Clinical psychologist, hypnotherapist, oncologist, psychosomatics expert, member of the Russian Psychological Society Ivan Samuelyan told IA Stolitsa about how to distinguish a useful feeling of fear from harmful phobias and how it is treated.
— Ivan Sergeevich, what is the main difference between fears and phobias?
— Biological fear is a function of the body that saves us from death. Where there is death, there is always fear. No death - no fear. That is why we do not go out onto the highway where there are a lot of cars, and we run away if there is a fire or we meet a predatory animal on a forest path. Fear, once realized, does absolutely no harm to a person, unlike a phobia, which can last for years, causing a person a lot of problems. A phobia has a certain formula: “goal + fear,” where the goal is death. That is, a person is not afraid to fly on airplanes, he is afraid of crashing and dying. Phobias create constant tension in our body, and the more often a person thinks about his phobia, the more the body becomes tense and overload occurs. Well, then comes the same psychosomatics that everyone is talking about now. Its meaning is that if we do not realize our emotions, they will sooner or later manifest themselves through medical symptoms. Well, we shouldn’t forget that our thoughts are material. When our focus is constantly on our fear, it turns out that we are pushing ourselves into the abyss.
— Tell us about the mechanism by which our fears and phobias arise.
“The older generation has a lot of ideas that have long been firmly ingrained in their genes. There was a lot of bad things in our history, and the Russian person knows very well what he doesn’t want, but he doesn’t know what he wants. He doesn't want war, disease, death. And he never thinks in a positive way: I want to be healthy, I want to live long. We, like our parents and grandparents, are accustomed to setting our goals from the bad. And we raise our children the same way. A child under three years old has no fear, he is inquisitive and is not afraid of anything. His mother is afraid for him. And since children are completely connected with their mother, they completely adopt these fears. The mother is afraid that the child will go to kindergarten and get sick. And he will actually start to get sick! It turns out that the child grows up in parental fears. They shout to him: “Don’t run, otherwise you’ll fall and break your leg!” This is a direct suggestion to the child: he will run and actually break his leg. In English, for example, there are no such complex phrases. Usually the children there are simply told: “Be careful.” This is how we create fears in our children with our own hands. In addition, the cause of various phobias is the high information content of our world: the media too often talks about the negative, and all this, of course, creates a breeding ground for our fears.
— What fears do you most often encounter in practice?
- This is the fear of being left alone, being left without money, the fear of fatal diseases, the fear of airplanes, and, perhaps, the most difficult thing is the fear of losing loved ones and children.
Neuroscientists have found that for our brain there is no difference between what we imagine and what happens in reality. For the brain, both are real.
- Is there any way to treat this?
- It is being treated, and very successfully. In principle, this can be done without visiting a psychologist. As I said, all our fears come down to death. A person is not afraid of loneliness, but of the fact that he will die while alone. But the phobia will not just disappear; you need to live through its scenario. Choose a time when you will not be distracted, best before bed. Close your eyes and try to experience your fear in the smallest detail until it reaches its worst possible conclusion. If you are afraid of flying on airplanes, imagine how the plane gained altitude, how it began to shake, how it began to fall - and so on until the very end. If you are afraid of being left without money and dying of poverty, just fantasize: I was fired from my job, I was left without money and without an apartment, because I could not pay the mortgage, I found myself on the street and now I will freeze and die. Everyone: freeze and die! Repeat the session several more times, exactly until you feel that the fear has gone away. And when you once again scroll through your phobia in your head, the thought will eventually come: “Oh, so what, I’ve already died ten times, just think!” This means that the psyche has realized your fear and “turned off” it.
— What to do with the fear of death when a person is seriously ill?
— Phobias associated with cancer are very popular in our country. I have great respect for the medical profession. In addition, among my friends there are also doctors, but this does not eliminate one problem: often our doctors do not treat, but predict how long the patient has left to live. A doctor - by the way, a very high-ranking doctor - offered one of my clients a choice: either live a full life for three years or live a disabled life for 10 years. The patient said that he wanted to live fully for at least another 30 years. And you know, the disease receded, the results were such that even that “luminary” was in shock!
Psychologist Ivan Samuelyan:
“In our country, phobias associated with cancer are very popular. I have great respect for the medical profession, but this does not change one problem: often our doctors do not treat, but predict how long the patient has left to live.”
Once I met a girl who told me an amazing story from her life. Having learned that she had cancer, she was so scared that she did not sleep all night: she imagined how she said goodbye to everyone, drew up a will, and after that she went and threw herself off a cliff. In my imagination, of course. Two weeks later it turned out that the tumor had disappeared. Then, however, it grew again, because the girl never found the reason why the tumor originated.
“Imagining your own death is much easier than, say, the death of a child.” What to do in this situation?
— The phobia of losing children is one of the most difficult, I myself have personally encountered it. And even for me, a professional, it was extremely difficult to work with her; I prepared for this for two weeks. And in this situation, I would still recommend contacting a specialist. In my practice, there was a case when a girl was terribly afraid of losing her child. We applied the practice of hypnosis, when a person is immersed in this painful state, but at the same time is here and now. She cried for a long time. I asked her: what happened after she lost the child in her thoughts? “And then,” he says, “my husband left me.” So we found out that most of all she was afraid that her husband would leave her. We worked on this issue, and now everything is fine in the client’s family.
— How does this mechanism of “living” fear work?
— Neuroscientists have found that for our brain there is no difference between what we imagine and what happens in reality. For the brain, both are real. Remember the formula “phobia is a goal + fear”? So, when we realize a goal - even if only in our imagination - the brain “checks” that the goal has been achieved. If we don't do this mentally, there is a risk that our fears will come true in real life. And finally, I would give readers one simple, but very effective piece of advice: instead of inventing fears, let’s imagine a good, successful life, health, happiness, family - after all, our thoughts, as we know, are material.
Age category of materials: 18+
- Elena Sokolova
- Amurskaya Pravda from 11/21/2019
Why can't you be intimidated by God?
Surely in childhood you were told at least once: “You can’t do that, otherwise God will punish you.” Because of this, children often imagine the Lord not as merciful and loving, but as scary and formidable.
We see the consequence of the widespread intimidation of children by God in an episode from the novel by Ukrainian writer Panas Mirny “Do oxen roar when the manger is full?” The main character, a very young boy Chipka from a poor family, was often told that he should not do anything bad. God from the icon looks at him. And what was left in the child’s head? If the Lord looks at me, then I can’t do anything bad - what if he also punishes me? From here the conclusion followed that if the Lord does not see you, then do what you want.
It must be said that everyone in his family lived poorly and ate poorly. Therefore, one day, hungry Chipka decided to eat all the bread in the house, without sharing with anyone. But how to do this if God is looking at you? The boy experienced fear, not of God, but of God, who sees everything and can punish. Then the child decided to gouge out the icon’s eyes so that the “god” would not see.
A story with a similar meaning, but from his own experience, is told by the French writer Jean-Paul Sartre, a representative of atheistic existentialism. When he was little and playing with matches, he accidentally burned the carpet. It seemed to the child that the all-seeing God would definitely punish him. When nothing happened, the boy realized that there was no need to be afraid of Him. If the Lord does not punish, then everything is possible. For Sartre, this was the first step towards atheism.
You don't like making phone calls
This is definitely a problem, especially if you work in sales or business development. You may need to call a client to set up a meeting or discuss how you can help.
Many people hate making calls, especially cold calls.
Before each call, try to focus on what the client will get as a result, how much he will win. This will reduce your fear and help you start a mutually beneficial conversation.
Why do I smell death and other smells that are “not there”?
You follow what other people think
We strive for agreement, and worry about what others think: about us, our business, plans and goals.
This makes you put off important initiatives and stagnate in indecision.
But in reality, most people are too busy and preoccupied with their own problems to find out what others are doing.
This is the first thing.
And secondly, who cares? We have enough negative thoughts of our own without adding the potential negativity of others to our list of obstacles to overcome.
Five interesting facts about phobias and four ways to combat them
Focus on the goal and don't worry about what others think. True friends will support you, and those who don’t are not worth paying attention to.
Three secrets of female success
You can't take time out
Business can be very demanding, especially in terms of the personal time you are willing to devote to it.
In the past, being a workaholic meant staying in the office until 7 or 8 pm or taking work on the weekends.
Now, with the advent of laptops, the Internet and mobile phones, being available 24/7 is becoming the norm rather than the exception.
What opportunities are you missing out on if you take time out? How will your business function if you are no longer available every minute?
To live a healthy and happy life, a healthy work-life balance is essential.
The IT director turned off his phone at 7 pm every day.
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He said that he completely trusts his subordinates, who are on shift and are able to solve any problem. And if it's an emergency, they know where he lives.
We love to feel indispensable, but we can always take a time out if we really want to.
The more fears you can overcome, the more success you will achieve.
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Hello! This is a blog on psychology, in which significant attention is paid to the topics of psychological violence - abuse, narcissism, relationships, personal crises, taking responsibility for one's life, increasing self-esteem, existential problems. The cost of consulting a psychologist is 3000 rubles/hour, in person (Moscow, Maryina Roshcha metro station), or via Skype About us/Make an appointment
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Are you afraid to set a goal?
People who set the wrong goals or don't know what they are aiming for procrastinate and never get meaningful results from their work.
This fear manifests itself in professionals in the form of negative thoughts, feelings and actions.
If you don't set goals, you won't create a clear action plan. And without a plan, you can only hope for luck, which is not the smartest strategy.
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You don't believe in your success
Firstly, the path to success is almost always littered with mistakes and failures.
Secondly, what happens if you fail? What are the real consequences of failure? Will they really be that terrible?
For many people who experience a fear of failure, the consequences of failure are often minor—usually minor embarrassment, embarrassment, or an admission that time and resources have been wasted.
To overcome your fear of failure, ask yourself: “So, what happens if I fail? What's the worst that can happen?"
If your answer is “No big deal,” give yourself a chance.
