Is there really no respect?
The wedding day is in the past, the euphoria of the honeymoon has passed, everyday life has begun, and all sorts of difficulties have appeared. The hot passion was replaced by coolness, or even a harsh winter set in in the relationship between the spouses.
Women, being more sensitive by nature, are the first to begin to feel emotional cold. It seems to the wife that her husband no longer loves her, she looks for signs of him cooling off towards her and stresses herself out more and more. Is it really that bad and is it possible to somehow fix it? Can! But first you need to figure out whether the problem actually exists and, if so, whether something is worth fixing.
What should I do if I love but don’t respect my husband?
When seemingly warm and kind feelings continue to exist between a man and a woman, there is a habit, an attachment, but there is no respect, which would make the relationship different and would help the woman restrain her, sometimes uncontrollable, emotions. It seems that he is a good husband and father of the family, but there are no masculine qualities that would inspire respect. No achievements! No success! No victories!
Let us together try to figure out what respect is between husband and wife and how it is born and arises. You know that love can be conditional and unconditional. Respect can also be conditional or unconditional. Unconditional respect is respect for which no reason is needed. Unconditional respect is based on the fact that you recognize that the other is not like you, you recognize his differences.
A big problem in relationships is that a woman tries to explain a man’s actions from her point of view: “I wouldn’t do that, I would understand this hint.” Often the actions and actions of other people are viewed from the perspective of our own worldview. And often this leads to irritation with the other just because he doesn’t think like you.
Conditional respect, like love, is born in concepts for something: for qualities of character, for achievements, for success. There is something that is a person's achievements, something to which a person has applied his efforts, abilities and will.
Respect, unlike love, is born in the head. This is a feeling that is born in our mind, in contrast to love, which is born in the heart.
Test
The next test is called “Does my husband respect me?” It only contains 5 simple questions. If you answer yes to at least one of them, then I can only advise you to divorce:
- Has your spouse hit you at least once?
He hit you for real, not just pushed you away during a quarrel or gave you a purely symbolic slap in the face to bring you to your senses during a hysteria. There can be no justification for this.
- Did your beloved not spend the night at home without good reason?
Respectful - his mother got sick, his car broke down somewhere near Rostov when he was returning home from a business trip, a force majeure situation, for example, he helped put out a fire at a friend’s house, and so on. Drinking with a friend who suddenly meets on the street can also be understood if this is the first incident in many years. If such parties occur with enviable frequency under the pretext “I have the right to a private life,” then this is already a warning bell.
- Does your man constantly insult and humiliate you, both in private and in public?
If a husband allows himself to insult his wife, that is, he sends her obscenities to distant countries, calls her offensive names, intentionally hurts her, pointing out her shortcomings (excess weight, poor eyesight, etc.), belittles her feminine and simply human dignity by any means, then neither there can be no talk of any kind of love.
- Have you caught your significant other cheating?
You don’t suspect it, but they got it right, that is, his betrayal is an irrefutable fact.
- The head of the family earns well or not, does not let you work, but at the same time does not give you a penny?
“A woman should stay at home,” he tells you, and this seems to be good, but only when the man provides for you completely, calmly allocating money not only for what is needed, but also for small female weaknesses. If your husband doesn’t let you work, but at the same time you have to beg him for pennies even for natural needs (pads, cream, shampoo, etc.), then this no longer fits into any reasonable saving framework. He is simply an owner and a miser, forcing you to sit at home and not giving you money, he completely subjugates you to his will, so that he can then mock you to his heart's content.
All the situations described above are clear signs of a man’s lack of not only love and respect, but also a lack of conscience and at least minimal upbringing. For such despots, a woman is just a toy or a thing, a rag on which to wipe their feet, a housekeeper and servant. You need to run away from them as soon as possible. Don't be deceived by the calf's eyes, pleas for forgiveness and colorful promises. Nothing will change. It will be better only the first few days after reconciliation, then the same thing will begin. And it will be even worse, because the despot, who almost lost his toy, will come up with new methods of influence, will do everything so that you can no longer or do not dare to run away.
A woman with adequate self-esteem is a good teacher
Classic of the genre: A wife asks her husband to wash the dishes. But he really doesn’t know how to wash dishes (for example, his mother didn’t teach him to do this), or he deliberately does it very poorly so that his wife doesn’t ask him about it anymore.
A woman with low self-esteem will, as a rule, exclaim: “What a crooked person you are! You can’t be taught anything!”
And she will wash the dishes herself. Always.
A woman with adequate self-esteem will simply show her husband how to do it correctly.
In the same way, you can teach your husband to wash things. There is nothing super complicated here. It is necessary to clearly explain that white things cannot be washed with colored and black ones. Believe me, even if a man is not very inclined to learn, he will still learn after the fifth time. Yes, you need to be patient here. Sometimes you have to put up with poorly washed laundry, poorly washed dishes or poorly washed floors. But it's worth it!
Signs and causes
In most other situations, a husband’s disrespect for his wife can be explained and corrected, and the main signs of its manifestation will tell you how. Let's understand the reasons.
Why did this happen and how to return a good attitude
If both spouses are interested in preserving the family, they can turn to a family psychologist, whose advice will help both understand the reasons and find a solution. But this is rare. What to do:
- Don't flog the fever.
That is, don’t start scandals to sort things out, don’t collect things, don’t take revenge, don’t do other stupid things.
- Talk to your spouse.
But calmly, without hysterics and presenting it. Correct leading questions: what happened, why are you in a bad mood, do you have some problems, are you angry with me because of something, I offended you in some way, our relationship has deteriorated, why? Moreover, the questions need to be asked in exactly this order. Often, a sincere conversation helps to find out the root cause of the misunderstanding and the situation is easily resolved. If this does not happen, the man does not make contact or refuses with monosyllabic phrases - nothing, there is no need to go deeper into the jungle and provoke a conflict. Just leave.
- Analyze the situation carefully.
Evaluate not only the man’s behavior, but also your own. This is just when nothing came of the heart-to-heart conversation.
Was there any respect at all?
The first thing to do is to go back to the beginning, remember whether the husband always didn’t care about his wife, or at the beginning the relationship was warm; if always, then there is basically nothing to return. By the way, the situation is common. People get married for various reasons - it’s time - age, unplanned pregnancy, to please parents, strong feelings on the part of one of the couple... At the same time, they do not feel passion for each other, they confuse sympathy or a sense of duty with love. At first, such a family exists quite normally (they can even get used to each other or become friends, less often, truly fall in love), but over time the “deception” is revealed and problems begin. If a man initially did not show much interest in a woman, then there are two options - try to interest him now or start living for the sake of his beloved.
If at first everything was fine, but at some point it broke down, then continue to analyze further.
Loss of self-respect
Remember, a husband will not value his wife if she does not love herself! What does it mean? The woman has resigned herself to her life and goes with the flow, she does not consider herself worthy of more, does not like her reflection in the mirror, has no ambitions and is fixated on problems. She has a lot of complexes, which she periodically tells her husband about, for example, “I’m so fat” and so on. She allows her husband to remind her of her complexes and shortcomings, for example, “it’s good to eat, you’re already fat.” She doesn’t have a favorite activity, nothing brings her joy, she’s so tired that she’s even too lazy to wash her hair or get a manicure. Sound familiar?
There is a solution - ladies, love yourself! Stop giving 100%, courting family members, getting tired to the point of exhaustion and “forgetting” your own desires. Leave time and energy to relax, get yourself in order, just be lazy, read a book, do what you love. Accept yourself as you are. Find the best features of your appearance and accentuate them. Remind yourself often how wonderful and unique you are. Find a hobby, something that you do better than others and that brings you pleasure. Everything will work out as soon as you become interested in yourself, raise your self-esteem and abstract yourself from your relationship with your husband.
Turning into ugly
The second reason smoothly follows from the first reason - a husband may stop respecting his wife because she has turned from a beautiful swan into an ugly duckling. A man needs to admire his woman, regardless of whether she works somewhere or sits at home with children. He fell in love with you, beautiful and well-groomed, bright and sexy. What do you look like now? Think, maybe it’s time to get yourself in order - do your hair, pluck your eyebrows, tighten your stomach, stop hunching, and so on?
Yes, you are married! But you still need to look stunning every day in order to charm the only, but most desirable man!
Boomerang Law
If the first reasons are not about you, that is, you take care of yourself, respect yourself, and love yourself, then maybe you yourself do not value your man. And this attitude came back to you like a boomerang.
You may be surprised, but not only a man should bring coffee to bed, give gifts, take care and ask “how are you doing?” A woman should also show attention, show a man that he is important, needed and loved. The phrases: “I cook for him, wash and iron”, “I run the house and raise children” are not an argument, just as the words “what else does she need, I provide for the family and earn money, I have the rest” are not considered there is no strength left." Both options are the same type of excuses, attempts to justify indifference and selfishness. Think and answer yourself (only honestly):
- Do you listen to your man, not only what interests you, but in general?
- Do you recognize your spouse as the head of the family?
- Do you respect his decisions?
- Do you show affection towards him?
- How long have you given your husband any pleasantries and gifts just like that, not for his birthday, and have you done them at all - dedicated poems, brought coffee and pancakes to bed, stroked his cheek and said that you miss him?
- Are you interested in how his health is, how he is doing at work?
- Do you greet his relatives in a friendly manner?
- Do you respect your mother-in-law, do you speak badly of her in his presence?
- Do you respect your husband yourself?
Remember, the boomerang law has not yet been repealed! Change your attitude and see how your husband changes towards you.
Loss of sexual interest
Another common reason why a spouse loses interest in his wife is a loss of sexual interest:
- On his part, because the woman stopped taking care of herself, that is, she lost her sexual attractiveness.
- On your part, you are too tired and perceive sex as a fulfillment of marital duty, and not as mutual pleasure, constantly looking for excuses or turning into an insensitive stone, secretly dreaming of ending this “unpleasant ritual” as quickly as possible.
Even if a woman does not refuse to share a bed with a man, but sex is only an obligation for her, her partner will definitely feel it. One time he will attribute it to your fatigue or poor health, the second time he will take it personally, and the third time he will decide that there is no more passion and love. And since the wife is cold, then the husband will instantly become cold. This is how men are designed; they need sex on a physiological level. But not sex as a mechanical satisfaction of needs, but sex as an all-consuming fire. They need to feel that a woman is trembling in their arms, to feel like heroes and giants.
Return the fire to the “bed” - you will return your husband’s favor!
Education and traditions
The attitude of a husband towards his wife can be determined by upbringing or traditions laid down by belonging to a particular nation, for example, in Islam it is understood that a man should take care of a woman as if he were growing the most beautiful flower. At the same time, he may not love her at all and not even respect her, but he will take care of her, dress her, put on shoes, have children, pamper her, speak kind words, and so on. Whether this is good or bad is difficult to judge. Jewish men love only one woman infinitely – their mother. The wife will always come in second place, which also leaves its mark on family relationships. It is impossible to force such men to behave differently; here you need to either come to terms with it or start life from scratch.
It happens that the husband’s behavior is based on the model of his family, that is, the relationship between his parents, or some kind of psychological trauma from childhood. In such cases, only a qualified specialist can help.
That's all, I wish you to be the most loved, desired and unique! Goodbye.
I don't feel respect for him as a man
She tried to explain to me that she really likes him as a person, she loves him, sees many positive human qualities in him, he is a wonderful father to her two children, he has an excellent relationship with her parents and her relatives, he, in the end, loves her and they spend a lot of time together. She can share many things with him and he is a very good friend to her. She can allow herself to shout at him; his opinion always seems stupid and funny to her. She believes that she understands many things much better than he does and cannot trust him to make any decisions. No matter what he does, it always seems to her that if she doesn’t take care, everything will be done wrong. She doesn't trust his opinion.
We tried to figure out with her what respect for a man is, and she told about her idea: “I would like him to be more active in life, make decisions himself, be more proactive, so that I feel his masculine strength, so that he had friends, interests, hobbies. I wish he liked some kind of sport, it would be nice if I could feel that he is passionate about something other than relaxing on the couch in front of the TV.” She also doesn’t like that he doesn’t strive to make a career, get a higher and well-paid position. She began to notice that she began to look with desire at other men who were more successful in life, and in her heart she didn’t like it: “I love my husband, but I don’t respect him.” She understands that she will not be as warm, comfortable and cozy with anyone as with her husband. Due to the lack of respect for him, she often began to break down and shout at him, sometimes using insults and accusing him of failure.
