Hi all! My name is Vitaly Okhrimenko and I am sincerely glad to see each of you on the FitKiss.Club project . I must immediately make a reservation that this page is intended for men. Girls and women will not like either what is written here or the style of presentation. So if you are a girl, go to another page or close your browser so as not to think badly of me later.
THIS IS CLOSED INFORMATION FOR MEN!
For quite a long time, this project has been examining and studying female psychology in relationships with men. There are already a number of publications on this subject that I would recommend reading.
For those who don’t know, I’m a psychologist by training, I’ve been legally married for five years now, and despite all this, I still haven’t been able to understand where Adam messed up so much before the Creator that he punished him so cruelly through his own rib. It would be better to take part of the spine, at least there is a brain there (I hope everyone here is friends with humor!).
Well, now, after a light lyrical introduction, I will share with you the information and thoughts that I have accumulated over my modest life experience.
Psychology of relationships between men and women
As one wise man named Aristophanes said: “It is as difficult to do without them as to live with them.” I hope it's clear who he meant. I'll be honest: I still agree with him. Living with a woman, loving a woman, sharing everyday life with her is both a gift and a curse at the same time.
I don’t remember exactly where, but somewhere I heard the phrase that a woman should not be understood, but loved. I agree partly, but I disagree more. It seems to me that if you can understand women’s psychology in love and relationships, then getting along with them will become much easier. I guess I'm already tired of my long prefaces!? I'll keep trying to get to the point.
Psychology of women in love
Love makes a woman a “woman.” Nothing reveals her beauty, femininity and sexuality more than the feeling of love. To be loved and to love is true feminine happiness.
The psychology of women in love and women’s psychology in general is fundamentally different from men’s. When people understand and assimilate these differences, then the problems in the relationship between a man and a woman will decrease. Let's try to highlight these nuances and look at love not only through the eyes of a woman, but also a man.
Female look
Why do women want love - because nature ordered it so. Love for a man generates desire and readiness to have offspring. This is a kind of guarantee and a necessary condition for procreation. What else does nature need?.. In order to feel like a woman, you need to feel male interest in yourself. The attention of a man, the desire to possess and love a woman gives her confirmation of her sexuality, revealing it to the fullest.
How a woman shows her love and what love is for her is a somewhat unusual answer to this question. Showing care and participation in the life of a beloved man, supporting and encouraging a man - all this can be called external signs of a woman’s love. In addition to the external signs of love in a woman, there are also internal ones that reflect a woman’s understanding of love. Love through the eyes of a woman is her sensations. The feelings she experiences (infatuation, passion, joy, etc.) are much more important than the object itself that evokes these feelings. In other words, a woman loves not so much a man as her feelings associated with him. And the man receives, roughly speaking, “scraps from the royal table,” that is, external signs of female love, which, of course, are very pleasant. This is what love is like.
Male gaze
A man's love is inextricably linked with pleasure. A man feels love not for the woman herself, but for the pleasure he experiences with her. We are talking not only about sexual satisfaction, but also satisfaction with the spiritual side of the relationship (the opportunity to have a heart-to-heart talk, a feeling of female support, mutual understanding, admiration for a man). Love for a man is his pleasure. If a man stops experiencing it, then his feelings become colder. Therefore, a woman needs to be a source of pleasure for her man. Remember this when you want to start another scandal over everyday issues, which, in fact, are not as important as maintaining love and harmony in your relationship.
Female psychology for men
Men and women, like any representatives of heterosexual mammals, differ from each other to a fairly large extent. This difference originates at the level of instincts, is reinforced by physiology, and is later reinforced by socially accepted norms of behavior.
Women in the psychology of relationships are much more emotional and infantile than men. Contradictoryity and emotionality, sensuality and pride, curiosity and greed - men, raise your hands - to whom at least 2 of the above female qualities spoil their life? Same thing.
Emotionality and sensuality in female psychology of relationships are a counterbalance to rationality and logic in male nature. This is where the first inconsistency between female psychology in relationships with male relationships comes from.
I understand perfectly well how difficult it is to understand and accept, but we have no other choice. Like it or not, we need to accept the emotionality of our loved ones if we want to live happily ever after in peace.
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They have much more emotions than we do, this is the first difference in the psychology of relationships between men and women.
Features of women's psychology
Books by specialists will help you understand female psychology in relationships with men, in which you can find answers to many questions that interest men.
Misunderstandings often arise between a man and a woman. From the point of view of experts, this is explained by the difference in the psychology of the sexes.
Women even talk differently. During communication, their speech contains mainly definitions and descriptions. And men speak briefly, to the point. Women can calmly listen to their interlocutor without interrupting, but they rarely control their expressions, which they later regret. The main topic of women's conversations is relationships and discussions.
Women perceive what is happening around them emotionally. Therefore, compared to men, they are more gentle and at the same time more receptive to what is happening.
Although women are highly emotional, they are also more contradictory than men. This can be explained by the internal contradictions raging inside every girl. Realizing that it is impossible to find an ideal partner, a woman suffers from unfulfilled expectations, which again puts emotional pressure on her.
Often, female pride comes first if a girl does not find a suitable guy for herself. She is trying to prove that she can cope with any problem on her own. But it doesn’t always work out the way you want. As a result, the woman is again overcome by contradictions.
Often women, not wanting to flaunt their complexities, take it out on men. A wise woman will not humiliate her loved one, elevating herself at his expense. Only inadequate people try to prove to men and the whole world how self-sufficient they are.
To feel happy, a woman needs the approval of society and the absence of internal conflict. Otherwise, she will be unhappy all her life, even if she has an almost perfect man nearby.
Need for attention
Women need attention much more than we do. It’s great for us to come home after a hard day’s work, fall out in front of the TV or get banged in tanks, and not have anyone pester us.
But then the beloved appears on the horizon with the classic question for such an occasion: “how was your day?” You tried to get away with a couple of remarks while the tanks were loading, but you’re unlikely to be able to play calmly. At best, the latest gossip from our yard will begin to buzz in your ear; at worst, you will see pouting lips and hear a loud knock on one of the doors (it would be good if it was the entrance door).
How come you, such a scoundrel and scoundrel, didn’t bother to inquire about her affairs? And if he did inquire, he did not show due interest in them. Ali, I’m not afraid of loud words, you’re such an asshole, don’t you really care anymore?
For you and me, sometimes the highest expression of attention will be the evening when we are not touched. For them, alas, it’s the opposite. It is interesting that even the number of words released per day by a man is almost half that of a woman. Men prefer to talk more about themselves or their affairs, while girls prefer to grind someone's bones or chat about something great - about love!
The conflict of the female self that prevents us from living
Now let’s try from a more scientific point of view to understand the pathology of female psychology of relationships, which, if not spoils, then definitely makes a man’s existence more difficult.
In female psychology, this phenomenon is considered as a conflict between two selves - a weak self and a strong self. This conflict rarely takes place during a period of relationships unencumbered by common everyday life and often manifests itself after entering into a family marriage (it is not for nothing that people say that a good thing cannot be called marriage) .
What is the most common model of relationship between a man and a woman? I think this is a model: strong - weak, giver - taker.
This is exactly how the flower-bouquet period of a relationship goes: a man in love wants to appear bolder and stronger, increasingly trying on the role of a strong, caring and generous (giver).
A man is strong, a woman is weak - this is the most natural model of the relationship between a man and a woman for instinctive and physiological reasons.
Yes, and historically this is natural, because throughout the development of humanity from the primitive system to the present day, it was difficult for a weak woman without a strong male hand (for some reason feminism is in fashion now). This form of relationship should suit everyone, but after marriage it is superimposed on another form of female behavior.
After entering the family institution, every woman immediately transforms from a weak girl into a strong homemaker. And here again the culprits are instincts, physiology and history.
Historically, after marriage and having children, the entire burden of a woman’s lot fell on weak women’s shoulders. The husband is always absent, either at work or at war. And the woman had (and still has to) try on the mask of a strong self. This strong self is especially pronounced in those couples where economic factors also have an impact - when the wife earns more than the husband.
The strong position of the mother and housewife certainly affects the quality of the relationship between spouses. The weak self and the strong self are two radically different psychological states. And different states are characterized by different behavior.
The weak self craves a strong and strong-willed man, and the strong self, on the contrary, craves a weak and pliable man. Conditions can change very often and uncontrollably. A really huge number of different factors can influence this. And if a woman herself does not always know which man she needs next to her at a particular moment, then this is certainly not given to us.
Strictly speaking, these are the secrets of female psychology, which even if we are able to understand with our minds, we are unlikely to be able to accept by nature . And even if you are a certified psychologist, you will never figure out what polarity of relationship your wife is in. After all, this is not just a strong I or a weak I. It is a whole panel of shades of one state. The weak I attracts (sometimes, of course, it infuriates, but more often it attracts), the strong I, on the contrary, repels (even if it delights).
In principle, these are all conventions that, under certain conditions, may either practically not manifest themselves, or will not bother you and me. We’ll talk about how to create favorable conditions for her below.
What can cause a love relationship to develop?
Almost all people on earth want not only to love, but also to be loved. Love relationships are built on mutual feelings, and many people dream of preserving this feature throughout their lives. A love relationship between two lovers will be maintained for exactly as long as both partners are ready for mutual concessions and willingness to sacrifice some features of their character. To do this, you need not only to perform certain functions, but also to understand the peculiarities of female or male psychology.
The psychological world of men and women is quite different. One of the main factors that can affect a couple’s relationship, strengthening it or, conversely, destroying it, is the social status of each partner. The foundations and rules that have been in force for many millennia prescribe certain responsibilities for each partner.
The changes that have occurred in the modern world have modified not only people’s worldviews, but also their relationships with each other. Love affairs and family responsibilities acquired a freer character, which undoubtedly affected the format of responsibilities to each other. In some cases, constancy, loyalty and other moral aspects have lost their relevance.
Psychologists note a number of main factors that suggest the beginning of a love relationship:
- Personal sympathy.
- External physical data.
- Frequent meetings at work or at home.
- One or more circumstances that led to the manifestation of certain feelings.
- Acquaintance with the purpose of starting a relationship.
In all of these cases, the basis of the relationship is the willingness to support a loved one at the right time, the ability to make him happy and the desire to give the person physical and psychological pleasure.
The communicative sphere of female psychology in love
I already mentioned above that communication is more important for women than for us men, but still this point is so important in understanding female nature that it would definitely not be superfluous to repeat it and go deeper.
The fact that women love with their ears is the purest truth. But incomplete because women love not only with their ears, but also with their tongue (that’s how I knew that you would misunderstand me now
). Nature took care of human offspring long before humanity itself learned to read or write. And in addition to bearing offspring, a woman also has a key role in nurturing this very offspring. Marriage is an invention of mankind and there is no sensible scientific justification for the institution of marriage at the level of instincts. Instinctively, the role of responsibility for offspring lies on a woman’s shoulders, which means she is destined by nature to explain to an incomprehensible child how to use toilet paper and the Internet. And to perform this function, women’s need for communication is higher than men’s.
Where am I going with this? And besides, you still need to put the tanks aside and communicate with your beloved more often. Look, life will become sweeter.
Well, since a woman still likes to listen more than to talk (even if she herself thinks differently), it would be nice for us to work on our diction.
Sexologists claim that a man’s brain and intelligence most directly affects his sexuality in women’s eyes. And speech helps to consider the level of intelligence. In support of this theory, sexologists, in addition to some research results, also give the following argument: often girls and women fall in love with their university teachers or even school teachers. Why? Scientists claim that the reason for this phenomenon is precisely a highly developed intellect combined with the ability to speak beautifully. So from now on, instead of having sex with Anfisa Chekhova, we’ll watch Discovery
.
Peculiarities of female psychology that really hinder us
Idealization error
It also happened that the fairy tale about Assol, Cinderella, the sleeping beauty, etc., left a huge imprint on women’s psychology in relationships. Since childhood, they see fully ideal princes in the role of their husbands, and here you are presented with a bunch of your own shortcomings and problems. And when this ideal collides with the real (I don’t want to offend anyone), then deep internal conflicts arise, which naturally poison life.
Clarification of relations
This point follows from the previous one. A woman constantly wants to find out something, sort out relationships, solve some problem that is significant, in her opinion. At first you are stunned, wondering what happened to her mood, and then you are even more stunned when you find out the true reason for her dissatisfaction. The problem is not worth a damn. But no, it definitely needs to be discussed, or what other way can such nonsense global problem as “you don’t pay attention to me” be solved?
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Napoleonic habits
In the female psychology of relationships with men, this point often takes precedence over the rules of decency. It is especially typical for the early stages of a relationship, when you still don’t owe her anything. A woman cannot put up with your freedom for long. And if the mountain does not come to Magomed, then Magomed is going to the mountain. This is where the woman will begin to hurry you up, saying, isn’t it time, my dear, to step onto the next evolutionary stage of the relationship. The meanest of them will start this conversation when you are drunk and in a good mood. At such moments, men are usually inclined to promise anything, and the next day they will think about how to take back their words and not offend.
The main signs of falling in love
Idealization
There is an expectation that the partner will always be in a good mood, will be happy to communicate at any time, and in general should “carry you in his arms.” The main danger of idealization is that a person, overwhelmed by passion, is not ready to adequately perceive the states and feelings of a partner, and the lack of reciprocity can simply be ignored or perceived as an insult.
Desire for complete possession
A person in love, unnoticed by himself, strives to possess the object of his feelings and completely control him. There is a desire not to share a partner with anyone, neglecting his personal boundaries and communication needs.
"Pink glasses"
Vivid emotions and passion bring newness to life, cause a surge of inspiration, a desire to “move mountains”, change familiar circumstances. When a person falls in love, he is in some kind of chemical illusion, euphoria, which his own body creates for him for a couple of months. After this time, illusions begin to gradually dissipate and unpleasant surprises can await the lover.
Secrets of manipulating female psychology in relationships
Whether you like it or not, if you want to get along calmly and happily with a woman, then you will have to create favorable conditions for her to live without blowing her mind.
First you need to understand what values are the priority for your chosen one. Some see wealth and status as a priority, while for others family and children are much more important. In one woman the weak self dominates, in another the strong self. Accordingly, one woman is looking for a strong and wealthy man in her chosen one, for another, a good relationship with her husband and his relationship with children is much more important. There is a type of woman for whom it is very important to dominate her husband.
However, I conjure you: do not try to become a wife-beater. Ardent henpecked men are ultimately despised even by those girls who, through their dominance and through feminine charms and tricks, have created these same woman-pleasing men out of normal men. You need to grasp the fine line between the desire to make your woman happy (read as: to make your life calm) and bending under the woman. And God forbid you ever cross this line.
