Mastering our feelings and emotions
Unfortunately, in life we very often have to deal with situations that cause us anger and irritation. Rudeness towards us can cause a response - aggression. An offended person in most cases is not able to fully analyze his actions, therefore, in an emotionally unstable state, we very often commit actions that are unusual for us.
The cause of irritability is not necessarily external factors. In some cases, a person becomes overly aggressive when he is simply in a bad mood. Sometimes relatives, friends and those who just happen to be nearby become victims of our irritability.
An open demonstration of hostility towards others is simply unacceptable if your work involves constant communication with people (service sector, schools, hospitals, etc.).
How to learn to be calm
People of different character and temperament do not show negative emotions in the same way. Some express their indignation violently, causing a real scandal, while others express their complaints more restrainedly. But in any case, negative emotions have a destructive effect on those who have lost control over themselves. Many people try to suppress anger, rage, irritation and malice, but this does not solve the problem itself. Negative emotions will sooner or later spill out, and if they are held back for a long time, this will happen with a vengeance.
The only right way to peace of mind is to learn to manage your emotions. At the moment, psychologists have developed many effective techniques and tips, after studying which you can become a truly calm and balanced person.
Keep things in perspective
The reason for our worries often lies in a distorted perception of events. Before you waste a lot of time analyzing your boss's instructions from the last meeting, take a minute to see the whole picture. You can resort to this method when the level of anxiety does not correspond to the real reasons for it.
If you find yourself thinking superficially, then try to rethink the situation. The best way to get rid of this line of thinking is to list the things that actually went wrong. Most likely, you will count one or two points and not bury the whole idea.
To stay calm, it is important to understand that feelings often distort the situation, and the scale of the problem may not be as significant as it seems.
Some useful tips
- If you are insulted, do not respond in kind.
Try to calm down, count to 10 - during this time you will cool down, and the desire to enter into conflict will disappear by itself. One of the manifestations of intense anger is an increase in heart rate and breathing, so try to take a few deep breaths to calm down. Think about something good, direct your thoughts in a positive direction. Don't let negative emotions control you. Find out the reason why it annoys you and try to eliminate it. Learn to express your feelings correctly. Don’t be afraid to calmly tell others about painful issues. Try not to notice minor flaws; do not find fault with details. Do not act rashly under the influence of emotions. Most likely, when you calm down, you will greatly regret what you did. Try to communicate politely not only with strangers, but also with loved ones. Be tolerant of the shortcomings of others. When making a remark, try to choose your words so as not to offend the person. Mentally take the side of your interlocutor. This will help you better understand your opponent's motives. Perhaps he did not want to offend you, you just made the wrong conclusions. Redirect strong emotions, for example, by playing sports. In the gym you will quickly forget about your grievances. Try to spend as much time outdoors as possible. Walking helps cope with stress. Sannikova Stela · Jun 15, 2018
Lesson with elements of the training “I am learning to control myself”
Lesson “I am learning to control myself”
What is anxiety? Stress
– People experience anxiety in different situations. On the eve of important events, to a greater or lesser extent, all people experience confusion, anxiety, anxiety or even fear. They are usually followed by composure, focus, and concentration. Our negative emotions are considered “watchmen” that prevent us from falling into carelessness, which would threaten our lives. However, prolonged stay in this state is also dangerous, as it leads to a state of stupor. This condition can be called anxiety. Anxiety is accompanied by unpleasant sensations. Being constantly in an anxious state, a person, his body, experiences stress.
Stress – translated from English means pressure, tension, effort.
What to do in a situation of tension.
– So, if we find ourselves in a situation of anxiety. What to do? Emotions must have an outlet. Therefore, there are some recommendations on how to behave in such situations.
A) Calm down.
“Everything will be fine” - this clear attitude should never leave you.
There are no hopeless situations.
B) Try to regain your breathing. Think about your breathing. Since you are now excited, your brain has instructed your internal organs to work in active mode. So try to restore your breathing. Start breathing deeply and slowly, thinking about how the functioning of all organs is restored.
- Slowly take a deep breath.
- Hold your breath and count to four.
- Exhale slowly.
Repeat the procedure: inhale slowly – hold your breath – exhale slowly 4-5 times.
B) Muscle relaxation.
- Squat if you feel muscle tension in your knees.
- Clench your fists, then shake them off, releasing any tension that is holding you back.
Exercises
1) Situations that force you to be in a state of prolonged tension, causing severe stress. These are periods of life when you are forced to live in a chronic “overload” mode, at the limit of your functional capabilities: for example, an athlete during competitions, studying during exams, tests, etc.
I suggest you do the following exercise:
Exercise 1
Close all the windows and doors in the room you are in or go to a deserted place and scream as loud as you can for 1 minute.
The meaning of the exercise
In the process of screaming, a person is freed from excess negative energy.
Discussion
1. Guys, how do you feel after this exercise? Are you familiar with this method of relieving tension?
2. Why do teenagers often shout in class or when talking to someone?
Conclusion
When a person screams, he thus relieves himself of unnecessary nervous tension. This is probably not the best way to preserve your psycho-emotional health, but as a last resort, if it is not to the detriment of other people, it helps.
Exercise 2
Take an old newspaper or unnecessary paper and tear it into small pieces within 1 minute and throw it in the trash.
The meaning of the exercise
Along with the paper, the accumulated negative energy goes away and the person gets relief.
Discussion
1. What emotions accompanied your actions?
2. Did you get any relief?
Exercise 3 “A mountain off your shoulders” (if muscle tension still remains)
Performed while standing or walking.
It is necessary to raise your shoulders as sharply as possible, spreading them wide back and lowering them.
The meaning of the exercise
In the process of performing physical movements, excess muscle tension is relieved from the shoulder region of the body and the person feels better.
Discussion
1. What sensations appeared in your body?
2. Does physical activity really relieve neuromuscular tension?
3. What is the psychological meaning of physical education?
Exercise 4 “Self-command”
Please formulate an internal order to yourself that you need to calm down and accept this situation, repeat it mentally several times, if it doesn’t work out to yourself, then you can say it out loud (for example, “Calm down, everything will be fine!”, “Nothing.” scary, it doesn’t concern you”, etc.)
The meaning of the exercise
By ordering ourselves, we mentally calm ourselves down, relax, convincing ourselves that what is happening is not so life-threatening.
Discussion
1. How do you feel when you give a command to yourself?
2. Do you want to obey your inner voice?
Conclusion
If you learn to follow self-orders, you can protect yourself from the negative effects of stress.
2) Situations of sudden changes in living conditions, the need to make important and responsible decisions (choosing a subject to take an exam, future profession, etc.). It is important here to both control your current emotional state and learn to manage your behavior based on a longer term perspective.
Exercise 1
Imagine that tomorrow you have a math test for the quarter, and you just came to school after being sick.
The meaning of the exercise
Experience the emotions associated with this news and cope with them.
Discussion
1. How does this event make you feel now?
2. What methods of relieving tension in such situations do you have in your arsenal?
Conclusion
Negative emotions arise - fear, irritation, anxiety, and for some even disgust.
Exercise 2
Place your palms together in front of you and press one hand on the other for 1-2 minutes.
The meaning of the exercise
By tensing the arm muscles, we relieve accumulated anger or irritation.
Discussion
1. What does it feel like in your body at the moment?
2. What changes are happening to your emotions?
Exercise 3
Clasp your hands behind your head and press your palms on the back of your head without changing the position of your head.
The meaning of the exercise
By tensing the muscles of the neck, arms, and shoulder girdle, we are freed from excessive chronic tension in this part of the body.
Discussion
1. What happened to your muscles and emotions?
Exercise 4
Grab the seat of the chair you are sitting on with your hands and pull it strongly towards you, keeping your back straight.
The meaning of the exercise
Relieve neuromuscular tension, free yourself from negative energy.
Conclusion
Muscle tension occurs as a result of constant control of emotions. Life is designed in such a way that we must often restrain our thoughts and feelings. Because of this control, psychic energy that has not found an outlet in words or actions is retained in different parts of the body, creating tension in the muscles. By strongly straining the arm muscles, we are freed from excessive neuromuscular tension, and negative emotions gradually go away.
3) Situations associated with increased risk. These include extreme situations and any activity associated with a high level of danger (in particular, playing many sports, answering at the board, etc.) In such situations, it is important to learn to take control of your emotions, maintain the ability to objectively analyze circumstances and make informed decisions.
Exercise 1
Imagine that you are urgently called for a conversation with the school principal. The reason for the call is unknown to you; you did nothing wrong.
The meaning of the exercise
Experience negative emotions, remain calm until the reasons are clarified.
Discussion
1. What thoughts immediately appear in your head?
2. Predominant emotions at the moment.
Exercise 2
Using the formulas of arbitrary self-hypnosis, through self-instructions, try to get rid of the negative emotions caused by this message. On a piece of paper, write down 5 special formulas for 1 minute (formula = word + mental image or situation), monotonously say them to yourself, maybe more than once. For example, “I am completely calm”, “I am not guilty of anything”, etc.
Discussion
1. What feelings accompanied these formulas for you?
The meaning of the exercise
Calm yourself, do not allow your emotions to throw you out of balance.
Conclusion
Using the formulas of arbitrary self-hypnosis, a person remains calm and does not give free rein to his emotions ahead of time.
Exercise 3
Imagine that there is a piece of fluff hanging in front of your nose at a distance of 10-15 cm. Breathe only through your nose and so smoothly that the fluff should not flutter.
The meaning of the exercise
Calm down, accept the information as normal for yourself.
Discussion
1. How did you feel?
2. Did you manage to calm down?
Conclusion
By regulating your breathing process, you can relax and remain calm.
4) Interpersonal conflicts, as well as situations in which it is necessary to resist the manipulative influence of others. For productive behavior in such situations, well-developed communication skills are not enough. Along with them, it is necessary to have a high level of reflexive abilities (i.e., to be able to recognize one’s own actions), as well as to be able to voluntarily regulate one’s emotional states and behavioral reactions.
Exercise 1
Imagine that your class was accused of not being on duty at school because while you were on duty, the sneakers of a student from another class went missing.
The meaning of the exercise
Experience the emotions that arise and resolve the situation positively.
Discussion
1. What emotions did you have in connection with this accusation?
2. What did you want to do first?
Conclusion
In conflict situations, it is important to remain calm, not give in to emotions, figure out what is happening and find a compromise solution.
Exercise 2 “Breathing Rhythm Control”
Our breathing can be divided into inhalation and exhalation. By lengthening our breath as we exhale, we can calm ourselves down. By consciously changing the rhythm of our breathing, we can change our condition for the better.
The meaning of the exercise
By regulating our breathing, we “pacify” the emotions that arise.
Discussion
1. What happened to your emotions?
2. Did you want to be indignant after this and look for those to blame?
Conclusion
By controlling the breathing process, we gradually free ourselves from negative emotions.
Exercise 3
Close your eyes. A calm inhalation through the nose and an even deeper, longer exhalation through a wide open mouth, accompanied by a groan-like sound, as if you had just dropped a heavy bag from your shoulders. If you do this correctly, you will begin to yawn (do it relishfully), and tears may appear in your eyes. It’s no coincidence that sick people moan and groan.
The meaning of the exercise
By changing your breathing, the cells of the body vibrate and calm down.
Discussion
1. What changes are occurring in your condition?
2. Do negative emotions go away?
Conclusion
Breathing exercises promote muscle relaxation and help regulate your emotional state.
Exercise 4 “Pull yourself together”
Wrap your hands around your elbows and press your hands tightly to your chest. This is the pose of a self-possessed person.
The meaning of the exercise
By tensing your muscles, you relieve excess tension from the muscles of your upper body.
Discussion
1. What sensations appeared in your body?
2. Did your feelings change after the exercise?
Conclusion
Any increased physical activity on the muscles leads to their automatic relaxation and the body receives pleasant relief.
Reflection.
Recognized stress expert Hans Selye believes that a small dose of stress adds vitality to us and sharpens our ability to cope with unpleasant situations. “Stress is not what happened to you, but how you perceive it.” Therefore, you need to perceive stress positively and include it in the list of our helpers! It makes us stronger and more resilient.
