Every day we withstand criticism from numerous people. Behavior, statements, appearance, etc. are evaluated. And this evaluation is not always pleasant. If the meaningful glances of a stranger can be ignored, then the statements of relatives or friends are sometimes perceived very painfully. However, we ourselves also evaluate other people. How to express your opinion correctly so as not to cause negative emotions?
Criticism and its types
Having your own opinion and expressing it out loud is normal. This is what is called criticism. The main thing is how it is presented. Constructive criticism is aimed at being useful, pointing out mistakes and ways to correct them. It is expressed in the form of advice, objective analysis, recommendations. Destructive criticism is also a way to give an assessment, but it does not carry any benefit. This method is used to make a person lose his temper and, under the influence of momentary emotions, abandon his plans.
Principles of constructive criticism
- Objectivity. Express your opinion, but do not claim that it is the only correct one.
- Specificity. Focus on specific points rather than on the entire work.
- Reasoning. Show what your assessment is based on and justify your opinion.
- Experience and practice. Examples from personal life are very illustrative. Tell us how you avoided mistakes or corrected them.
- Professionalism. If you are well versed in the issue you are criticizing, then people will listen to you. Otherwise, you risk being branded an amateur.
- No personalization. Criticize the work, not the person, show respect for your opponent.
- Focus on the positives. When pointing out the shortcomings of the work, do not forget to talk about its advantages.
How to criticize correctly
When you evaluate another person's actions, it is important that he hears what you have to say. The rules of constructive criticism will help with this:
- Express your opinion when you are one on one with a person. Respect your opponent, do not make his mistakes public.
- Offer options for solving the problem. Help with advice or action, otherwise the meaning of the criticism will be unclear.
- Keep calm. The opponent will respond to aggressive statements with aggression.
- Evaluate work in a timely manner. If constructive criticism is expressed after a long time, you will be considered a quarrelsome, vindictive person.
- Alternate negative moments with praise. The person will feel valued despite the mistakes they have made. He will try to justify the trust and will not make similar mistakes in the future.
- Criticism is a dialogue. Let your opponent speak. Perhaps he could not influence the situation that led to the mistakes.
- You cannot criticize by referring to others. Be responsible for your words, otherwise you will be accused of spreading gossip.
- When the causes of errors and solutions have been found, leave this issue. There is no need to constantly remind your opponent of his mistakes.
- If your opponent is irritated and unable to adequately perceive your words, put off the conversation for a while.
How to learn to accept criticism
We must understand that we live in a world in which it is impossible to completely isolate ourselves from criticism and, sooner or later, everyone has to develop their own experience of its perception. And most importantly, we are criticized not only by our competitors, rivals and enemies, but also by those who truly love us, to whom we are not at all indifferent. First, parents and teachers criticize, then friends, loved ones, colleagues, and at the very end, rivals or enemies can criticize.
Types of criticism
Criticism can be constructive
and
unconstructive
.
Unconstructive criticism
- this is false information, which, as a rule, is based on envy, anger, greed, hostility, a one-sided vision of the world and man as such.
You shouldn’t pay attention to unconstructive criticism at all; I, in turn, when I detect unconstructive criticism, I simply sincerely feel sorry for this person and pray to God for him, so that he becomes kinder, and his negative energy does not affect me.
Critics who constantly criticize someone or something themselves live in hell already here on earth. Unfortunately, they don’t know how to enjoy life, and that’s why they get angry when others are happy and enjoying this life. But there is other criticism, constructive.
Constructive criticism
- this is truthful criticism, one that really corresponds to reality, to the truth.
Such criticism, as a rule, is extremely difficult for us. How to survive it? How should we perceive it? How can we make criticism, which is undoubtedly painful for us, become productive? How to learn to accept criticism addressed to you?
To accept or not to accept?
As a rule, when we hear comments addressed to us, each of us acts according to the same scenario. This happens instinctively:
- The first reaction to criticism is negative
. It’s very unpleasant for us; we want to immediately cut off this flow of reproaches.
We further reject everything that has been said.
. It seems to us that the comments made are unfair, and instead of listening, accepting and understanding, we frantically search for an answer in our heads. What does it mean to answer?
After this, we still find something to answer and answer, that is, in fact, we justify ourselves
, situation, products, time. We make excuses as to why this happened or why it couldn’t have happened otherwise, etc.
And most importantly, the fourth stage, since all other stages are done instinctively. At this stage we “digest”
heard. There are two possible options here. First: we still reject criticism without thinking about it, and, as a result, we spoil the relationship with the one who criticizes us. The second way to criticize is to take control of our emotions and think about what we hear. We do this not in order to make things worse for ourselves, on the contrary, in order to fix something, if not now, then in the future. That is, in this way we transform information that is negative at first glance into something useful for our own development.
Yesterday we already wrote an article about... No matter what you do, you will be criticized. Moreover, they will criticize and make comments even when you have already achieved some significant success in a new business. That is, criticism is not always truly to the point.
Imagine the situation. You were striving for something, you had just achieved something and suddenly people appeared who began to scold you.
, express negativity and dissatisfaction with your initiative. This can be expressed in different ways. Starting from the fact that “you are doing something wrong” and ending with “no one will need this.” In a word, to continue to act in your own way without regard even to such negativity from the outside.
First of all, you need to understand that criticism is normal.
. Only those who do nothing at all make no mistakes. Exactly the same way criticism is usually received by those who are busy with business. It’s not for nothing that people have a saying: “Initiative punishes the initiator.” In this sense, the mere presence of criticism is not so bad. So you did something and got a reaction. Perhaps inadequate or painful, but often it is better than nothing.
Criticism
from competent people who know their business will be more valuable. In this case, their criticism will be constructive and provide useful advice. Often criticism brings very valuable ideas and thoughts on how to do something better. People who speak their minds should be listened to.
But there are times when criticism is destructive
for one reason or another. Perhaps they want you, or the person was simply not in an adequate state and you fell under his hot hand. We are all human and we cannot discount the so-called human factor. You always need to think whether this or that criticism was really constructive and whether it should be listened to at all. Logic will also help you understand the critic’s motives. You need to not only listen to criticism, but also be able to. In this case, it is necessary that will not necessarily coincide with the opinions of the people around you.
Areas of application of constructive criticism
Giving an assessment is not as easy as it seems. Sometimes even a very reserved critic can lose his temper and become overly emotional. But there are areas in which destructive criticism is unacceptable under any circumstances.
The first concerns the leader-subordinate relationship. Using constructive criticism, it is necessary to correct the employee’s actions. Otherwise, the person will perform poorly and will have to be fired.
Another sphere is the educator (parent, teacher) - child. Destructive criticism lowers a little person's self-esteem. If a child is constantly told that he does everything badly, then he grows into a weak, insecure person.
The third area is training. Constructive criticism from the teacher guides the student, helps eliminate mistakes and gain new knowledge. A negative assessment has the opposite effect - the desire to learn disappears, knowledge is not absorbed.
Criticism in personal life
This is the most common case. As a rule, criticism comes only from one of the partners and is chronic. More often than not, someone wants to change their significant other. But in fact, a person’s character cannot be changed. And the response can be anything and irreversible consequences are possible. If you decide to enter into a relationship, then you should perceive the person as he is. After all, something unique attracted you to him in the first place! Is not it?
All of the above situations can grow like a snowball. And in the future it becomes more and more difficult for a person to cope with negativity towards him. There can be any number of such examples. But they have one thing in common - an annoying source. Most often, this is a person who did not have the happiest childhood, there are internal contradictions, there are unresolved problems on the personal front and there is no fulfillment in life. But it is worth noting that there is a small percentage that you actually give reason for criticism. For this reason, we recommend looking at yourself and the situation from a different perspective and doing thorough work on yourself.
Examples of constructive criticism
How easy it is to express your opinion under the influence of emotions... The result of destructive criticism is resentment and unwillingness to listen. But you can say the same thing in different words. Let's look at a few examples.
- “What were you thinking when you wrote the report? This is no good! Redo everything immediately!”
Nobody likes a rude boss. It’s better to say about the shortcomings in a different way:
- “Ivan Ivanovich, you are a good specialist, but the numbers in the last column of the report are incorrect. Correct them please. I hope you will be more careful next time. Your diligence and responsibility are valuable qualities for our company.”
- “Why did you wear this terrible dress? It’s a bad color and hangs on you like a sack.”
After such a phrase, a quarrel with a friend is guaranteed. Better to rephrase:
- “I really liked the dress you wore over the weekend. It emphasizes the figure well, and the color suits the face. And this outfit is too pale for you. Besides, you have a beautiful figure, and this dress hides it.”
- “Ham! You can’t even put together a few words! You’re talking nonsense!”
A dispute in a work environment will escalate into a quarrel if both opponents are unrestrained. Better to say:
- “No need to be rude. I think you should apologize. Next time, don't rush to answer. You are too emotional. First, calm down, consult, then express your opinion.”
How not to respond to criticism
- “I was criticized, which means I won’t succeed.” Low self-esteem is the first step to failure. Even if the result of the work done turned out to be imperfect, this is not a reason to become despondent. You must always believe in yourself, and criticism will help improve the situation.
- “They spoke to me too emotionally, which means I’m doing everything badly.” It is not so much the form of presentation of the assessment that is important, but its content. Both constructive and destructive criticism can be expressed too emotionally. It's all about the person who voices his opinion. Here it is important to discard unnecessary emotions and hear useful recommendations.
- “They criticize me. We need to respond urgently." An immediate reaction to an assessment is not always good. If the criticism was destructive, the opponent spoke in a raised tone, then there is a risk that you will be drawn into this emotional state, and the result of communication will be a quarrel. It's better to take a break, calm down and think about your answer.
- “If they criticize me, it means they are finding fault.” See other people's appreciation as a help, not as a way to upset you. Criticized? Not scary. Now you know what not to do and will not make mistakes in the future.
- “I don’t care if they criticize me.” A lack of response to an assessment is just as bad as an immediate response. Think about what lies behind the criticism? Maybe you are in danger and your opponent is warning you about it.
- "I'm upset about the criticism, so I can't do anything." You should not take other people's assessments to heart. Constructive criticism makes it possible to avoid mistakes or correct them. The main thing is to have less emotions when making a decision.
- “They criticize me because they don’t like me/they quarreled/they envy me...” Searching for motives can lead to the opposite result. While you are looking for reasons for criticism, time will be lost to correct mistakes. It is more important to understand what they are saying, not why they are doing it.
- “Everyone criticizes me because they don’t understand anything.” If different people give the same assessment, think about it, maybe you are doing something wrong.
- “They don’t tell me anything, which means I’m doing everything right.” Criticism is not always explicit. For example, a subordinate or unfamiliar person cannot speak out openly. However, some actions or words may be hidden criticism. It is important to see it and take action if common sense prevails in the assessment rather than emotions.
Criticize correctly. But if possible, it is better to refrain from speaking out. Criticism can hurt and destroy good relationships.
Conflicts with people and critical assessment of you
Sometimes it becomes difficult to avoid criticism for a long period of time because people have various conflicts as a result of their work, studies or relationships. Many people think that criticism is a bad thing, although in reality this is not always the case, because there are both bad and good judgments regarding your personality.
- When you have a body with criticism
- Conflicts with people and critical assessment of you
- How to respond to criticism addressed to you?
- Dealing with criticism and lack of self-confidence
- Working with critical people
- Harsh criticism of you Why do people criticize others?
The key to handling criticism well is to understand the intent of the person making the judgmental comment and then respond based on that.
If, for example, a person criticized you out of jealousy or hatred, then of course you should treat him differently than if someone made a judgmental comment because he wants you to improve.
In this article, I will tell you how to deal with criticism and negative people who evaluate you by helping you understand what is behind your opponents' comments.
