: Reading time:
The world around us is changing, but millions of women are still waiting for a call after a blind date, a chance meeting or a month of seemingly harmonious relationships. And this is a bad dream, obsessive doubts and a phone that is scary to let go of. Why doesn’t a man call, how long does it make sense to wait, and is it worth calling yourself? Gestalt therapist Mikhail Zolotukhin ponders.
Unfortunately, for the article we cannot find the specific woman who asked the question, and the specific man who did not call. You will have to look for all possible answers. We want this article to be fair and clear, so we'll have to make it ruthless in places. And sometimes funny.
To begin with, context is important: what situation are we looking at? There are many dating options now, so we better classify situations according to another criterion - sex. Why doesn't he call: before or after sex?
You are assertive
Why doesn't he write to me? Maybe you write to him very often? Some guys are intimidated by persistent girls, and this may translate into your constant desire to communicate with him. He may not have had this kind of relationship and he is not used to observing that they want to be in constant touch with him.
In this regard, he only has time to respond to your messages, since he has not yet fully adapted to the new format of communication with a girl. All you have to do is wait. Don't write to him often, give him the opportunity to become the initiator. If he disappears from sight, draw appropriate conclusions.
In some situations, it is worth proving to a man that you love him. This article will help with this.
What reasons do you know why a guy might not get in touch first? Share your opinion in the comments.
Is it worth calling a man if he is missing in such a situation?
Definitely NO! What you can do is let go and wait for movements on his part, continue living and minding your own business, don’t dwell on him. Learn to accept all life situations calmly, without fuss, and do not create unnecessary tension. Remember, as long as you cling to the expectation of a call, there will be no call, because this creates an invisible barrier and even if he is wondering whether to call or not, he will certainly not call. As soon as you are distracted and get the call out of your head, you will receive it right away!
EXCESSIVE EXPECTATION OF SOMETHING pushes away getting a RESULT.
It is important that you begin to value yourself more. The art of seduction is a small game. Even if you like a man, you don’t need to immediately demonstrate your feelings. Don't rush at him as if he were the last person in the world, but rather push him to become a WINNER and you to be the AWARD!
- Situation 2: He likes you but still doesn’t call or write
If a man doesn’t call, but you are sure that he likes you, then there may be several reasons for this. Again, we need to understand that men are sometimes simpler than we think. They cannot think multidimensionally! When women analyze and process many thoughts at the same time, a man moves from one activity to another! Take a deep breath, just think about how many times you haven't been able to call people you care about because you were simply busy or didn't have the opportunity.
There are several situations when a man does not answer your messages and calls. You should know about this. Why doesn't he do this? For example, he is at work and is VERY LOADED with work that cannot be delayed. Men think one-dimensionally, and lack of attention to an important project or meeting can lead to job loss or other serious consequences. You wouldn't want that, would you? Don't count on him talking to you when he's playing sports. It is an activity that consumes his entire mind and body. And you prefer a handsome and athletic man without excess weight, don’t you? Maybe he's meeting his parents or having a very important conversation with a friend? Maybe he left his phone at home? This also happens. There is another important aspect that takes place in life, it waits, thereby testing you. There is such a type of modern men who, unfortunately, have been spoiled by our women, who have forgotten how to achieve them, and who have been taught not to strain (knowing that she will call herself), they are just used to it! And one more reason, it’s simple to the point of primitiveness, but it also needs to be taken into account, he simply doesn’t dare, fearing refusal on your part.
Should you call a man if he is missing?
More likely no than yes. If a guy can't answer or call you for one of these reasons, no matter what, my advice is to be patient and wait for him to call! This will be correct in any case.
A lot also depends on how long he doesn't talk to you. If this happens within a few hours, you have nothing to worry about. Should you call the first man? When a man doesn’t write or call for a long time, and you’ve known each other for a short time, never make the first move. However, if you have known each other a little longer, then this will be seen as a nice gesture that will strengthen your relationship. You show him your concern for him. Otherwise, you will begin to lose his respect from the very beginning of your relationship. He will feel that he is holding you in his arms or that you are chasing him.
- Situation 3: he likes you, but he won’t admit it
Here you have to play correctly, bide your time. When he calls you a few days later, let him know that you don't like this behavior. Tell him gently that you need more interest and respect. On the other hand, don't let him feel like you're disappointed or upset! You do this in such a way that he knows from the very beginning that you will not tolerate such behavior. But don't overdo it, because it's not about constantly following you around and enduring your attacks. Give him some time, show sympathy. Such men often hide their sensitive side under a thick armor. Break through it from the very beginning, and the situation will never happen again! He will know that you expect attention from him and will not risk losing you!
- Situation 4: He is a player and a manipulator
There are certain types of men you need to avoid if you are looking for a serious relationship. The player, the manipulator, will want to use you and abandon you at the first opportunity. This type of man will not specifically write or call to gain control over you. The moment you talk to him, he will know that he has won. He will deceive you by manipulating and playing you. At the beginning, he will promise stars from heaven so that you will finally succumb to him. As soon as you feel that the man is a player, do not waste your time, nerves and let him go!
- Situation 5. Storyteller
A man is a storyteller, this is another type of man with whom you cannot build a serious relationship. Such men will constantly fool you. When asked why you didn’t call, he will tell you another fable, and promise mountains of gold that will make your head spin. But in reality everything will remain the same. Such men can be grouped with a man who is a pathological liar, who constantly lies, even if there is no point in lying. Storytellers and liars are definitely not the people with whom you can build serious relationships.
He promised to call and didn’t call... how should I behave? Let him go and move on with his life.
Dependence on a man. How to overcome it?
If there is chemistry between you, and you are going crazy with how much you want to hear and see him, then pull yourself together and let the man decide whether he needs you.
If you cannot sleep and eat, and all your thoughts are occupied only with him, then it means that there are problems in your life. A person who is interested in life develops, communicates and strives for something, and a priori he will not be able to get hung up on someone and give up all his affairs. Believe me, if there is a spark between you, you won’t have to wait long for a call!
While you are waiting, keep yourself busy with something interesting or simply devote this time to important things.
Can a man love and not call?
As you can see, there can be many reasons why a man does not call. You have found that for the most part they are not that scary and there is no point in immediately thinking negatively. In this situation, always remember that it is IMPORTANT to remain calm, not to worry and not to bother yourself by twisting and inflating the situation.
If a man really values a woman and is committed to a serious relationship, then he will definitely call and invite her on a date. But using these examples, at the initial stage of a relationship, try to recognize your man’s type in a timely manner, so as not to regret later.
My advice is, if after a date a man does not call back first, THIS IS A SERIOUS SIGNAL to think carefully about whether it is necessary to start a relationship with such a man. No matter how busy a person is, if he is interested in a relationship, he will definitely find a couple of minutes to at least warn you not to worry, not to lose him, and will inform you that he is busy. This is what a serious and responsible person who was brought up correctly would do!
When should you call first?
There are several rare situations when you can call a man first, for example:
- You forgot an important thing . Suppose you accidentally forgot his passport or keys. In this case, it is stupid to wait for a call - call yourself to pick up your item. But there is no need to manipulate this by inventing that you might have forgotten something from him.
- He went home and a day later did not appear online . If for 24 hours after the date he hasn’t logged into any social network, although he used to use them all the time, then you can call him and ask if everything is okay.
- This is not your first date . If your communication has already gone far, and is going rapidly and continuously, then you can call first. A man who is interested in you will be pleased to receive a response.
Girls, be honest with yourself and don’t invent something that doesn’t exist. There is not a single man in the world who would be worth your tears and broken self-esteem.
A bit of male psychology
Leave tales of the lone wolf and the shy good boy behind. The psychology of a man is simple and clear - he does what is really important to him. While we women are thinking through the situation 100 moves ahead, coming up with insidious plans, men simply live and do what interests them. If you are on his list of interests, then you will definitely notice it. The same applies in the opposite situation: the absence of a call means a lack of interest, and not some kind of game and a pre-planned move.
Girls, respect yourself and value your time by wasting it on men who will not cause doubts in you!
Recommendations from psychologists
The main advice of all psychologists is to focus on yourself. If your boyfriend has disappeared and doesn’t want to continue communicating with you, don’t let depression enter your life. Make every effort, become more attractive, more interesting, so that the next man will be amazed by you.
- Development. Come up with a new hobby for yourself: horse riding, yoga, felting wool toys, massage courses, painting, dancing - do what gives you pleasure.
- Change of image. Most women are sure that a new style will change their lives for the better. Thanks to the change in image, they attract more attention. Brightness, well-groomed, beauty - such a woman is difficult not to notice.
- Wardrobe update. An option not only to enhance attractiveness, but also to lift your spirits. Almost any woman will not refuse shopping. Buying a new dress, bright shoes, a radical change in style - do not deny yourself this.
- Appearance. Maybe your chosen one has become less interested in you because the relationship has affected your appearance, you have become less well-groomed than at the beginning of the affair? Remember, men love it when a beautiful lady is next to them. Be beautiful, whether you've been together for two weeks or ten years.
- Vivid impressions. Give yourself positive emotions - go to Thailand, skydive, go to a car race. Make your old dreams come true. This way you can come to terms with the breakup less painfully and get rid of bad thoughts.
- Going out to people. Don't lock yourself within four walls. Of course, you can allow yourself to burst into tears while listening to a sad love drama, eating away your melancholy with ice cream or cake. But no more than one or two days! This way you can ruin your figure, and this is completely useless. Get off the couch, call your friends and move forward to new adventures!
Should you call first?
I believe that you should not call or write to a man first. If he wants, he will call himself. Remember that he is not the last in your life. If a man feels that you are not holding on to him as a “last chance,” then he will appreciate you. Don’t act as if this man’s call is the dream of your whole life, and without him life has no meaning.
If a man sees you as a woman with low self-esteem, then he may begin to take advantage of you, because you will be convenient for him. The problem is that love and respect from a man cannot be achieved in this order of things. Everyone wants to see next to them a girl with self-esteem, who knows how to enjoy life and does not get hung up on some man she likes. And the one who runs to cut off phones will never really interest a man, since each of them contains the instinct of a hunter. Your call will be equivalent to the fact that instead of running after game and experiencing adrenaline, he will be handed a ready-made dish.
Do not pursue under any circumstances! This is the second stupidest mistake the female half makes. If he doesn’t call, it means there is a reason for this from the above. There is no need to indulge yourself with illusions or throw scandals at him. Just be glad that the man made the decision himself and you didn’t have to be in an unpromising relationship.
