Women's friendship is a type of friendly interaction based on selfless relationships that are built on mutual trust and sincerity, a commonality of preferences and interests that arise between women. The concept of friendship has no gender division; friendship is determined by relationships and their quality, certain moral principles that regulate and underlie these relationships.
Women's friendship in life can be represented by various options (situational and long-term, deep and friendly, due to interest in the activity or personality of a friend), which originate in ancient times, when all the women of the tribe were near the hearth waiting for men from the hunt. It was precisely this form of building society that instilled in women the need for constant female communication and its features that distinguish female friendship from male friendship. For women, social acceptance and safety are more important, as well as satisfying the need to express their own emerging feelings.
The version that there is no such thing as female friendship appeared after comparing female relationships with male ones and is generated by the characteristics of the female psyche, which is characterized by inconstancy and excessive emotionality. Often girlfriends separate when they fall in love with the same man, and the men themselves consider female friendship to be a pretense due to the fact that in a fit of feelings or a bad mood a woman is able to denigrate her friend behind her back, smiling in her eyes. However, there is also the opposite opinion that women’s friendship is stronger than men’s, since not every man will rush somewhere at night or hang on the phone for hours “because his friend is feeling bad,” but a woman always tries to help her friend in a difficult situation, and no matter how objective the difficulties are.
Does female friendship exist?
Friendship is an analogue of marriage, only without intimate relationships, and other responsibilities and privileges (support, devotion, interest, communication, sharing of impressions and life) are preserved.
Accordingly, the statement that there is no such thing as female friendship is a fiction, although the presence of certain features cannot be denied. For women, conversations are much more important than actions. That is why it is more important to discuss the problem in detail (even if it takes several hours) than to look for ways to solve it or solve it, because the goal is to share the emotional state. Such a feminine trait as the desire to preserve relationships results in maintaining friendship as a stable form of existence of these relationships, while much less attention is paid to what content these relationships bring. So, a friend can be terribly annoying, a substitute, you can quarrel with her and complain about her every day, but still remain friends.
And what prevents women from making friends is often envy or the appearance of a man. In the first case, the feeling of competition haunts and a completely anecdotal confrontation begins about who has a longer fur coat and who has a bigger house. There is nothing new or strange in this behavior, because friendship is initially a union of equals, which allows one to find common ground. And in the case of the appearance of a man, more than one female friendship has been destroyed, due to competition for the attention of one man, or because it was the friend who destroyed the family and took her husband away.
Whether there are female friendships usually shows the time over which the relationship undergoes various changes and either strengthens or falls apart.
Psychology of female friendship
Of course, any friendship has common points, which is defined by this concept itself, but there are certain psychological gender characteristics that make certain adjustments to what male and female friendship looks like.
The peculiarities of the female psyche do not allow one to simply listen to a friend. Each time the woman becomes emotionally immersed in her friend’s story and experiences the whole range of emotions from joy to grief, depending on the story. A high level of empathy, which is genetically inherent in women and formed as one of the mechanisms supporting the connection between mother and child, works in women not only regarding their own offspring, but also when communicating with loved ones. When women communicate, they exchange emotions, nourish their sensory sphere, and trigger the energy circulation mechanism.
From a man’s point of view, such communication may look like useless chatter, and not like friendship, because all the time he is busy retelling what happened and at the same time there are no options for finding a way out of a difficult situation. Such a distribution of dialogue would be indicative of male friendship, while women understand that the friend does not need a ready-made solution now, she needs an emotional response and the opportunity to speak out.
The psychological foundations of female friendship are laid from an early age, when children play, divided into boys and girls. Initially, this is due to the presence of interest in certain games and playing specific social roles, and historically this is the order of things. Thus, from childhood, the ability to make same-sex friendships is instilled.
In addition to the historical and educational predetermination of the emergence of female friendship, there is also a physiological aspect of its emergence. Since the nervous system, hormonal levels and psyche of women and men function differently, the methods of communication are correspondingly different. So it turns out that with the same presentation of information, one woman will understand another, but this can unsettle a man and sound like a language unknown to him. In male speech there are facts, a clear presentation of information, but the emotional part is practically absent, and accordingly not many words are wasted, everything is simplified and shortened as much as possible. In female communication, emotions occupy the main place, the narrative is rich in comparisons and metaphors, stories are told in faces and intonations, and the purpose of the conversation is the conversation itself. It is precisely in order to share emotions that women make girlfriends, and men choose male company to remain silent and resolve any issues.
Whether female friendship exists depends on the balance of energy in the relationship (it is necessary to equally invest in the interaction; when someone becomes a vampire, the relationship collapses), the presence of mutual respect and the absence of hidden selfish motives, and the compatibility of interests.
The most sincere and strong female friendship appears in childhood and school years, when a person’s soul is still pure from double thoughts, and the person is interesting in himself, when heart wounds have not yet been received and the person has not become more closed. With such friends you can be yourself and feel comfortable, because they definitely saw us in any way and in different states. It was with them that the first joys and losses, difficulties and loves, dreams and fears were shared. With childhood friends, a feeling of family can arise and such a feeling can last a lifetime if the friends develop at the same pace and maintain common goals and worldviews. If, in the process of development and acquisition of different life experiences, areas of interests and values change, and there are fewer points of contact, then friendship simply fades away. This is the most painless option for ending a female friendship, and at its opposite pole lies the desire of two girlfriends for the same thing, causing competition and destroying relationships, be it the desire to occupy the same position, love for the same man, or the desire to win at a dog show.
At a more mature age, we begin to choose friends consciously, and communication is based on common interests, but begins to include special conditions that will be beneficial to the parties. This could be a desire to appear more beautiful compared to a less presentable friend, a desire to take advantage of connections, using a friend to drain one’s own negative emotions or as a lifesaver. More and more often, friends are divided not by the degree of trust (in childhood, there was definitely a “best friend”), but by the functions they perform. With one you can go shopping, with another you can go to bars, the third is an excellent massage therapist, and the fourth can babysit, and so on ad infinitum. And this is wonderful as long as the communication is mutually beneficial, and not one constantly fulfills the whims of the other, thereby depleting the relationship. And one more fact in defense of this approach in female friendship is that with age it becomes increasingly difficult to meet a person who is formed in the same way as you, and all the versatility of your personality requires satisfaction.
Friendship based on interests
This is the strongest and most reliable relationship. Friendship is based on common interests and views on life. For example, a passion for needlework, the same type of dancing, dogs or other pets, a love for one of the subjects. But there is no room for competition or rivalry between girls. Friends do not strive to become better than the other, they do everything together, help each other if one of them is weaker in some way. Such friendship is the strongest and most reliable and often lasts a lifetime.
It turns out that friendship between girls is possible when it has 5 NOs:
- There is no rivalry.
- no jealousy.
- no envy.
- there is no superiority.
- there is no insecurity complex.
Yulia Belova
Why don't there be female friendships?
The fact that female friendship happens in life is usually questioned by men, but they do not question the existence of real male friendship. Indeed, women have much more interference, because in relationships they are guided by feelings. And if in a male friendship two people can logically and calmly assess the situation, one is able to maintain a rational perception of the situation and thereby smooth out rough edges, then when two women communicate, the result is a nuclear mixture of emotions and moods that are poorly amenable to intellectual control.
The first thing that wedges itself between friends and prevents friendship from existing is envy. By and large, a feeling of envy is an indicator of desires and needs that are currently not satisfied. In women, the feeling of envy flares up quite acutely, as it is directly related to the instinct of survival and provision of offspring. Maintaining such a sense of competitiveness does not in any way prevent girls from having intimate conversations and spending time together, but you should not expect any sacrifice in a critical situation.
True friendship does not fade over the years and presupposes a fairly deep knowledge of the other person. Men who may not know how many children their friend has (guided by tactful behavior in asking questions and the attitude “we’re not friends with children”) are able to maintain good relationships much longer than women. This distance makes it possible to remain in an acceptable image. In the case of female friendship, friends know everything about each other, everything in general, so the illusions of communicating with the most wonderful person soon dissipate, moments appear that contradict the inner beliefs of one of them, as well as the vulnerability of getting hit where it hurts the most. Not many people usually pass the test of intimacy, but those who pass it remain close for life. This feature also gives reason to doubt the existence of female friendship, as such, because it looks like they met, became friends, and became enemies two months later. Although in these two months more events could have happened for the inner emotional life than in male friendships over decades.
You should be careful when making friends with girls, because there are often cases when, having told your best friend everything about yourself, your man or your work, you can end up getting stabbed in the back out of envy or when you diverge. When a male friendship ends, men simply go their separate ways, while women may begin to take revenge or make pointed and hurtful comments when they meet. Many articles and topics on forums have been written about numerous cases when the “best” friend, knowing all the peculiarities of her personal life, took away her beloved man. You should approach each other carefully, and it is better to trust the details of the most valuable things about your life only to those closest to you, who will be happy for you and not envy you.
If we do not rely only on external insignificant manifestations, then we come to the conclusion that female friendship exists. It is the ease and ease of communication, which may border on optionality, that causes the feeling of the absence of serious friendly ties, but when the situation becomes serious, reliability, seriousness, and the desire to come to the rescue appear. Men's friendship is more significant and serious all the time and becomes more productive in critical situations - there is simply no internal resource left, while it is women who are able to mobilize and pull a friend out of a stuck car or coma.
Research results
Before scientists made claims about male-female friendships, a study was conducted with 88 pairs of university friends who were asked questions separately.
Responses were divided into three categories: no attraction, moderate attraction, and extreme attraction.
To reach the final conclusions, factors such as the daily interactions these people had with their opposite-sex “friend” and the circumstances under which they met were taken into account. It took into account how long the friendship lasted and the emotions associated with this communication.
Men were much more attracted to women, but they were sure that they felt the same. Interestingly, the response from the other side was not the same. Girls do not always perceive kindness and friendliness as sexual signals. They are sure that they have a devoted “friend” who does not pretend to anything other than friendship.
