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Anyone who wants to master the art of finding a common language with people must first learn to listen to each of them. Although this rule is simple, few people implement it. And at the same time, the ability to listen is extremely important both for the ability to understand others and for developing their interest in you. Thus, this skill directly leads to increased communication skills. The famous psychologist Dale Carnegie argued that a good means of influencing a person is not the ability to speak (which is the first thing that comes to mind), but rather the developed ability to listen.
The ability to listen to your interlocutor – why is it important?
Try to get into the thoughts of your interlocutor. How will he feel if he speaks and is not listened to? He will regard this as disrespect for his person or inattention, which will cause irritation or even aggression towards you. By listening to the person speaking, you let him know that you are at least trying to understand him, even if you disagree with him. Also, by demonstrating listening skills, you demonstrate a high level of culture, which is also a significant plus.
Agree: when someone listens to you, it gives you a feeling of self-worth or even makes you happy. In turn, by listening carefully to the other person, you can better understand them and find common ground, which will benefit both of you. And the speaker will most likely appreciate your attention and will not remain in debt in the future.
Businessmen know that listening is one of the foundations of successful communication. By not paying due attention to your counterparty's complaints or suggestions, you can miss out on significant profits. By listening carefully to other people, you not only build relationships with them, you broaden your horizons. Any new person on your path can tell you unique and educational things.
If you have a bad memory, take notes while communicating. Listening skills develop very quickly with constant and conscious practice. We have compiled a selection of tips for you on how you can develop your listening skills.
How to work with someone who doesn't know how to listen?
What the experts say
“It’s extremely unpleasant to communicate with those who don’t hear you,” says Sabina Nawaz, a coach for top managers and CEOs of international companies. “If the person you're talking to isn't paying attention to you, it affects the quality of your message.” You may, for example, “lose your train of thought” or “not say what you originally intended.”
It is quite possible that you will start looking for someone to blame, take your colleague’s behavior to heart and blame him for arrogance. Christine Riordan, president of Adelphi University and a business coach, said the potential problems go beyond "misunderstandings and imagery." An employee’s inability to listen can have extremely negative consequences for the entire work process - so this issue cannot be ignored.
Here's what to do if your employees aren't listening to you.
Think about the differences in work styles
Some of your colleagues may have their head in the clouds and not paying attention to important things, but it is possible that they perceive information better visually than verbally. “Some people are better listeners, and some people are better seers,” says Riordan. She advises “asking about how your colleagues prefer to receive information.” Ask: “Would you like us to discuss this issue or would you like me to put it in writing for you?” Try to be a flexible and understanding communicator, Nawaz adds, and don’t waste people’s time.
Think about your own behavior
When you encounter a colleague who isn't a good listener, take a closer look at yourself and ask if you're a good listener, says Riordan. Negative examples are no less instructive than positive ones. Think about your approach to communication and where you can improve, Nawaz advises.
You may be speaking incoherently or overloading your interlocutor with numbers. Or because what you say lacks consistency. Evaluate your communication style, then you can be a role model.
Show attention to your interlocutor
To help your colleagues become better listeners, pay close attention to what they say, says Riordan. Try to understand your interlocutor's point of view. Nawaz recommends writing down what he says (literally one or two words). When there is a pause in the conversation, repeat your colleague’s point of view and at the same time express your own opinion. “Your job,” says Nawaz, “is to think about the people you communicate with and why they communicate with you.”
Emphasize the importance of your message
Emphasize the importance of what you say at the very beginning of the conversation. Riordan advises starting a conversation with the words: “I need to talk to you about something very important, I need your help.” This will be a signal for your colleague to perk up their ears and listen to you. Riordan also advises repeating the main idea of your message "several times and in different wording." Do this openly and directly. Say, “I’m repeating myself because it’s important to me that you understand me correctly.” This way you can be sure that what you said was heard.
Cultivate a sense of responsibility
It's also important to oblige your colleagues to listen carefully to what you say, Nawaz notes. For example, when communicating with a boss who is constantly distracted, let him know that he is “on the hook” and that he will have to express his opinion at the end of the conversation.
You might say, “I'll tell you three possible strategies and at the end I'll ask you to choose one.” Be open about your priorities, Riordan adds. If you are communicating with a colleague who often forgets conversations, discuss a deadline with him so that what you need from him will be “stuck in his mind.” Say, “This task is critical to the project. Until what date can you complete it? »
Show your participation
Criticism of colleagues can have consequences. But you can give your opinion about their behavior if you approach the issue with empathy and participation, says Nawaz. “Try saying: “You seem to have a lot of things that need your attention.
Is there anything I can do to help you so that you don't have to be distracted during our conversation? ", the expert advises. Your question must be absolutely sincere, otherwise it may sound aggressive. Be tolerant of distractions from your colleagues. If the person you're talking to's phone keeps ringing, pause and ask, "Do you need to answer?" Perhaps he will say: “No, I’ll turn it off now,” or maybe: “Yes, I’m waiting for an important call, or can we return to the conversation later? »
Resolve the issue directly
If you're on good terms with a coworker or boss who isn't a good listener, you can express it directly. Be sure to use an example of a situation in which your colleague was listening absentmindedly and it led to disastrous consequences for the entire team, says Riordan.
But be careful: to be effective, you must have a really good relationship with your interlocutor. Otherwise, he will perceive your words as attacks and will defend himself.
Propose a new social contract
If the problem fails, you can propose introducing a new “social contract” that defines “how team members can communicate with each other,” adds Riordan. When making a decision at the level of the entire team, you do not single out anyone in particular, but come to an agreement with your team. The contract you will have to “update regularly” will say that no one “should dominate the conversation” and “everyone should have the opportunity to express their opinion.”
\Such arrangements work best in companies with a developed corporate culture. If senior management doesn't support the idea, you won't succeed. “I've seen teams where this approach never worked,” says Riordan. If your team is in this category, give it up and think about how you can improve communication with colleagues.
Basic principles
What to do:
Make your colleagues feel heard by validating their points of view.
Emphasize the importance of what you are about to say: “I have something very important to tell you, and I need your help.”
Invite your colleagues to accept a new “social contract” governing communication in the team.
What not to do:
Do not ignore the advantages of your colleagues in receiving and processing information. Some hear better, some see better.
Don't be blind to your own communication style. Think about the best way to attract the attention of your colleagues.
Don't be afraid to call your employees' attention to their behavior, but do it in a positive way. Ask: “Is something bothering you? Is there anything I can do to help? »
The ability to listen to your interlocutor - how to develop?
Stop listening to music while outside
So, from the conversations of complete strangers, you can glean a lot of interesting information without making any effort.
Don't pretend to listen to your interlocutor
Really listen to him. Forget about your gadgets and problems for a moment - hear what the other person is talking about. By being fully involved in the communication process, you can gain a lot of new knowledge and emotions.
Serious people prefer to listen
When talking to a person, there is no need to interrupt him: it is better to listen to him to the end and then speak, having finally formed your opinion about the words of the interlocutor.
Develop empathy
To understand your interlocutor, imagine that you are him. From this point of view, try to understand his sensations, feelings, reactions to certain situations. It is important to assimilate both the semantic load of the interlocutor’s speech and his state, and such practice will play a significant role in developing the ability to listen.
To delve directly into the essence of the information being communicated, without paying attention to its presentation
For example, if a person finds it difficult to express his thoughts to you, this does not mean that he is stupid or in some way worse than others. In such cases, you should listen carefully to the person and, if necessary, help him complete his thought.
Don't forget about critical thinking
Having heard something from an authoritative person, you do not need to blindly accept it on faith. No one is perfect, and even the smartest people are not immune from mistakes, which, due to the authority of such people, we can take for granted. But the opposite is also true - any speech or information that is unpleasant to you can contain a valuable message. Therefore, you should understand: scientists can make mistakes, the media can be biased, and in an uninteresting lesson you can hear unusual and important things. It is this ambiguity that requires us to think critically.
When your interlocutor speaks, you should not simultaneously think through an answer for him
The human brain is bad at multitasking. By doing the above, you risk missing important information.
When listening to another person, it is necessary to maintain an optimistic attitude, a focus on extracting useful information from the conversation
By following this advice, you create the conditions for more active brain function. This will allow the conversation to be more successful.
Try to grasp the essence of the interlocutor’s speech
Details are important, no doubt. But by paying too much attention to them, you may miss the main purpose of the conversation.
Train your listening skills
Like any other skill, listening can be trained, which is made possible by the human brain's ability to adapt to your everyday tasks. As you hone your listening skills in a variety of settings—at home, at work, or when communicating with friends—you will gradually notice that you can capture the essence of the speech of others more and more skillfully and effectively.
Maintain eye contact with your interlocutor
The effectiveness of perception in this case increases due to synesthesia - the ability to perceive a specific phenomenon using different senses. With its help, during communication, we assimilate not only verbal (speech) information, but also non-verbal - a person’s facial expressions, his gestures, body position, etc. This joint perception of a person’s speech allows us to better understand his mood, possible omissions and many other points.
Visualize what you hear
By presenting the information communicated to you in the form of a visual image, you will be able to assimilate it better.
Disengage from emotions
There is nothing reprehensible in the fact that you have a different point of view on the thing being discussed than your interlocutor. However, too much positive or negative emotion creates a bias that will prevent you from fully evaluating the information you hear.
Get context
There are situations when people do not verbalize things verbatim. However, in such cases it is often possible to understand the essence of what was said from the context. If in doubt, you can ask leading questions. An important point: the ability to ask appropriate questions is no less important than the ability to listen.
Don't forget about breaks
When absorbing monotonous information, a person tends to lose concentration, and this is natural. To avoid loss of attention, you should take breaks periodically, while simultaneously changing the environment: take a walk outside, have a snack, or talk about abstract topics.
If you are absent-minded, don't be sad
On the contrary, treat the communication process as a way to develop attention - this will create enthusiasm and a desire to engage. Most of the skills of our mind can be developed, and your desire and diligence will help you achieve high results.
Take an open and comfortable posture when speaking
If during communication you demonstrate closedness (crossing your elbows on your chest, turning away, etc.), your interlocutor will notice this, and the situation for communication will worsen. An open posture and relaxed body position are a good way to create a favorable atmosphere for communication.
Practice listening skills
The more communication with people you have in your life, the better mutual understanding with them you will achieve.
It's safe to say: listening is very important for good communication. With this skill, you can not only grow in your career, but also become a more developed person in general.
