How to learn to trust people and your loved one. Is it worth doing?

Why does mistrust arise?

Due to a lack of trust, misunderstandings, resentments and discord in relationships arise between people. As a result of this, in any person’s actions, we see a catch or an attempt to offend.

Mistrust can arise for several reasons.

Mistrust since childhood

A child under 2 years of age begins to develop trust through his relationship with his mother. He will not learn to trust if his mother is not confident in herself. A feeling of trust appears in him when he feels loved, surrounded by care and attention. The mother must come to the baby’s aid at the first call. The child must understand that he is the most important for her, and then everything else. This lays the foundation for trust in everyone around you.

In older children, mistrust may arise due to psychological trauma. Parenting is a difficult process, so parents make mistakes.

The mother may not pay enough attention if there is another child in the family. The elder will not understand why the mother moved away, and mistrust will form in him. In life, this feeling will leave its mark on relationships with other people.

Life experience

Situations often arise when a person stops trusting others. It closes itself from them in the following cases:

betrayal;
treason;
lack of support in difficult life situations;
deception;
other situations.

After disappointment, the individual does not find the strength to trust people. It seems to him that anyone can deceive or betray. He keeps his distance and doesn't let anyone get close to him. The person himself is not comfortable in such a situation; it will interfere with him both in his personal life and in his professional life.

Diffidence

Individuals who are not confident in themselves and their abilities blame others for their failures. Because of their complexes, they see flaws in everyone. They believe that no one wishes them well, does not love or respect them. Subconsciously, such people have formed the opinion that they do not deserve to be treated well. The roots of this problem lie in the depths of consciousness and can be associated with various factors: a problem from childhood, psychological trauma, etc.

Each person judges by himself and his actions. If he thinks that his partner can cheat or commit a vile act, then he himself is capable of doing so. Such an individual does not understand that others may act differently.

Information flow

Society receives a large flow of information from television screens and the Internet. It is mostly negative: disasters, murders, road accidents, armed conflicts, etc. People have the idea that danger awaits them everywhere. Often the information is not true. Having had a negative experience, people are wary of everything and doubt whether they can trust others. The result is distrust of all individuals.

I don't trust my boyfriend

Hello. I am 21 years old. I have been dating a young man for 3 years, he is 22. 1 year of our relationship went just fine, without quarrels or anything else. One day I went to his page on a social network from his computer and found a correspondence with a friend of mine. There was nothing criminal there, but he showed a lot of initiative in communication... he was interested in her whole life, asked what train she rode on, they live in the same area, I think he wanted to ride with her. I told him that I was aware of it, and that it upset me very much... he began to say that it was just out of boredom, that he liked her as a pretty person and just wanted to make friends. I don’t know why, but I forced myself to believe it, but I think I never forgave him for it and didn’t accept his truth. Then, over time, I found several more correspondence, but they were insignificant, but he was clearly attracted to some unfamiliar girls. I again told him...to which he again said that it didn’t mean anything, that he only loved me. I continued to communicate with him and was quite happy, not always true, but there were moments. One day I also found a profile on his dating site... it was stated that he prefers dark brunettes, and I am blonde + pale skin... I felt very unpleasant, for the first time I doubted my attractiveness... I thought that he thought I was beautiful and so on... Because of this questionnaire, we broke up, but then he apologized and wanted to come back and forgave me... because he convinced me that it was just like that and didn’t mean anything, that he only loved me..... This summer we broke up again, we quarreled a little, I hung up on emotions and decided not to get in touch, I was silent for about 3 weeks and so was he, then he wrote to tell me to forget about him. After 2 months, I wrote to him, I wanted to talk to him, why he did this, why he made such a decision - to break up, he said that he was tired of quarreling, that we could not get along together, but at the same time he loved me very much and was very worried... For some reason, these declarations of his love always grabbed me and this time I offered to make peace... we made peace, but literally the next day, I find a letter to the girl in his mail, he writes that he loves her... I asked him... what this all means... He told me that in the summer, while we were not in a relationship, he went to Bulgaria with his brother and there he met this girl, Her name is Polina, she is 18 years old and he lives in Germany... they stayed there for 5 days and during these 5 days they started an affair and slept together. He said that he only felt a slight love for her and therefore when they parted he missed her a little, but their communication did not work out and they both stopped searching and now they do not communicate, I believed. From that moment, everything in me turned upside down ...I began to constantly ask him how it was, what she was like, whether she was beautiful, what kind of figure she had, what she was better at than me, what her breasts were like, whether she liked sex, whether he liked it... so I constantly learned something from him for 2 months....naturally..this began to irritate him, we began to quarrel because of my jealousy. I am very worried that I am ugly, that I have small breasts, that my height is only 160, and she has larger breasts and her height is 175. Because of this, I began to feel inferior.....I dance myself. and my figure is great... but because of him... I think not! Which is not great enough((((And the worst thing is, I had access to his mail all the time, I hacked his mail, I’m very ashamed of it.. But I can’t be ignorant... I kind of feel the need for control over the situation, the other day... a girl from work wrote to him, and showed a lot of interest in him, when she found out that he had a girlfriend... her ardor got to her... I told him that I knew that he was corresponding with her, that I was very upset by the fact that he was also enthusiastic about meeting a new acquaintance. She told me that I knew the password... He got very angry and we quarreled. I called him and asked for forgiveness...... and he seemed to forgive me and wrote me messages that he loves, that he misses, and all this time I was coming up with a new way to find out the password (((((It’s just some kind of horror. I didn’t seem to perceive all the warm words that he sent me, I don’t believe him. I think all the time that that girl from work is more attractive than me, I saw her photographs, she is very wealthy, pretty, long beautiful hair, tall and slender, and I again begin to consider myself insignificant... I can’t do this anymore... I cry all the time. I do not know what to do. On the one hand, I want to put an end to everything and tell him that I don’t trust and will never be able to trust and that we cannot be together. He always told me in all conflicts that he didn’t want to break up, that he loved me, but that he was less interested in others... and more than once he broke off relations with me. I don't know whether to believe him or not. On the other hand, I love him very much and I think... he loves me too, he works so that we can go on vacation somewhere, my parents cannot pay for my trip, because... they are retired, and I myself am a student and study at a difficult institute, I can’t miss classes, and therefore I can’t work. I am very upset by the fact that I am modest, and maybe not particularly noticeable. But at the same time, I have a hobby - dancing, only there I am truly happy, there I am confident in myself, in my talent, etc...... I think that there is a way out, I just have to learn to trust it now, don’t nag him with your stupid questions, but I can’t do it, as soon as I see some letters, I break out…. Please tell me how I can cope with all this horror?

What should I do if I don't trust my boyfriend? (3 answers)

Ways to learn to trust people

Relationships between people are difficult to build without trust. Thanks to this feeling, relationships between loved ones and friends become harmonious. In the professional sphere, without trust it is impossible to conclude contracts and transactions.

5 ways to learn to trust people

To start trusting others, use the following methods:

Forgive people who have offended you. Let go of the grudge and it will be easier. Experience with people who failed in a certain situation or acted ugly is just experience. You need to learn this lesson and be careful. You don’t need to assume that everyone will treat you badly. Each person is individual and has many good qualities.
Don't expect from others what they cannot give. When we trust friends or loved ones, we want them to be completely immersed in our problem or life. They can, due to their character or temperament, advise and console. But in the future they will not remember our problem. By expecting more, we become disappointed and lose trust.
Develop self-confidence. Confident and self-sufficient individuals are not afraid to trust people. They are not affected by criticism from others. They know how to properly divide people: who is worthy of trust and who is not. Individuals who are confident in themselves attract others like them.
Trust trusted friends. Situations often arise that we trust unfamiliar friends. And this could turn against us. Therefore, you should trust only those in whom you are confident that they will not let you down or set you up. When meeting new people, do not rush to “open your soul.” You should be careful, look closely and check their integrity.
Don't be afraid to trust your loved ones. Many people expect their partner to understand that we want to share our experiences. It's worth taking the first step yourself. The reaction on the part of the interlocutor can be anything, you need to be prepared for any development of events and react correctly.

Trust your feelings, thoughts and words to people in whom you are confident. When communicating with new acquaintances, do not “open your soul.” It is important to understand whether you can begin to trust this person.

How to learn to trust each other?

Do you trust your partner? Honestly? True true? Congratulations if this is the case. This means that you have managed to create the type of relationship where questions are truly questions, and not a reason to “pull by the tail” certain circumstances. After all, mistrust is when you ask a question to your partner, although you have already come up with the answer yourself. And no matter what they answer you, you still won’t believe it. And if you are frank with each other, then you can really be congratulated.

But if there is no trust in your life, then it needs to be learned. Otherwise, one day, your unreasonable jealousy and possessive tendencies will destroy the relationship between you and your partner.

Yes, you need to learn to trust. But how difficult it is to do, right? After all, you have had meetings and partings, deceptions and betrayals, love and hatred. Naturally, all these circumstances have left a serious mark on your life. But, think for yourself, your partner had all this too. Maybe it's time to forget all the difficulties from the past and build a relationship from scratch, where there will be no jealousy and mistrust?

In order to learn to trust each other, first of all you need to listen and hear each other. Listen so that your partner understands that he is needed and important in your life. And to hear in order to understand for yourself what he is afraid of, what worries him. And such dialogue between partners must be mutual.

It will be easier to trust each other if you realize that jealousy and distrust are nothing more than your lack of self-confidence. Perhaps your self-esteem is not as high as you imagine it to be. It is likely that you consider yourself not attractive enough compared to other people. Wait, but your relationship has been going on for more than one month, and for him you are the most beautiful! So is it worth stressing yourself out by checking his phone or jeans pockets?

Showing trust is being open between people. If you feel that mistrust is creeping into your relationship, then try to share your concerns with your loved one. Tell him about your fears and doubts. Do not be afraid of frankness, because it is the highest degree of trust.

And if you are afraid to open up to your partner, then remember your childhood. Remember how scary it was to climb on your first two-wheeler. Do you also remember the first meters, when the steering wheel wobbled from side to side? Have you forgotten your delight when he obeyed, you picked up speed and drove around your yard in two minutes?

So it is with trust. If you do not overcome your fear and do not try to take the first timid steps, then no one will take them for you. Trust is the most important thing in relationships between people. Learn to trust the people you love and you will see how your life will change!

Elena,

How to understand: to trust or not

To understand whether you should trust people, carefully observe them during communication:

an honest person, during a conversation, looks into the eyes and does not look away when asked a question. Experienced liars know how to control themselves, so watch your pupils. Dilated pupils – he is not telling the truth;
Crossed arms on the chest means the interlocutor is closing himself off from you and does not trust you. If a person turns sideways during a conversation or hunches over, this means that he is not interested in the topic of conversation. Gestures such as pursing lips, stroking hair, looking at fingers - may indicate that the interlocutor is lying;
honest and decent people do not cancel a meeting. This applies to both business and friendly relationships. Friends who suddenly change plans, without good reason, cannot be relied upon;
ask tricky questions. An interlocutor who has nothing to hide will answer honestly and openly;
ask about something personal. The one who strives for trust on your part will answer. And the liar will transfer the question to you;
deceivers rarely use the pronoun “I” in conversation because they are subconsciously afraid to take responsibility. In their speech they use words that express negative emotions - “sad”, “hopeless”, “sad” and others. They may give examples that support their story when they are not asked to do so;
business relationships and friendships should not be established quickly. If this happens without your desire, it means that the new acquaintance is exerting pressure;
turns against old friends and relatives - you should not communicate with such a friend. He may be pursuing some goal.

Analyze the behavior, gestures and movements of new acquaintances. Based on these characteristics, you can get an idea about them and understand whether the people in front of you are honest or not.

It is impossible to protect yourself 100% from dishonest people, but you can exclude obvious liars from your life.

Useful advice from psychologists

Psychologists are often asked for help to learn to trust family and loved ones. Sharing your experiences is a necessary human need. Psychologists advise the following:

To trust others, you need to start trusting yourself. This concept includes accepting ourselves as we are, with all our shortcomings.
Analyze the situation that caused distrust of others.
We must learn to share our experiences with parents, partners or friends. You cannot isolate yourself and close yourself off if one of them did not listen to you under other circumstances. Only a truly adult person is able to accept this without offense and entrust them with their worries again.
Speak out loud and write down on a piece of paper what prevents you from trusting others. Now try to refute these judgments. If you think that all store sellers cheat customers, remember the cases when they did the opposite. Our views are not always correct, and we see many things from the wrong angle.
Don't be critical of others. Set yourself up in a positive way. Remember that everyone has the right to make mistakes. A single wrong act does not indicate a person’s meanness.
You cannot control your loved ones and your partner. This shows your distrust of them. It’s hard for everyone to live in such an environment. They do not understand why they are not trusted and move away. The person who controls everyone is afraid to loosen control. We must give our relatives the freedom to make mistakes and be responsible for them themselves. Then they will know that they are trusted too.

To trust or not is the choice of each of us. You shouldn’t be gullible indiscriminately, it’s so easy to be deceived. You need to trust, within reason, close and dear people whose support is needed in difficult times.