What to do if your parents drink every day: the wife and husband are alcoholics

The well-known truth that parents are not chosen seems like a cruel injustice to a child whose mother and father drink. Such children look with envy at happy families, where the mother and father are always friendly, smiling, take care of their children and love them with all their hearts. However, even drinking parents love their child, and he, most likely, responds to them in kind. Since alcoholism is treatable, there is a chance that they will be on the right path and everything will be fine in the family. But the question arises, what should a child do if he is still a schoolchild or a teenager, how to help his parents?

The reason for parents' drinking

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Psychologists say that in order to overcome drunkenness, you need to find the reason that causes it

Psychologists say that in order to overcome drunkenness, you need to find the reason that causes it and eliminate it. Therefore, first, we will figure out why parents drink. There may be several reasons for this:

Heredity. If the parents of your father and mother, that is, your grandparents, suffered from alcoholism, then the craving for alcohol can be inherited.
Often, constant troubles, domestic and financial troubles, and great grief in the form of the loss of a loved one lead to alcoholism.
Frequent disagreements and quarrels between parents can lead to drunkenness.
Quite often, the impetus for the development of alcoholism can be bad company. If a person often communicates with people who drink, then he himself may become addicted to alcohol.

Important: the most difficult situation to cope with is when alcoholism is caused by a hereditary predisposition, since psychological dependence on alcohol is transmitted at the genetic level.

Social problem

First of all, the child needs to learn that it is not his fault that his parents drink.

First of all, the child needs to learn that it is not his fault that his parents drink. Often such parents justify their drunkenness to their children by saying that they are behaving badly. But that's a lie. Alcoholism is their conscious choice and a disease that, like any other disease, can be treated. Very often, children tend to shift the blame for what is happening onto themselves. They think that dad came home drunk and is arguing with mom because he got a bad grade or didn’t clean up his room. Such childish confidence in guilt requires correction by a psychologist and consultation with a specialist.

The most dangerous thing is that parental alcoholism is not always noticeable to others. And the children themselves are in no hurry to tell them about all the horrors that are happening at home behind closed doors. Even neighbors often do not know that a husband and wife are alcoholics, since the family carefully hides their addiction.

Important: employees of children's school and preschool institutions are authorized to report to the guardianship and guardianship authorities that the child comes with bruises, is not well-groomed, often misses lessons or disappears from sight altogether, sitting in a secluded place.

However, a teacher’s statement alone is often not enough to register a dysfunctional family. This requires good reasons, so the process itself does not go quickly. Often the problem of identifying families with systematic alcoholism is due to the fact that similar problems also occur in families of non-alcoholics.

It is especially sad that with a mother who drinks every day, the child is forced to grow up early, since he has to look after himself, cook food, follow a routine, get dressed, go to school and try to keep silent about the difficult situation at home. The child simply does not see any other way, because due to his young age he cannot find a way out of the situation, although there is always one.

Attention: parental drunkenness affects the psyche of children and the atmosphere in the house. Alcoholic parents are a direct threat to children's health and life.

Parents don't allow me to date a guy: why does this happen?

Almost every father and mother will agree that the choice of groom is the prerogative of their daughter. After all, she will be the one who will have to live with him, and not her worried parents. But why then do conflicts often arise on this basis, and what is the reason for this? After all, such behavior of parents can affect their relationship with their daughter. This can also negatively affect the girl’s psyche.

In fact, we should not forget that there is no smoke without fire. Parents may know more, if not about the guy himself, then about his family. The older generation has much more experience in such matters, so their opinion should not be neglected. Older people can already understand from the first meeting that something is wrong with this guy.

It is important to remember that a girl may be under the influence of her crush, so she does not always notice what the other person sees. Parents can pay attention to those shortcomings of their daughter's prospective fiancé, to which she simply turns a blind eye. But on the other hand, they may also have excessive demands on the young man. There is nothing wrong with this, because they want only the best for their daughter.

Alcoholic or not

Sometimes parents drink but are not alcoholics

Sometimes parents drink, but are not alcoholics. But it is not difficult to distinguish an alcoholic from an ordinary person who sometimes drinks alcohol. It is more common for an alcoholic to:

What to do if dad drinks every day?

often being drunk;
perk up if the opportunity to drink arises;
be irritable and aggressive if there is no drinking.

Over time, changes in the appearance and behavior of an alcoholic become more noticeable to others:

A drinking mother often becomes rude and masculine. She is sometimes indiscriminate in choosing a sexual partner.
Men and women suffering from alcoholism often suffer from neuropsychiatric diseases, memory deteriorates, concentration suffers, reactions and speed of thinking slow down.
Due to the loss of professional skills, parents often lose their jobs.
External manifestations observed in both sexes include hand tremors, swelling of the face and limbs, bruises under the eyes, and noticeable vascular networks on the nose and cheeks.
The person becomes sloppy, neglects hygiene and smells bad.
An alcoholic parent becomes insensitive, rude, and does not fulfill his family responsibilities.
All alcoholics develop a bunch of acute and chronic diseases, all organs and systems suffer.
Often a morning hangover is treated with a new dose of alcohol. This is how a multi-day binge begins.

A child can influence his parents

Many unhappy children wonder what to do if their parents drink

Many unhappy children wonder what to do if their parents drink? If the parents are not yet completely degraded individuals, then you can try to talk to them. This should be done in moments of enlightenment from alcohol. The first thing to do in such a situation is to try to convince mom and dad to seek help from specialists.

Important: even if one of the parents drinks, both of you need to go to specialists (narcologist and psychologist).

Not many alcoholics decide to see a narcologist - a doctor who treats alcoholism. But if a person has a motivation - a goal, a dream or an object that encourages action, then it is much easier to do this. Therefore, the child’s task is to help parents find motivation. It could be:

A normal full-fledged family, where love, warmth and care for each other prevail.
Taking care of your health. Sometimes the fear of death or incurable diseases prompts a person to give up an addiction.
The desire to find a normal job and get a good stable income.

Advice: if you find it difficult to find motivation for your parents, try contacting a free psychological help service. Advice from relatives, friends, or parents of friends can often help. The main thing is not to remain silent, but to report the problem and ask for help.

What can you do?

All of the above reasons clearly show one thing - parents are against the relationship, because would like the best for their child and at the moment they have serious doubts. The task of lovers is to show that they are wrong, otherwise the problem will go too far and they will be against your wedding.

We know a case where parents defiantly did not come to their daughter’s wedding with the words “We’ll come to the next one, it’s just around the corner.” It is better to immediately try to build bridges, because parents are a kind of rear in case of serious problems. They will be the ones who will be able to suggest something or help overcome something that they themselves may have already gone through.

Action plan

Meeting parents in a relaxed atmosphere. If you, as a couple, have not yet met the parents, offer to do so in advance. To avoid the meeting causing awkward pauses and a raised tone, it is better to meet in a good cafe.
When visiting parents, decide in advance what topics may be covered and how you will respond. This is necessary so that they can clearly see that you are on the same page. When a couple acts synchronously, this indicates their coherence and readiness for a future together.
Family holidays are best spent with family. Even if the situation is tense, it is the festive mood that will allow you to build bridges. Just don’t shower them with gifts and bend over backwards, otherwise they will feel like they can sit on your neck (both of you).
If there are any misunderstandings between you, you should not discuss them with your parents. Especially with those who are against your relationship. In general, you should make it a rule not to let quarrels happen in public, even to trusted people. For example, if you have a very close friend and he has known you since childhood, there is no need.
Show that rose-colored glasses are not about you. Here, in fact, you need to skillfully integrate the necessary phrases during communication with parents. For example, if we are talking about a job, but your partner doesn’t have one, you can say that it wouldn’t be a bad idea to find one for him (her), and it’s good that he (she) is doing everything possible to find it. Your goal is to show that you see problem areas and do not look through rose-colored glasses. You just need to be very careful in your wording.
You shouldn't follow the lead. Feeling weakness, parents will push harder and harder. Your life is your choice. On the one hand, you should not be categorical, on the other hand, you should not give in to various demands. Remember that they may use something that your partner doesn't like. You look at it normally, but your partner does not. As a result, there will be an attempt to drown the relationship with your own hands.
If the cause is known, it is better to work on a solution to the problem. For example, parents doubt the material well-being of you as a future family. In this case, you need to think about whether their worries are in vain? There is a good saying: “When poverty knocks on the door, love flies out the window.” Discuss what job options will suit you, whether you are ready for a non-prestigious job, etc. This should then be conveyed to parents.

Did not help?

Have you tried all the methods, but your parents are still against the relationship? In this case, it is important to understand that life with the chosen person is your choice. If there is love, then the issue of parents will fade into the background. If there are doubts about feelings, then the parents’ question will be of great concern. Moreover, in this case, the parents’ issue will also be the subject of your quarrels.

Love, but remember that you and only you are responsible for your choice. You either live happily or suffer together with a mistake.

We updated this article on October 24, 2020.

Behavior tactics for a child

You need to talk to your parents without reproaches and accusations when they are sober

Finding the cause alone will not cure the disease. Often such a reason lies deep inside, and it cannot be found without the help of a psychoanalyst. Sometimes the reason lies on the surface, but a person drinks because he got involved and became physically dependent. In any case, in order not to waste time, children in families of alcoholics must find the right strategy. Then they will know how to act to help their parents.

A school-age child can do the following:

Find a helpline on the Internet and get help and support from an understanding adult.
Since the child cannot change the situation, you should not dwell on the problem.
Contact those relatives who will help and support in such a difficult situation. They can also provide shelter if you have to leave your parents' home due to insecurity.
You need to talk to your parents without reproaches and accusations when they are sober. Express concern about their health and offer to treat a dangerous disease - alcoholism. If parents get angry or refuse treatment, then there is no need to insist. It will not be possible to force someone to treat alcoholism. When the time comes, they may themselves understand that it is time to seek help.
There are special centers to help relatives and friends of alcoholics. This may be a separate organization or a center at a drug treatment clinic. By contacting them, you will receive practical advice on how to behave with such parents.

An older child who has emerged from adolescence can provide parents with more significant help:

What to do if your husband drinks every day?

Today, withdrawal from binge drinking is done at home. You can call a doctor to detoxify your body. This will help you stop binge drinking.
Next, you need to find a psychoanalyst or psychologist who will help identify the cause of the disease.
Parents can be sent to a drug treatment clinic for treatment and subsequent rehabilitation.
If parents have decided to take the path of a sober life, then you can help them put their house or apartment in order and make repairs.
An adult child should under no circumstances keep his parents company while drinking. You should not drink alcohol with them on holidays either. Firstly, you, as a person with poor heredity, also run the risk of joining the ranks of alcoholics. Secondly, your participation in the feast will not help reduce the amount of alcohol your parents drink. They will still find where to replenish the missing dose.
There should not be a drop of alcohol in the house. This is a big temptation for a person with addiction.

Help parents find a hobby

There are many stories and legends about drinking parents. Many of them have a happy ending. How can children help adults improve their lives? A person most often drowns his grief in alcohol. But you can distract yourself from the problem in another way, for example, by doing what you love. The child should ask his family what they liked to do when they were younger. Having identified the interests of adults, the child can acquire everything necessary to diversify the parents' evening activities.

For example, you can buy an embroidery kit for mom, and an unusual 3D construction set for dad. Where can I get money for such toys for adults? You should ask for help from relatives and grandparents. The older generation will support the kids and help them buy everything they need.

If necessary, you can purchase subscriptions, for example, to a fitness center or to a dance. Active types of leisure activities will help direct the vigorous energy of adults in a more useful direction. If parents, thanks to their child, can find joy in a hobby, they can stop drinking on their own, since they will not have enough time for evening drinking.

This can't be done

There is no need to stay at home; it is better to go to relatives or friends while parents are on a drinking binge.

Very often, drunk people, and even parents, pose a danger to others, in particular to their children. Under the influence of alcohol, a person becomes aggressive, irritable, and loose. He often does things that he can't even remember in the morning. Of course, in such a situation, if a quarrel is brewing and binge drinking continues, it is dangerous for the child to stay at home with drunken parents.

In this case, you do not need to do the following:

Trying to take alcohol away from your parents or hiding it unnoticed in order to stop drinking.
You should not argue with them and reproach them.
No need to stay at home. It is better to go to relatives or friends during the binge. This is much better and safer than sitting at home with drunk parents and their uncontrollable drinking buddies.
Under no circumstances should you go anywhere. By joining the homeless, you will soon become an alcoholic or drug addict, like your parents. Usually such people trade in theft, which can lead to prison. Homeless people are carriers of dangerous infectious diseases and suffer from mental disorders. As you can see, homeless people are no safer than parents who are alcoholics.

Check if they're wrong

Love is evil, and a passionate heart muffles the stern voice of reason. Your parents may be unfair, but what if they are right? This is your life, and only you are responsible for what happens in it, but suddenly there is a rational grain in their words? Check to see if your partner has a habit of limiting you in some way or publicly compromising you. Maybe he's encouraging you to spend less time with your family?