In fact, more and more people are abandoning official marriage in favor of civil marriage. Of course, in the first couple of years of living together, this decision is quite rational. After all, people need to understand whether they will be able to live together at all, whether their everyday habits will suit each other or not. But what to do if such cohabitation lasts for several years, and the man still does not want to get married? Let's take a closer look at why this happens and whether it is worth continuing such a relationship further.
There can be a lot of reasons for not getting married. But the main ones are mistakes in the initial attitude of women themselves to such a situation. So why doesn't he get married...
Why doesn't a man want to get married?
The real reasons why a man lives with a girl but does not propose marriage to her may be much deeper. Many guys won’t immediately answer why they don’t want to get married. Of course, if 40-year-old bachelors immediately admit that they are not yet ripe for marriage and children, this indicates that they are honest with a woman. But there are some individuals who start a serious relationship, a common life, and even children, but do not even think about getting married. They are happy with everything. In this case, the reasons may be completely different.
Bad parenting experiences
If a guy grew up in a complete family, this is not an indication that he was brought up in conditions that were good for his psyche and development. Quarrels between parents, or, even worse, fights, establish a certain model of family relationships in a growing man. Or they tune him into the fact that marriage is a huge number of problems.
A completely different situation is when a guy is raised in an incomplete family, in which his mother and grandmother take too much care of him. When a person grows up in such a family, he has no need to get married. After all, he already has a family.
In this case, a woman has a chance at a family only if she is ready to accept this model of relationship. And she will have to play the role of not only a wife, but also a mother.
It sometimes happens that a woman raising a child on her own periodically tells her son that his father is not a very good person, and is also a loser. After many years, this approach can bear corresponding fruits - the son will grow up like this.
Therefore, if you are interested in the reason why a man has no desire to get married, look at the family he grew up in.
Previous marriage was unsuccessful
Another reason why your lover does not want to get married may be a previous unsuccessful marriage. Not every man gets married and divorced easily. For many of them, such a separation becomes a real tragedy. And therefore they do not want to repeat such a sad experience. And when he falls in love again and starts another relationship, they don’t even want to hear about marriage, they are afraid to even think about it.
And it is likely that if a woman begins to insist on marriage, her lover will simply break off the relationship.
A real bachelor
There is a category of men who honestly say that they like bachelor life. In fact, such a lifestyle can become so addictive to a person that it is almost impossible to force him to marry.
And if he has his own home, then the chances of “dragging” him into the registry office are reduced significantly. And the point is not at all that due to the presence of an apartment, the opposite sex has increased interest in his person. And the fact is that here he feels like a master, and manages his time at his own discretion.
The same applies to everyday life; an adult man can easily wash, cook and iron himself. Moreover, no one will tell the bachelor how and when to do this.
Lovers of variety in relationships
Let's look at what is happening realistically, it is women who worry that the years are flying by, and no one is asking them to get married. Men take this much more simply and don’t even think about marriage. At the same time, they move from one relationship to another, hoping that the next one will be better than the previous one.
You can have a good time with such a suitor, but you can’t get anything more from him.
Fear of responsibility
The most common selfishness is another reason that explains the guy’s reluctance to get married. In addition, men understand that modern women can earn as much as they do, and sometimes more. Because of this, they don’t like hints about creating and maintaining a family at all. Why legitimize relationships if a woman already copes well with all responsibilities, including male ones.
And if there is a child, then you will definitely have to support everyone on your own. Only these thoughts spoil the mood of egoists. It’s good if such a person immediately warns the woman. But many of them wait until the last minute.
The feelings aren't that strong
Of course, it is better to know about this reason from the very beginning. To do this, you need to try to bring the person to a frank conversation. If you are planning to build a family with a person, then you have the right to know about his true intentions. And if you have been living with a guy for several years, and he has not proposed to you, you should think about it. Maybe he doesn’t love you, but it’s just convenient for him to live with you. And he is looking for another woman.
In this case, do not “beg” for love, but break up with him.
No foundation for marriage
Do you know the conditions in which your loved one grew up? Maybe he grew up in a small old house without renovation or a communal apartment. Then it is clear where the desire to create a reliable material base came from.
But for this to come true, desire alone is not enough. If he only promises, but does nothing except sit at the computer, then it’s time to “take off the rose-colored glasses.”
Fear of alimony
There is a category of men who believe that women only need them as sponsors. They predict that the marriage will quickly fall apart and they will have to pay alimony. For unknown reasons, they see women only as predators who want to marry a man and then demand money from him.
And here it doesn’t matter where this fear came from, but it’s better not to even start building a relationship with such a person.
Why is he hiding his past?
How to quickly find a girl for one or several nights without leaving home? Right. Through dating sites or social networks. This is where divorced princes usually hang out. Moreover, most of them write in their questionnaires that they want a serious relationship, but they delicately keep silent about their recent past.
A man knows: any girl will be more willing to agree to intimacy if you convince her that he has the most noble intentions. And an ex-wife and children will only scare away potential girlfriends. That's why divorced guys don't say much.
Yes, a man does not want to lose easy prey and at the same time he does not intend to start a new relationship. Therefore, if you are not going to become another vest for a divorced macho or be one of many, read about the rules of virtual dating here.
How to avoid running into a liar and quickly understand that your chosen one is deceiving you can be read here. But in life it happens differently. What to do if you have already fallen in love with someone like this?
Possible mistakes women make
Excessive intrusiveness and constant talk about marriage can alienate a man
Sometimes girls, without realizing it, push men away from their desire to propose. Next we will look at the mistakes women make that lead to this consequence.
- Consent to live together before legalizing the relationship. If a girl agreed to live with her boyfriend under the same roof, fulfilling absolutely all the duties of a legal wife, then, at first, the man will appreciate her efforts, and then begin to treat her as something due. And in such a situation, the young man, most likely, will not even think about the need to get married, because he is already satisfied with everything, he already receives everything without a stamp in his passport, without unnecessary obligations and responsibilities. Undoubtedly, there are also couples who, after years of civil marriage, still come to the registry office, but there are not many of them.
- Constant questions about marriage, requests for marriage. The situation when a girl brainwashes her chosen one for days on end indicates how she dreams of getting married, how she is already planning a wedding, and how she sees a future together. Obsessive behavior only pushes the young man away.
- An attempt to tie a man with the help of a child. A situation where a woman tries to manipulate her pregnancy (possibly imaginary), indicating the need to legitimize the relationship.
- Constant complaints about a hard life, endless whining. In a situation where a girl constantly points out how hard it is for her, how her partner doesn’t appreciate her, how hard she tried, but he didn’t praise her, she only upsets her man and over time begins to irritate him.
If a man doesn't propose, he might be happy with everything anyway. Especially if the partner fulfills all the duties of a legal wife.
Negative experience gained
Today, you don't have to get married to have a stable intimate or romantic relationship. Previously, it was necessary to ring a lady in order to get intimacy or a bowl of soup from her. Now you can move in together and launch a “pilot version” of a relationship, jump from one embrace to another - and no one will say a word to you. There was no longer any need to get married. But the bad experience gained gives men confidence that nothing good will come out of the marriage. Especially if they have already been there: divorces are sobering...
Adviсe
Don’t forget to show your concern, take an interest in your partner’s affairs, how he spent the day, how he feels. Demonstrate your femininity and love, however, know moderation in everything.
- First of all, you need to understand yourself, make sure that you really want to legitimize the relationship with your chosen one. Perhaps you will come to the realization that this man is not the one you need.
- The most important thing is not to get hung up on the idea of marriage. You must continue to live, develop professionally, learn, achieve new successes, remain strong and independent. You must take care of yourself, take care of your appearance, and always be on top. It is unacceptable to humiliate yourself by begging or blackmailing for married life.
- If you are not yet familiar with the inner circle of your chosen one and his relatives, then it’s time to do it. You will need to show your wisdom, find an approach to everyone, so that your loved one’s inner circle will have a favorable impression of you.
- It is important to learn to be a friend to your man. You need to understand that it is very important for a young person to be listened to and supported, to be allowed to feel important. It is very important for guys to have mutual understanding with their significant other.
- Try to make joint plans for the near future. For example, agree on a picnic this weekend, then plan a joint vacation. When thinking through plans, always say “we...” so that the man gets used to the fact that you are one.
- If a man does not want to marry his partner, remains silent, does not propose, it’s time to have a heart-to-heart talk with him, explain how important official marriage is for you. If, after talking about your intentions, you encounter resistance, you should not continue to put pressure on the man; perhaps he is not yet ready for such a relationship, or he needs to digest what he heard.
- Sometimes girls resort to the risky step of telling the young man that their relationship is over since he does not want to move on. And in such a situation, a man can either change, realizing how important it is for his partner to enter into a legal marriage, take this step, or he may agree that it is necessary to separate.
- Attract a man's attention by stopping talking about possible marriage, pretending that you no longer need it. In a situation where a woman has repeatedly spoken about her intentions, and then stopped voicing them, and even in response to a man’s requests, she declares that she is no longer interested in this, she can egg him on, thereby pushing him to propose marriage.
- You can resort to making your partner jealous. However, this could be a risky move. If someone, having heard about a secret admirer, begins to worry and decides, as quickly as possible, to get his beloved girl as his wife, then another may begin to throw hysterics and scandals. True, in such a situation you can see how unstable and jealous your chosen one is, and think about the question of whether you need such a husband?
- You shouldn’t constantly keep everything under control, call your man every half hour, be too annoying, it’s unacceptable to constantly check on him, or create scenes of jealousy. This way you will definitely postpone your wedding day.
- If the reason for the reluctance to legitimize the relationship is psychological trauma or fictitious problems, then it is best to consult with an experienced psychologist or psychotherapist. A specialist will help you figure out the true cause of what is happening (sometimes a man may not even know what lies behind his fear of getting married) and will provide healing from the problem that has arisen.
If your relationship began not so long ago, then you shouldn’t rush your loved one into getting married. Perhaps he is not yet ready for such a step, is not sure of his feelings, or is simply in no hurry, everything has its time.
If your young man does not want to get married, it is important to understand the reasons for this reluctance and only then decide what to do next. Remember that the man may not be the one you need. But if you are sure that you want to start a family with your chosen one, then do not be idle, everything is in your hands.
No benefits in divorce
Once upon a time, a woman was a powerless appendage of a man, and divorce did not exist at all. The stronger sex could indulge in any trick without fear of consequences. Today the rules have changed. Now, failure in a relationship can turn into a disaster - a man will lose the opportunity to raise his children (since the courts often take the side of women in this matter), in the same way he loses half of his acquired property and is obliged to pay alimony. Few people will be pleased with such a prospect, so the man does not want to get married or bind himself to any obligations.
