Achieving success is an important part of every person's life. By achieving goals, he moves through life and makes it better, reveals his potential and realizes himself. Today you can find a huge number of different effective and efficient techniques and methods for implementing plans, and these methods are almost always environmentally friendly, i.e. do not harm other people - neither their mental nor physical state.
However, some people are not used to being guided by considerations of humanity and do not think at all about others. They do not hesitate to go over their heads and use completely unethical and even unacceptable methods to achieve their goals. And one of the first places on the list of such methods is manipulation. In the article “People Manipulation,” we talked in detail about what it is, and if you want, you can brush up on your knowledge. And today we’ll talk about some techniques for protecting against manipulation, many of which are discussed in our program “Profiling: Understanding People’s Psychology.”
What is psychological protection
The human psyche is characterized by the ability to protect itself from negative surrounding or internal influences.
Psychological protection of the individual is present in every human subject, but varies in degree of intensity.
Psychological protection guards the mental health of people, protects their “I” from the effects of stress, increased anxiety, anxiety, negative, destructive thoughts, and from confrontations leading to poor health.
Psychological defense as a concept was born in 1894 thanks to the famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, who came to the conclusion that a subject can show two different responses to unpleasant situations. He can either detain them in a conscious state, or distort such circumstances in order to reduce their scope or deviate them in a different direction.
All protective mechanisms are characterized by two features connecting them. First of all, they are unconscious. The individual activates defense spontaneously, without understanding what he is doing. Secondly, the main task of protective tools is to distort reality as much as possible or completely deny it, so that the subject stops perceiving it as alarming or unsafe. It should be emphasized that human individuals often use several protection mechanisms simultaneously in order to protect themselves from unpleasant, threatening events. However, such a distortion cannot be considered a deliberate lie or exaggeration.
At the same time, despite the fact that all available protective acts are aimed at protecting the human psyche, preventing him from falling into depression, and helping him endure stress, they often cause harm. The human subject cannot exist constantly in a state of renunciation or blaming others for his own troubles, replacing reality with a distorted picture that has fallen from the subconscious.
Psychological defense, in addition, can hinder personal growth and human development. It can become an obstacle to the path of success.
The negative consequences of the phenomenon under consideration occur with the stable repetition of a certain defense mechanism in similar situations of life, however, individual events, although similar to those that initially provoked the activation of the defense, do not need cover-up, since the subject himself can consciously find a solution to the problem that has arisen.
Also, defense mechanisms turn into a destructive force when a person uses several of them at the same time. A subject who frequently resorts to defense mechanisms is doomed to be a failure.
Psychological protection of the individual is not an innate skill. It is acquired during the child’s socialization. The main source of the formation of internal defense mechanisms and examples of their use are parents, who “infect” their own children with their example of using protection.
Ignore and continue
Ignoring and continuing is one of the most restrained reactions to recognized manipulation. You simply do not give in to the attempt at manipulation and ignore the corresponding remark. Thus, your interlocutor receives a warning, but “does not lose face.”
You can and should even let him know that you perfectly understood what exactly he was trying to do, for example, using:
- pauses in conversation (thinking);
- question: “Maybe we can continue after all, do you agree?”;
- emphatically constructive proposal on your part.
This technique is most often used in situations where the manipulator:
- allows himself a stupid joke or cynical remark;
- behaves dismissively;
- tries to catch you off guard and increases the pace;
- acts emphatically uninterested and bored.
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Mechanisms of psychological defense of the individual
A special system of personality regulation aimed at protecting consciousness from negative, traumatic, unpleasant experiences caused by contradictions, anxiety and a state of discomfort is called psychological protection, the functional purpose of which is to minimize intrapersonal confrontation, relieve tension, and relieve anxiety. By weakening internal contradictions, psychological hidden “safeties” regulate the behavioral reactions of the individual, increasing its adaptive ability and balancing the psyche.
Freud had previously outlined the theories of the conscious, unconscious and the concept of the subconscious, where he emphasized that defensive internal mechanisms are an integral part of the unconscious. He argued that the human subject is often confronted with unpleasant stimuli that are threatening and can generate stress or lead to a breakdown. Without internal “safeties,” the ego of the individual will undergo disintegration, which will make it impossible to make decisions in everyday life. Psychological protection acts as shock absorbers. It helps individuals cope with negativity and pain.
Modern psychological science identifies 10 internal defense mechanisms, which are classified according to the degree of maturity into defensive (for example, isolation, rationalization, intellectualization) and projective (denial, repression). The first ones are more mature. They allow negative or traumatic information to enter their consciousness, but interpret it for themselves in a “painless” way. The second ones are more primitive, since traumatic information is not allowed into consciousness.
Today, psychological “safeties” are considered reactions that an individual resorts to unconsciously in order to protect his own internal mental components, the “Ego,” from anxiety, confrontation, frustration, feelings of shame, guilt, and feelings of anger.
The fundamental mechanisms of psychological defense are differentiated by such parameters as the level of processing of the conflict internally, the reception of reality distortion, the level of the amount of energy spent on maintaining a certain mechanism, the level of infantilism of the individual and the type of probable mental disorder that appears as a result of addiction to a certain defense mechanism.
Freud, using his own three-component model of the structure of the psyche, suggested that individual mechanisms arise in childhood.
Psychological protection, examples of it are found all the time in life. Often, in order not to vent anger on the boss, a person pours out streams of negative information on employees, since they are less significant objects for him.
It often happens that the safety mechanisms begin to work incorrectly. The reason for this failure lies in the individual’s desire for peace. Hence, when the desire for psychological comfort begins to prevail over the desire to comprehend the world, minimizing the risk of going beyond the boundaries of the familiar, well-functioning defense mechanisms cease to function adequately, which leads to self-deception.
Protective defense mechanisms constitute the security complex of the personality, but at the same time they can lead to its disintegration. Each individual has his own favorite variation of protection.
Psychological defense is an example of this: the desire to find a reasonable explanation for even the most ridiculous behavior. This is how the tendency towards rationalization manifests itself.
However, there is a fine line that runs between adequate use of the preferred mechanism and a violation of the equivalent balance in their functioning. Troubles arise for individuals when the chosen “fuse” is absolutely inappropriate for the situation.
"Broken Record"
If you notice that your interlocutor wants to get away from the topic or is acting aggressively, trying to intimidate, provoke you or take you by surprise, then try to play a “broken record”. It is very simple to use, you just need to repeat again and again what you want, or what is important to you, or what you want to know, etc.
At some point, you will still be able to force the manipulator to talk on the topic you need. But be careful: like all other conversation techniques, the “broken record” requires practice, practice and more practice, because from an early age we are weaned from being stubborn and straightforward. But from a moral point of view, the “broken record” method is impeccable: by using it, you will not mislead, manipulate, ignore or offend anyone. You will simply exercise your right to say what you want.
This technique is most often used in situations where the manipulator:
- tries to force you to do something or force something on you that you refuse (“a broken record” helps you refuse with firmness);
- distracts you from the real subject of discussion;
- tries to spark additional outbreaks of war;
- does not allow you to speak out and constantly interrupts you.
Types of psychological protection
Among the scientifically recognized and frequently encountered internal “shields,” there are about 50 types of psychological defense. Below are the main defense techniques used.
First of all, we can highlight sublimation, the concept of which was defined by Freud. He considered it a process of transformation of libido into sublime aspiration and socially necessary activity. According to Freud's concept, sublimation is the main effective defense mechanism during personality maturation. The preference for sublimation as the main adaptation strategy speaks of mental maturation and personality formation.
There are 2 key variations of sublimation: primary and secondary. With the first, the original task towards which the personality is directed is preserved, which is expressed relatively directly, for example, infertile parents decide to adopt. In the second, individuals abandon the initial task and choose another task, which can be achieved at a higher level of mental activity, as a result of which sublimation is indirect.
An individual who has failed to adapt using the primary form of the defense mechanism can switch to the secondary form.
The next frequently used technique is repression, which is found in the involuntary movement of unacceptable impulses or thoughts into the unconscious. Simply put, repression is motivated forgetting. When the function of this mechanism is insufficient to reduce anxiety, other defense techniques are used that help the repressed information appear in a distorted light.
Regression is an unconscious “descent” into an early stage of adaptation, allowing the satisfaction of desires. It can be symbolic, partial or complete. Many problems of an emotional nature have regressive characteristics. In its normal manifestation, regression can be detected in game processes, during illnesses (for example, a sick individual requires more attention and increased care).
Projection is a mechanism for assigning to another individual or object desires, feelings, thoughts that the subject consciously rejects. Individual variations of projection are easily detected in everyday life. Most human subjects are completely uncritical of personal shortcomings, but easily notice them in those around them. People tend to blame the surrounding society for their sorrows. At the same time, projection can be harmful, since it often causes an erroneous interpretation of reality. This mechanism mainly works in vulnerable individuals and immature individuals.
The opposite of the technique described above is introjection or inclusion of oneself. It plays an important role in early personal maturation, since parental values are learned on its basis. The mechanism is updated due to the loss of a close relative. With the help of introjection, the differences between one's own person and the object of love are eliminated. Sometimes aggression or anger towards someone, negative impulses are transformed into devaluation of oneself and self-criticism, due to the introjection of such a subject.
Rationalization is a mechanism that justifies the behavioral response of individuals, their thoughts, feelings, which are actually unacceptable. This technique is considered the most common psychological defense mechanism.
Human behavior is determined by many factors. When an individual explains behavioral reactions in the most acceptable way for his own personality, then rationalization occurs. An unconscious rationalization technique should not be confused with a conscious lie or deliberate deception. Rationalization helps maintain self-esteem, avoid responsibility and feelings of guilt. In every rationalization there is some amount of truth, but there is more self-deception in it. This makes her unsafe.
Intellectualization involves the exaggerated use of intellectual potential in order to eliminate emotional experiences. This technique is characterized by a close relationship with rationalization. It replaces the direct experience of feelings with thinking about them.
Compensation is an unconscious attempt to overcome real or imagined defects. The mechanism under consideration is considered universal, because acquiring status is the most important need of almost every individual. Compensation can be socially acceptable (for example, a blind person becomes a famous musician) and unacceptable (for example, compensation for disability is transformed into conflict and aggression). There is also a distinction between direct compensation (in an obviously unwinnable area the individual strives for success) and indirect compensation (the tendency to establish one’s own personality in another area).
Reactive formation is a mechanism that replaces unacceptable impulses for awareness with exorbitant, opposing tendencies. This technique is characterized by a two-stage approach. In the first turn, the unacceptable desire is repressed, after which its antithesis increases. For example, overprotection may hide feelings of rejection.
The mechanism of denial is the rejection of thoughts, feelings, impulses, needs or reality that are unacceptable at the level of consciousness. The individual behaves as if the problem situation does not exist. The primitive way of denial is inherent in children. Adults more often use the described method in situations of serious crisis.
Displacement is the redirection of emotional responses from one item to an acceptable substitute. For example, subjects take out aggressive feelings on their family instead of their employer.
Ask and listen
Conscious use of questions is one of the central elements of communication. As a rule, we underestimate the role of a question as a communicative tool. Many people feel that if they start by simply asking questions rather than immediately expressing their own point of view, they will lose the initiative in the conversation. But the opposite is true: by asking questions, you increase your chances of building a positive relationship with your interlocutor and achieving your goals. Why?
With the right questions you:
- you receive important information that will help you adapt your conversation tactics to the situation, because questions will help you determine what your interlocutor attaches importance to, what exactly is important to him;
- include your interlocutor in active negotiations, showing yourself from the very beginning as a partner and not an adversary;
- you can prevent collisions, return the conversation to a substantive level, which will help you cope with emotionally difficult situations.
By asking questions, you show your interlocutor respect, and it is important for any person to be treated with respect and valued.
To use questions purposefully, you need to understand the difference between open-ended and closed-ended questions . Open questions require answers in complete sentences, while closed questions can be fully answered with a single word or a laconic mention of a certain fact. As a rule, answers to open-ended questions are more complete and take longer than the generally rather sparse responses to closed-ended questions. An open question allows you to more actively involve your interlocutor in the conversation. Their advantage is that they provoke him to think, invite him to engage more intensively with the issue under discussion, and encourage him to make his own proposals. In addition, open questions always reveal more than closed questions. Here are some examples of open questions.
- What do you think the solution should be?
- What wishes do you have regarding this?
- What exactly is this problem?
- What is of particular interest to you in this case?
A closed question can be answered very briefly - with a gesture or one word. Here are examples of questions of this type.
- Do you want to think about it again?
- Do you agree to take a short break?
- What is your name?
- Have you made a decision?
Questions about the interlocutor's consent are important closed questions. Closed questions also work well in cases of vague and lengthy statements, when you want to force the interlocutor to express himself more precisely.
Open questions are used to:
- obtain more complete information;
- encourage the interlocutor to freely exchange opinions;
- push him to think.
Closed questions are used to:
- ask for consent, approval;
- get a confirmation;
- negotiate in a strict, clear manner;
- achieve a clear answer.
An important method of conducting a conversation is the technique of asking again . When asking again, you refer directly to the previous statement. This technique is aimed primarily at better understanding the interlocutor’s statements, as well as inviting him to more accurately formulate or critically revise his thoughts. Asking again is useful in all cases where something becomes unclear or is deliberately obscured.
The opposite of asking questions is, of course, listening . If you ask questions, you must be prepared and listen to the answers. Careful listening plays a critical role in negotiating and handling manipulation.
Listen means:
- tune in to your interlocutor, treat him with full attention;
- put yourself in the situation of the interlocutor in order to understand his way of thinking or his point of view. However, you are not obligated to share it at all.
Listening is primarily a matter of inner attitude, not pure technique. It requires enormous concentration and is therefore one of the most tedious communication techniques. However, professional listening skills can be trained and honed.
Those who know how to listen will more easily build trusting relationships with their interlocutor. Listening, like actively asking questions, is a kind of “key to all doors” that allows you to achieve deeper personal contact with your negotiating partner. Listening helps relieve aggression and hostile emotions. Like asking questions, listening is an excellent way to make a conversation more meaningful and constructive. Listening carefully also helps avoid misunderstandings.
The fundamental rule of professional listening is to show the other person that he is being listened to.
There are three possibilities for this, namely: silent listening, listening using attentional reactions, active listening.
- Silent listening. The listener is quiet, attentive and by turning his body towards the interlocutor demonstrates to the person that he is listening.
- Listening using attentional reactions. The listener shows that he is listening to the interlocutor using typical reactions of attention (nods, remarks like “really?!”, etc.).
- Active listening. The listener asks again, once again summarizes in his own words what the interlocutor said or reflects the emotions of the interlocutor, which are contained in his statements. Active listening is the highest form of professional listening. There are several types of active listening:
- by asking again;
- a return message, or reflection of what was said (meaningful message);
- a reverse message, or a reflection of the implied (emotional message).
Changing Perspective
And this technique is, in essence, very simple. You do not respond directly to the attempt at manipulation, but invite your interlocutor to look at the situation from your point of view or the point of view of another person.
This technique is most often used in situations where the manipulator:
- refuses to understand you;
- pretends to be stupid;
- insists on his own and is deaf to everything else.
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