Among your friends, there are probably many people whose passport age does not correspond to their real age. Often adults behave like infantile teenagers, and on the contrary, the emotional maturity of the personality of some young people is admirable, and their actions are worthy of respect.
The works of the founder of psychoanalysis, S. Freud, made it possible to derive several signs by which the degree of personal maturity can be determined.
Development methods
There are two ways to develop emotional intelligence: fast and slow.
Fast - work with a specialist.
In my opinion, this is what psychologists and psychotherapists do a lot. They teach the client to notice what is happening to him and what decisions should follow from this. It also works well to develop emotional intelligence in a group - through courses or trainings. There you can share your thoughts and test your hypotheses.
The slow path is self-development.
Up to certain limits, you can independently develop emotional intelligence. Important: you need to do this first of all in relation to yourself, your emotions. And then - in relation to the emotions of other people. If a person has not learned to deal with his emotions, it will be difficult for him to process the emotions of others. If he doesn’t know what his shame looks like, he won’t recognize this feeling in a colleague or employee. Another possible problem is that a person knows how to notice his emotions, but does not know how to deal with them. For example, he does not experience the feeling of guilt well, and, accordingly, he does not understand well the one who feels guilty.
How developing emotional intelligence contributes to professional growth
Our subconscious quickly associates the concepts of smart/intellectual with wealth and success. Meanwhile, kindness and empathy are often associated with passivity and weakness, especially in business. But is this really so? Should we choose?
The answer is no.
The development of emotional intelligence leads to increased work efficiency and career growth. That is why this topic has aroused interest from the business community.
Undoubtedly, professional knowledge and skills are important, but if they are not supported by reliability, honesty and friendliness, they are worthless. I remember in 2007 I was at the Berkshire Hathaway conference in Omaha, and there the legendary Charles Munger was asked: “What advice would you give to any twenty-year-old person?” replied succinctly: “Be reliable.” The audience was surprised by this answer, and only many years later did I understand what Charles Munger meant.
It may seem strange, but qualities such as kindness or sensitivity can be developed and improved. Although I am sure that most people consider these qualities to be innate. It all depends on how you work on your emotional intelligence.
In 1990, two psychologists, Peter Salovey and Jack Mayer, described a set of social characteristics they called emotional intelligence. They defined it as “a form of social intelligence that includes the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions, differentiate between them, and use the information received to solve practical problems.”
Soon, many people became interested in the topic of emotional intelligence.
Daniel Goleman, a science journalist for The New York Times, learned about Salovey and Mayer's research and began studying emotional intelligence on his own. The topic inspired him so much that he later wrote a book. As a result of his work, he identified 4 components of emotional intelligence.
Goleman argued that emotional intelligence includes the following:
— self-awareness (perception and expression of emotions);
— self-control (emotion management);
— interpersonal relationships (empathy);
- communication skills
After Goleman described emotional intelligence, he made a surprising claim: emotional intelligence is more important than cognitive intelligence for business success.
Just imagine how much interest this aroused among society.
Fortunately for Goleman, his assumption was confirmed by further research. People with high levels of emotional intelligence earn an average of $29,000 more per year than people with less developed emotional intelligence. A good reason to start working on it.
Additionally, research has shown that emotional intelligence is the strongest predictor of job performance. Your success depends more on how you feel and how well you manage your emotions than on your knowledge and skills.
Self-awareness
Emotional intelligence is an interesting and yet not very complicated topic. But do we know how to develop it? Let's start in order. The first component of emotional intelligence, self-awareness, involves becoming familiar with your emotions. It sounds strange, but in most cases you do not notice at all how you feel in certain situations.
Being aware of emotions is the ability to monitor your internal states. Understand when you are happy or sad, understand the reason. Find connections between certain situations, people and your emotions. This is not as easy as it might seem at first glance. It takes time to learn this.
We live in a crazy rhythm, but sometimes you need to get out of the squirrel-in-the-wheel mode in order to realize your emotions. How can we manage what we don’t know and don’t understand?
Self-control
Self-awareness is the first thing you must learn if you want to succeed not only in your career but in life. But self-awareness is not enough. You need to know how to control emotions. The second component of emotional intelligence is self-control. Often problems arise due to the inability to cope with emotions.
If you are able to act regardless of your emotional state, you are invincible. Self-control is a great tool for personal growth.
Interpersonal relationships
As people gain self-awareness and self-control, a funny thing happens: they become more aware of the emotions and feelings of others. They become more empathetic towards people (do not confuse this with compassion or empathy). They are able to accurately determine how a person feels and share these emotions with him. In other words, they put themselves in the other person's shoes.
In business, it is very important to understand the psychology of people. When you understand what motivates employees or customers, you can more easily address and manage their needs.
Communication skills
This part of emotional intelligence is related to interpersonal relationships. If, when communicating with you, people feel understood and supported, then you are doing everything right. When you know how to communicate correctly with others and apply this knowledge in practice, it is easier for you to make the necessary acquaintances, negotiations, contracts and much more.
There is an unspoken rule: people love to be talked about. Be an active listener, ask questions, provide advice if appropriate. Show with all your appearance that you are open to dialogue. Here I would like to add the famous statement of Theodore Roosevelt: people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.
How to develop emotional intelligence?
Leaders from various fields prioritize emotional intelligence. According to research results, 90% of all respondents do not stop developing emotional intelligence throughout their lives. But several questions immediately arise: how do they find time to improve their skills? What exactly are they doing for this?
There are three critical areas:
— Self-awareness
— Managing emotions (your own and other people’s)
- Gratitude
The first step to improving emotional intelligence is increasing the self-awareness I talked about above. Meditation is one effective way to do this. This is why meditation practices have become so popular now.
In addition to increasing self-awareness, meditation allows people to better understand others. This promotes fruitful communication.
Finally, emotionally intelligent people know how to give thanks. Yes, yes, you need to be able to do this too. The CEO of SheWorx, Lisa Wong, advises not just remembering the names of your subordinates, but being interested in their needs and problems. Thank them for their work not once a year at the New Year’s corporate party, but make it a constant ritual. Learn more about the people you work with. Appreciate their work. Give thanks.
Even if you are not a manager, still learn to express your gratitude to your colleagues.
What does this mean for your career?
According to the Career Center, 71% of HR managers reported that when it came to making hiring decisions, emotional intelligence was a more important factor than IQ. Moreover, 59% of managers said they would not hire someone with low emotional intelligence, even if they have a high IQ. When it comes to leadership, emotional intelligence also plays a much more important role than IQ.
Still smart or kind?
Let me ask the question again: “would you rather be smart or kind?”
Kindness, or more precisely emotional intelligence:
– increases the effectiveness of interpersonal communication
- reduces stress levels
- promotes prompt problem solving
And most importantly, it makes us happier!
It turns out that the question is obviously wrong. You don't have to choose to be smart or to be kind. The smartest thing you can do for your career is to develop emotional intelligence.
Our level of emotional intelligence is not genetically determined and can develop throughout our lives. Everything depends only on our desire!
Adapted translation of the article Improving your emotional intelligence can earn you a raise - here's how, Digital Skynet
Why develop emotional intelligence
You need to develop emotional intelligence in order to have more information to make decisions and, as a result, get more interesting results. Imagine that you stopped, for example, receiving signals about the outside world from your skin. You can’t figure out whether it’s cold or hot, or whether the wind is blowing—it’s difficult to make decisions when you don’t have the full amount of information. It’s the same with emotions: if for some reason they are inaccessible, we don’t notice them, don’t understand them, or don’t allow ourselves to experience them, then a large layer of information about the world around us falls out. Risks appear:
- Make a mistake: you won't notice that you're tired and it's time to rest, and you'll end up experiencing emotional burnout.
- Stop understanding others and being clear to them: the signal from other people will be distorted. For example, a subordinate is sad, but it seems to you that he is lazy. And you will behave with him like a lazy person, and not a sad person.
