Criticism from your girlfriend - how to deal with it and overcome it?

• Is criticism of a loved one dislike or a desire to make him perfect?
• Why is criticism so unpleasant?
• How to react and overcome criticism?
• Bottom line

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When a girl begins to be indignant at the actions or character traits of her loved one, men sweetly call it “whims” or rudely “sawing.” However, as the women themselves say, there would be no saw if there were no firewood. In any case, criticism from your beloved girl can be upsetting, because she expresses her dissatisfaction. And here you should think about how to treat and overcome criticism so that it does not become a reason for quarrels or even separation.

The men's site masculino.ru reminds every reader that no one is perfect. The girl is imperfect, which is clearly visible to the guy. And the guy himself is imperfect, which is noted by the girl. When a girl criticizes, she says what she doesn't like. And it’s quite normal that she doesn’t like something, since it’s impossible to find only merit in any person.

No matter what girl you date, no matter how much she loves you, you will still have visible flaws. Call this process whatever you like - criticism, dissatisfaction, sawing, whims, indignation, hysteria, etc., but the girl does one thing - announces the shortcomings that she saw in you and rated with a minus sign.

Depression in women

Depression in women is a disease characterized by depression, bad mood, and apathy. Girls are more prone to the development of this psycho-emotional disorder due to the characteristics of their nature.

The causes of depression may be the following:

• hormonal imbalance in the body;
• severe stress, for example, the death of a loved one;
• problems at work;
• conflicts in the family;
• problems conceiving a child;
• birth of a baby;
• serious disease;
• psychological childhood traumas.

To know how to help a girl get out of depression, you must first identify what triggered the development of the disease. In many cases, first of all, it is necessary to eliminate the negative factor, then only apply therapeutic measures.

How to recognize depression yourself

The HADS Hospital Anxiety and Depression Scale is used to identify the presence of depression. It helps to determine the emotional background of a person. This test is easy and does not take much time.

The essence of the test is that a person needs to complete several test tasks, choosing one of the proposed answer options. Doctors' recommendations when taking the test:

1. Do tasks completely alone, do not discuss them with anyone.
2. Do not spend more than 15 minutes on all questions.
3. Be sure to select the answer that matches your condition over the past week.
4. Do not think about the question for a long time, since the first reaction is considered the most correct.

The test consists of 2 parts, we present them below:

Upon completion, you need to calculate the results separately for parts 1 and 2. Each answer point corresponds to a specific point.

The results are deciphered as follows:

• no more than 7 points – there is no depression and anxiety, there are no pronounced symptoms indicating their presence;
• from 8 to 10 points – subclinically expressed depression and anxiety;
• from 11 points and above – clinically significant depression and anxiety.

If the result exceeds 8 points in part 1 or 2, you need to urgently contact a neurologist or psychotherapist for examination. If a woman has a deviation, the doctor will select the best methods to treat depression.

Why is criticism so unpleasant?

Many books have been written about how to defend your position when you are criticized or humiliated. But here’s the question: why is criticism so unpleasant for a person, which is why he begins to learn to resist it? This is perhaps the most important question that can answer all other questions related to this topic.

Why is criticism so unpleasant? Because the girl tells you something that contradicts your opinion or beliefs. It's that simple. You believe in something, are convinced of something, and interpret the world around you in your own way. And here she appears, who considers your opinion wrong because she thinks differently. She sometimes expresses her opinion in a not very calm manner, which causes indignation. Because people are easily irritated, they do not simply express their opinions, but try to downplay the importance of the opinions of their interlocutors.

Criticism is so unpleasant because it:

• contradicts your opinion;
• most often expressed in an aggressive form;
• insists that your opinion is absurd and stupid.

You would be happy to listen to another person's opinion that contradicts yours. You might even be able to calmly accept the fact that you are not supported. But the very intonation of the words spoken by the girl forces you to also switch to the same key. If you are calm, and a girl insults you, then you want to insult her too. But on the other hand, you need to ask yourself: do you need this abuse? You can certainly learn effective techniques for dealing with criticism and use them with success. But do you need to waste your time and energy on this if you can simply stop discussing the topic where your opinions clash?

Depending on what hurts you about other people's criticism, you need to work with it. It's your problem that you don't like it when other people contradict your opinion. It's your problem when a girl raises her voice and it's unpleasant for you. It is you who need to understand yourself, why you depend on the opinions of other people, whether they consider your point of view smart or not.

If you remove what hurts you in criticism, you can change your reaction to it. You will no longer need to defend yourself and learn effective techniques for eliminating criticism. If you remove your “internal problems” that previously caused you to react to criticism, then you will no longer have to struggle with anything.

What exactly are the problems we are talking about? Here psychologists agree that criticism only hurts when a person internally agrees with it. In other words, the girl is telling you what you yourself are aware of, but for some reason you just don’t change it in yourself. You understand that the criticized quality is unacceptable in society, that the criticized behavior offends your girlfriend. However, you deny these shortcomings in yourself. You are not yet ready to admit them, because this will entail the need to change them. But you don’t yet have the strength, time, desire, or psychological preparation for this.

Criticism is offensive because it always implies the indignation of others. A girl says bad things when she criticizes you. Moreover, she to some extent insists that you need to change this in yourself. Even if you agree that criticism is valid, you are not always willing to change, especially at the request of other people, no matter how dear they are to you.

How to cope with pathology yourself

Depression is not just a bad mood, but a serious illness that needs to be treated. At the same time, a woman can think about how to get out of depression on her own only in the case of a subclinical form of such a disorder. With it, the symptoms are mild and do not provide sufficient grounds to consider this condition a mental disorder. The clinical type is a psychopathology with pronounced manifestations, which requires the help of a specialist.

Balanced diet

Compliance with the rules of a healthy diet is one of the leading recommendations that doctors give for any pathologies of the body, including psycho-emotional disorders. Eliminate all unhealthy foods from your diet and enrich it with healthy foods to provide your body with all the nutrients.

Remove fried, fatty foods, canned food, processed foods, and fast food from the menu. Better eat more vegetables, fruits, berries, herbs, nuts, dried fruits, seafood and dairy products. Eat some chocolate every day to help lift your mood.

Also pay special attention to your diet. Doctors advise taking food in fractions, that is, in small portions, but often - 5-6 times a day. At the same time, maintain an equal interval between meals and train yourself to always eat at the same time.

Full sleep

One of the methods for a woman to get out of depression on her own with the help of folk remedies is to establish a daily routine. Be sure to get enough sleep. During depression, many patients experience sleep disturbances. They manifest themselves in the form of insomnia or, conversely, increased sleepiness.

To normalize your sleep, follow these recommendations:

• go to bed exactly according to your schedule;
• Never overeat before bed;
• take a relaxing bath with sea salt or soothing herbs;
• Get about 8 hours of sleep, try to avoid lack of sleep and oversleeping.

If there are serious problems, for example, it is impossible to fall asleep or you have nightmares, then you should visit a doctor. He will prescribe medications that will help restore normal sleep.

Physical activity

Don't know what to do for a woman who is depressed? Play sports! Physical activity is simply vital for the body. They help improve your mood, have fun, strengthen the immune system, increase endurance and stress resistance.

It’s not for nothing that most active people note that after training they get a feeling of peace. Fatigue brings pleasure, because during this period the body relaxes, anxiety recedes, and complete calm arises.

Spend 30 minutes every day on sports. And you will notice that you are getting better and better, not only psychologically, but also physically.

Please pay attention to the following types of activities:

• race walking;
• swimming;
• a ride on the bicycle;
• skiing;
• run.

To achieve positive results, exercise regularly. If you are lazy, you will not achieve elimination of depression.

Psychologists also recommend daily walking. Sunlight and fresh air are important parts of treating depression. The brain is saturated with oxygen, the production of serotonin increases, which helps suppress the depressed state. Walk every day for 20–30 minutes. Choose morning or evening for this.

Do not go for walks in rainy or cloudy weather, otherwise depression will worsen.

Elimination of depression triggers

Speaking about how to get a girl out of depression by correspondence or in person, the main point should be noted - this is the exclusion from life of the factor that provoked the occurrence of an emotional disturbance.

Stop communicating with people who make you feel bad, try to get rid of everything that reminds you of the cause of your disorder.

Positive outlook on the world

During a depressed state, many women begin to have a pessimistic attitude towards life, blame themselves for all the failures that happened to them or their loved ones, and criticize their behavior and actions. Such feelings aggravate an already unfavorable psycho-emotional background.

Positive thinking is a great way to get a girl out of depression. Look around you, the world does not end with just the cause of your condition. There are many good things, people, phenomena that can make you happy.

You need to develop a positive attitude not only towards the world around you, but also towards yourself. Treat yourself well, don't look for flaws. A person cannot be perfect, so you are certainly not the only one with some disadvantages in your character or appearance.

Also try to tune yourself to one important thought - the world will not collapse because your loved one left you, you lost an interesting job, or because of other failures. Take life's troubles with dignity, no matter how difficult they may be. Remember - everything is temporary.

Hobby, own business

One of the good methods to treat depression in a woman is a favorite activity or hobby. Do what brings you pleasure, and then you will notice that life is changing for the better and you have something to strive for.

Hobbies can be different:

• reading;
• playing sports;
• collecting;
• writing poetry;
• drawing;
• cooking.

Doing what you love will help raise your self-esteem and gain self-confidence due to the fact that you are succeeding in some area.

Personal care

An excellent option for a woman to get out of depression on her own and get rid of its symptoms is to start taking intensive care of herself. When depressed, girls often let themselves go. As a result, looking in the mirror leads to an even worse mood.

When a woman looks at herself and sees an attractive, well-groomed young lady, her self-esteem automatically increases. Also, people from outside pay more attention, which is good news.

If there are signs of depression, psychologists advise girls to go shopping to update their wardrobe, visit a hairdresser and get a stylish haircut or change their hair color. An updated image will help you quickly get rid of bad thoughts and get into a positive mood.

Vacation

What could be better than relaxing somewhere in a cozy place? This is a good way for a woman to get out of depression on her own, without drugs, to get rid of symptoms that prevent her from living fully and enjoying everything around her.

The main thing is a change of environment and climatic conditions. Take a vacation and go somewhere you've always dreamed of visiting. Don't spare the money, because for you it will be part of the therapy.

Is criticism of a loved one dislike or a desire to make him perfect?

Lovers not only love each other, but also criticize each other. The longer the relationship lasts, the more soberly the partners look at each other, noticing shortcomings and distinctive features. If at first the new loved one (beloved) seems the most ideal, then over time it becomes clear that he is the same person as everyone else, with his own shortcomings and bad habits.

It is natural that quarrels occur in couples. A frequent cause of scandals is the discrepancy between desires and the real state of affairs, as well as a discrepancy in characters. But is this really the reason to disagree? It all depends on the reason for the criticism of your loved one.

Is it dislike or the desire to make a partner perfect that lovers constantly criticize each other? For some couples, dissatisfaction is a clear sign that the partners do not love each other. They see shortcomings because they prevent them from living happily next to those they don’t love. They want convenience, but they don’t get it because their partners’ habits get in the way. That's why criticism happens.

However, there are couples where partners direct their criticism towards improving their partners. They talk about each other's shortcomings so that their partners hear them and draw the right conclusions. They want their loved ones to become the healthiest, happiest, most beautiful, richest, etc., which is why they talk about each other’s weaknesses.

Is criticism that expresses unloving different from dissatisfaction provoked by the desire to make another better? There are a couple of differences:

1. Tone. In what tone is criticism expressed to you? Threatening, rude or good-natured, calm? The anger in the tone is motivated by discomfort, that is, a lack of love for the one to whom the speech is addressed. Good nature in the voice speaks of a desire to change something for the better.
2. What will happen if the requirements are not met? By criticizing, partners usually demand that their wishes be fulfilled. But depending on what the consequences of their non-fulfillment will be, it shows what motivates the criticism. If they threaten separation or revenge, then there is no love. But if your relationship with your partner is not in danger, if you do not listen to the opinion of your critic, then they want to make you more perfect by showing love to you.

It should be understood that a girl does not always criticize in order to offend. Much depends on the character and approach of the girl to her boyfriend. There are individuals who criticize in order to promote self-improvement. If a guy has shortcomings, then the girl will naturally want her boyfriend to correct them and become better, stronger, wiser, more successful. However, people usually react negatively to criticism.

Depression is prolonged - consult a psychotherapist

Finding a way for a woman to get out of protracted depression on her own is quite difficult. If the pathology has been observed for a long time and during this period you have not been able to get rid of it, it means that you simply cannot cope with the condition and you need qualified help.

The doctor will conduct an examination and determine further treatment tactics. You may no longer be able to cope without drug therapy. The following groups of drugs may be prescribed:

• tranquilizers;
• sedatives;
• nootropics;
• antidepressants;
• sleeping pills.

Under no circumstances should such medications be used without the instructions of a specialist. Incorrectly selected medications can aggravate the course of the disease.

In addition to taking medications, they conduct courses of psychotherapy, which are also selected individually for each patient.

Thus, knowing the symptoms of depression in women and the advice of psychologists on how to get out of it, you can overcome the negative state on your own. If you feel that it is difficult for you to cope on your own, contact a specialist.