Probably every person wants to be better than he really is, but not everyone wants to do something and make efforts for this. And as real life and news and information channels and articles show, one must make an effort, one must try and work on self-development and self-improvement. Otherwise, your life will be boring and meaningless. As practice shows, interesting, intelligent and highly developed people are much more interesting than those who cannot string together two phrases without the words of parasites.
Therefore, if you are thinking that you need to somehow develop and improve yourself, you can take note of the following tips. Remember that self-development is complex actions based on your desire, independent studies and exercises aimed at improving your life.
Develop willpower
Psychologists have long studied the nature of willpower to understand why some people have this quality and others do not. And it turned out that its presence is determined by upbringing and habits formed in childhood. Therefore, those who had organized and strong-willed parents were lucky. But you shouldn’t worry if you don’t have willpower: this quality can be developed. The path will be longer, but anyone can complete it. Thanks to willpower, people can pursue goals without succumbing to laziness and radically change their lives.
There are two methods of developing will: “doing” and “not doing.” Doing involves repeating some boring and routine actions until a habit is formed (for example, exercising in the morning). Non-doing is the refusal of harmful actions (for example, from food or bad habits)
Special time to work on yourself
Today the Nativity Fast began. We talk about this special period in the life of a Christian with Archpriest Alexy Kruglik, a teacher at Sretensky Theological Seminary.
— Father Alexy, the Nativity Fast lasts forty days, and some Christians fearfully expect that it is during this period that their relationships with others will worsen — in the family, at work. Tell me, what is this connected with?
— Fasting is a special time when a person must work more on himself, his life, his soul, his attitude towards his neighbors and those far away, work, prayer, and God. And this intense work, of course, is not up to everyone, and therefore, perhaps not immediately, but some tests begin. A person is rarely taught to pray, rarely taught to work on his own mistakes, and therefore the time of fasting, when a person is forced to work on himself, can cause rejection, irritation and even mistakes in him. So it happens that a person is irritated, quarrels with loved ones, conflicts and quarrels arise at work. Sometimes a person cannot even make it to the end of the service. In other words, work that a person is not used to, but which he is forced to do, knocks him out of his usual rut in life. And, nevertheless, if a person follows the right path, realizing that he needs it, then through the prayers of him and his confessor all these temptations will be overcome, and the work itself will bear worthy fruit.
When starting to fast, every person should be prepared for temptations
When starting to fast, every person must be prepared for what in spiritual life is called “temptation” or test. The point is that fasting is essentially a cleansing of your inner self, a cleansing of your soul. And not just cleansing, but also filling with special spiritual content. Those people who probably find themselves in the most difficult situation are those who, having cleansed their soul, do not fill it with anything. After all, then, according to the Gospel word, if you cleanse your house, but do not fill it with the right contents, demons come, temptations come.
— How was the Nativity Fast established?
— Even in the “Apostolic Constitutions” we find an indication that Christians celebrated the Feast of the Nativity of Christ. Then he was one with Baptism (or Epiphany). And already in the first centuries we find records of Christians trying to fast before this great holiday: some for seven days, some for more. Both St. Ambrose of Milan and Blessed Augustine write about this.
At the Council of 1166, it was decided that the fast would last exactly forty days
In order to make this time a single fast for all Christians, at the Council of Constantinople in 1166 it was decided that the fast would last exactly forty days. Moreover, the last week before Christmas should be more strict and responsible.
— Do you often have to give a blessing for the weakening of fasting?
— According to the regulations, dry eating is prescribed on Wednesday and Friday during the Nativity Fast. On the remaining days of the week, boiled food is allowed, sometimes with oil, and on Saturday and Sunday even with fish. But at the present time, especially in cities and for those people who work and study, such full implementation of the monastic charter is not always acceptable. And therefore, church people turn to the priest before fasting in order to receive some kind of relief.
There are, of course, funny cases.
When I was a very young priest, I was sent to serve in another parish. The rector fell ill there, and the dean said: “Go and serve there, but please don’t change any customs or traditions, because their confessor is very strict. Leave everything as it is.”
Grandma thought: “Father, I can’t live without sausage at all. Bless the sausage"
And my time of service began just before Lent. And so we serve the last service, and people come up and ask for a blessing to ease the fast. They come up with the kids and say: “The children are studying. Father, please, let us have some cheese, some kefir, some cottage cheese, a sandwich with cheese, but bless us. Our confessor gave us permission!” Well, he allowed it, which means I don’t interfere, I bless. Older people come up and ask: “Father, so and so, it’s hard for us to keep fast, can we sometimes have fish on days when we can’t?” “Well,” I say, “did the confessor give permission?” - “Allowed.” - “Well, God bless.” And at the end one granny comes up, looks at me very expectantly, searchingly and says: “Father, I’m old enough, please allow me to eat fish. The confessor gave permission.” I answer: “Well, since I allowed it, please.” Again he looks at me intently and says: “You know, father, I actually need milk food for my bones. The confessor gave permission.” - “Well, since you allowed it, God will bless you.” Then the granny thought, looked at me and said: “Father, but I won’t be able to do without sausage, I’ll just fall and that’s it - I won’t have the strength. Bless the sausage." At this point I say: “You know, with this question, please go to your confessor.”
Archpriest Alexy Kruglik
Of course, weakening the fast is possible, but it must be with blessing and prayer. Not so that a person somehow relaxes, but so that he has the opportunity to fully fulfill the responsibilities that are assigned to him by life, and by family, and by himself.
— What to do if you have the blessing of your confessor to weaken your fast, but you still feel remorse?
— If a person has taken a blessing to relax his fast, then in principle this is not a violation of penitential discipline; there is no need to repent of it. But if something causes anxiety or doubt, it is better to tell the confessor about it in confession, and the confessor will look at the situation. Perhaps he will give some kind of stricter penitential discipline.
— Does it happen that people ask for a blessing to strengthen their fast?
There are times when people ask for increased fasting
- Yes, there are times when people come up - both young and old - and ask for some kind of strengthening of fasting, for example, on Wednesday and Friday to literally sit on bread and water. In this case, you need to ask the person what the purpose of this restriction is. If it is for a person to humble himself more, extinguish passions and irritation, or determine the extent to which he can go in spiritual life, then this is quite possible. If the goal is to become higher than others, to become proud that you fast differently from others, then this, of course, is unacceptable. Therefore, the priest must ask about the goal.
— Father Alexy, I would like to hear your blessing for those entering the Nativity Fast.
— I would like to wish everyone who enters the Nativity Fast to remember that it was established in memory of the Nativity of Christ. We are preparing both externally and internally for the Infant Christ to be born not only in our soul, but also around us. It is very important to remember that you and I are those preachers of grace, those witnesses of the Nativity of Christ who are called to share this joy with the world around us. And if you and I have some free time, then we must direct it to the right things, to correct spiritual reading, to telling stories about Christ and faith, to helping other people see the amazing mystery of the Nativity of Christ. After all, if we are trying to grow spiritually, then this should be for the benefit not only of us, but also of our environment.
I wish those entering the Nativity Fast the blessing of God, quiet Christmas joy and those grace-filled gifts that people receive when they go to God, the Infant Christ.
Look for ways to motivate
Motivation is a powerful force. A motivated person can move mountains. How can you achieve your desired goals if this quality is not there? Don’t be lazy and look for more suitable “motivators”. First you need to outline your goal in all details - what you want to achieve. For example, pass the CT in Russian with 80 points. Then this goal should be specified and broken down into tasks. Let’s say, in order to improve your result, you have to learn the sections “Spelling” and “Syntax” and so on. So that your enthusiasm does not quickly dry up, imagine what will happen if you achieve your goal: your parents will be happy, you will enroll in your favorite specialty on a budget. And promise yourself a delicious carrot - a reward: “If I succeed, I will buy...”. Working for results will become even more interesting.
Improve memory
To constantly learn something new, you need to remember the old well. Otherwise, what is the point of self-development if it passes you by? A good memory is necessary in study, at work and even in entertainment. Therefore, try to devote at least 10-15 minutes a day to memory development, and the result will not take long to arrive.
Train on Schulte tables. They are several tables with randomly placed numbers or letters. You should look at the Schulte table strictly in the center, trying to find numbers in increasing order or letters in alphabetical order with your peripheral vision. For greater effect, such exercises should be performed every day with breaks.
Individual program of self-improvement and development
How the process of working on oneself should ultimately occur is fully reflected in the self-improvement program. It includes the following stages of self-improvement: 1. The first stage of self-improvement is the definition of the ideal self, that is, the definition of what you are striving for, what you want to achieve. 2. The second stage is the “I-today” analysis. This process involves an objective assessment of the real self, with all its positive and negative aspects. 3. The third stage is determining directions for self-improvement. 4. Based on the previous three points, plan a step-by-step algorithm of actions, taking into account your resources and capabilities. 5. Move from theory to practice - start implementing all the actions today! 6. Get rid of a toxic environment, look for those who will support your endeavors. 7. Record results, analyze successes and failures. Don’t try to imitate someone or completely repeat someone’s success, strategy, methodology, become an example for those who are just embarking on the path of self-improvement.
Learn to plan time
To find time for self-development, you need to be able to plan your day. It is important to clearly see how many hours a week you can devote to development, having time to complete other obligatory activities (work, study) and without limiting yourself in rest. And count on the long term, how long it will take for the small steps you regularly take to grow into a big positive result. So that you not only see the goal, but also feel its temporary value. To do this, we suggest that you familiarize yourself with fun time management techniques.
One of the rules of time management is: “Eat frogs for breakfast.” So as not to be distracted by their annoying “croaking” in your head during the day
Ways of self-improvement
The path to personal self-improvement goes through three main processes: • self-knowledge; • self-development; • self-realization. Each of them is a stage that smoothly passes into the next.
That is, as we see, it all starts with self-knowledge - studying yourself, your positive and negative qualities, strengths and weaknesses. In addition, it is important to analyze your abilities and talents, which may not be realized to any extent at the moment. The conclusions obtained will be required to form the process of self-development, develop a plan and algorithm for further actions in working on oneself. First of all, it is necessary to eradicate the shortcomings that prevent the development of positive qualities and new skills. To achieve your goals, you will need to create a specialized step-by-step algorithm of actions. At the third stage, self-realization becomes an essential factor in self-improvement. You finally realize your capabilities, which need to be put into practice and brought to life. But without going through the previous two stages, the process of realizing your potential is not possible.
