What to do if your wife decides to leave: let go or fight

Why does love for your husband fade?

After marriage, for the first time, the spouses experience a feeling of unconditional love. Even if it seems that this union is eternal, serious trials await the newlyweds. Quite quickly, monotonous life puts everything in its place - either people continue to go through life together, or the relationship between them collapses. When a woman realizes that she has fallen out of love with her husband, the decision about what to do next should be made depending on the reason preceding the cooling. It is worth highlighting the most common:

Birth of a child. Even if the baby is long-awaited and the pregnancy was planned, the arrival of a new family member is a test for both. A man may begin to reproach his missus for paying less attention to him. A woman blames her husband for not helping with the housework and shifting all the care of the child onto her shoulders. The lack of support from her companion destroys the bright feelings that she previously experienced.
Lack of romance, same type, boring relationships. Some men take the initiative only during the candy-bouquet period. Having achieved the lady of their heart, they lose interest, believing that they no longer need to win her affection. This behavior will inevitably lead to complaints like: “My wife doesn’t love me anymore.” Don't be surprised if she takes a lover.
Living with parents. The older generation has a bad habit of interfering in the personal lives of children with advice and moralizing. They may indeed be intelligent, but the result is just the opposite. Accumulated irritation can put an end to love.
Male infidelity. The husband's infidelity becomes a real blow, which is incredibly difficult to survive. Even if he repents and does not want to leave the family, the woman develops a feeling of mistrust. Constant doubts about the sincerity of his words and actions can drive you crazy.
Female infidelity. The situation is somewhat different if the wife betrayed. In a happy marriage and with full mutual understanding with her legal companion, a woman will never go “to the left,” so the very fact of the deception that happened already indicates that she does not value her husband and may have fallen in love with someone else.

If the end is inevitable

Unfortunately, a “happy ending” does not always await a couple in temporary discord. And the temporary problem is replaced by a permanent one - divorce. You can never be prepared for it: neither the plaintiff nor the defendant. It is difficult, painful and scary for all family members. But if your wife decides to do this, be prepared for the last push in the fight for her.

A miracle can still happen! There is hope that while the litigation continues and the date for the divorce proceedings is set, your “other half” will understand that they will lose a generous and strong-willed man if they dissolve the marriage. It is also possible for children to “help” their mother - to decide that dad is the best. Children will “skillfully” be able to evoke pity for one of their parents. Well, as a last resort, the wife will withdraw the application, which she submitted only as a warning (she wanted to teach her a lesson). But you better not hope for the latter, so that it doesn’t hurt more.

You must now clearly understand that with all attempts to return your wife, disappointment and failure are possible in the end. This is not a tragedy - it is change. Yes, big ones. They are needed for you to learn a serious lesson, change and receive from the Universe something better, more, something that is prepared for you on another, new level. As you change, people’s lives and attitudes towards you change. Believe it or not, with this look in just a few months you will be able to look at your ex-wife quite calmly and communicate peacefully.

Advice from experienced people or How to survive a divorce with dignity

Igor, 27 years old, taxi driver: I never thought that this would affect me. But my wife filed for divorce a year ago and left, taking our son with her. To be honest, I started drinking. He grieved for a long time, felt sorry for himself, complained. I came up with all sorts of tall tales about her. From resentment. This worsened my future relationships with the child, her parents and some mutual friends. I regretted this, because less than six months had passed before I calmed down and even found positive aspects in my freedom.
Alexey, 34 years old, engineer: I was relaxed, wealthy and always seemed well-groomed, I didn’t think that a woman could leave such a male. Why bother and look after her if she is already your wife. I paid for my selfishness. Now I’m eliminating the mistakes I made in my last relationship so as not to repeat them in a new relationship. I'm in love, friends!
Anton, 39 years old, teacher: We didn’t have children. It was probably my fault - my wife wanted it, I had no time. When she left, I didn’t believe it at first, but then I found a summons in the mailbox. I thought it was scary. I went to the trial and my legs didn’t even shake. The realization that she is with someone else, that I am nobody to her, that we have no future, came to me a year later. For a long time. I thought that was it, my personal life was done. But no! Now I am raising two boys. My new wife has changed me internally, as if I had never lived before. She is my age, and gynecologists call such women “old-timers.” Well, let! But older parents have a much higher chance of having twins. And Natasha and I hope to have time to give birth to two more girls.
Vladimir, 56 years old, entrepreneur: Brothers, I’m not old at all! At my age, having retired, I managed to open my own small peasant farm (farm) in the village of Ljubljanka, where I, a city dweller, moved after divorcing my wife. We lived together for almost 30 years, and my wife had a lover! I couldn't even believe it then. Now I believe. I believe in love, which can come at any age. My neighbor in the garden helped me believe this. A sincere, pleasant woman who exudes comfort and care. My ex-wife and my daughters are now visiting either with us or in the city. They are completely adults and don’t judge anyone.

Fell in love with someone else - what to do?

When life begins to resemble a melodramatic TV series, you need to stop, breathe and think carefully about everything. Falling in love with another man while married is a simple matter. Sometimes this happens spontaneously. In other situations, a woman deliberately seeks a new relationship in order to end the old one. You need to figure out how strong the connection with the other person is and is he worth a divorce?

A new lover cannot be considered sincere if he:

endlessly complains about his own wife, children, parents;
too impatient, insists on a quick divorce or move;
from the very first meetings he says “I love you”, promises to get a star, moon and other space objects from the sky;
does not hear requests or complaints, and any serious conversations are interrupted by attempts to unbutton her skirt.

A woman probably loves her lover if she closes her eyes to all the factors described above, but such a man pursues only one goal - sex. When sex stops bringing pleasure, he will again go in search of his next passion. Based on this, a married lady should listen to the advice of psychologists:

Take a short time out. At least for a while, cut off contact with both your husband and your lover. An unscheduled vacation at sea or a trip to your parents will help you distract yourself and put your thoughts in order. It is advisable to turn off your phone and not ask the opinions of other people, even those closest to you.
Understand your desires. A new romance often attracts with unbridled passion, round-the-clock sex and endless kisses, but wasn’t it the same with your husband immediately after the wedding? Passion tends to fade, and everyday life comes to replace it. What he will be like with his lover is a mystery.
Don’t rush to reveal all your cards and let your spouse know about your opponent. This only makes sense when a firm decision is made to divorce and join your life with another person. At the same time, he must want the same thing, and not in words, but in deeds.
Don't double play for too long. Sooner or later you will have to decide who to stay with. Living for two families is, to say the least, despicable. If a woman is sure that she does not love her husband, cannot continue to be with him, and the new chosen one is ready for anything, then the answer suggests itself.

How to turn back time

Is it worth returning? Perhaps the husband’s problem is the wrong choice of his half, especially if less than 5 years have passed since the wedding. At the stage of courtship, people do not always open up completely; it takes years to fully understand the situation. Probably, some preliminary signals for oneself had already entered consciousness, although they were studiously ignored

Now everything has become clear and there is nothing left to do but take into account the mistakes made, and not return the person with whom you are not destined to become a couple for completely objective reasons.

It’s another matter if the wife left her husband for another man after ten years of living peacefully together. Most likely, such a decision was not made lightly, was well thought out, and the reasons for it were significant.

You shouldn’t focus on getting back the person who voluntarily left your life. The choice has been made and there is nothing to do. He can change, but not through lamentations, demands or lengthy proceedings.

Usually, a decent woman needs not just one reason for cheating, but a whole complex of unmet needs. You can try to calmly discuss what happened, but the results are rarely positive. At such a moment, the weaker sex mixes all the negativity from family life with a feeling of guilt from their behavior, and it is impossible to find clear answers. A man is also rarely able to reason sensibly, filled with misunderstanding and resentment. Sometimes, over time, couples meet, communicate, understand each other, and the relationship begins anew. But this will be a completely different relationship, actually a new life for new people.

How to make a choice if you love your husband and lover

It is impossible to have deep feelings for two people at the same time. It’s another matter when family life is familiar and comfortable, and the lover makes up for everything that is missing. In this case, a feeling of equal love for the husband and lover is created. To choose who to stay with, you need to carefully analyze both relationships.

First of all, you should honestly answer the question: “For what reason did the lover appear?” The assertion that this is an accident or a simple coincidence is nothing more than self-deception. When a woman is happily married, she will not even think about cheating. Determining the role in the life of each man will help you draw the right conclusions.

The situation becomes seriously complicated if the second chosen one is the “wrong” man (for example, a woman fell in love with her husband’s brother). There is a risk of destroying not only your own family, but also family relationships between lovers. You need to carefully weigh the pros and cons before entering into such a relationship. Reckless actions can cost a serene life. The situation is even more ambiguous when the cheater realizes that she still loves her ex-husband. For some reason, your previous marriage has already broken up, and stepping on the same rake again can be more painful than it seems.

How to behave

You will have to determine your line of behavior in relation to yourself, your wife and your environment.

To yourself. We immediately discard the pity. The first emotional outburst is well removed by hard physical labor or at least long workouts in the gym. Even if you haven't been there before, it's a great reason to lead a healthy lifestyle.

It is worth loading yourself not only physically, but also mentally. Additional shifts and part-time jobs are appropriate in this case. In addition, it is wise to check your financial situation. Who is the property registered to? The status of accounts and payments, if you have not previously maintained them, also requires attention. If you need to look for new housing, the search will help occupy your consciousness with practical problems and help your subconscious mind accept the fact of betrayal, begin to react more calmly, adequately, and restore your zest for life.

To my wife. There is no point in blaming, begging or hating. She is an independent person who takes care of her needs first. This is fine. Are you not suitable for her? So in this case, it doesn’t suit you, everything is for the better. But it’s worth resolving material issues; if you have children, discuss the possibility of co-parenting, your place in their lives. It is better to behave calmly, kindly, accurately stipulate the time of meetings, the amount of material participation, making the divorce process itself civilized. There is no point in leaving the enemy behind your back; reasonable people will always find how to solve common problems diplomatically.
Environment. Oddly enough, this is where most of the problems lie. Mutual friends begin to divide into “his” and “hers” and begin to try to reconcile the parties, most often in a rude and primitive manner. In the course of communication, you can sometimes discover shocking facts, dirty and completely unnecessary. There are two ways out. You can leave for a long time, changing your life completely, and hiding from troubles with a banal escape. It may not sound attractive, but it saves a lot on my husband’s nerves. The second way out for yourself is to boldly take a step towards troubles, understand the real attitude of your loved ones towards you, and begin to build a life without old illusions. It will not be easy to regain calm; every day will be a reminder of the events that took place. This option sounds noble, but it takes up a lot of internal resources, which you need to be prepared for.

What to do if your wife doesn't love you

It’s easy to guess that the wife has cooled down:

changes occur in appearance and behavior;
she is no longer interested in her husband’s life;
she doesn't try to be attractive to him;
all conversations take on an irritable tone;
even hints of intimacy are met with hostility.

Of course, such changes are always preceded by good reasons. A man’s further actions should depend solely on what led to the extinction of her feelings.

A marriage can only be saved if the wife’s attitude has changed dramatically after a specific incident, or her nervousness is temporary. The chances of success are minimal if a woman stops loving her husband after his infidelity. Resentment, anger, indignation are a natural reaction to the news of a relationship with another. When the missus openly declares that she no longer loves her and behaves accordingly, you can begin to plan the divorce process.

To make your spouse fall in love with you again, you need to fill in all the gaps left in the last years of your life together. Was she lacking attention? Surround with care, take charge of solving everyday issues. Has sex stopped giving you pleasure? Dare to try something new, diversify your intimacy. Are mutual understanding and trust a thing of the past? Call your wife for a frank conversation. It is important to let her know that she is dear and loved, this is the only way to revive mutual feelings!

Influence of mother or friends on wife.

All mothers wish their children happiness. But when their daughters marry a man who, in their mother’s opinion, is not worthy of them, they will only add fuel to the fire. When communicating with their daughter, they will do their best to lower their husband in their daughter’s eyes with phrases like these: “Look what he has achieved in life,” “He doesn’t deserve you,” or “What are you putting up with? I could have left him a long time ago.” Girlfriends can do the same. If this is the reason, then you need to try, gritting your teeth, to make the right impression on her friends or beloved mother-in-law. Surprise them with gifts, or help them in some way. I recently wrote an article about the relationship between son-in-law and mother-in-law.

USEFUL INFORMATION: Double surname when getting married: difficulties and nuances

Action plan

Determine the circle of people who can help solve the problem, people who support and agree that the wife should return.
Collect information about your spouse's new boyfriend, if possible.
Conduct an analysis of the years you lived together with the woman you love. Look for reasons that could make her want to find another man.
If you find yourself guilty, make every effort to change and correct your mistakes.
Now you need to find contact with your wife and call her for a conversation, convince her of the need to give the relationship a chance, but there is no need to humiliate yourself and beg.
The main thing is not to do anything stupid:

do not try to find a replacement for your wife, wanting to take revenge on her with the same coin;
don’t drown your sorrows in alcohol;
Don’t wash your dirty laundry in public by telling everyone around how terrible your wife was.

If your wife does return, you should not tell your children about this moment in her biography. Try to forget about what happened.

Reasons for leaving

One of the reasons is alcohol abuse.
When a spouse leaves for another, a man wonders what to do in such a situation. First of all, you need to determine the reasons for what happened. We will look at the most common factors.

Lack of emotional connection with your spouse. The man, returning home, does not talk about his day, both have secrets, different hobbies, no longer spend leisure time together, affection in the relationship disappears.
An intimate problem. You cannot enjoy each other because the children are nearby or the desire simply disappears. The partner no longer excites, does not satisfy needs, and perhaps serious physiological health problems have begun.
Bad habits of the husband, for example, alcohol abuse, smoking in large quantities, gambling, assault. In such a situation, your spouse’s departure will not come as a surprise to you; she will repeatedly try to change you for the better.
Financial difficulties. If a man remains unemployed for a long time and does not think about how to provide for his family, it is not surprising that a woman cannot take such a man seriously.

Give up everything for love

Many people love and know how to be selfless. It seems to them that if they sacrifice everything for the sake of love, then their other half will follow the same example, and life will reward them with positive surprises. But the reality is different from the ideas that people imagine in their heads as a result of numerous viewings of soap series and romantic films. And if you decide to give up everything for the sake of love, it’s better to first think about whether true love can require sacrifices from you.

What does it mean to “give up everything for love”? This means that a person gives up everything he has in his life in order to satisfy the desires of his significant other, who is jealous, nervous or simply wants his beloved to obey and be controlled. Many people make similar sacrifices: they quit their jobs, give up friends, stop communicating with relatives. But all these restrictions and focus on your loved one do not bring the desired results. Love does not become more sincere and stronger from this.

Often in such situations, the “self-sacrificing person” is faced with the fact that all his efforts are not only not noticed, but also do not evoke a response desire to do anything. Not only have you given up everything you had before the start of the relationship, but you also notice that you are no longer valued, respected, or listened to. They simply command you, they demand something. And love, happiness, joyful moments are becoming less and less. Naturally, as a result of this state of affairs, you may feel unhappy and become depressed. And this is all the result of the fact that you gave up everything for the sake of love.

To begin with, you are invited to understand the true meaning of love in order to realize that a real feeling never requires sacrifice from your loved one. Just like true beauty, real love doesn't wait until you've narrowed your entire world down to one person. Love does not require sacrifice. Moreover, on the contrary, it fades away if you stop living the way you lived before its appearance. After all, if you do not live, do not rejoice not only with your loved one, but also with yourself, your activities, friends, etc., then there cannot be love in you. Therefore, you should not make stupid sacrifices that will only destroy your relationship. To do this, you should remember about yourself, your desires, needs and just start living, doing something, getting carried away.