Everyone is good at giving advice; both on the Internet and in real life, many people consider themselves relationship gurus. But the abundance of recommendations leads to the fact that some of them are no good at all, and are more like the ravings of a madman. If you follow one of these unfortunate pieces of advice, you may even lose your relationship. So in that regard, it’s worth listening to the professionals. Psychologist and relationship expert Adam Lodolce talks about which of them you should never believe in his interview.
Ordinary advice and whether you should trust it i
Interviewer: “How do you know if you should rely on advice?”
Lodolce: “The easiest way to understand the value of advice is based on who gives it. What kind of author, blogger or researcher is this? Does it have a large enough audience? Has he achieved success in his field? If he has a large following, then people are likely to benefit from his strategies. Therefore, you can apply his recommendations to your life and understand whether they will work for you or not.”
Interviewer: “Who should you never take relationship advice from?”
Lodolce: “I believe that you should not take recommendations from single people or those people who are themselves unhappy. As a rule, single people give a lot of advice, considering themselves to be such sages and gurus. However, their own lives clearly demonstrate that they themselves cannot derive much benefit from this wisdom.”
Interviewer: "What's the worst relationship advice you've ever heard?"
Lodolce: “I guess it goes like this: “Just wait for love to come to you, and sooner or later you will find your happiness.” This is a bad recommendation, since in search of love a person needs to be active and enterprising. You need to go out, meet new people (and not just anyone, but those who will be useful to you). You can’t just sit back and wait for a long-legged blonde or a charming boy to fall on you.”
Interviewer: “How do you find really valuable relationship advice?”
Lodolce: “Find experts in this field first. Free advice is, of course, good. But only a professional can advise something truly valuable, and moreover, suitable for you. Many people now call themselves psychologists; however, not everyone has the necessary knowledge and experience. Rely on the information that the specialist provides about himself: his level of education and experience. Read reviews from live users about its work. Trust your intuition. From experts you can really get the most valuable advice, which may help you get rid of many years of loneliness or save a relationship on the verge of breaking.”
How to find the right person for friendship and love
Every person wants to find suitable people for loving communication, so that there is support and understanding, common topics for conversation. how to do it? Here are some steps to finding the right person for you:
1. Do what you want to do.
It doesn't matter if you do something to earn money or for fun, just do what you want.
Sports, hobbies, solo tourism, travel, reading - whatever interests you! Do what you love!
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For many years I thought there was no point in doing something that didn't generate income. But only pleasure. And I was wrong. Now I spend a lot of time doing things that make me feel good.
2. Learn how to talk to strangers.
Every stranger has the potential to become your friend. I've always been very shy, but when I focused on the things I liked, I felt less shy.
It's okay if you're shy or feel like no one understands you; Only practice will teach you how to communicate. Learn that sometimes people don't respond, and that's okay. And sometimes you say something strange, and that's okay too.
3. Find other people who are doing what you want to do.
These days, with social media and the Internet, you can easily find people who love the same things as you. From knitting hats to collecting certain types of rock, from listening to any kind of music to taking photographs. If you like this, then find like-minded people!
Moreover, it is not necessary that “your people” live in the same city as you.
4. Get involved, even if it's scary.
If you like a person or group of people, don't be idle. Invite the group to meet in real life, find a place for conversations, you can invite them to your house for communication; if it's one person, invite him or her to hang out at your home or in a cafe... You may feel awkward, but that's okay.
5. Be honest
Once you've met the right people, practice the practice of communicating confidently and honestly.
Be open. Observe how they react to you. Those people who will stay with you even in moments of vulnerability, who will not judge you or criticize you, are truly your people.
6. Involve friends in your life
To find your person or group of people, visualize yourself in their circle. Practice the practice daily. This will help you achieve what you want faster.
7. Increase self-love
In order to effectively interact with others, you need to learn to love yourself. The point is that people reflect what you think about yourself. Therefore, reprogram yourself to have a positive perception of your body and soul.
These 7 simple recommendations will help you find your person. And satisfy the need for loving communication. I sincerely wish this for you!
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Finding a New Lover 2
Interviewer: “What is the best strategy for finding a partner?”
Lodolce: “Start getting out of the shell of your own life and meeting new people. This doesn't mean you'll find your crush within two weeks; perhaps this will not happen in a year. However, the very fact of communication and expansion of connections increases the chances of a cherished meeting.”
“For example, my clients tracked how many people they met in a month. Typically, when I start working with them, they meet a maximum of 2-3 new people during this period. However, we increase this number to 10 and 20. This can be a short communication or regular, casual conversation or an appointed date. But in any case, it is important to do this, and not just draw pictures in your imagination of how everything will work out on its own in some incredible way.”
How to find the right people?
Some tips on how to find the right people
1. Stop wishing, hoping, forgiving, praying that people who are useful to you will appear in your life. Constantly remind yourself that you live in a universe of complete regularity. Believe that you, like no one else, are capable of attracting the right people to you.
2. Feel a subtle invisible connection with the people you would like to connect with in your life. Stop identifying yourself with your wealth and physical body. Try to identify with the life-giving energy that lives within you, and recognize that this energy also exists in the people you would like to find.
3. In your thoughts, imagine a meeting that has already taken place with the person who would become your companion, your spiritual partner. Be specific in your dreams and under no circumstances should you share them with anyone, so as not to run into low-energy people.
4. Do everything in accordance with your inner image of that person. Act as if everyone who crosses your path matches your intention, the attraction of ideal, bright people. Don’t expect or think that someone else will look for the people you need, no, only you can do this.
5. Choose the path of least resistance and follow it. When you start thinking while at low frequencies, for example, starting some business and saying: “eh, nothing will work anyway, all this is probably a waste of time,” you simply cannot attract those who you need so much .
6. Be patient and detached from the outcome. By judging all your intentions by your own idea of when and what should happen, or by judging them according to some criteria of your insatiable ego, you will not make mistakes. Clearly formulate your intentions and follow the rules described above, they will help you achieve everything you want.
7. Practice meditation constantly. It will promote divine relationships and attract the ideal people for you.
8. Look at any person who has taken even the slightest part in your life as a sign from above, as a being sent by God to help you.
9. Become the kind of person you would like to see in your inner circle.
10. Well, and, of course, be grateful to everyone and in everything. Thank not only those people who did good for you and helped you in anything, but also those who were your enemies. Of course, don't forget to thank God for everything.
Copyright © 2013 Byankin Alexey
Starting a new relationship: what to pay attention to3
Interviewer: “What is the most important thing at the beginning of a relationship?”
Lodolce: “Do not give in to the temptation to fall into a romantic frenzy. Keep your eyes wide open and your ears open. Evaluate your new acquaintance, notice the details of his behavior. Understanding who a person is, how they act, what their worldview is - all of this can cost you years of heartache. Look for things like a habit of lying, alcohol or drug addiction, serious financial problems, emotional or physical abuse."
“If you still haven’t found the person with whom you will spend the rest of your life, don’t despair,” the psychologist encourages his listeners at the end of his interview. “Finding love takes time and effort. Do not hurry. Start by working on yourself. When two emotionally healthy and compatible people meet, everything becomes possible for them.”
Be yourself
Agree, the ability to adequately evaluate yourself and be in harmony with yourself is incredibly attractive. Such a person initially inspires trust, because he remains as he is in any place and under any circumstances. Pretending is not the most pleasant quality. The fact is that fictitious and feigned points in your personality may not only fail to impress, but also disappoint with their implausibility. Success will increase tenfold when people see in you those features that are unique to you.
Probably, we can mention pure love here. Everything that is created on top of the true “I” is a temporary shell. Don't be afraid to be yourself. Remember, every person is beautiful in their own way.
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Help
Each of us has at least once met people who are ready to spend time only on themselves. Remember the feeling you had then towards such people. Probably, the fate of further relations with them was decided not in their favor. Helping others, and most importantly, the desire to do this, is an excellent personality trait of a worthy person. These are the kind of people the modern world needs.
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Most social problems would be solved in no time if only people wanted to help people. Of course, you may have limited free time, but you can still donate some things, food or even money to those in need. There are a large number of different volunteer organizations that need help.
Practice altruism
Pure and undisguised goodness is quite difficult to find in the modern world. It is even harder to be selfless and selfish among crowds. However, it is altruists who can change the existing reality for the better, even though they have to shoulder the heaviest burden. One thing is good that in society such people are always respected and appreciated.
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