When a girl really loves her chosen one, she often does not notice obvious shortcomings, she is afraid of destroying an already built relationship, or losing a dear person. Changes in mood can be attributed to fatigue, and prolonged absence from home can be attributed to the costs of the profession. Of course, such situations have a chance to exist, but if changes in behavior lead to bad thoughts, it is worth taking action. When asking the question: “How can I find out if a guy is cheating on me?”, you will need not only to analyze behavioral factors, but also to conduct a real check.
Reasons for betrayal
Let's figure out what caused the betrayal. Unfortunately, there is not just one reason, there are many of them. Perhaps your loved one has stopped caring for you, or does not notice a new hairstyle or change in makeup, perhaps he even began to forget to give compliments, give flowers, in general, he stopped doing all those little things that are so necessary for a woman.
It is also possible that the relationship with her loved one became somewhat boring, and the woman wanted new fresh feelings, emotions, changes, in the end. Or maybe there was a quarrel between the lovers, and the man greatly offended the woman. Sometimes a woman simply realizes that she has been living for a long time with someone other than the person she married, because people tend to change due to some circumstances.
Having found out the main reason for the betrayal, you can conclude for yourself whether this was an isolated act or whether it will be repeated again and again.
Answer:
Well, everything is clear with you. Your boyfriend has a classic male problem: his penis has not yet decided which place is warmer and more comfortable; and you have a typical female illness: “I’m not worthy of a normal relationship.” That’s why you suffer, suffer from boredom, waste your youth in vain, turning a blind eye to the kindergarten that is happening around you. But let's go in order:
So, good friends told you that your boyfriend cheated on you while you believed in “that kind of love.” It would have been possible to finish at this point, but you moved on. Seriously, a guy who cheats is a shitty man. But let's figure out whether it is possible to forgive a man's infidelity and why.
My value system may be rotten to the core, but I believe that every person can make a mistake that will cost them in relationships and loss of trust. But this does not mean that there is no sincere repentance and subsequent changes in behavior and outlook on life.
If your boyfriend cheated on you, admitted it himself, crawled on his knees and begged you to let him be there again and make you happy, every day he would prove that you made the right choice, that you accepted him into your life, then yes, cheating can be forgiven and even begin to trust such a person again.
But, let's be honest, this is not your case. Firstly, if it weren’t for his friend, you would never have known that your loved one was a whore. Secondly, he cheated on you more than once, and betrayed your tender feelings the entire time you were in a relationship, and this, as you say, has been going on since May. From this I conclude that once he is not a conductor, this is not about him. The situation with flirting on social networks only confirms this. The answer to the question why he was with you suggests itself: because you are just another option for him.
Let's think about it: a man who has lost his beloved woman does not run to his previous ex! For what? Comfort in her sweet embrace? And the fact that he denies it doesn’t say anything. Ask your friend, maybe he will tell you how it really happened. Or have you already had enough communication with his entourage? Hope so.
The ring and joining the army surprised me, but if you think about it, this is also a textbook. I won’t say anything about courtesans; I don’t want to believe that men, who, in fact, are sent to defend their homeland, spend government money on second-rate girls. But the fact that he put a ring on your finger is not necessarily a declaration of love, maybe he just wants to make sure that you will wait, and he will have somewhere to return to when the money for courtesans runs out.
Overall, you're a bad guy. You can only pray for him, in the hope that he will return from the army, take the path of correction, and one day he will turn out to be a good husband and father.
Now let's talk about you. My diagnosis: complexes and lack of experience. We conferred with the female half of the editorial staff and decided that a woman’s desire to forgive a man who cheated on her is inherent in nature, which means that sadness, melancholy and craving for the embrace of familiar arms can easily be explained by our psychology. We agree that you are not confident in yourself, otherwise why did you return to a guy you no longer love and cannot trust. We don’t need to tell you that there is no relationship without trust, do we?
In addition, paranoia is obvious: you worry about the fact that he creates fake pages, sleeps with everyone, even while he’s dressed up, not to mention “what if he betrays you again?” This person has already broken your heart, and your body requires you to give up such love, but you do not listen to the voice of consciousness, hoping, like all of us, for a miraculous transformation of your beloved.
What to do next?
The first question that comes to a woman’s mind after cheating is “What should I do? How to continue to live? In order to correctly understand your feelings and decide how to proceed further, try to answer yourself the question: do you need a husband at all? Do you want to continue living with this person? If you have decided for yourself that family is more valuable to you, and you want to preserve what was “acquired and experienced” together, then in this case you should think about whether to tell your significant other about this or not. Think about what his reaction might be, whether this will break the person close to you, whether it will turn his feelings away from you, whether it will bring hatred and coldness in your direction.
The feeling of guilt overcomes
Even if a woman has firmly decided for herself that marital relations are more important to her, and that she will try not to repeat her mistake - betrayal - then the feeling of guilt in front of her husband is unlikely to leave her, at least at first. She will constantly be tormented by remorse, and she will be on the verge of telling her man everything, such is the psychology of most women.
In this case, the best way would be to try to cut out the phrase “I cheated on my husband” from your thoughts. Your behavior should be as natural as possible, so as not to give your significant other the slightest reason to suspect you of something.
If, for example, at some point you were unable to control your emotions or did not follow your words and your spouse began to ask leading questions. Then in this case, try to believe in your own innocence. If this succeeds, then no one will ever be able to prove to you that your betrayal actually happened. At such a moment, let betrayal be the fruit of your female fantasy. After all, when we see a handsome young man, we often imagine ourselves next to him and not only at a social reception, or at a disco, or at the cinema.
How to feel about betrayal
So, you shouldn’t consider betrayal a catastrophe and attach large-scale significance to it. Leave this event far in the past and try to forget about it as soon as possible. But I would like to note that no matter how blasphemous it may sound for many, you need to find positive sides in everything, even in treason.
- “Perhaps after what happened, your husband will begin to treat you differently, become more attentive, and remember how he looked after you, how he sought you.
- “Perhaps his suspicions will lead him to the idea that he is inattentive to you and that he may lose you altogether.”
- — Maybe betrayal will push you to talk with your chosen one about the intimate moments of your life together that did not suit you. And cheating with someone else made it possible to understand what exactly didn’t suit you in bed.
Try to look at betrayal from the other side, see the positive in it that helped change your life together for the better.
The secret has become clear
It also happens that a husband finds out that his wife has cheated on him. In such a situation, of course, you need to behave differently. The most important thing is not to put pressure on him by talking about the betrayal that happened; now it is very important to give him time to sort out his thoughts on his own. He also must decide for himself: whether he can live with this truth, with the knowledge that he was betrayed, whether he wants to preserve your union. Perhaps your man will even want to take a break in the relationship, he will want to be alone so as not to see you. Forgiving betrayal is very difficult, since you will have to leave the awareness of it in the past once and for all and never return to your thoughts in the future.
We all know very well that male psychology is fundamentally different from female psychology. And if a man is guilty, then the woman expects from him words of forgiveness, beautiful deeds, in general, everything that could appease her and quickly help her forgive the man and forget about what happened. As for men, here everything can be said to be the opposite. He doesn’t want people crawling on their knees in front of him, begging for forgiveness, he doesn’t want to once again raise the topic of his wife’s betrayal - it hurts him to talk about it. He needs time to get over everything and try to forget.
Signs of a guy being unfaithful
There may be several reasons for betrayal. The most common is an uncontrollable physiological need, especially during alcohol intoxication. A man simply does not realize the consequences of a short-term affair. Often, infidelity is explained by dissatisfaction in bed, the desire to experience new feelings, intense emotions. Jealousy (on both sides) can also push people to act rashly. Perhaps the most unpleasant argument is the fading of feelings for a partner, when passion is replaced by habit, and then indifference.
Psychologists identify a number of main signs that can be used to predict the likely end of a happy relationship. So, how to understand that a guy is cheating on you:
- Changes in communication style. Previously, he was stingy with compliments, praise, gifts, and suddenly he became unusually caring. Think about it, this is how guys “atone” for their guilt. The same applies to the opposite effect, when an attentive, sensitive man becomes forgetful, absent-minded, and indifferent. This suggests that he has lost interest.
- Stealth. If your lover’s phone is out of reach for several hours, he tries not to answer calls and messages in your presence, avoids talking about where he was, what he did, there is reason to suspect something is wrong.
- Ignoring time together. The boyfriend most likely has someone else on his side if he is endlessly late at work, his car often breaks down, his friends need help, he comes home late, and when asked to spend time together he replies that he is tired, has a headache, and is not in the mood.
- Lifestyle changes. Another way to find out that a guy is cheating is to focus on his perfume, skin care products, even the music selection in the player. “The Homewrecker” can encourage dramatic changes in tastes and preferences.
- Reduced financial income. Courting a girl requires a lot of expenses - flowers, gifts, restaurants, entertainment. If a guy’s income drops sharply at his previous job or unconfirmed expenses increase, it’s worth thinking about checking his fidelity.
- Lack or decrease in the amount of sex. After a stormy time spent with someone else, he has neither the strength nor the desire for the usual intimacy. A very alarming signal - he does not take off his T-shirt during intimacy, tries to turn off the light, perhaps this is how he tries to hide the traces of betrayal remaining on his body.
- More frequent quarrels and discontent on his part. A new passion is almost always perceived as an ideal image with which a man inevitably compares his constant companion. Wrong food, wrong clothes, manners, hobbies, despite the fact that there were no such complaints before - a reason to sound the alarm.
Any of these signs can be explained by real problems at work, in the family, with health, or other completely natural reasons. Before making accusations of infidelity, you need to know how to test a guy for cheating.
How to protect your family from betrayal?
Some simple tips on how to protect each other from thoughts of cheating.
- It is worth constantly maintaining warm, loving relationships between each other, it is necessary to treat each other with care, love, understanding;
- Try to satisfy your partner’s sexual needs, be active and perhaps even sometimes surprise him in bed;
- Communication with her man is very important for a woman, and if she does not receive it sufficiently, then there is a possibility that she will begin to look for this communication somewhere on the side;
- A man, in turn, needs rest: rest from his family, no matter how cruel it may sound, rest from work, problems that have piled up, in general, from everything. Don't scold him if he goes out a couple of times a week to sit with his friends, drink beer and chat about this and that.
- Try to look after each other, give compliments, some little surprises, surprise each other. Both women and men are pleased to hear that they are proud of them, to hear praise addressed to them. Don't forget about it!
There is no need to look for those to blame for why the betrayal occurred. Just try to figure out what was the real reason for the betrayal. Think about your relationship with your loved one, what is missing in it and how to make it happier.
Situation: I’m dating a guy, but I know that he cheated on me
It was like this... We started communicating with my boyfriend in May. We saw each other every day in the summer, felt such love for each other (well, I definitely did), but officially started dating in the middle of the summer. Everything was fine, but I always doubted his feelings for me, sometimes it seemed to me that he simply needed a person next to him. He introduced me to his friends, everything was fine, when suddenly his friend told me that the guy had been cheating on me throughout our relationship. I immediately broke up with him, disappeared from his life, a week or two later he wrote me messages apologizing, but there were no attempts to return, although inside, despite my resentment, I was still waiting for this.
I was then told that he wanted to go back to the girl before me, although he later denied this. After 3 months we met because of mutual friends, he took my hand and asked for forgiveness. While we were apart, I missed him so much, I waited so much for him to come and hug me. And somehow everything started to turn around again. One day he got down on his knee and put a silver ring that he bought himself on my finger.
Everything seems perfect, but I can’t trust him at all. Now he is in the army, and it seems like he has no one to cheat with, but I still often think that he can create a fake profile on social networks and correspond, call courtesans and the like. I found his correspondence before we broke up with different girls, where there was flirting, but he says that it was his friends who wrote from his page. I can’t say that I love him: I have some feelings for him, but I’m afraid that this is all just my affection or self-doubt that I can find someone else.
Do you think it is worth forgiving the betrayal of a beloved man? And do you believe that, having cheated once, you will cheat a second time? Is it possible to regain trust, or should you tell your heart to suffer, get sick and leave everything in the past?
