How to become a cool and calm person. 23 tips for learning to be calm

Composure and indifference are special character traits

Another similar quality is indifference. While an emotional person becomes hysterical or depressed, an indifferent person enjoys a carefree life and believes that there is no point in wasting feelings on mere trifles. And in this case, reason prevails over prejudice.

We all sometimes face difficult situations for one reason or another, because of which we cannot always control ourselves. Even the calmest and most balanced person can be enraged . Therefore, it is very important to be able to restrain your emotions and be calm. A person is capable of experiencing both positive and negative feelings. If good emotions bring us great joy, then negativity in the same volume fills life with anxiety, fear and irritability. Sometimes you can’t cope with them, they unsettle you. And it’s worth thinking about how to avoid the consequences of all these negative feelings.

Fear is the biggest reason for lack of control over bad emotions. From a young age, this feeling lives in us, grows with us, develops. Sometimes it seems to us that it is not there, but it is always in service; it is in our minds , guides us, sends signals (stimuli) and often, instead of common sense, the instinct of self-preservation is triggered in us. It sinks its roots into the nervous system and destroys it; a person becomes a victim of stress, nervous breakdowns and subsequently chronic diseases.

Composure and indifference are the enemies of fear . Thanks to these qualities, a person dominates fear and controls feelings, which affects relationships with others, the result of one’s own undertakings, mood and harmony of the soul.

How to turn off feelings and emotions - 5+ tips [2018]

Man is a unique creature that is capable of experiencing a whole galaxy of feelings and emotions that are inaccessible to other creatures living on our planet.

Of course, animals are also subject to some feelings, such as fear and hunger, but the process of their emergence and analysis is significantly different.

After all, human consciousness is capable of controlling these processes, while in animals the manifestation of feelings is an unconditional phenomenon. The question arises: why are we given such advantages?

How to use them in everyday life? We will talk about this in our new material.

What are feelings and emotions?

As mentioned earlier, the process of the emergence of feelings in animals is unconditional.

This means that their source is instincts, fixed at the genetic level in the process of evolution.

In human consciousness, similar mechanisms are also present, but in addition to them, we have managed to acquire a huge number of other senses.

Does the wolf know the feeling of shame when he kills defenseless herbivores?

Does he feel anger and dissatisfaction when his prey manages to escape?

Every person dreams of being calm and balanced.

Oh no, such experiences are available only to man - the crown of evolution, as scientists and researchers say.

Advice: emotions and feelings are not identical concepts. Emotions have a subjective (individual) connection and reflect a person’s internal attitude to the situation, while feelings have an objective orientation. “I'm afraid to be in the dark” is a feeling. “I’m scared” is an emotion.

It is interesting that scientists have not been able to prove or disprove the fact that animals have an emotional background.

This is impossible, since a person cannot determine whether our smaller brothers can evaluate this or that situation subjectively, individually.

But in the case of our species, there can be no doubt - each of us has a unique and complex set of neuropsychic regulators that allows us to react in our own way in each individual case.

This is our strength, and this is also our weakness.

Start practicing simple meditation techniques and you will notice how you become calmer

A person is able to control his feelings and emotions, but too often the opposite happens.

We become slaves to internal experiences, losing the ability to adequately respond to certain situations.

Why turn off your feelings and emotions?

Surely, each of us has had situations when we made decisions based on fleeting feelings and emotions.

At the moment of committing a rash act, it seems to us that this is the only right path.

This sense of self-righteousness is so strong that it overshadows any rational thinking.

A person is able to control his emotions

The feeling of shame is just as strong when, after some time, sober clarity comes to your head, instead of emotions.

Emotions and feelings make us vulnerable, and people around us are certainly ready to take advantage of this.

We are talking about work relationships or family conflicts, relationships between friends and relatives.

In all aspects of human life, rivalry occurs between people, in which our internal state plays an important role.

Moreover, feelings and emotions can directly influence our mental conditions.

For example, people who vent their anger too often become more irritable and angry.

For those who too often indulge in despondency, the world around them becomes gray, devoid of positivity and color.

At the same time, there may be no reason for anger or sadness, or it may not be so serious as to deserve such strong emotional experiences.

It is possible to learn to control yourself and separate the unimportant from the main.

Advice: emotions and feelings can destroy our psyche and directly affect our lives.

At the same time, a person can experience a whole galaxy of positive internal sensations.

Love, joy and other positive feelings and emotions fill us from the inside and give us strength.

You need to think about whether you need to permanently turn them off, depriving yourself of simple human qualities.

It is these feelings that make us people capable of empathy, compassion, love and enjoy life.

Control of emotions and feelings

It is possible to turn off emotions and feelings, although only a few manage to do this for a long time.

In most cases, a person does not turn off, but suppresses his internal experiences, further aggravating the situation.

An abnormal perception of one’s inner world leads to the emergence of fears and complexes, which sooner or later surface and make their bearer unhappy.

Try not to keep all negative emotions to yourself

Don’t deceive yourself into thinking that you have managed to turn off your emotions and feelings, because in reality this is impossible.

A person cannot go against nature, and it is she who prescribes for him a model of behavior containing similar psychophysical reactions.

But nature has endowed us with another powerful tool - consciousness. It is capable of subjugating most of the processes occurring in our souls and bodies.

Advice: instead of trying to suppress and turn off your feelings and emotions, learn to control them. By gaining inner discipline, you will become one step closer to happiness and understanding of this world.

The power of human consciousness lies in the fact that it can understand the root of most problems, which means it can learn to control them and subordinate them to its will.

Although this is not as easy to do as it is said, because most people are accustomed to feeding their inner weaknesses, giving free rein to both positive and negative experiences.

Learning to cope with your inner world is not so easy.

You must adhere to clear rules:

Do not abuse alcohol or other substances that affect your consciousness. There is nothing worse than a person who becomes a slave to his addictions.
Constantly practice mental exercises. Simply put, you should pay attention to meditation as the main method of achieving inner balance.
Eat right and take care of your health. Consumption of processed foods and other harmful products is no less evil than addiction to alcohol.
Adhere to basic moral principles. Doing bad things corrupts the human essence. As a result, we lose control over ourselves, which means we become unhappy.

The power of consciousness is that a person can understand the root of problems

The secret is that a person must learn to restrain not only bad, but also good experiences.

You shouldn’t take everything to heart, burning in the power of emotions, even positive ones. Thus, a person is also capable of losing control over the situation.

In fact, strong emotional disturbances and experiences can consume all your internal energy, forming a vacuum.

We do not recommend getting rid of feelings and emotions, but each of us should control the nature of these phenomena.

Meditation as the main way to gain control over feelings and emotions

Meditation is an ancient practice that is found in many religious and spiritual teachings.

Its goal is to find inner balance, mental balance, which is so lacking in modern man.

Meditation is a great way to look inside yourself in search of the true reasons for certain experiences.

Our world was created harmonious, so there is no point in trying to change consciousness with the help of negativity

There are many positive benefits that can be achieved through meditation, including:

Finding inner peace and balance
Serenity
The ability to control your consciousness, concentrating it on resolving truly important issues
Developing self-discipline

Tip: The lessons learned through meditation should be applied in everyday life. Try to remain calm even in emergency situations.

You don't have to be physically fit or naturally gifted to practice meditation.

The keys to solving your internal problems are hidden within you, however, not everyone is able to listen to their inner voice.

We suppress it every day to please our base desires, be it money, power, fame or other things that please our pride.

We have already told you more than once about the benefits of meditation.

But a person cannot run away from himself forever, and sooner or later each of us risks facing the darkest sides of our inner world.

Meditation is aimed at sowing the seed of peace and balance instead of the chaos that reigns in thoughts.

When this happens, all feelings and emotions, previously unbridled and inexplicable, become just another tool that you can easily subjugate.

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Source: https://life-reactor.com/kak-otklyuchit-chuvstva-i-emocii/

How to become cold-blooded?

There is certainly an answer to this question. To become cold-blooded, you need to take the advice of psychologists.

Necessary:

establish internal balance;
learn self-control;
visualize;
do not dramatize;
get distracted;
be indifferent to the problem.

To establish inner balance, you need to move away from your fear, thus you can remain stable and come to awareness of the problem. For example, if you forget that there is fear of some important event, then having calmed down, you can realize that the event is necessary, and thus inevitable. You should monitor your breathing, it should be even, this will give you calm. You need to understand that problems are problems that need to be solved; like in school math: concentrating. Of course, it is not easy, but this is how you need to educate yourself to become cool-headed.

To be resilient, you need to see the main thing in the problem , for this you need to fence off everything unnecessary. Consciousness will be devoid of all interfering barriers, which will help make the right decisions, understanding the problem from the depths. In this case, it is important to show qualities such as sympathy and mutual understanding; they are the main assistants, ready for long-term endurance in the most problematic situation.

To visualize means to imagine the most difficult life circumstances as a web that needs to be untangled. If she is nervous, it will be difficult to do this, she will become even more confused, but in a calm environment the result will be completely different. By imagining the problem in the form of a web, the understanding will come to calm down.

To become calm, you need to think about the situation , and not worry. Break it down into pieces, weigh all the pros and cons, and make a decision. Don't rush and tell everyone about what's bothering you. It’s better to be alone and think about the problem, because the first information may be incorrect, especially based on emotions.

Don't dramatize or inflate the problem. It is necessary to soberly assess the situation and monitor your thoughts. They can lead in the wrong direction. To prevent this from happening, you should force yourself to think that the problems are trivial and that solving them will not be difficult.

It is important to take your mind off the problem. Watch your favorite comedy that can make you laugh. Laughter is the best medicine. This method will help you stay calm and relax.

How to be indifferent?

Step away from yourself.
Change behavior.

You need to step away from yourself. Each person has his own views on life, personal opinion, but in difficult moments it is better not to be yourself , but to become a witness to the situation and look at it from the outside, this will be the first step towards indifference. You need to imagine that life is a movie, interesting, exciting, and you shouldn’t really live the plot of this movie. It’s better to determine what genre the film is in, the characters of the characters, the essence of what is happening, try to predict what will happen next. Thanks to this detachment, you will not worry about yourself so much and accumulate internal anxiety, but will see a way out of the situation.

It is important to control your behavior and body, because in a strong desire to become indifferent, it is unlikely that anything will happen if you do not relax. You need to behave neutrally , not waste yourself on unnecessary emotions, and avoid provocations that could affect your emotions. Treat all people as strangers. Talk to your loved ones and friends as if you don’t know them; this will undoubtedly make you act confident, be decent, and speak tactfully and casually.

And yet you need to remain open and perceive the situation, otherwise you risk becoming a closed and aloof pessimist. It’s not difficult to be indifferent: carelessness, avoiding problems, etc. The main thing is not to get carried away and know the limits of your feelings, including indifference.

As you can see, becoming cold-blooded is not that difficult. Be reasonable!

Source: psiho.guru

Does a person need to be cruel? Everyone has their own opinion on this matter. It is clear that none of us wants to see cruel people around us, whom we are rightfully afraid of, or at least afraid of. We are much more comfortable being around harmless, compliant, kind and sympathetic people who would not cause you any fear. This desire is understandable, it meets our needs for security. But let's think about it - how safe is it to be an overly kind, sympathetic, soft, compliant and absolutely harmless person in this world? Or at least seem like it? Perhaps not the best option for us. At least we don't always have to be like that. Because such a person will be offended by many, used and self-affirmed at his expense. But tough and, even more so, cruel people, as a rule, are feared, and therefore respected, and therefore taken into account. The world is often cruel and merciless to those who do not understand its laws. And in order not to become its victim, you also need to be able to be cruel. Therefore, in this article we will talk to you about how to develop toughness in yourself, exactly as much as is necessary in order to stand up for yourself and defend your interests in this life.

At one time I worked as a criminal psychologist and dealt with very cruel people, or rather, with the actions that they committed. This allowed me to look at the world from the dark side, so to speak. And I realized that the world can be very cruel, especially to weak people. And since the world can be cruel, then the person in it should also be cruel - when necessary. Cruelty is considered a sign of weakness and cowardice, but let's think harder - is this really so? Does a cruel person who knows how to subjugate the will of other people seem weak? Is he like that? As a rule, no. Although, due to weakness and fear, a person can indeed commit cruel acts to intimidate other people, thus suppressing his fear at the expense of their fear, but even in this case, thanks to his aggressive actions, a person achieves results, and does not remain inactive and does not run away from danger. Therefore, a person needs cruelty, especially in situations where a person’s life depends on its presence or absence. He needs to be cruel in order to resist cruelty, for I have never seen a case in my life when cruelty and violence were successfully opposed by kindness.

I do not take the story of Mahatma Gandhi as an example, because I do not consider his philosophy of nonviolence to be nonviolent. But that’s not what we’re talking about now. If you found this article, it means that you have already become acquainted with life - with that side of it that does not pat you on the head, but stings very strongly and painfully. Therefore, why should you become cruel, you yourself know very well. I just want to say that we develop cruelty in ourselves not in order to use it to commit violence against other people, but in order to protect ourselves from this violence.

So, in order to become a cruel person, dear friends, you first need to reconsider your entire worldview. Kindness and cruelty are two sides of the same coin. You must understand and accept this, and stop considering cruelty as something that should not exist in our lives. Therefore, to be cruel, you need to become practical. What does it mean? This means that moral standards should be perceived by you only from the point of view of your interests. Simply put, you need to be kind when it benefits you. And when it is not beneficial for you, forget about kindness, decency, honor, honesty, and so on. Cruelty, as I became convinced by studying its origins, is, first of all, cold-blooded practicality, in which a person can step over anyone, for the sake of himself and his interests. Therefore, the development of cruelty requires a person to develop composure and indifference to other people, in which a person is able to control his emotions.

There is no need to be a complete sadist, a wild psychopath who terrifies people. Although this is also a manifestation of cruelty. But with an animal character you will not get far, you will either be put in a cage, more balanced, but no less strong people, or other wild psychopaths will kill you. It is better to be a cold-blooded and calculating cynic, quietly and effectively removing everyone who blocks it from his path. Such a person is cruel mainly due to his prudence and the absence of any moral brakes. He is neither bad nor good, he lives the way it suits him to live. To become such a person, it is necessary, as I already said, to completely reconsider your worldview, and make for yourself the norm of what you now regard with fear and hatred. We must accept cruel and immoral actions into our inner world, understanding their meaning. You should never judge other people and their actions for anything - you should just try to understand what you are afraid of and what you hate. Forget that there is anything good or bad in this world - try to see the meaning in everything, even in the most wild and immoral actions of people. And of course, look for your own benefit in everything. The one who invented this world and you and me knew what he was doing. He created us as we should be, at least in this world.

Whether we like it or not, cruelty and violence have been, are and will be a part of our lives. Now I will not tell you about the reasons for cruelty, because this is not what interests us now, but rather let you understand what thoughts flow through the head of a cruel person who controls his thoughts and actions.

By lowering these thoughts through your head and developing them, you will feel how you become cruel, but at the same time, quite a social person. The logic here is very simple - a person is a predator who sees, or at least should see, prey in all living things on this planet, including other people. I don’t know if you have noticed how many people, depending on their capabilities, can harm each other, hurt each other, try to humiliate, insult, suppress each other, and so on. So, the question arises, where does all this come from in a person? Why can we be so bad and dangerous to each other? The answer is simple - we are predators. We've been hunting each other our entire history. Look how many wars there have been in the history of mankind, look at how many and how cruelly people can destroy each other. People cannot live without violence, although they try. Therefore, we need laws, and severe punishment for breaking them, and similar things. Many people cannot be human without a stick, they cannot. From this it follows that in order to become a cruel person, you need to become a hunter, a predator. One must be able to use violence against others when required. You need to look for a victim and come up with ways to catch and defeat him. It’s written in your blood—these thoughts wander through your head, but you don’t hear them. a cruel person hears these thoughts and uses them in his life. If you live by the principle - I don’t touch anyone and don’t let anyone touch me, then this means that you are a victim, not a predator. Sooner or later you will be eaten if you do not change your attitude towards life. You need to start living in a new way - you need to start looking for those who can be touched and touching them. That is, you need to start learning to hunt those whose interests run counter to your interests, and those at the expense of whom you can achieve some success in life. Do you understand me? Unfortunately, I cannot tell you in this article about all those methods of cultivating a hunter, a predator, that I know and that some members of our society use to achieve their goals. Well, this information is not for the general reader, sorry. In a personal consultation, I can share with you more subtle methods of working on yourself in this direction, but here not everyone will understand me. Not all people know life from all its sides, so they can be traumatized by talking about things for which they are not ready. So it is better to talk about some things only with those who can understand them.

But you and I still must take into account the fact that people’s cruelty is an integral part of their lives, so we need not to fence ourselves off from it, but learn to live with it and show it as necessary. And therefore, the last way to become cruel, which I want to tell you about in this article, dear friends, is very simple - take the example of those who act cruelly, but not wildly, but rather cynically and effectively, achieving their goals with the help of cruelty. Study the behavior of these people, try to understand its origins, its meaning, characteristics, goals. And then, think about what actions you can use to adopt this behavior and reproduce it in situations where you need it. You can, say, not help people when you don’t need it, it’s not profitable and it’s disgusting, right? You can also learn to mercilessly destroy your enemies in a variety of ways, using all the means available to you. You just need to abandon the patterned behavior that you are now unconsciously adhering to, and begin to form a new, more correct pattern, by imitating those who behave more practically.

Cruelty requires from a person not only a certain understanding of life, but also determination. You need to start choosing the behavior model you need. Once upon a time you learned from someone to be a non-cruel person, right? Someone, by example, showed you how to and how not to act in this life, someone made you the way you are now, instilling in you certain attitudes? Well, now learn from other people how to be cruel - take an example from those who, you think, understand life better than you. Study the behavior and thinking of these people - learn to look at the world through their eyes. And then you too will become a cruel person - justifiably cruel.

Also keep in mind that an abusive person can beat other people in a variety of ways. For him, the end always justifies any means. Among the various ways to achieve goals, a special place is occupied by the ability to manipulate people, thanks to which many insidious rulers came to power and established their own strict and even cruel laws and rules for everyone. Manipulation is the most powerful weapon in the hands of any person. This is a weapon of both local and mass destruction. If you are a physically and mentally weak person, if you need a strong weapon to protect yourself and defend your interests, then you need to learn how to manipulate people - this skill will give you great power. Good manipulators are able to outplay, outwit, and ultimately defeat anyone. Master the skills of manipulating people and they will help you cope with any enemies, rivals, competitors.

Friends, do not forget that we develop cruelty in ourselves not in order to purposefully harm other people, but in order to prevent them from harming us. And also so that they do not interfere with us achieving our goals and do not get in our way. When nothing else helps in such cases, you can resort to competent cruelty.

Source: psychel.ru

Try not to be dramatic

Never make a big deal out of proportion. Calm down, pull yourself together and soberly assess the situation. Follow your thoughts. Don't let them lead you in the wrong direction. Think that what happened is not scary at all, that you can solve the problem and get out of the current situation with ease. Stay positive. This will make it much easier for you. Don't panic under any circumstances.

Think before sharing a problem

So you want to understand how to develop composure. First, break down your problem. Think about it yourself, weigh all the pros and cons. Determine exactly which way to solve the problem you consider the most successful. Do not rush to inform everyone around you about the current situation.

Think it over yourself first! By telling your friends everything right away, you will give them information that is not entirely correct, exaggerated. We can say that you are misinforming them and, naturally, their view of the situation will not be objective. Calm down, think for yourself and only then, if necessary, share with others.

Discover Visualization as a Way to Stay Calm

Each of us can learn to solve our problems without panicking. To do this, you need to understand how to develop composure. In turn, for this you need to learn to imagine the most difficult life situations as a tangled knot that can always be unraveled. The more nervous you are, the tighter the knot will tighten. And as soon as you relax, there will be an excellent chance to untangle it, which means you can calmly solve your problem.

Realize that you can control your emotions

Learn to control your emotions. There is no need to panic, scream, or throw hysterics. Learn to calm down and pull yourself together. No need to wave your arms and run from corner to corner. Just try to relax and breathe calmly. You will succeed if you try.

Create a calm environment

Try to get rid of all the irritants around you. Everyone has their own. It could be noise or, conversely, silence, people around, even the closest ones, conversations around and much more. If necessary, stay with yourself, think carefully, concentrate and try to find a solution to the problem.

Pay attention to your soul

Depending on your religious preferences, meditate or pray. Practice yoga—or just sit quietly for a while. The ability to find peace of mind will serve you well more than once. Take a meditation class and learn techniques to help you control your busy mind.

Take a break

Instead of thinking about the same thing, do something interesting, exciting or creative. Try to laugh (or laugh at yourself). Watch a comedy or read a blog that always makes you laugh. When you are animated, it is much easier to remain calm.

In cold-blooded reflection, hatred can be dissolved and turned into determination (Erich Maria Remarque).

Source: Professionali.ru

Insensitivity - what kind of people do not show emotions and why?

psihologiya ( psihologiya

) wrote, 2016-09-13 21:25:00 psikhologiya
psikhologiya
2016-09-13 21:25:00 You've probably noticed that people's characters are so different that they are even incompatible. And we also show emotions in different ways. What about unemotionality? It can be different too. Did not know? Which people have it and why? Let's try to figure it out together with System-Vector Psychology by Yuri Burlan.

Desperate to love

It’s hard not to notice a person with a visual vector: beautiful, kind, loves unselfishly and is loved by everyone. How can you not love such a person? Of course, provided that it is developed, i.e. thinks about others, not just himself. And if not? That, oops! All positive qualities turn into their opposite.

Instead of love, he is haunted by fears, instead of absolute dedication, he burns with an all-consuming desire to receive attention from other people in any possible way. Hence the emotional blackmail and hysterics. But even this manifestation of negative emotions can be called “love” by the audience.

For them, everything revolves around this concept. And it happens that even a sensitive viewer, attentive to others, is subjected to super-stress, which he cannot cope with. For example, the love of my life has left.

Having read “smart” advice and under the influence of grief, he tries to become more callous, distant, trust people less and generally “keep his ear to the ground.” After all, it seems that it might be more logical: in order not to suffer in the future, you need to love yourself, not open your heart and not let anyone in there.

Then the likelihood that it will be broken is reduced to zero.

Such “unemotionality” is not natural and harms a visual person, because only by loving and sympathizing with other people can he be happy.

If you want to help such a person get out of a destructive state, help him extrovert: try to communicate more with a friend, invite him to the theater for a dramatic production, or “throw” a film for compassion.

Better yet, volunteer at a shelter and donate part of your soul to unfortunate children. You will see how your friend blossoms, how his eyes fill with tears of sympathy and his soul gradually becomes calm and warm.

The whole secret is that by bringing emotions out, we do not allow them to tear us apart from the inside with enormous force. By conveying feelings to other people, especially those who need love and sympathy more than us, we, the audience, align our internal states.

Be sure to invite the viewer to attend a free online training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan. After 3-4 sessions, you will see that your friend feels much better.

I went into myself - I won’t be back soon

You know, there are still such people: they seem to be sitting next to you, but at the same time they are not with you. The man has withdrawn into himself, as if he had flown into space and is now mentally exploring the unknown spaces of his own soul. The sound vector is one of 8 vectors that can rightfully be called special.

The entire psyche of a sound artist is aimed at studying himself, his states and questions of existence. An introvert by nature, he needs solitude.

Alone at night under the stars - a dream!

In an attempt to find answers to his internal questions, he becomes a psychologist, a philosopher, he can become a musician because he loves serious music, or he can study languages.

Sound people naturally have enormous intelligence and the ability to concentrate on a subject. Nature gives the sound designer every opportunity to solve a problem with three unknowns: who we are, where we come from and where we are going. Hence his lack of emotion. Emotional people are not able to solve such problems.

To solve them, you need to concentrate as much as possible, renounce everything earthly and cognize the hidden. In the meantime... This problem has not been solved. And the sound engineer often rushes about in search, goes into depression and suffers from apathy.

External emotionlessness (such a person has feelings, they are just hidden) is a normal state for a sound person. Therefore, there is no need to pester the sound guy when he wants to be alone.

But if you see that a person does not experience joy, does not experience any desires, then SOS! These people are the most prone to depression and suicidal thoughts. And going to the orphanage will not change the situation. Everything earthly is alien to them. Such a person will be helped by immersion in the study of his own psyche.

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan gives answers to questions about how the unconscious works. And it is precisely this knowledge that the sound engineer desperately needs. But his own egocentrism and conviction in his genius often do not allow him to hear anyone other than himself.

How to develop composure, tips

#1 Focus on yourself

This may seem wrong to some, but in our situation we will have to show not our best qualities. One of them is selfishness.

You must accept it as a principle that you do not owe anything to anyone . This is completely your life and you decide what, how and when to do. There are basic values - love, work, family and friends, and the rest - problems, circumstances, ill-wishers, emotions - are just garbage. You need to throw this garbage out of your head and focus on the main thing . This will allow you to take life into your own hands and begin to manage it yourself.

#2 Become better than others

Not only do you just need to show selfishness, you also need to raise your authority. At least for myself.

Composure is a constant state, expressed in complete calm and confidence. And for this confidence to appear, you need to feel like you’re on a horse all the time . Become “cool”, don’t give a damn about all the opinions around you. Don't give up, be proud, be indifferent to criticism. This is a matter of your self-esteem . If you feel depressed, there will be no peace. This will be described in other words - fear, humiliation and despondency. On the outside you will look quiet, but on the inside you will be like a piece of bread that is used by everyone.

This doesn't mean you have to become an asshole. This means that you need to do something useful and start developing your character. In training, in work, in your hobby - to become the best without any alternative. You need to reach a state in which no other people or circumstances can intimidate you with their “power”.

#3 Send everything and everyone

Let circumstances take their course. If something is really bothering you, just turn your back on it with the words “screw it, come what may!”

Cool people don't worry too much about their problems. If something can be fixed, they, of course, get involved in the work with a sober mind. If something cannot be changed, they simply go with the flow, maintaining their endurance and patience. In 5, 10 or 20 this problem will not matter at all , so there is no need to be nervous about wasting your health.

#4 Maintain external calm

The external state directly affects the internal. By the way you dress, how you put your hands in front of you, how you speak, you can find out what is going on in your soul.

Of course, you can pretend to be cool and constantly restrain yourself. But still, your character will come out through nervous movements, twitches, a ringing voice and uneven breathing. Therefore, in addition to internal changes, external ones must also be added. Here's what to do:

Stop jerking your leg when sitting
Stop constantly walking from side to side when you think
Breathe deeply and rhythmically
Speak in a calm and even voice
Think more before expressing a thought

Honestly, I don't think you can become a frozen machine and adhere to all these recommendations. But if your motives are strong enough , then it is only a matter of desire and time.

Mirroring

Are you often bullied? Or maybe you are simply succumbing to eternal emotional tyranny? Gain strength and courage...and mirror your behavior. Don't be afraid to touch the nerves of your offenders. However, like all other people.

What does it mean? Treat your offenders the same way they treat you. It doesn’t matter who it is – a relative or just a friend/acquaintance. Take people who hurt you as an example. They are usually just perfect role models. After all, the ability to touch a nerve is a good skill for a cruel person.

What to do with those who communicate with you with kindness and friendliness? Mirroring will not help here - it is a charge of unnecessary positive emotions. Therefore, just follow the example of your offenders: try to distance yourself from such individuals, constantly tell them something offensive and unpleasant. Over time, this will become a habit for you.

Cultivating selfishness

From childhood we were taught that selfishness is a very bad quality. Children are taught to share their toys or even give them to semi-familiar playmates in the sandbox, because “you need to share” and “are you greedy?”

The same goes for delicious food that I wanted to eat myself, and not give more than half to my parents or brothers/sisters. This is how individuals grow up who are always ready to sacrifice their interests in order for society to consider them good.

Unfortunately, this approach does not allow you to fully enjoy life, because playing in public takes a lot of energy.

Reference! Many begin to feel ashamed of their reluctance to help relatives and mentally torture themselves. If you recognize yourself in these lines, stop this violence right now!

Selfishness is a completely healthy concern for oneself and one’s interests, which should be accepted as an axiom. From now on, answer a firm “No” to any request for help that you don’t want to satisfy!

If the person asking is not part of your family, don’t even explain the reason for the refusal. It will be difficult at first and you will feel anxious about what people think about you. But over time, only the feeling of freedom and happiness will come from the fact that now every minute of life belongs to you personally!

Spend the time that will be freed up only on yourself:

engage in self-development,
take yourself to new cafes and feed yourself delicious food,
buy quality care products,
Don’t skimp on self-education.

After some time, you will understand that by helping everyone around you, you were trying to earn the approval that you can give to yourself.

Try not to be dramatic

Think before sharing a problem

Discover Visualization as a Way to Stay Calm

Each of us can learn to solve our problems without panicking. To do this, we need to understand how to develop composure. In turn, for this you need to learn to imagine the most difficult life situations as a tangled knot that can always be unraveled. The more nervous you are, the tighter the knot will tighten. And as soon as you relax, there will be an excellent chance to untangle it, which means you can calmly solve your problem.

Realize that you can control your emotions

Escalation of evil (snowball effect)

They made a remark to you or even said something offensive to you. In response: at best, they glared so angrily, from under their eyebrows, saying “it’s none of your business”, “whose mongrel would moo”, “you can’t see the log in your own eye”...

At worst: the snowball of evil is gaining momentum. You respond to “kindness” with the same coin, plus a couple of “kopecks” on top. The opponent cannot be a debtor - he returns “your capital to the relationship” with a couple of his “rubles” (hmm, that’s how they would borrow from a bank) ...

The development of the script can be continued, as in Hollywood films, but unlike those episodes that we watch from the outside, it’s not very comfortable to be in them. Or comfortable? Do you sometimes like to get angry and annoy others? In that case, this article is not for you (and just in case, check your endocrine system.)

Definition

Composure is a concept that has both positive and negative meanings.

As a personality trait, it is characteristic of people who are able to make informed, adequate decisions in situations of stress. The latter refers to the body’s tension (from the English stress – tension), its nonspecific reaction to external unfavorable factors.
In a negative context, cold-bloodedness is seen as the ability to commit cruel acts against other people or animals without showing any emotion.

To better understand, let’s look at both concepts with examples and select synonyms for each.

How composure is formed

The formation of this quality, like other character traits, occurs from childhood. If a person gets easily irritated, panics, or loses his temper, it becomes a habit—an action that he begins to feel the need for. There are three ways to form it:

Imitation. If adults do not know how and do not try to control their emotions, then the child will demonstrate similar behavior.
Repeating the action multiple times. If a child is offered an algorithm for behavior under stress that will lead to results, it will also become a habit.
Focused effort. This is where positive reinforcement becomes important.

So, composure is the ability to subordinate emotions and feelings to reason in difficult situations. What algorithm can be developed for this? Considering that neuro-endocrine changes occur in the body, the best option is a pause. It should be used to cope with surging emotions: anger, excitement, confusion, etc.

In ancient times, the sages, before uttering a phrase, arranged for themselves a test of the three gates:

Before the first, they asked themselves: “Are my words true?”
At the second gate the question was: “Are they necessary?”
At the doors of the third, the wise men asked: “Are these good words?”

Only after answering “yes” three times did the sage speak the prepared phrase out loud.

Landing on the Neva

The year was 1963. A Tu-124 plane with passengers on board took off from Tallinn airport. Even on takeoff, an emergency occurred - the landing gear jammed. The crew commander, Viktor Mostovoy, requested an emergency landing, but the fog that thickened over the city did not allow it to be made. He was offered to sit in Pulkovo, on a spare dirt runway (Leningrad). While emergency services were rushing to the intended landing site, the plane was circling at an altitude of 400 meters, running out of fuel. When nothing foreshadowed trouble, another unusual situation awaited the crew - the fuel meter turned out to be faulty. When the plane approached the eighth circle, the fuel supply ran out and the left engine stalled, and a couple of minutes later the second one, although the meters showed the presence of fuel.

Finding himself at a distance of 21 km from the airport, the 30-year-old commander of the airliner, maintaining his composure, made the only right decision - to land on the Neva without endangering the city. Having chosen the area between the Finlyandsky and Bolsheokhtinsky bridges, he delicately landed the plane ten meters from one of them. Having made an emergency landing on the river, he saved the lives of passengers and crew. The man's composure was amazing. However, eyewitnesses say: Mostovoy was the last to leave the liner, and everyone was amazed - in a few minutes he became completely gray.

So, there are two main indicators of composure: the presence of a stressful situation and the ability to maintain clarity of thinking, which made it possible not to succumb to panic, but to make the only correct decision in the current situation. We list the synonyms of this concept:

self-control;
calm;
presence of mind;
self-control;
excerpt.

Composure here is seen as a personality quality, a character trait that the crew commander possessed.

Episode from “Seventeen Moments of Spring”

The 1973 cult film left many powerful episodes in the memory, one of which was the interrogation of radio operator Kat. The SS Sturmbannführer who conducted him uses an inhumane technique against the mother: in order for the intelligence officer to hand over Stirlitz, he places her infant child naked near the window, although he may die from frostbite. At the same time, the fascist himself is nervous, justifying his actions with his duty to the country. There are two more Germans present in the scene: SS Unterscharführer Barbara Krain and Helmut Calder.

Let's pay attention to their behavior. Helmut retains his humanity; he realizes that the child is not to blame and cannot be held responsible for the actions of adults. He tries to calm the baby down and resist the actions of Jurgen Rolf. And when this fails, he pulls the trigger to deal with the baby’s cruel tormentor. Barbara demonstrates completely different behavior. Not a single muscle moved on the face of the woman, whose very nature was designed to protect children. In a negative sense, composure is indifference, insensitivity, coldness, insensitivity, apathy, mental callousness (synonyms). Extremely incapable of compassion, she has no emotional response to what is happening. Moreover, according to the scenario, the woman is only 20 years old.

What makes people like this? Lack of love and heartfelt affection in the family, alienation from loved ones, thoughtless fanaticism. Of course, Krain cannot serve as an example to follow, but the actions of Viktor Mostovoy inspire respect, and many would like to maintain clarity of thought in a difficult situation.

Source: yazdorov.win

How does a person become insensitive?

When does frankness turn into rudeness? Do people have the right to make unpleasant remarks about the personality of the interlocutor? Why do some people feel they have to speak their mind? Why do they criticize and give unwanted advice?

According to published psychological research, such explicit comments can be attributed to aspects of people's personalities that fall into the established five-factor model.

The model assumes that an individual's personality includes the following five independent traits: extraversion, agreeableness, neuroticism, conscientiousness, and openness to experience (intelligence).

Psychologists believe that the area of extraversion is most relevant to understanding what causes people to become overly committed to their beliefs. Aspects in this area include self-confidence (dominating and being the center of attention), sociability (enjoying the company of others), positive affectivity (fun and enthusiasm), and experience seeking (enjoying intense sensations). This means that high extraversion in some aspects reflects the quality of excessive frankness.

You can combine enthusiasm and assertiveness into one group that creates this impatient person who makes potentially intrusive personal comments.

So, extraversion can lead people to develop frankness that turns into insensitivity. This happens because people with high levels of extraversion turn their outgoing nature into antagonism and a desire to overcome others. Other people are outraged by this.

Also, insensitive people may be more likely to seek excitement and may not be able to suppress expressions of emotion. Narcissism may be part of the psychopathology of people with high levels of extraversion, who feel entitled to express their opinions without tact.

Thus, returning to the basic question of why people are insensitive and who become annoyingly outspoken, researchers believe that it is people with high levels of communal extraversion who will push the boundaries of decency, perhaps out of the belief that their opinion is always correct, and therefore they should share it freely.

So, an insensitive person is not interested in the problems of others. He is so self-sufficient and self-confident that he is comfortable dealing only with his own problems. He has no need for other people and has no desire to understand the feelings of other people, to be imbued with their experiences. At the end of life's journey, it is possible that such individuals will awaken something human in their souls. Their personal arguments will no longer work and they realize that after living an isolated existence throughout their lives, they are left completely alone.

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Most of your reactions are normal.

The title of this chapter is the most important golden rule you need to understand to begin with. Many people lack the awareness that they are, in fact, completely normal and that their reactions are completely natural.

In an attempt to become a cool-headed person, you may lose your strengths. Why do you want to become calmer, cool down towards people? You are tired of worrying, but your spent nerves indicate that a certain person is dear to you and you are worried about your future.

For example, you often express your dissatisfaction with your husband, but doesn’t this mean that you are showing yourself at this moment as a caring woman? Don't your experiences at work show your responsible attitude and professional approach to business?

Being cold-blooded about everything can cause you to lose all interest in life. Will she become completely different, deprived of benefits, advantages, brightness? Think about it, sometimes reconciling and accepting yourself as you are is the best solution available.

Next time, at the peak of an emotion, think about whether they are normal and what positive qualities they indicate. If you want to become a little calmer, I can offer some useful tips from psychology.

Not everything is given

Just take your time. First, think carefully about whether this is how you want to rid yourself of emotions. They are often more difficult to restore than to eliminate. By the way, not everyone is given the gift of being insensitive.

Remember: few people experience a true absence of emotions. Usually cruelty and composure are in a person’s blood. If there is a predisposition to these traits, then solving our today’s issue will be easy and simple. Otherwise, you will literally step on your own throat and your internal structure.

Often sympathetic, kind people think about how to become an insensitive person. And not vindictive. They will have to work very seriously on themselves. As practice shows, such people are not able to really bring the idea to life. Only for a while. And then there will be a feeling of guilt inside. But true composure does not allow this.

Don't share

The next time you are faced with a challenge that makes you feel strong emotions, try to first breathe out and approach it rationally. Do not rush to retell it to your loved one or loved ones. Don't call your friends. The interlocutor will only inflame you, you will be more nervous and worried.

You need to instill in yourself the rule - solve the problem where it arises, and not talk about it. Give yourself some time to cool down and then see what you can do to resolve the situation. Of course, you can turn to your loved ones for help or advice, but do not shift the decision making to them.

If you forbid yourself from discussing the incident, what will you do in this case?

Suffer again and again

It’s worth mentioning right away that this method works differently for different people, and can either make you insensitive and indifferent, or send you into a protracted binge.

It is not because of a good life that people are looking for opportunities to become cold and insensitive. Do you agree? After all, something or someone probably touched you to the core? Apathy towards the source of pain and suffering appears immediately. But this state should be prolonged as much as possible, returning to memories again and again, experiencing everything again from the very beginning. Don't try to forget everything, suffer. Over time, your sensitivity to the situation that hurt you so much will become less and less. And what was the cause of suffering a month or two ago will today make you feel completely indifferent. Over time, you will get used to this state, and it will become completely natural for you. And if history repeats itself in the future, it will no longer hurt you.

By the way, have you ever thought about the work of a doctor, or a morgue employee? What about the fate of the military? They face pain and suffering every day. They literally immerse themselves in them and quickly get used to them. Over time, many people get used to the pain and no longer notice the suffering of other people. With such work, you will definitely no longer be touched by tears, prayers, or the suffering of others. This is one of the most effective ways to become an insensitive person.

Rejoice

No matter how many techniques you learn to be cool, the decisive factor will be your behavior in a critical situation. Most often, you immediately forget about all the techniques as soon as a real problem arises. Enjoy the opportunity to change everything. Now is your chance to practice. You can spend several years studying Zen, but when faced with adversity, you lose your temper.

As soon as you have the opportunity, be cool and indifferent, at least outwardly, and then be sure to praise yourself and give yourself a gift for doing the right thing. This is how, bit by bit, you can become a new person.

Source: ezy-life.ru