, Crystal refused to claim her husband’s property. The happy marriage was interrupted by Hugh's death at the age of 91.
Ukrainian model Alexandra Nikolaenko and American billionaire Phil Ruffin tied the knot in 2008. At the time of the wedding, the groom was 72 years old and the bride was 26 years old. To this day, the billionaire’s family is considered exemplary. In marriage, Alexandra gave birth to two charming children - daughter Malena Kay and son Richard.
Third place on the list is occupied by the famous “Die Hard” Bruce Willis and his beloved wife Emma Hemming. In 2009, the couple got married in the Caribbean. At that time, the bride was 31 years old, the groom was 54. Fans of the star periodically talked about how Emma was just a replacement for Demi Moore (Bruce’s ex-wife). But the couple was able to resist the attacks. Despite all the unpleasant conversations, the couple are still happy together.
Alexander Vertinsky is an enviable handsome man of the Soviet Union. At 52, he married 19-year-old actress Lydia Tsirgvava. In this unequal marriage, the spouses were incredibly happy. The fruit of their love were 2 daughters - Anastasia and Marianna.
There is a 22-year age difference between Harrison Ford and his beloved wife Calista Flockhart. The couple legalized their relationship in 2010, although they had been together for 8 years before that. The lovers are still together and raising a son.

If love comes into your life, you should not be guided by age restrictions. Whether the relationship will be happy and long depends only on the two people in love. Support each other, share joy and sorrow, think about your neighbor - and then there will always be order, peace and love in the family.