Friends are a special group. These are people you feel comfortable with. Those who accept, encourage, support. But sometimes they cause not only positive emotions. Why can we be jealous of friends and girlfriends, ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, and what causes such feelings?
A confident partner is glad when his chosen one has friends. But if there is a crisis in a couple, and the partner loses self-confidence, the friends of the second partner can become enemies. The reason is envy: I can’t do it with him, but they can do it, easily, without effort.
By the way, in some languages jealousy and envy are denoted by one word.
We are jealous of friends of the same sex as our partner
Usually in such a situation there is no talk of betrayal. People are overcome by other feelings. Can:
- worry that we are being neglected;
- envy that our partner is having fun and we are bored;
- fantasize that something bad is happening;
- to be annoyed that being with us is not as interesting as with friends.
Jealousy often indicates cooling in a relationship. A girl is jealous of a guy’s friend: “with him he feels comfortable and sincere, but with me he doesn’t.”
Alienation in love invariably gives off a cold feeling. Realizing that you have not achieved such closeness with your chosen one as his friends, you can get into really difficult experiences.
Adviсe:
- do not try to obscure the world with yourself, it will look unnatural;
- don’t push yourself too hard, it’s okay to be friends, be friends too;
- meet your friends, since you are a couple, let them perceive you as a couple;
- add friendship to your relationship, then the issue of jealousy will not arise.
In a good way, a husband and wife should be true friends. If it turned out differently, perhaps jealousy speaks of a dream that did not come true.
People's predisposition to jealousy varies. The life of every couple depends on the personal experience of the partners.
Some have walked up and are ready for life with their families, but others have not. One is an introvert, a lover of solitude, the other is constantly in communication.
Some people adhere to patriarchal ideas, according to which friends should move away after marriage. There are many sayings and popular advice that a friend, especially an unmarried one, is undesirable for communicating with a married woman.
The desire to possess a partner is completely characteristic of limited people. A woman who wants to completely control her husband will certainly lose her husband’s sincerity and openness. Suppression leads to drunkenness, lies, and betrayal.
What should I do if my best friend's girls are jealous of me?
Hello. I’ve been friends with a guy for quite some time who is 7 years older than me. There is nothing romantic between us, but the relationship is quite tender and close. All our friends understand that there are actually no subtexts behind this tenderness, but simply respectful attitude and affection. But the problem is that every time he finds a new girlfriend, she becomes incredibly jealous of me and follows me on social networks. Because of this, we see him less often, communicate less, so as not to provoke another stream of negativity. And I don’t understand how to deal with this situation: do I have the moral right to tell my friend that this is an unhealthy relationship and his companion should respect his choice of friends and has no right to interfere in other people’s relationships? It seems to me that this is the same interference in his romantic relationship, but I do not want to take a passive position and refuse friendship with a person who is close to me.
Answer: Good afternoon! Your feelings are quite understandable - it’s a shame to feel that friendship with a person depends on the mood of his beloved. However, when criticizing his girlfriend, how will you be different from her? She perceives you as a threat to their relationship, you perceive her as a threat to your friendship, and the guy is bursting at the seams to keep both of you in his life.
You know for sure that there is only friendship between you and the guy, but his girlfriend is a person with a completely different experience and perception. She doesn't have to start trusting you right away by default, but you can help this process if you wish. Try to find a common language with her. You need to show that you are not a threat, and not mark territory and take the position “our relationship with him is none of her business.”
Give her time to get used to you, follow you on social networks if she needs it. Maybe during this period you really should distance yourself a little from the guy and be a little less gentle with him - this is a normal process when one of your friends enters into a romantic relationship. Let them build trust among themselves, strengthen the relationship, and then you may again become close to the guy as before, although this usually does not happen - no matter how you look at it, when love comes, friendship always moves a little to the side.
Convincing a guy that his relationship is unhealthy and that his date shouldn't do something is a violation of his personal boundaries. The only exception is the situation if he himself came to you and asked what you think about this, here such truth is quite appropriate. But imposing it is already manipulation, and this is not very friendly behavior.
You're right that his date should respect his choice of friends, but this rule also applies in the opposite direction. You cannot influence her behavior and reactions, but you can control yours, so follow your own advice - respect your friend's choice. This is not a passive position, as you see it, but the only possible way to save your relationship.
As sad as it may be, the best way out in such a situation is to let the guy take the initiative. If he is comfortable temporarily stopping communication with you in order to improve his personal life, agree with this. In this case, you are not giving up friendship, but your ambitions to own this person.
If it hurts you that your friend “dumps” you every time a new girl appears, and you are not ready to put up with it, think about whether you should continue communicating with him at all.
Read on topic:I want a friend: how does friendship with benefits end?
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Friend of the opposite sex
Online surveys show: 50% of people believe that friendship between a man and a woman is possible. Especially if everyone has an intimate partner.
However, friendships can be unpleasant for their partners and cause jealousy. The situation needs to be discussed. The well-being of a couple requires mutual trust and tranquility. If your loved one is dear to you, communication can be limited.
Jealous means love? Is this true in the relationship between a guy and a girl and how can you understand that jealousy goes beyond the boundaries of common sense.
Jealousy as a way to attract attention
You can often notice that a person who tries to be in the center of the company, where the person he is interested in is located, involves a third party in the process. He can flirt with the girlfriend of the object of adoration. And he does this only to attract attention.
This approach can be used not only in love relationships. Note that young children also often compete for their parents' attention. They try to draw a better picture than their brother or sister. And praise from an adult is perceived as a huge victory.
We are jealous of our ex
Reasons for this type of jealousy:
- he’s doing well, but I’m not doing so well;
- the novel was bright, the feelings were deep;
- history has not been completed;
- strong emotional fusion.
Many people are not free from nostalgia for past loves. At times it seems to us that life could have turned out more interesting, better.
The main thing in this case is not to withdraw into yourself, not to remain passive, not to live in memories.
Find out why jealousy destroys a person and how to deal with this toxic feeling.
Are all people prone to jealousy?
This feeling arises due to many factors. This is not the result of one unpleasant situation that happened in life. How often do we see topics on forums about why friends are jealous of each other?
Let's consider the main causes:
- Negative attitudes. They can be embedded in the subconscious. Perhaps you have heard inaccurately thrown phrases from loved ones or relatives. They made you feel stressed and unhappy. For example, a woman who insisted that all men cheat. Or a representative of the strong half of humanity, who assured all the people around him that friendship does not exist, and all his friends are traitors, unable to come to the rescue in difficult situations.
- Fear. This feeling can be of different nature. The person may worry about being alone, unloved, or rejected. Fear that destroys a person as an individual. He gives up and lacks the desire to build the future he dreamed of. He simply takes what is happening for granted, with a clear understanding that he deserves it.
Among your loved ones, relatives and acquaintances, you can see who is a self-confident person who has achieved many desired goals. People of this type are not familiar with the feeling of jealousy, and if it makes itself felt, it does not leave destructive consequences. And perhaps even serves as a good catalyst in a relationship.
Is friendship not love?
Research has shown that in couples who have a long history of living together and are satisfied with their relationships, many partners admitted that they enjoy spending time with friends more than with their spouses. It makes you jealous.
In youth and young adulthood, when a person has not yet created his own family, friendship plays a particularly important role. We love friends, they are important to us. If a friend begins to actively communicate with someone, we experience it as a betrayal.
We must admit that inevitably some friends will move away. We are being formed, values are changing. Old friends leave, but sometimes they come back.
Understanding ourselves
“I’m jealous of my friends, what should I do?” - this question can often be heard. Try to understand why this feeling overcomes you. Perhaps you dislike the person your friend is communicating with. In this case, you should come to terms with it, since someone may not like you either. And that's okay, we are all different!
If you are an egoist and you have an irresistible desire to eliminate everyone around you so that all your partner’s free time belongs only to you, then the problem is only with you. Start working on yourself, otherwise sooner or later you may lose some of your friends. The same applies to individuals who like to divide people into their company and someone else’s. People are not things, we are all individuals, and someone you don't like will probably find a lot of common interests with your friend.
Drawing conclusions
To prevent feelings of jealousy from destroying your relationship, try to work on yourself. Take care of yourself, don't waste time worrying. Stress is not needed by our body; it has a detrimental effect on our entire vital system.
If you are very jealous, you may need to let go of your anger and aggression. Play sports. If you are a girl, then visit a beauty salon. Pleasant changes in appearance will have a more favorable effect on your loved one than another portion of discontent and interrogations.
Think only about good things, because our thoughts are material.
