How to communicate with a teenager: advice from a psychotherapist

Maintain an atmosphere of mutual respect

Communication with a teenager should take place solely on the basis of mutual respect. It is mutual respect that can become the key to a good relationship between the teacher and the class. Teenagers generally protest when adults demand respect from them simply because they are older. Instead of making demands, show young men and women that you, first of all, will treat them with respect, and, accordingly, expect the same from them. In this way, they will feel important and involved in society, which means they will be ready to cooperate.

Teenagers and adolescence

In general, during this period, relationships among peers generally change. More precisely, the teenager wants to spend more time with them, their opinion becomes the most important, he wants to like them. Mood, self-esteem, and a sense of personal success begin to depend on their approval.

This is also due to the fact that the maturation of those brain structures that are responsible for communication and perception of other people occurs. The phrases “don’t pay attention”, “be smarter”, “never mind” and so on stop working. It can no longer be unimportant and it can no longer be ignored. Any failure in communicating with peers is experienced as a real blow or an irreparable mistake.

It is important not to ignore this, since communication is one of the leading tasks of age, and if for one reason or another it does not work out, then the teenager needs support. Since further negative development of the situation can lead to undesirable consequences.

A parent can provide support in a variety of ways, including referral to specialists.

Support self-government

Allow students to set their own rules for how you interact with them. Start the school year by making a list of dos and don'ts, and emphasize that school rules are a way to ensure a safe and effective learning experience. If any rules that you consider important were not included in the list, add them yourself. Then work together to reduce it, especially in those points that relate to prohibitions and restrictions. How to communicate with teenagers effectively and efficiently if around and everywhere “You can’t, you can’t, you can’t...”?

Have students make a school rules poster to hang in a visible place in the classroom. Participation in setting rules will allow teenagers to feel responsible for relationships in the classroom, and, accordingly, monitor their own behavior.

Main psychological problems of adolescence

Suicide. Today, in adolescence, suicides are occurring more and more often. In childhood and early adolescence, suicide is very rare, but in the age group from 15 to 19 years, the number of suicides increases sharply. Suicide attempts are more common among girls, but the number of deaths is 3 times higher than among boys. The reasons for this may be low self-esteem, indifference on the part of parents, a feeling of loneliness, depression, all this can lead to thoughts of suicide.

Teenager's anger . Many people believe that a child's anger during adolescence is something abnormal. But it should still be noted that the feeling of anger in itself can be neither good nor bad. Anger is a normal phenomenon and can arise in any person. The question is how to manage it. During adolescence, passive-aggressive behavior occurs quite frequently. The goal of a teenager's passive-aggressive behavior is to throw parents or other caregivers off balance.

All this is done unconsciously, and is the result of unexpressed anger. The teenager begins to do things to spite his parents. The basis for a significant number of problems with teenagers (from bad grades to suicide and drug addiction) is passive-aggressive behavior. The danger is that if a teenager by the age of 16-17 does not learn a mature attitude towards anger and does not free himself from passive-aggressive behavior, then such a line of behavior will take root in him and become an obligatory part of his life.

Teenage depression . Depression is a mental disorder characterized by: depressed, melancholy mood with an understanding of one’s worthlessness, pessimism, monotony of ideas, retardation of movements, and various somatic disorders.

Note 2

Depressive conditions in adolescence are difficult to recognize because their symptoms differ from the classic symptoms of depressive conditions in adults.

So experts identify the following forms of teenage depression:

Mild teenage depression. Found in pessimistic fantasies, daydreams, or night dreams. This degree of depression can be detected by knowing the thoughts of a teenager and knowing the state of his soul. As a rule, there is a reason for the occurrence of such depression. Such an event could be the death, illness or departure of a significant person for the teenager, conflict in the family or divorce of parents, moving, etc.
Moderate teenage depression. The teenager behaves as usual, but the content of his conversations is emotionally negative. This applies primarily to topics that depress him.
Moderate degree of depression in adolescents. This is already a serious stage. It influences the course of thinking. The teenager loses the ability to think clearly, logically, and rationally. In this case, he may need medical support.

To get out of a depressed state, boys choose more asocial methods than girls. They may try to relieve symptoms of depression by stealing, cheating, getting into fights, speeding on roads, breaking and entering, breaking into houses, and committing suicide.

Girls, as a rule, try to get out of a depressed state in a less violent way, however, due to the harmful effects of the media, their type of behavior begins to change. Often girls relieve their depression through promiscuous sex. However, when the relationship ends, these unhappy teenage girls feel even worse.

Avoid disputes

It is difficult to imagine communicating with teenagers without objections and bickering. Many teenagers simply love to argue with adults. How to talk to a teenager without getting involved in an overly heated discussion? Just don't let them argue with you!

If a student tries to challenge what he is told, repeat your request, and continue to repeat until it is fulfilled. You can punish a student for rudeness later; you shouldn’t discuss it right now, otherwise you risk heating up the atmosphere. The main thing is to remain calm and let your teenager know that he cannot make you angry.

How to choose the right psychologist for a teenager?

Previously, we did not even think about the help of such a specialist as a psychologist for a teenager, but now almost every family uses these services, especially if there are children. They deal with different problems: withdrawn, too active, disobedient, uncontrollable, too timid and quiet - there are many reasons. Yes, even if there seems to be no reason, they just want advice on how to further build a relationship with their beloved child. Whim? No, the desire to help the child become successful, happy and at the same time maintain warm friendly relations with him.

How to choose a psychologist?

You need to start, of course, with recommendations from friends. However, no matter how wonderful a psychologist he is for them, your child may not want to communicate with him. And even though he is a highly professional specialist with extensive work experience, nothing can be done about it - if mutual understanding and trust are not established between them, the classes are useless.

Before taking your child to see a psychologist, you need to meet him and communicate in person, despite the recommendations of good friends. Intuition will be your best advisor. Be sure to find out what education the specialist received and look at the documents. Pay attention to his appearance, the way he behaves and speaks. Discuss your problem with which you are going to come with your child, what he thinks about this, what methods (approximately) he is going to use. This will save you and your child from many unpleasant surprises.

If a psychologist, without yet communicating with the child, promises to quickly deal with the problem, run away from him, despite all the recommendations and his regalia, diplomas. Someone else’s soul is in the dark, how can he guarantee in advance that he will establish the child’s mental balance within a certain time?

At the first meeting, listen to what and how the psychologist you have chosen says. He should solve the problem with which you approached him, and not conduct incomprehensible extraneous conversations, for example, finding out the wealth of the family, details about the social status of acquaintances, religious propaganda, etc.

But the most important indicator of a successful choice of a psychologist is the child’s personal disposition towards him, trust, desire to communicate and tell.

Here are a few examples of why communication may not work out even with truly knowledgeable specialists. Some friends’ children refused to communicate with a psychologist. During the conversation after the appointment, it turned out that he was put off by the familiar behavior of the psychologist: she introduced herself and sat down on the chair opposite him at an uncomfortably close distance - about 0.5 meters, almost knees to knees.

Then it turned out that she had this technique for quickly establishing psychological contact with a child. This means that this is a bad specialist, since he does not take into account the simple rules of establishing trusting relationships with those who come to him for help, and does not strive to respect an acceptable distance when communicating. Naturally, they didn’t visit her again.

Other acquaintances came to see a titled psychologist about hyperactivity. The child remained silent throughout the session and then categorically refused visits. Why? The psychologist, an unfamiliar woman of about forty-five, immediately introduced herself simply by her name (for example, Lyuda) and demanded that she be addressed only as such. Perhaps this is acceptable, but somewhere in another country. Not only the child, but also his parents spent the allotted time in a complete stupor, unable to come to their senses.

And another child did not like the psychologist’s appearance (her hair, dyed an aggressive dark red color, was especially off-putting).

The greatest dislike among adolescents is the desire of a psychologist, who is a complete stranger, to perform any manipulations by touching or almost touching him.

Keep in mind that a psychologist does not have the right to prescribe any medications. Therefore, if this happens in your case, it is better to find another specialist.

So, how do we look for a psychologist? When choosing, it is advisable to start with recommendations from good friends. Next, we turn on our intuition: we communicate with a psychologist, we are interested in the education we have received, in improving our skills in trainings, advanced training courses, and our existing practice (if you have never seen anyone wanting to consult with your chosen psychologist, be wary, perhaps you are one of the very few). The first meeting of the child with the psychologist is decisive. If he liked it, it became easier, he would like to meet again (or at least is not against it), and the psychologist really correctly dealt with the problem with which you turned to him - most likely, you were lucky and you found your psychologist.

Likes(0)Dislikes(0)

Tag those who follow the rules

By more often recognizing those who behave in accordance with the rules established in the classroom than those who violate them, you will thereby make it clear that disobedience will not attract attention. When it becomes clear that you especially celebrate the successes of those who behave correctly, and set them as an example for others, accordingly, self-affirmation can only be achieved through hard work and positive behavior - most students will comply with school rules, if only in order to be in the spotlight.