How to find yourself and become the master of your life
There are many ways, tips, recommendations for finding yourself. They can be simple and complex. However, any drastic action can cause each of us to fear the consequences, which slows us down and sometimes simply stops us at the starting point. Therefore, experts recommend starting small and gradually expanding your goals. This means that you need to go through the following steps:
- determine the boundaries of your comfort zone - involves analyzing your behavior patterns and your own defensive reactions;
- remember and implement postponed plans and ideas - for this, temporarily forgotten goals must be identified and divided into two groups, taking into account the reasons, followed by their analysis and determination of patterns;
- prioritize tasks - consists of identifying the most important areas of life at the moment, while narrowing their circle to a minimum in order to gradually work through everything in the future;
- stop being offended by yourself and other people - this is an attitude to get rid of negativity, which helps you move forward, complete old projects and start new ones;
- deciding on what brings true pleasure is finding a favorite activity or activity;
- start planning every day - involves drawing up a schedule for mandatory actions, possibly with assessment;
- determine a motivation system - involves receiving rewards in any form for each completed task in order to stimulate movement forward.
How to realize yourself in life?
1. Try to be someone who doesn't need second chances.
2. Don't confuse people's support with control over you.
3. Rumination and hesitation are different. The first is wisdom, and the second is fear.
4. In a year you will regret that you didn’t start today.
5. Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
6. You need to learn to manage your emotions so that they don’t control you.
7. Life doesn't get easier, you just get stronger.
8. You are useless if you break after the first blow.
9. You can’t expect people to always reciprocate.
10. You just need to decide what to do with the time that is allotted.
11. If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always had.
12. It may not be your fault, but it is your problem.
13. Don't let the scoundrels defeat you.
14. Don’t ask God for an easier road, ask for strength and patience.
15. If you love someone, then say it before it’s too late.
16. Emotions are important and should not be suppressed. Feel them, accept them and move on.
17. The most important step is the next step towards your goal or dream.
18. All grievances, defeats and problems will one day remain in the past.
19. There are two reasons why you don’t do anything: you don’t know or you’re satisfied with everything.
20. There is always a choice, even if everything is out of control. You choose how to react.
21. People appear in life for a time, periods and throughout their lives.
22. When you say that you will do something, it is considered a promise.
23. Nothing changes if you don't change anything.
24. Write down bad days in sand and good days in stone.
25. At the bottom of a bottle and laziness you will not find answers, but you will find new problems.
26. What people say behind your back are their problems and experiences.
27. Always take care of yourself first, this is not selfishness, but prudence.
28. Disappointment is the difference between expectation and reality.
29. All people are not against you, they are for themselves.
30. Make yourself happy first, and only then other people.
31. Don't sacrifice your dreams because of fleeting whims.
32. Do you think it won't work? Do you think it will work? In both cases you are right.
33. It's not about strength or intelligence, but about willpower.
34. Some unattainable goals that are going hard would be better to give up.
35. The world does not treat you better if you are a good and correct person.
36. Don’t let your kindness be mistaken for weakness.
37. In a relationship, you will either break up or you will always be together. There is no third.
38. If your presence is not important, then your absence will not matter either.
39. You must get in shape to be happy.
40. Don't waste time worrying about things you can't control.
41. Dress as if for a job you want, not one you have.
42. You may be the sweetest peach, but not everyone loves peaches.
43. Nothing valuable is given easily or simply.
44. If you don’t get rid of unnecessary people in life, you will never meet the right ones.
45. One day you will look around and realize that everyone loves themselves, but few people love you.
46. If you can’t find the door you need, then make your own.
47. You will regret not what you did, but what you didn’t do.
48. Realize your potential before it's too late.
49. By biting over and over again you can eat a fried elephant. Same with purpose.
50. Life is like boxing. The loser is not the one who is knocked down, but the one who cannot get up.
51. There is nothing wrong with being weak sometimes. It's bad to always stay like this.
52. Don’t ask questions to which you don’t want to hear the answers.
53. Don't base your happiness on things that can be taken away from you.
54. Everything ends in death. And while you’re alive, do whatever you really want.
55. It's time to spread your wings. Live a life you will remember.
Most people will flush their lives down the toilet and miss out on all opportunities. Do you want to find a way and realize yourself in life? You won't know who you are until you test what you're capable of.
Finding yourself through getting to know yourself
To understand how to find your place, realize your abilities and talents, you must first
get to know and understand yourself. In fact, there are few who know themselves well. After all, we are not talking about biographical information. Many people spend their entire lives not knowing what they want or what to strive for. Some people are used to living like walking through a minefield. If you're lucky, you can find your place, the path to a successful life. But, unfortunately, many people live their lives without understanding themselves and their desires.
But don't despair. Thanks to research and discoveries in the field of psychology, each of us has an increasing chance of effectively finding ourselves.
It is possible for a person to get to know himself with the help of his subconscious. This allows:
- believe in your own strengths and potential;
- understand which goals are false and not waste your energy on achieving them.
Knowing and realizing these moments is already an achievement. After all, the world is full of opportunities, goals and desires. However, they may not be ours, but strangers, that is, other people. And we, hearing the command “move forward,” rush to carry it out without understanding ourselves.
Each person is actually born already, having his own goal, destiny, which is provided by his innate potential. But there is no specific guide on how to find your purpose. Only working on yourself, knowing yourself can help in this search. And people who, without turning back, follow the path to fulfilling their destiny, deserve a life of comfort and success.
How to find your place in this life
Five years ago, a crisis hit me: I didn’t like my life, I went to a job I didn’t like, nothing made me happy and I didn’t understand what to do. In the gaps between moments of apathy, I began to read books, but at some point I realized that none of them said who I could be.
Realizing that books would not help, I began to explore myself through questions. I asked about everything in the world: what I love, what I hate, what gives me strength, what inspires me, where I like to go, what irritates me in people. That’s how I came to psychological practice and now I’m doing my job: helping people find themselves. It sounds very simple, but I know first-hand what difficulties a person goes through when he wants to understand what he wants in life.
Now, having personal experience and the experience of clients behind me, I have built a system for finding myself and my purpose. It consists of three stages.
The first stage is a 180 degree turn
We need to stop looking for answers in books, religion, preachers or gurus.
And start learning to listen to yourself and understand your desires. You need to conduct a study of your life, the circumstances in which you find yourself now. With the eyes of an outside observer, note what strengths you see, what your values are, what you think, how you act.
This is the most important stage, it is basic, without it there is no point in going further. Often the state of “I don’t know what I want” appears due to the fact that we have forgotten how to listen to ourselves, when we no longer distinguish between where our thoughts are and where the thoughts of our environment (family, friends) are. This is why you need to thoroughly understand everything. Unload everything from your head and see what is there.
There are many exercises for this, and I will share them. You can do them yourself or with me.
Questions for this stage:
- What can I do?
- What is important to me?
- What is happening in my life now?
- If I were writing an autobiography, what would my book be about?
- What cannot be excluded from my life under any circumstances?
- Where do my main vital forces go?
The second stage is the formulation of hypotheses
If the first stage is completed, then the second stage begins - the formulation of hypotheses. What are you interesting in? What area of life attracts your attention? At the same time, there is no need to consider it in the context of salary (“how much can I earn if I do this?”). Just show interest. What is interesting to you? This can be several areas; you don’t have to limit yourself in choice. Imagine life as a buffet, what would you put on your plate?
Questions for this stage:
- What am I interested in?
- What would I like to study?
- If I could be anyone, who would I be?
- If I had 10 lives, what would I become in each of them?
The third stage is verification by action
Which of these areas interests you most? Don't say that's it. Choose one, you don’t refuse the rest, just put them aside for the time being. Don't force it, you're not choosing your Main Calling for Life, you're just exploring your interest
. And now you have chosen one area. Go deep into it. First, study the information on the Internet, then go out into the field: go to a master class, lecture, talk to those who are already doing what interests you. Just explore, look from all angles, see what resonates with you and what doesn’t.
Questions for this stage:
- What do I like about this field?
- What am I willing to do all day long?
- Am I willing to do this even when difficulties arise?
- What kind of people would I like to work with?
I understand that being in a state of “I don’t know what I want” is very uncomfortable. It can also be burdened by responsibility for other people, material insecurity and much more. The question of finding yourself is not easy and quick. But exciting, full of discovery and growth. Take your time, go at the speed that is available to you, take small steps. The one who walks will master the road.
Daria Plekhanova, professional psychologist, coach. https://www.instagram.com/daria_plehanova/
Photo: Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash Photo by Fancycrave on Unsplash Photo by Nicole Harrington on Unsplash
Psychology of personal self-determination
As psychologist L.I. Bozhovich says: “Personal self-determination is the choice of a future path, the need to find one’s place in work, in society, in life, the search for the purpose and meaning of one’s existence, the need to find one’s place in the general flow of life.”
The works of L.I. Bozhovich provide an opportunity to understand the psychology of personal self-determination:
- The need for self-determination arises only at the turn of late adolescence and early adolescence. The necessity of this need is justified by the logic and social development of the teenager.
- This need is formed by searching for an answer to the question: “What is the meaning of life and one’s own existence?”
- Self-determination is associated with youthful aspirations for the future.
- At this age, self-determination mainly comes down to choosing a future profession. As we grow older, our understanding of personal self-determination expands.
One of the most developed theories of personality self-determination is the concept of M.R. Ginsburg. He bases his consideration of the concept of personal self-determination on the idea of duality, the spiritual and material essence of man.
A person lives in two planes:
- Value-semantic;
- Spatio-temporal. It reflects real action, which is a means of realizing values and meanings. It considers the temporal aspect: past, present and future.
According to the author: “The past exists as the embodiment of experience, the present reflects reality and involves self-development, and the future exists as a project, providing a semantic and time perspective.” Thus, the question of choosing a profession in youth involves making plans for the future. It is in the process of professional self-determination that the development and formation of personality occurs.
