I don’t have a boyfriend at 20 - 4 tips from psychologists, consultations

Romantic dates, admiring glances, declarations of love. Isn't this what every girl dreams of? He waits, hopes for a happy meeting, but fate decides otherwise. Why are some representatives of the female half of humanity surrounded by the attention of the stronger sex since childhood, while others entertain themselves with vain hopes and yearn in loneliness? So it was, is and will be. It is impossible to determine one single reason for such injustice. What to do if you don't have a boyfriend? Definitely don’t sit idly by, waiting for mercy from nature. We must try to deceive fate - the villain. To do this, you need to engage in self-criticism, honestly admit the shortcomings and weaknesses that prevent you from finding a partner and starting to improve yourself.

What prevents you from being happy

Let's look at specific situations.

There's no free space in my heart

The person you like is distant and unavailable. Relationships don't work out, and feelings don't go away. Miracles, of course, happen in real life, but much less often than in fairy tales.

There is a place in the soul for one loved one. It could be:

a former lover with whom the relationship ended, but hope remained;
the ideal image of a father, brother, relative;
Close relationships with mother and sister are sometimes also an obstacle to happiness. The place in the heart is occupied.

If your efforts are wasted, don't waste your time. It’s better to look around carefully, stop thinking about the past, and let in new feelings.

Limited social circle

Habit is second nature and hard to break. If you communicate with the same people every day: neighbors, work colleagues, relatives, girlfriends, your “betrothed” will not appear. Established stereotypes are difficult to change. For some you are just a pleasant neighbor, for others you are an interesting conversationalist, for others you are a valuable employee. There are no romantic relationships and there cannot be.

To break the usual circle of familiar faces, you need to change your habits. Swap a meeting with friends for a visit to a fitness club. Instead of discussing a new project after finishing a working day, go to an exhibition, a museum or a cinema. On the weekend, go not to your parents’ dacha, but on a boat excursion.

Incorrect choice

“Why do all my friends have boyfriends, but I don’t,” the girl thinks, starting to hastily look for a couple. Dreaming of surpassing her friends, she chooses cheerful, pretty, sociable ones. And he forgets about the main thing: respect, sincerity and decency. As a result, like the old woman from the famous fairy tale by A.S. Pushkin, she finds herself with nothing.

If you want a deep relationship, take your time with the choice, change your tastes and preferences regarding men.

Little femininity

Perhaps there are a lot of young people around you with whom you can have a good time, go on a picnic, or ride a motorcycle. Amazing. However, we should not forget about the feminine essence. And from time to time show weakness and defenselessness so that your friends look with different eyes and see in front of them not only a reliable friend, but also a wonderful girl.

Sometimes love is born from friendship. Such relationships will be strong and reliable, because they are time-tested.

Personal qualities

Often, pretty, slender girls painfully search for the answer to the question: “Why don’t I still have a boyfriend?” To find the answer, analyze unsuccessful attempts to build relationships. If the acquaintance ends after the first meeting, and the situation repeats itself, engage in introspection. Pay attention to the qualities that repel men:

irritability over trifles;

hysteria;
vulgar appearance;
rudeness in conversation;
commercialism and greed;
obsessive talkativeness;
arrogance;
shyness and reticence.

It is difficult, but possible, to objectively assess your own strengths and weaknesses. Be extremely frank and self-critical, otherwise a happy meeting will remain an unfulfilled dream.

Excessive demands on the chosen one

As a child, every girl dreams of becoming a princess, dreams of finding a fairy-tale prince. Growing up, he became interested in romantic stories and read romance novels. Ideas about an ideal partner are at odds with reality. I want someone nearby who is handsome, rich, kind, loving... The advantages can be listed endlessly, but I don’t want to put up with the shortcomings. Forgetting that there are no ideal people, you risk wasting your life on a useless search and being left alone.

What to do if there is no boyfriend? It is possible to simply lower the bar of requirements for the future satellite.

Biased self-esteem

Self-esteem is one of the most important human qualities, which affects career growth, internal harmony, and personal life.

Inflated self-esteem prevents you from adequately assessing your own personality. The girl becomes a narcissistic egoist. A contemptuous look, a mocking smile, and speeches of praise to one’s beloved are not conducive to communication. The highest step on the pedestal is designed for one. Therefore, considering yourself a standard, you risk being left in splendid isolation.

The problem begins in childhood. The only child in the family becomes the object of universal adoration. Permissiveness and increased attention make the girl a narcissistic egoist who considers others unworthy of attention.

When a girl overcomes selfishness and egocentrism, she will see how many good people there are around. And he will definitely find his one and only.

Low self-esteem is the other side of the same coin. Only now others become role models. The girl is overcome by complexes and doubts. Shyness makes you shy away from guys, makes it difficult to get to know each other, look them in the eye, or carry on a conversation. The result is loneliness, melancholy, depression.

Self-esteem is the result of upbringing. If your parents made a mistake, educate yourself.

Disregard for appearance

Thinking that a rich inner world completely compensates for shortcomings in appearance, sloppiness, and indifference to appearance, you can be left without a partner for a long time. Of course, appearances can be deceiving. However, to get to know a person’s soul, to evaluate intelligence, character, and habits, it takes time. To start communicating, you need to attract attention, get to know each other, and be able to keep them close.

Therefore, be guided by the principle: “Everything in a person (and especially in a woman) should be beautiful.” The hero of Turgenev’s novel said very correctly: “You can be a efficient person and think about the beauty of your nails.”

Intelligence, kindness, and moral principles cannot interfere with taking care of your appearance.

Negative childhood experiences

Parents' relationships influence the formation of the child's personality. If a girl grows up in a single-parent family and sees constant scandals and quarrels, male representatives become enemies. Resentment towards the father is subconsciously transferred to the surrounding guys. The fear of repeating the fate of the mother makes one avoid making acquaintances and avoid young people.

To solve the problem, you need to stop projecting the negative experiences of your parents onto your own destiny. Remember examples of happy marriages and believe in luck.

Bitter experience

It happens that the betrayal of a loved one inflicts a deep mental wound, which gives rise to complexes and deprives one of confidence. The girl looks for a reason in her own behavior, isolates herself from new acquaintances, preferring to be alone.

Only by getting rid of painful memories can you move on.

Fear of intimacy

Perhaps the girl subconsciously avoids close relationships, avoids guys, because she has already experienced psychological trauma and disappointment. Fearing that it will hurt again, he does not make new acquaintances. Thus, he tries to create a safe personal space.

Sometimes a girl doesn’t want to leave her comfort zone and coziness. Lives by the principle: “Better a bird in the hand than a pie in the sky.” The uncertainty that accompanies meeting a man frightens a girl accustomed to loneliness.

Harmful installations

If a person wants to believe in something, he will look for and find confirmation of his beliefs (even erroneous ones). If a girl thinks:

decent men are busy;
there are only women around;
marriage will make you unhappy;
external data is far from perfect;
It’s better to live, live for yourself, your beloved,

it will act accordingly:

seeing ideal guys in love with girlfriends;
notice only women when meeting;
focus on unhappy marriages;
consider your own weaknesses as unforgivable vices;
find pleasure in spending time alone.

Once you stop feeding false attitudes with examples, they will disappear. Real life will turn out to be much more attractive than far-fetched myths.

The main reasons for loneliness

There is a destiny from which it is impossible to escape. Biblical sayings say that woman was created for man. If a boy is born, God sends him a companion. The only question is when they will meet. Those who adhere to this version need to be patient and just wait.

Until the time comes to meet, all efforts will be in vain. When the desired moment comes, the meeting will definitely take place. The betrothed will run into a girl in the elevator, give up his seat in public transport, give her a ride on the way to work, come to her office, and treat her to a cup of coffee. There are many such life moments. The main point: if it’s destined, you can’t escape fate!

Psychology, explaining why there is no man, looks at the problem from a different angle and considers internal attitudes to be the causes of loneliness. The girl herself repels guys with her appearance, behavior, attitude and life priorities.

Bad experience in the past

When the ex-boyfriend turns out to be a scoundrel, the girl becomes disappointed in men and puts up an invisible barrier that prevents the stronger sex from getting closer to her. Psychologists recommend forgetting past failures and betting on the future. Each person is individual. You can't lump everyone with the same brush. We need to rethink the situation once again, reconsider our outlook on life. There is no need to look for negative qualities in a partner; it is better to focus on the positive aspects.

Low self-esteem

When a girl is not confident in herself, she is afraid of attention from a man. Low self-esteem interferes with building relationships and repels men. It seems to the girl that she is unworthy of happiness, she is not taken seriously, and cannot truly be loved. With such beliefs, no guy can achieve recognition.

Lack of suitable candidate

There is a statement: “It’s better to be alone than with just anyone.” Sometimes a girl finds herself in conditions where there are no men worthy of her attention. A real-life example: a specialist is sent to the province after graduating from a medical university. There are many people who want to start dating her, but among them there are no guys of her level. Another example for women who are long overdue and still unmarried: the older the age, the higher the requirements for candidates. But most guys get married before they are 30. If a woman is over 35, she has to date either married or divorced people. Finding a bachelor is problematic, but those who seek, find.

Not ready for a relationship

When meeting a man, each girl pursues her own goal. When she comes across a guy who matches her ideals, she will marry him at any age, and if she doesn’t like something, she will say that she is not ready for a serious relationship.

It also happens that a woman does not want a family, children and family worries. In this case, she meets men for sex and moral satisfaction. Her loneliness is voluntary and can end as soon as the girl changes her outlook on life.

There's another in my heart

The situation arises with unrequited love and after an unsuccessful romance, when a man leaves and the woman continues to love him. Presence in a person’s heart means the direction of thoughts in his direction. The girl remembers him, compares all the applicants with him, and does not pay attention to the courtship of potential suitors.

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Different views and priorities

To build a serious and lasting relationship, partners must have the same views and priorities. If they look in different directions, there will be no support or common topics for conversation. Everyone will go their own way, blaming their partner for misunderstanding.

If not a single applicant is suitable in terms of worldview, there are two reasons: either the girl has inflated demands and the wrong idea about life together, or she is in the wrong place. It's good when a woman knows exactly what she wants. Then loneliness is a temporary phenomenon. When the right candidate comes along, she will willingly connect her fate with him.

Unpleasant appearance

They say there are no ugly women, only unkempt ones. When a girl stops taking care of herself, she loses attractiveness and becomes uninteresting to others. Men are put off by extra pounds and bad taste in clothes. It's easy to fix the situation:

Make an appointment with a good hairdresser who will help you choose the right hairstyle and hair color.
Learn how to do light natural makeup. Men don't like its absence, but they also don't like too much makeup.
Get in shape. An effective way is to combine physical activity with proper nutrition. As soon as a woman loses excess weight, her self-esteem will rise, and men will begin to pay attention to her.
Review your wardrobe and choose stylish items that suit your age.
Buy expensive perfume. Let there be one bottle, but a high-quality one.

Men love with their eyes, and then they begin to look at what is “inside.”

Bad character

The cause of loneliness is improper upbringing. A girl who does not respect men, does not know how to restrain her emotions, behaves selfishly and risks remaining alone for the rest of her life. You can get along with a difficult character, but not with a bad one. This is a case where the partner's efforts are not properly appreciated. There is no gratitude in return, no sympathy, no support.

What to do

What to do if there is no boyfriend? Start transformation:

Take care of your appearance.
Change your lifestyle.
Change your character and self-esteem.
Develop and improve.

Let's act consistently. First, let's find out what to do if there is no boyfriend. Find a suitable candidate, try to attract attention. And, as you know, people are greeted by their clothes.

Becoming attractive

Even a “written beauty” sometimes needs to correct her natural characteristics. And if your appearance is far from perfect, you will have to work hard. So, stand in front of a full-length mirror, carefully examine the reflection, mark (on a piece of paper, perhaps) what you would like to correct, change, improve. Armed with your list, get started:

Visit a beauty salon. Consult a cosmetologist on how to properly care for your skin and apply makeup.
Next stage: manicure and pedicure.
Plan a trip to the hairdresser. A new hairstyle and professional coloring will give you confidence.
Organize your clothes and shoes. Even a stylish but wrinkled blouse can ruin the impression of your first meeting.
Choose a time to buy new things and unusual accessories.
Think about your style.

Moderation, style, neatness are the main components of an attractive appearance that will help you understand what to do if you don’t have a boyfriend.

Changing our lifestyle

The reason for loneliness may lie in your daily routine. If you meet the same people every day, walk the same road, a new meeting will not happen. Perhaps established habits make life comfortable, but they deprive us of the main thing: surprise. Expand your social circle.

Sometimes new acquaintances and communication are enough, but your soul mate cannot be found. Little time for personal life. First, career, work, study, sports. If the day is scheduled minute by minute, there is no room for romantic relationships. You will have to make a choice, give up some area of activity in order to finally get rid of loneliness.

“Why do my friends date guys, but I don’t?” asks the girl. Maybe the fact is that the young beauty prefers solitude. She closed herself off, like a snail in a shell, at home, watching films about love, listening to stories of happy friends, envious, suffering, but doing nothing to correct the situation. Man is a social being. Excessive isolation not only interferes with personal happiness, but also causes depression and psychological disorders.

Remaking the character

We followed the recommendations of psychologists: we corrected our appearance, thought out an individual style of clothing, found free time, learned to leave the house more often, but there was no result. This means it’s a matter of character and manner of communication. Some qualities become an insurmountable obstacle to personal happiness. It's worth changing if:

feel shy, constrained when communicating with male representatives;
chatting with your friends and cannot put two words together when meeting a young man;
you are afraid to open up to your feelings, fearing pain, disappointment, deception;
You constantly complain, demonstrate desperation, a desire to find a partner.

Try:

when communicating, look into the eyes of your interlocutor, and not look at the ground under your feet;
go out into the street with your head held high, your shoulders back, and a joyful smile. Problems, worries, bad mood should be invisible;
learn a few stock phrases that can be used to start or end a conversation. Practice in front of a mirror, pronouncing words cheerfully, affably, and at ease.
rejoice in the present, live for today. If something bad happens tomorrow, you will have time to be upset.

The main thing is to remain an individual in the pursuit of personal happiness. While changing for the better, maintain your individuality. Find the golden mean between dullness and vulgarity.

Learning to get acquainted

“Why do all my friends have a boyfriend, and I’m alone?” asks the girl. Psychologists answer: “We must learn to take a step forward.” Be able to make acquaintances, start a conversation, attract attention. To find a guy, you need to be in youth groups more often, be sociable, open, and cheerful. Get acquainted:

at a party with friends;
in a nightclub, at a disco;
at the exhibition;
in the gym;
on a walk in the park;
Online Dating;
in social networks.

You can get attention:

an open smile;
gaze;
requesting a service or assistance;
unusual behavior (approach, offer to meet first).

To create a desire to continue communication you need to:

be able to carry on a conversation;
treat humor appropriately;
tell jokes;
be unpredictable and mysterious;
listen and hear the interlocutor;
to compliment.

“If the mountain does not come to Magomed, Magomed goes to the mountain.” You need to be decisive, overcome your complexes, and try to get to know each other yourself.

Solution

To get rid of loneliness, they use various methods, including performing magical rituals. First you need to understand the reason for the absence of your loved one:

Analyze your behavior and attitude towards the problem.
Make an adequate reference to your former partners.
Reconsider life values; perhaps the image of the ideal man has already changed.
Take steps towards your destiny: appear in crowded places, and not just go to work and visit old friends.

Magic love spells help speed up your meeting with your loved one. They perform rituals independently or turn to fortune tellers.

Main conclusions

To be happy and loved, remember simple rules:

always and everywhere be well-groomed and tidy;
respect others;
smile sincerely at passers-by;
enjoy every day;
be calm and patient;
learn to manage emotions;
engage in self-education, self-education;
don't look back to the past;
Taking into account your own mistakes and mistakes, move forward.

Some girls, tired of loneliness, are content with short-term relationships. Relationships will be frivolous and romances will be short if:

There is no sense of self-esteem. The willingness to tolerate any male representative around is contemptible. If a woman loses her self-esteem, you can forget about a serious relationship with a man. Guys don't like girls who don't like themselves.
A friend is easily accessible. The romance develops rapidly: a short period of courtship gives way to intimacy, which is inevitably followed by a breakup. Permissiveness is good for frivolous relationships. Look for true love - know how to pause, keep your distance.
Excessive unavailability will also negatively affect the duration of a romantic relationship. A categorical refusal of any physical intimacy or kisses causes bewilderment and disappointment among the stronger sex, accustomed to winning lightning victories. Anyone who plans a long life together in marriage is able to patiently wait for favor.
There is no unity of views, interests, and moral principles. The character of a guy you like externally may turn out to be completely different from what your imagination draws. If a girl is planning a serious relationship, counting on respect, support, attention, and the guy wants to have fun, the relationship will end as soon as it begins. The goals of the partners must be in tune.

“Why do all my friends around have boyfriends, but I don’t,” thinks an attractive girl, once again experiencing a breakup with her chosen one. The answer is obvious. The young lady forgets about the mistakes she has made, stepping on the same rake again and again.

Work on yourself

If you don’t have a boyfriend, but it’s high time to get married, you need to work on yourself, your thoughts, your outlook on life.

Appearance

First of all, men pay attention to appearance. A girl should look seductive, but not provocative. Each age has its own style of clothing, but all men like necklines, cutouts, and tight-fitting outfits. Provocative dresses will attract frivolous guys. Business suits will scare off the average man, but will charm office workers, businessmen, politicians and public figures.

Working on your appearance involves controlling your weight. Men also have extra pounds, but if you want to please an athletic and fit guy, you should try. Excess weight makes a woman insecure, forces her to wear baggy outfits and stay aloof. As soon as a girl loses weight, men will pay attention to her.

Makeup should be appropriate. It can be casual or evening. Too bright “war paint” scares off serious potential suitors and attracts those who like to have fun. After work, the lack of evening makeup makes a girl look like a gray mouse, with whom many are not interested.

They say that men first of all pay attention to the condition of a girl’s hair. Well-groomed beauties have shiny, healthy hair, and do not stick out in different directions. If you don’t have the money for expensive dye and a good hairdresser, it’s better to leave your hair color natural than to experiment at home.

Why do not you have a boyfriend?

If on an ordinary day this question simply worries you, then as the holidays approach it begins to torment you.

You have a lot of complexes about your appearance

You think that only a wasp waist, long legs and a breathtaking bust will make you happy. Look around, do all the young ladies you know have the figures of a model? No? Then stop constantly talking about diets, shaping and fat-burning products, especially in the presence of friends. It's better to quietly go in for sports.

Your social circle is too limited

Get your ass off the couch and stop adjusting your life to the TV schedule. The world around us is not limited to mom, dad and best friend. And stop trying to excuse yourself from parties where there will be a lot of people unfamiliar to you. I wonder where you're going to meet a cool guy then? On the sofa watching TV?

You seem to be very shy

When you see a cool guy, you go numb and answer all questions and remarks with a stupid giggle. How do you talk to your mother or younger sister? You are unlikely to feel shy with them. If natural modesty and timidity haunt you even in the family circle, enroll in a theater studio. By the way, you can meet great guys there.

You admire your girlfriends

You are always adapting to someone. Tell me, why would a guy fall in love with a pale copy if there is an original?

You show off too much

A serious face is not a sign of intelligence, smile. Stop being smart, or you'll look like a fool. And let me tell you: besides your beloved person, there are a lot of much more interesting topics for conversation.

You need to break off every guy who gets on your tongue

It's unfortunate, but with your witticisms you, as a rule, only set yourself up. Make your face simpler, and people will be drawn to you.

You've just been introduced, and you've already started talking about life

Making him happy with statements like: every acquaintance should end in a romance, and every romance should end in a long life together is not worth it. Boys hate showdowns, so save this discussion for your best friend. Moreover, she will probably agree with you. Unlike your new acquaintance.

You think he doesn't deserve you

It’s sacred to believe that one fine day a prince will appear in a white Bimmer and take you to a mansion on the Cote d’Azur; at your age it’s already shameful. Turn your gaze to those around you. Among them there will certainly be a couple of worthwhile copies.

You surround every guy who comes into your house with exorbitant care.

You've eaten so little! Are you wearing a hat? It's snowing outside! Actually, he already has one mother. And your cackling will cause nothing but irritation.

You live someone else's life and someone else's emotions

A friend or friend comes to you for a cup of tea and let’s go on about it: life is not a success, there are problems at school, your parents are assholes. So what do you get from this? Here's what: they dumped all their negative emotions on you and pumped out your positive ones. Everything will work out for him tomorrow, but just as you didn’t have a boyfriend, you never will, and you won’t have the energy left to look for him. All my friends pumped it out.

You have a lot of friends of the opposite sex, but none of them perceive you as a woman.

Perhaps you immediately establish friendly relations with them and it simply doesn’t occur to them to treat you not as just another friend, but as an object of courtship. To begin with, try not to pretend that you are an extremely independent person who can do everything herself: hammer a nail, stop a galloping horse. Even the horniest guy doesn't want to be animated by a vibrator.

They've screwed you up

You are convinced that all men are assholes. Keep in mind that it is because of people like you that some of them believe that all women are fools.