Be yourself: what does it mean and is it always necessary?

Are you behind the times? What to do if you are behind in life?

How to be an individual person?

We all want to fulfill ourselves in life and be happy. But to do this, you need to stop thinking and behaving the way you did before. Do you want something more, but still feel happy? The answer may be closer than you think. It's worth trying to just be yourself.

Why do people often tell people to be themselves? You will never be happy being anything other than yourself. When a person becomes himself, he is transformed internally and externally. He behaves more naturally, comfortably, easily, relaxed and harmoniously.

When changing gray hair, you immediately feel the balance between spiritual desires and real actions. We don’t have to please everyone, we choose our own mood and do what we want. We become a completely different person. The best version of yourself.

How to be yourself

The first question we will try to cover. But first, let’s think about what it means to remain yourself.

This is extremely difficult. After all, a person who is in this state:

• is in harmony with himself;
• calm and balanced;
• feels inner comfort.

Psychotherapists give a recommendation: allow yourself to be relaxed and free. Don't strain yourself. This advice is for modest, shy and insecure people.

But a person can still be different. That is, relaxed in a friendly circle and serious, collected and organized in a work environment. Let's say that the fact that you receive clients with a smile does not mean that you are hypocritical. These are the rules of etiquette. People who do not want to comply with certain requirements justify themselves with the phrase “you need to remain yourself.” These are often stubborn and inadequate citizens.

This example suggests that a specific situation shapes different behavior. And this is the norm. The main thing is not to play. At the moment of excessive, ostentatious, unnatural modesty or arrogant swagger, a person causes a feeling of discomfort in others. They have a desire to leave his company or minimize dialogue.

Now it becomes a little clearer how to be yourself. You just need to share real emotions and show those feelings that really guide you. People around you will appreciate your sincerity.

Just be yourself. How exactly?

The most difficult thing in life is to find your true and real self. But this does not mean behaving the same way everywhere. At work we are serious, collected and professional. With friends we are spontaneous, open and cheerful. With my other half, we are gentle, kind and warm-hearted. It is normal to change behavior within some adequate range.

Find your real self

We often hide certain character traits, behavior patterns, emotions, thoughts and desires from people. We are afraid to express what we really want in our hearts. The result is an imbalance that makes the situation worse.

What do you want? What are you hiding from others? Try to find the real you inside. What is your personality? What would you like to do and what not? Think about your life. Find the values ​​and dreams that interest you most. Who are you and where are you going?

Look for your strengths

Comparison with others is always fruitless, which leads to negative results. Better look for your strengths, develop them and work on them. Do this constantly and continuously. The process of self-development is a lifelong journey. You can't be good at everything, but you have your trump cards in your hands.

Surround yourself with like-minded people

When you decide to become yourself, you may face pressure from society. How to counter this when you are a black sheep among some communities of people?

How do others see me? How to change your opinion about yourself?

You can always find like-minded people, friends and those with whom you will be along the way. Surround yourself with friends and associates who have similar beliefs and views. The opinion of “our” people is more important than that of some judgmental “strangers”.

Recognize your imperfections by showing your uniqueness

Recognize your unique character, flaws, flaws and characteristics. What do you have to hide? Acknowledge your imperfections and your differences. Be honest and open. No one is perfect, but everyone is unique.

Don't be ashamed to be yourself. Communicate with people without hiding your real self, but revealing yourself from all multifaceted sides. Don't be afraid of imperfection, but show your uniqueness. Cultivate your unique individuality without being afraid of anything.

Build relationships with others

Learn to communicate with people without changing. Don't worry about how others perceive you. You can change and one person will like you, but then someone else will not like you. You will try to please others, but then you will be liked by those who are far from you psychologically and emotionally.

Build relationships with others, guided only by your own opinion, and not by trying to adapt to others.

Follow your own style

Fashion is changeable, but everyone strives to follow it. As a result, everyone looks similar and monotonous. Clothing, style, behavior, appearance, hairstyle and even face. As if from under a photocopier. Be yourself. Follow your own style and uniqueness. It's better to stand out from the crowd than to be a monotonous mass.

Now let's talk about how to become yourself

The answer to this question should be sought within yourself. This can take a very long time. Therefore, first of all, you need to ask yourself why you need this, why it is worth remaining yourself.

You need an end goal that will act as your motivator. It is she who will help you get closer to your dream. But first, let’s define who he is, the lucky one who managed to achieve this.

Characteristics of a person who has become himself

It has the following features:

1. Conscious behavior. Acts intelligently, knows what he is doing and why.
2. Harmony with yourself and the world around you. The person is always calm and balanced.
3. Smile and sparkling eyes.

Such people do what they like, this is where awareness of actions is manifested. They are happy, literally glowing from within.

Children are a living example of this. They rejoice at every moment, sincere laughter, tears too.

Therefore, you should feel like a child and plunge into pleasant memories, again taste the beauty of life. Start exploring yourself, getting to the bottom of your “I”, discarding everything unnecessary.

We need to act. Find yourself through your favorite thing, activity. If it captivates you, completely immerses you in the work process, and at the same time brings moral satisfaction and happiness, you are on the right track.

Let's move on to practical recommendations and figure out how to become yourself.

Freedom to be yourself

Freedom to be yourself is a deep-seated desire that carries with it more and more people. A lot of books have been written about how to be yourself. And they all seem to be about one thing, and they seem to present information in an accessible way, but, alas... Most knowledge systems allow you to only lightly touch on this desired state, but do not help you stay in it. In order to feel the freedom to be yourself, practice is necessary, it must be learned. And you need to start from the very basics.

Freedom to be yourself - there is so much in this phrase!

Stop for a second and think:

• What does this mean to you?
• What sensations arise?
• What images?
• What thoughts?

Take your time to answer these questions for yourself before reading further...

There is a lot of information on this topic... So what is the result?

How much of this do we actually absorb and digest?

Yes, negligible! I confidently say this because I know this from my own experience and the experience of my clients, who are exceptionally educated, intelligent and advanced people in terms of self-development.

I know very well this feeling of despair that catches up at the moment when the understanding comes that another book again did not help to obtain such a desired understanding, when another “spiritual practice” only for a second allowed me to touch the desired sensation, and at the same moment it dissolved... When a firmly made decision to start a new life goes limp again...

But just recently I realized that the wisest of the wise are trying to “drill into us”. There is no need to go far, here is my experience in front of me, even if it is unwanted despair. If I “include” it in my mental space, then it becomes my knowledge of myself, I know this for sure, because I felt it with my whole body, and this experience is part of me. I learned this and stopped brushing it off and denying it. This is acceptance. Now I move on with him, and he helps me. If I don’t appropriate it, then it doesn’t disappear anywhere, but becomes, as it were, my shadow, which seems to be “not me,” but haunts me everywhere. Fixation occurs unconsciously and inhibits further movement.

The point is that it doesn’t matter at all what color the experience is - positive or negative, whatever it is, it is an additional piece of the puzzle in life space, and there are only two options for how to deal with it: appropriate it or brush it aside. The paradox is that even “negative” experience is positive on the path to discovering one’s own integrity if it is mastered and assimilated. Becoming a part of your story, so to speak, legally - this experience connects the disparate “pieces” of the Self into a single whole...

How to absorb information and make it your knowledge?

This means making it part of your experience; simply reading it is not enough. Without living experience, this information is not worth a damn... This is mental garbage that creates the illusion of knowledge, adding the spice of pride and illusory arrogance to our unstable self-image. And this is dangerous primarily because it stops real cognition, which occurs exclusively through the exploration and integration of new experience... Roughly speaking, you mix your personality and your self with new experience, churning and thereby renewing yourself. Only this gives rise to knowledge. And only in this way do you get closer to the true Self.

I want to sincerely admit that endless reading of books did not lead me to a deep understanding of my essence... although, of course, without this knowledge the platform for the decisive leap into myself would not have been created. It is useful to read books (you just need to choose them carefully), but you must not forget about the most important thing - the integration of new information into yourself, which is not at all easy when you read, for example, books about enlightenment... After all, they tell you what you will feel... but this is not your personal experience, everything may be completely different for you. Therefore, you should start with your own “feeling” at basic levels and not torment yourself with attempts to jump over your head.

Integration is the process of connecting disparate parts into a whole and their interpenetration. Obviously, it is impossible to integrate what you have not felt, sensed, or digested.

Just like you won’t be able to taste an apple if you swallow it whole rather than chew it...

From an energy point of view, everything is almost the same as with an apple. Let’s say you feel fear (any feeling can be here) about the currently popular corona virus... What do you do? I guess you either panic or deny the threat and try not to let this fear in or suppress it...

Fear at the physiological level manifests itself in the production of the corresponding hormones and neurotransmitters (adrenaline, norepinephrine), in the end it all comes down to the activation of energy , like any other reaction (ATP is the source of energy for the cell and the whole organism). No matter what charge (plus or minus) an experience carries, it is essentially all energy, so it can be used beneficially if you allow it to “mix with you.”

But by resisting living the experience, a process of alienation occurs. In this example, this means that the reluctance to experience fear fences off and locks this potential energy inside. And she begins to “wander” and “rot” there.

The other extreme is to give in to panic. Again this is unprocessed energy/reaction. The panic mechanism develops against the background of a lack of connection with one’s feelings. How is this possible, you ask? After all, when you panic, there are such vivid sensations! Yes, they are bright, precisely because they are not allowed, so to speak, inside. These vivid sensations are caused by the work of mental attitudes, which are the product of thinking distortions, sticking to unpleasant automatic thoughts. The very feeling of fear is not allowed inside. This is difficult to explain in words, it needs to be explored. And it couldn't be easier to do it.

If you are afraid, sit down and carefully feel your fear!

You will notice that when you allow this fear to penetrate your every cell, the fear will dissolve.

That is why, sometimes, for understanding oneself, which leads to freedom to be oneself, very simple everyday experience is more important than the intricate concepts of great texts. This is because everyone will still understand to the extent of their depth and openness... And the freedom to be oneself is much more prosaic and down-to-earth than it seems in the process of furious attempts to grab it by the tail.

It’s not easy for me to open up in this way, because for the last few years I’ve only been hiding behind a veneer of intellectuality... And how many other smart people are there who are engaged in reasoning without having the ability to feel what they are talking about?! Don't waste your time on this, start feeling!

To know yourself, it is more important to see yourself in everyday life, especially in how you show up in stressful situations, how you cope with them, how you react, how you feel about your failures and falls, how quickly you get up, how you win...

Feeling means not trying to change anything and boldly appropriating what already exists without resistance.

It's so simple!

You just need to regain your ability to sense and feel. And, unfortunately, many of us have buried this ability very deeply, considering feelings as something threatening and destructive, and sensations as unimportant.

The ability to sense and sense can and should be restored. This is the basis of all life, real life, happy life and inner freedom. Sooner or later, every person will understand this.

In the meantime, pay attention to yourself and once again feel your freedom to be yourself?

How does it feel?

What do you feel in your body?

You need to listen to some advice

The wishes are as follows:

1. You should not show feigned perfection and demand this from others, be afraid of making mistakes and showing negative feelings. This leads to internal confinement.
2. You need to understand that freedom comes with responsibility. When finding the way to yourself, you need to be accountable for every action you take and listen to your inner convictions.
3. Dream. Change your life, making your wishes come true, achieve your goals.
4. Destroy psychological barriers, remove everything from the path that interferes with you.
5. Working on yourself is another good piece of advice. Just reading articles and books on this issue is not enough; you need to work tirelessly on your own emotional and internal state.

These recommendations will help you solve the problem of how to become yourself. But there are also practical exercises that we will consider.

Simple tips for “finding yourself”:

• Start keeping a diary or blog - you don’t have to show it to anyone, and it’s even better if you do it just for yourself. Regular writing will not only help you formulate your thoughts more clearly and “get things in order in your head,” but will also allow you to look at yourself from the outside.
• Become aware of your roles and “masks” - try to sit down and list on a piece of paper all the answers to the question “Who am I?” Include social roles, profession, family ties and everything that comes to mind. By the way, writing even 10-15 answers can be very difficult. When the list is completed, think: which of these roles do you like, which ones did you choose yourself?
• Learn to say “no” - every time you are asked or even demanded something, think whether it would be useful to say “no” in this case. What will change if you answer this way? Will you win or will you lose? The fact is that many are willing to make big concessions in order not to refuse close (or not so close) people, but this is not always justified.

I think that everyone who asks the question “How to understand yourself and be yourself?” are on the right track. After all, this is one of the main questions, and often you have to answer it throughout your life. We change, choose new priorities, try new models of behavior... But if we understand our desires and go towards our own goal, and not what others want from us, success will definitely come!

First exercise: “Your bag”

You will need a piece of paper and a pencil, as well as any hand luggage. It will take about fifteen minutes.

It is necessary to lay out the contents on the table, after which:

1. Of all the things, select three that can most clearly reveal your personality, character, preferences, and qualities. If one is missing, you can visualize the one that most people carry in their bag.
2. Now write, without being distracted by literacy, about each thing and how it reveals you.
3. Then read the text and try to understand what new things you learned about yourself. To what extent has this activity changed your worldview? Don't make quick conclusions; you need to give yourself time to think.
4. The exercise can also be done with things that are contained in your desk drawer, car glove compartment, on a closet shelf, and so on.

This exercise teaches you to focus your thoughts on yourself in order to understand yourself better.

Second technique: “Fictional character”

It will take the same amount of time. You need to come up with a movie character, a character from a book or a cartoon, but he should remind you of the real you at the moment.

For execution we take the same attributes. So let's begin:

1. We write what you have in common with a fictional character. You need to pay attention to external similarities, the same character traits, any life situations, be it work, family, personal life, or anything else you can think of that can be compared.
2. Then outline the differences you found based on the material above.
3. Then, in the same written form, tell us whether you would like to actually meet this person, yes or no, and why. After re-reading, think about what new things you learned about yourself.
4. Now you need to imagine the hero you would like to be like. And do the same steps. After skimming through the text, think: have you become more like him than before? And to what extent can you use this list of suggestions to change your personality in the future tense to be the way you want?

The purpose of this exercise is the same - to understand yourself better.

Thesis No. 2: “What is the danger of a meaningless existence?”

In my opinion, when a person does not understand what he lives for, he loses the joy of existence. He does not experience happiness from pleasant events and is indifferent to tragedies. Such a person is not capable of creative activity, because it seems to him in vain. It's scary that a meaningless existence can turn a person into a cynic or even push him to commit suicide.

Argument No. 1

The problem of meaningless existence is addressed by M.Yu. Lermontov in the novel “Hero of Our Time”. The main character Pechorin feels that he could do something useful for this world. However, the energy and mental strength wasted on empty entertainment turned the hero into an indifferent egoist. The young man does not value anything, he sees through those around him and knows the consequences of his every action, which is why he is constantly bored. The lack of a life goal pushes the hero to seek adventure. Having enjoyed the next adventure, Pechorin begins to mope and again look for an use for his passionate nature. Thus, a meaningless existence deprives the hero of the joy of love, friendship, and communication with other people.

Argument No. 2

The main character of the novel, A.S., also has no life goal. Pushkin "Eugene Onegin". Evgeny is educated, witty, charming, but he cannot find use for his vital forces. The young man wastes all his energy on social evenings and fleeting novels. In an attempt to escape from the blues, he tries to read and do housework, but his inability to do painstaking work forces him to give up these undertakings. The meaninglessness of Onegin's existence forces him to devalue the feelings of others. The hero refuses to reciprocate Tatyana's feelings, and with a cold heart goes to a duel with Lensky, fearing for his reputation in society. The lack of meaning in life turns the life of an intelligent young man into a series of gray everyday life, where there is no place for sincere experiences and exploits in the name of high ideas.

Conclusion

Examples from the above works prove that an existence devoid of purpose becomes painful for a person. Seeing no meaning in life, he stops enjoying the moments he has lived and often causes trouble for those around him with his cynical actions.