Do you know what the most common mistakes women make in relationships with men? It is often not easy for the weaker sex to maintain harmony in relationships with a partner. I want to remain free and independent, and at the same time weak and at least sometimes cared for by my companion. There is a desire to get to the bottom of what is “in his head”, and at the same time not feel disgust when a man shows his weaknesses.
And given that representatives of the stronger sex often hear something completely different from what women say, this whole wave of complete misunderstanding gradually builds a wall of alienation between them, up to a break. To maintain warm feelings, try to avoid mistakes in behavior.
Don't feel obligated
Already at the stage of courtship, many women believe that the very signs of attention from a man oblige them to something. Ladies with weak self-esteem perceive this as a trade: if he takes me to the cinema, theater, restaurant, then it’s a payoff from me. You will have to pay with sex, household services - no matter what.
For a normal man, this attitude is unpleasant. He gives attention because he sincerely wants it, and not to buy love and reciprocal signs of attention. If a woman respects herself, she will accept advances with dignity, realizing that she deserves it.
If the need to pay, and preferably immediately, does not let go, there will be no sincere feelings in life, but only trade. No matter how strong the desire for high relationships may be, everything will become trivialized by this mistake.
Don't get attached ahead of time
It is quite natural, experiencing the ardor of love, to look at your man with admiring interest. But the level of “cloudiness” largely depends on the degree of one’s own self-esteem. If everything is fine with her, the woman will not do anything stupid. If words alone make a “lasting impression” and are already enough to extol the object of love to the skies, it can end in anything.
If He invited you to a restaurant, this is not yet a feat on his part. And if you paid a fabulous sum for lunch, too.
When showing someone your affection, you must first make sure that this someone is worth such an attitude. There is no guarantee that a man will not blatantly take advantage of your feelings, regardless of what you need.
Psychology of male love
As a rule, men tend to hide the sensual component of their lives. But being in love can make serious adjustments to the behavior of a representative of the stronger sex. This is manifested both in external changes - a man begins to take better care of himself, tries to look attractive, and in behavior. Gestures, facial expressions, and speech also change. Numerous studies of the state of male love allow us to name the most accurate probable signs that another man was struck by the mark of Cupid’s arrow:
- Increased interest in the object of love. A man in love strives not to let his beloved out of his sight for a moment. In any situation, he tries to be as close to her as possible;
- Striving to become better. A man in love tries to make a positive impression on his chosen one, so he begins to behave in a way that is usually unusual for him. For example, he watches his speech, gives compliments, becomes attentive, gallant, interesting, cheerful, fearless, etc. This allows a man to stand out from other representatives of the stronger sex and capture the attention of the person he is interested in.
- Demonstration of trust. If a man shares personal experiences and open secrets with you, then he is most likely in love;
- Expression of admiration. In the object of his love, a man tends to notice exclusively positive qualities and openly admire them;
- Jealousy. A state of continuous rivalry remains between men. Therefore, jealousy can be considered one of the signs of falling in love, since it is nothing more than the desire to protect what one wants to possess, as well as the fear that someone else will receive this adored object.
Don't become a maid
The desire to serve is inherent in a woman's nature. When she becomes attached to someone, she begins to give herself completely to the relationship. Even ladies in full-fledged marriages often find themselves throwing too much at this altar. And when it hasn’t even come to the point of getting a stamp in your passport, you shouldn’t even show your partner your readiness to provide for all his desires and needs.
It often turns out that for his part he had no intention of reciprocating. He will take care and attention for granted, and then it turns out that the woman also owes him.
What is the cause of male jealousy?
Jealousy is a feeling familiar to everyone. At least in the weakest form, everyone had to be jealous. But the degree of this feeling, its severity, painfulness depend on the temperament and characteristics of each individual, as well as on upbringing. In men, the desire to undividedly possess is inherent on an instinctive level. And jealousy is most often the product of such phenomena as a lack of self-confidence, uncontrolled drinking of alcohol, peculiarities of upbringing that infringe on the rights of women, an overdeveloped imagination, and too violent an expression of one’s own emotions and feelings. Most often, women encounter jealousy in the form of mistrust, suspicion, and persecution. But it often takes rude forms - insults, beatings.
Do not be silent
It is impossible to always be good and tolerate any behavior of your partner towards yourself. Not answering means giving a man a reason not to be ashamed of anything in words or actions. Even the most well-mannered, having tested the boundaries of what is permitted, go far in their disdain for women. And the signs of a tyrant man are visible from the very beginning of acquaintance.
Notice and celebrate the worthy actions of your boyfriend, expressing your approval to him. At the same time, do not close your eyes to what seems unacceptable. Without falling into hysterics and “neediness,” express your true attitude to what is happening and stop your partner in time so that he does not consider inappropriate behavior permissible.
Why do men become greedy?
Male greed is a common phenomenon. In some cases, it manifests itself as moderate stinginess aimed at reasonable savings. But in other situations it borders on total control over finances and real stinginess. The most common reason for this behavior is, of course, upbringing. If the family in which a man grew up experienced financial difficulties, and the child experienced the humiliation of this situation, the fear of poverty, a reverent attitude towards money and the desire to save it will remain with him for the rest of his life. And people who are unsure of the future often become stingy. Egoists do not like to share money. But all these reasons indicate that only the man himself can cope with this problem by turning to a psychologist or psychoanalyst. No amount of feminine tricks can turn a stingy person into a spendthrift.
Don't make a man the center of the universe
Absorbed in the heat of love and passion, women often stop noticing everyone except their loved one. Including yourself. Ladies focus so much on the object of their love that they do not pay attention to their own appearance, preferences and everything that previously occupied them. No matter how strong love is, with the advent of a new person in life, do not forget everything that was important in it until now. Giving up your own interests will kill any curiosity in your partner about your personality. He will have nothing to unravel in you, and he will switch his attention to another woman.
Psychology of male owners
Owners can be not only men, but also women. But in men, this feeling often becomes key and develops into mania. For such men, it is important not only to have undivided possession of a woman, but it is also equally important that other men want this woman and suffer because she belongs to another. It is important for a man-owner that his chosen one evokes rave reviews, amazes everyone with her beauty, and is the best in absolutely everything. But often, when such a man lacks self-confidence, he thinks that his chosen one may leave him, prefer someone else to him. And such a thought completely changes a person, turning him into the embodiment of jealousy, suspicion, and cruelty. In such relationships, a woman is required to have utmost tenderness, full attention and absolute devotion. Being in a relationship with a male owner can be very difficult. Psychologists name several signs that help determine a man’s possessive tendencies:
- Often, men whose mothers often showed emotionality become owners. And also men who grew up in single-parent families are prone to similar behavior;
- Suspicion and resentment towards women often appear in men after negative experiences in relationships in which he was deceived, disrespected and cheated on;
- Often people become owners after a serious irreparable loss.
Don't think he reads minds
Being offended and remaining silent about the reasons for your offense, being sure that your partner should figure out what’s going on himself is a typical female mistake. It is no coincidence that it becomes the basis for humorous scenes. In fact, the lady pursing her lips only causes irritation, but there is no desire to correct her “mistake”. A man often sincerely does not understand what he did wrong.
Don't expect your partner to necessarily behave the way you want, and you don't even have to say your desires out loud.
If a “silent” reaction to the behavior of a loved one is repeated time after time, he will stop paying attention to it. Still, nothing can be achieved from the offended lady. As a result, women's discontent will only intensify. This will end in open conflict.
To avoid such a development of events, it is easier to voice what worries you. If, for example, your man was not taught to show affection as a child, and this is very important to you, just tell him about it. Maybe he will only be happy to respond to your need.
How to behave with your husband: advice from a psychologist
Contrary to various opinions, a man marries not to be washed, but to have comfort, a warm atmosphere and feminine energy at home. A woman who understands the power of her energy will know true feminine happiness. Here are some tips from psychologists on how to behave with your husband:
- A man needs to talk directly about how a husband should behave, in the opinion of this particular woman. Hints often remain ununderstood.
- Everything that is said in a gentle, measured voice and with a smile will be initially received positively.
- Focus only on pleasant things. Praise for what he does, without reminding him once again of what he doesn’t do.
- If there are complaints against the husband, they are expressed exclusively in private. Public humiliation will never have an educational effect on him; it will only alienate him and embitter him.
- Support him in everything. Even if his idea is obviously a failure, you need to appreciate the very fact of the desire to get off the couch and do something, even if not the first time, but he will succeed.
You need to understand that a man is a person. And most often with your cockroaches, the roots of which go far back to childhood, and much cannot be corrected. But a woman has the power to smooth out many of the rough edges, motivate a man to take action and make him always drawn home.
Source: fb.ru
marriage
Don't torment yourself with jealousy
Jealousy is a formidable destructive force for any relationship. If she begins to eat whenever a man looks at another skirt, this indicates the insecurity of the woman experiencing this feeling. They love those who trust. Don't try to look for incriminating evidence by furtively digging through your boyfriend's phone or his page on social networks.
Increase your self-esteem. Find something you like, do physical exercise, acquire new useful skills. Be interesting to those around you. Make sure he knows that it is you who can be taken away from him, not him from you.
Don't push yourself to the background
A common mistake in relationships with a man is to abandon one's own interests in favor of a loved one. Often life itself forces one to do this, either due to limited material resources or for psychological reasons. But if you always think about a man first, and then about yourself, this will suit him quite well.
How many women, looking for a new coat in a store, mentally beat themselves on the hands: “Which coat? My shoes are worn out, and my jacket doesn’t look good at all. We’ll put it on first, and then we’ll think about the coat.” Or another option: “Now there is no time for my expenses, my husband has invested all the money in the business.”
It's not surprising that it becomes the norm for your partner to put your interests last. He stops considering it a sacrifice on your part to give up his needs. Having given up what is important to you, be prepared that no one will notice your needs in the future. This is one of the common reasons why a man does not give gifts.
Don't put yourself in the position of a mother
Maternal instinct is a natural thing, but it does not apply to a man. How often do you hear from a woman: put on your underpants, you'll catch a cold! Don't go without a hat! How many times have I told you, you can’t touch these dishes!
This is how children are treated, not husbands and boyfriends. Communicating with a loved one as with a child, it costs nothing to kill the partner’s interest in oneself - it is unnatural to treat the mother as an object of sexual desire and love in the romantic sense of the word. Instead of a partner, the woman has another child.
Treat a man as a person capable of answering for himself. Don't give him a reason to be lazy by shifting onto you what is among his concerns. Don't patronize him. This is the only way you will remain “behind your husband”, and not in the role of someone who always protects an adult man and takes on her partner’s problems.
The main reasons for male infidelity
Turning to statistical data, we can draw a disappointing conclusion that betrayal in the family is not uncommon. For 40% of husbands, fidelity does not matter at all; they regularly “have sex.” Many of these men explain their behavior by ancient instincts that push them to search for new and new partners. After all, a man is a male, his task is to fertilize as many females as possible. Therefore, monogamy on the part of a man is contrary to the natural order of things. But in the modern world, such an explanation does not seem very convincing. Most often, the reasons for cheating lie not in a man’s instincts, but in banal problems in relationships. Often, after several years of marriage, a woman stops taking care of herself, the spouses get tired of each other, scandals, reproaches, and quarrels begin. There are often situations when a man simply does not have enough sex with his wife. Of course, it also happens that infidelity happens in almost ideal families. But all men are different, so it is simply impossible to name a narrow range of specific reasons for such a phenomenon as betrayal.
Don't try to dominate
Sometimes women wait so long for initiative from their man that they simply get tired of it and take the situation entirely into their own hands. But, if you decide everything alone, your partner will feel spat upon. And don't be happy that he learned his lesson. Such a turn will not bring you closer.
A man, regardless of his character, abilities and desire to do something, remains a man. And if it was pointed out to him that he is worthless, the relationship will only worsen. Try not to resolve issues important to the family without consulting your partner. It’s better to show him your talents as a housewife, for example, show him that you are capable of creating real culinary masterpieces.
What are men afraid of?
Men, like all people and living beings in general, are also characterized by fear. And it can be difficult for them to cope with it, because men need to continuously maintain the image of a fearless defender. The most common fears men have related to relationships are the fear of being rejected, the fear of becoming dependent on a woman or of being unwanted, humiliated, and the fear of not meeting the requirements. Among other common male fears, psychologists name:
- Fear of failure. This applies not only to the financial component, but also to all others.
- Fear of ruining your own reputation;
- Fear of being deceived;
- Fear of loneliness;
- Fear of becoming a victim of manipulation.
Don't invade personal space
Many women have the habit of asking a loved one who has returned to the house about his affairs from the threshold. And if he comes in a bad mood, they immediately ask a lot of questions, showing their concern.
Men are not inclined to give a full account of their problems instantly. They often want to think about what is happening before talking about what happened. And annoying questions only irritate them.
Develop the habit of not pestering your lover when he returns home. It is much more logical to call him to the table and offer him dinner, and then do other things. When the man is ready, he will share what is happening.
Domestic violence: main causes
Assault is a terrible phenomenon that many women suffer from. The consequences of such behavior are always dire. They irrevocably leave a negative imprint on the relationship, ruin the destinies of both parties to the conflict, and also negatively affect the development and mental state of children, who are often witnesses to domestic violence. Often victims of beatings do not tell anyone about their difficult situation, thereby only worsening the situation. Each of these situations is purely individual and requires personal work with psychologists, but the main most common causes of domestic violence can still be named:
- Alcohol consumption. As a rule, a husband beats his wife while under the influence of large doses of alcohol. In this state, a person ceases to control himself, and all his dark thoughts and desires break out.
- Cheating on the part of the wife. Betrayal, without a doubt, is a strong blow for any person. But even this cannot be a valid reason for assault. However, some men who do not know any other way to express negative emotions and resentment beat women for having an affair with another.
- Jealousy. Jealousy can bring a person to a state of complete loss of control over himself. Suspicion, torment, resentment - all this often results in domestic violence.
- Low self-esteem. Physical superiority is one of the ways of self-exaltation. Therefore, women often become victims of domestic violence from men suffering from low self-esteem.
How to avoid repeating mistakes in relationships
To establish psychological contact with a man and live calmly, learn not to make the same mistakes. At a minimum, you need to “wake up” so as not to act automatically, but always soberly assess what is happening. You should:
- admit once and for all that you cannot judge a person for his actions without knowing what he was thinking at that moment;
- look at a potential conflict from his point of view, without considering that only your point of view has the right to exist;
- ask the man to take your position so that he can see what the situation looks like from your side;
- make a list of yours and his shortcomings, and make sure that both of you are imperfect, and therefore do not have the right to consider yourself impeccable in specific circumstances.
The ability to be kind to the motives of a loved one in itself solves a lot of problems. And if we add a little more life wisdom to this, avoiding banal female mistakes in relationships with our man, we will be able to find that very harmony in love that any of us dreams of, but has not yet achieved it.
How do men cope with breakups?
Ending a relationship is a difficult stage for both parties. Some women assume that breaking up is no big deal for men, but this is not true. His behavior is largely determined by the situation in which the breakup occurs:
- The woman initiated the breakup. In such a situation, men often become depressed. Many people seek solace in alcohol or extreme entertainment. Men are three times more likely to experience depression after a breakup than women;
- Break by common decision. For men, this option is the most painless, especially if the relationship ended calmly and without a quarrel. If the reason for the breakup was a scandal, then in the process of sorting out the relationship, the man will certainly take the opportunity to let off the steam that has accumulated during the existence of this union;
- Separation by the man's decision. Many men who want to end a relationship feel guilty and ashamed. Therefore, they prefer to present the situation in such a light that the woman is to blame. They begin to behave aggressively and can insult and humiliate their partner. Typically, men behave this way if they already have a reliable replacement for the role of life partner.
We hope that knowledge of these nuances of male psychology will help you build more harmonious relationships with your loved ones!
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