Meta messages
Metamessage is a convenient way to understand the meaning of nonverbal messages (not the main ones, but in general). Literally, you are using direct speech to describe how you understand another person’s nonverbal message. - I am very tired. - I'm happy to see you. - I like you. - Don't pay attention to me. -Have you noticed how good I look?
The prefix “meta” here means that a meta message is a “message about a message,” that is, we nonverbally communicate how to treat the message, that is, the words. Although the meta-message can be without any words.
A few rules.
The metamessage is expressed in direct speech.
No “he wanted to say” or “demonstrates superiority” - only direct speech. - You can trust me. - I'm confident in myself. - It doesn't matter.
The meta message can be about the information, yourself, or the listeners.
It is very important to understand (or demonstrate) who this message applies to. In particularly critical cases, it is worth using analog marking - that is, directly showing it with your hand, head or gaze. - I'm confident in myself. - I'm confident in you. - I'm confident in the information.
There is always a meta message, even when we are silent.
Some kind of meta-message always comes from a person, even if he listens or tries to show that he is outside the situation - this, in fact, is a meta-message.
The meta message is subjective.
There is no “correct” way to decipher metamessages. Therefore, during metamessage calibration training, this is done in large enough groups to see how everyone understands it. Likewise, it can be described by different phrases that convey approximately the same meaning.
List of meta messages
Here is a short list of common meta messages. - I'm confident in myself. - I'm tired. - How tired of you you are! - I am calm. - I'm a good guy. - I want to sleep. - Have pity on me. - Who needs my help? - I don’t care. - I'm shy. - It's hard for me. - Actually, I’m white and fluffy... - I’m the owner. - I agree with you. - I'm not here. - Everything is fine with me! - You annoy me. - Pay attention to me. - You really need me. - I will command the parade! - Shall we spend the evening together? - I like you... - Why is everything so bad? — I have an important message. - I have a secret... - Well, come on! - I am a very interesting person! - This is interesting. - It is not interesting. - It is important. - It doesn't matter. - I am more important (cooler) than you. - I'm bored.
Exercise “MetaMessage Calibration”
Unfortunately, there are only photographs here, and non-verbal messages are conveyed by both movements and voice. Plus, the meta-message is also determined by the context, which in a given situation has to be completed.
Decoding meta-messages are my personal hallucinations on this subject, which are not objective reality. In square brackets - what/whom the meta-message is about.
All photos by Howard Schatz.
1. - It's scary. [about the situation] 2. - I'm cool. [about myself] 3. - I am a “good guy”. [About Me]
This is the “official” American meta-message.
1. - Notice how bad I feel. [about others and about yourself]
This is a demonstrative meta-message, it contains a large piece about “pay attention”: focusing attention on the interlocutor, demonstrative gestures, etc.
2. — I am a “good guy.” [About Me]
Female version of meta message #3 from the previous example. Well, “good girl” in Russian has a completely different meaning.
3. - I'll show you. [about others and about yourself]
1. - It's boring. [about the situation] 2. - What will happen. [about the situation] 3. - I’m unhappy with this, but it’s there [about myself and the situation]
“Complex” meta-messages are conveniently conveyed through “but”: “I want to show that I am confident in myself, but I am very shy.”
1. - Well, what do you want? [about the interlocutor] 2. - Hilarious! [about the situation] 3. - This is terrible! [about the situation]
Exercise “Demonstration of meta messages”
In groups of 4-5 people. The driver draws a card with a meta-message and demonstrates it. The rest of the group reports how they understood this meta-message. If the majority opinion is very different from what is written on the card, the Driver is given sensory feedback on how to show this meta-message more congruently. Maximum two more attempts. 30 minutes.
