People no longer have enough time to find out anything. They buy things ready-made in stores. But there are no stores where they sell friends and love, that’s why people no longer have friends and relationships
Antoine de Saint-Exupery.
People often have many questions regarding friendships and relationships. Is there friendship between a man and a woman? How to achieve understanding of a man/woman in a relationship? Evgenia Viktorovna Ikonnikova answered these and many other questions .
Unbreakable shackles of the past
In ancient times, the psychology of relationships between men was considered special. Such communication was considered ideal, arising at the mental level. At the same time, historians also emphasize spiritual closeness and communication without words. Strong friendship was compared to a high relationship that goes beyond the usual understanding, and was placed one step higher than marital love for a woman. The Hellenes believed that girls were not able to fully understand people of the opposite sex, which is why such a union was mentally considered inferior.
Aristotle and other philosophers extolled the virtues of platonic feelings—an emotional connection without sexual intimacy. The Greeks considered relationships between men almost ideal.
During this period, the idea of heroic friendship was formed. It meant an intense emotional or intellectual union between people of the same sex. Examples of this type of relationship are recorded in many texts, ranging from the Bible (David and Jonathan) to ancient Greek legends.
The strong male friendship is reflected in the colossal level of understanding between Achilles and Patroclus. They fought together in the Trojan War and had a truly close relationship. When Hector killed Patroclus, Achilles was beside himself with grief for several days. He smeared his body with ashes and completely refused to take any food into his chambers. After the funeral, the warrior, filled with powerful rage, took to the battlefield to avenge the death of his best friend.
The image of Achilles and Patroclus occupied an important place in history. When Alexander the Great and his comrade Hephaestion passed through Troy, their army stopped in front of the tomb of two heroes of legend, showing respect for the unbreakable spiritual connection.
https://youtu.be/GNbDo3oWfQA
Split: changes of heart
There are several reasons that explain the tenderness in relationships between men in the past.
First, there was no discrimination based on sexual orientation. The stigmatization of homosexuality took place at the legislative level, but did not set strict limits on the expression of emotions among the population. Tender feelings were not considered a mandatory attribute of a sexual relationship. Even the concept of same-sex sex and partnership was absent, as they were hidden behind a metaphorical “crime that cannot be spoken of.”
It was only at the beginning of the 19th century that psychologists began studying people with same-sex attractions. The changes that came had a negative impact on the freedom of men, as they caused embarrassment and a feeling of awkwardness. The government and the media also influenced the change of views. Now, when meeting a faithful friend, they did not hug him, but at most gave him a pat on the back.
Secondly, in the past there were objective reasons for emotional friendship between men. The social structure of society was strict; women were not allowed to show warmth towards the opposite sex. Occasionally it was possible to talk with a girl at dances, receptions, or, if there was permission from one of her relatives, the young people went somewhere together. Interaction between the two sexes was reduced to a minimum until the lovers announced their engagement. Separation has led many young men to fulfill their need for emotional expression with other guys. After all, a person always remains a person; he needs close, open communication, support and tenderness. This desire has nothing to do with sexual needs.
In addition, “brotherly” companies began to appear in America. They were like small communities where men gathered: they discussed hobbies, shared impressions of a book they had read, or provided emotional support. Mostly, meetings of such companies took place in secluded houses, where they could not be interrupted by an unexpected visit from a random passerby.
The truth of friendship between a man and a woman
People interact with each other all the time. Daily communication is one of the foundations of human life. Children's friendship between a boy and a girl is not at all uncommon. Sometimes it continues for many years, but never develops into a romantic relationship. Can such relationships be called friendly or are they much closer in their characteristics to family ones? It is better to classify them as friendly, because even between close relatives there is enmity and hostility. In this case, the only fact that is important is that none of the friends, growing up, experienced sexual attraction to their boyfriend or girlfriend.
Few people believe in true friendship between a man and a woman. For some reason, everyone believes that there is no sincerity in such relationships. And some of them definitely have other plans for the future. Of course, we cannot exclude romantic feelings that can be common to all people in relation to the opposite sex. However, friendship between a man and a woman is quite possible.
You can recognize it by the following signs:
- Maintaining distance. Usually both friends may already be married, which initially puts some distance in the relationship. At the same time, it is worth noting the gullibility of men who, knowing that a woman is their friend, can begin to consult on various occasions and sometimes complain about love affairs.
- Emotional support. Both men and women can use their friend as a “vest” into which they can always cry in difficult situations.
- Similarity of characters and interests. Friends often have many common topics of conversation.
- The presence of attraction with the simultaneous absence of sexual desire. Friends by definition like each other. But they understand that they are just friends, like-minded people who are ready to help if necessary. It is worth noting that true friends do not always communicate constantly. For the most part, friendship is limited to periodic meetings.
A friend is the person to whom you can tell any of your secrets without fear that the secret will cease to be a secret.
However, friendship can exist without various secrets that can cause sexual attraction. In the case of friendly relations between a man and a woman, it is simply taken out of the framework, but does not disappear completely, since everything is based precisely on personal sympathies.
Formation of modern representation
The difficult events of the 20th century did not bypass the warm relations between men, which changed to cool and distant. Restraint began to be consolidated at the legislative level. Accusations of homosexuality reached the point of absurdity. Testimonies were given by third parties who only assumed an intimate relationship between two people, but did not have proper evidence. The once free society was brought into fear.
It now seemed wrong for young people to hug when meeting, or to demonstrate any physical contact. In many countries, same-sex relationships were condemned, often resulting in arrest. This was explained by the fact that intimate relations contradicted the biblical covenants, homosexuality was considered a disease, a form of deviant behavior.
The Industrial Revolution and ideas such as Social Darwinism changed people's views. It has become “unfashionable” to sympathize, help, and show respect. This means that the opportunity to find a potential colleague or friend has dropped to almost zero. The man’s goal was to win in everything; his comrades suddenly turned into competitors who needed to be bypassed in order to take the best place in the sun. Of course, this does not mean that men have stopped being friends. But warm relations between people have lost the status of a social norm.
Detachment and cynicism have become commonplace. With the increase in the level of mobility in the 20th century, the search for one's own benefit came to the fore, and friendly relationships became unimportant. It's hard to find a true friend when you have to compete with each other and make sure that the job is done better than everyone else.
Influenced relationships between men and technological progress. People began to have more free time, and after industrialization, the male category of the population began to play sports more often and take part in outdoor activities. Then new opportunities for communication appeared: golf courses, the front yard and a team workspace. The usual emotionality and attachment to another person was now built not on a mental union, but within the framework of professional activity.
Business relationships between zodiac signs
How do business relationships develop between zodiac signs? What do astrologers say about this?
❤️ Oddly enough, it is best for stubborn Capricorn to cooperate with the equally “hard-headed” Aries. The most unsuccessful sign for him in terms of cooperation is Libra.
❤️ Aquarius will work well with representatives of their sign or at least their element. The worst business partner for them is Virgo.
❤️ Pisces will find it easy to work with Taurus. But it’s better for them not to mess with Gemini.
❤️ In addition to Capricorn, Aries will be suitable for cooperation with a representative of the same zodiac sign. An alliance with Pisces is also not bad. But they won’t work well with Taurus or Scorpio.
❤️ Two Taurus can even move mountains. Another option for business is Scorpio. The worst forecasts for cooperation between Taurus and Gemini and Aries.
❤️ Virgo is suitable for Gemini in terms of work. The most difficult will be a business alliance with Sagittarius.
❤️ Cooperation between Cancer and Pisces or Capricorn will be quite harmonious. But you shouldn’t count on success when working with Sagittarius or Leo.
❤️ Leo will get along well with Libra, but he is unlikely to be able to establish productive business relationships with Sagittarius and Scorpio.
❤️ Virgo will work well with Taurus and Capricorn. The worst option for her is Aquarius.
❤️ For Libra, in terms of business, Gemini or representatives of the same sign are suitable. But Aquarians are no good as business partners.
❤️ Scorpios will work well with Pisces and Capricorns. An alliance with Aries is undesirable.
Of course, not a single horoscope can give a 100% guarantee that everything will turn out exactly this way and not otherwise, so you shouldn’t completely rely on the forecasts of astrologers and “shy away” from representatives of certain zodiac signs. If you wish, you can build both friendly and business relationships with anyone. It’s just that in some cases it will take more effort, while in others it will happen almost by itself.
Good luck!
Carolina Korableva
About the author: Hello! I am Karolina Korableva. I live in the Moscow region, in the city of Odintsovo. I love life and people. I try to be realistic and optimistic in life. What I value in people is their ability to behave. I am interested in psychology, in particular conflictology. Graduated from RGSU, Faculty of Occupational Psychology and Special Psychology.
The Second World War
Coldness spread across the world like a plague, leaving only the battlefields untouched, where no one could remain indifferent. Battles claimed lives every day, so the relationships between men at the front formed strong and emotional. Mostly representatives of the stronger sex took part in hostilities, which created a real male brotherhood. The soldiers never left their friends and were ready to die to save them.
In the 19th century, special organizations were created to provide psychological assistance to all participants in hostilities. Even the support of friends could not compensate for the monstrous psychological stress that the front-line soldiers faced. The experience changed people, distorted ideas about normal and abnormal. Men who came back from the war found it difficult to fit into civilian life.
Types of relationships
Friendship is an important part of life. It's nice to have people around whom you can rely on in difficult times if your own strength is gone. The modern idea of friendship between men is multifaceted. Friends support each other, give gifts, spend time together. It would seem that everything is the same as in the old days. However, in fact, the concept has undergone colossal historical changes.
At the moment, there are four types of relationships: business, friendship, intimate and romantic. It is advisable to consider each of them separately.
Friendly view
When it comes to friendship, modern relationships between men are built without any strict framework. There are many exciting activities that are more fun to do with a group. Such a pastime does not imply deep emotional attachment. People just know each other and treat each other well. They are unlikely to make sacrifices or reveal their souls to their friends.
At the same time, good friends can share their problems, get advice and support.
In joint and competitive life, people enter into relationships with each other. They enter into a relationship and take an oath to keep it faithfully. Relationships are often betrayed, which is why communication stops and they stop having common things to do and spending time together.
The most common business, friendly and love relationships in any society, thanks to which society strengthens and develops diversified. Business, friendship and love are the three pillars on which humanity rests.
Business relationships widely develop into friendships, and an office romance with all the ensuing consequences is possible. Friends often start a joint business - accordingly, friends in this case additionally create business relationships with each other.
But business and friendly relations do not complement each other at all and may even come into conflict. In business, unlike friendship, there is only interest and cold calculation. Business relationships can be very firmly maintained by people who dislike each other and there cannot be friendship, much less love, between them.
In business relationships there can be likes and dislikes. If the interest is great, then they tolerate unpleasant partners. Family relationships are even created not out of love, but out of material interest: they enter into a marriage contract - as if they were signing business papers.
Friendships require kindness and compassion. In friendship, workers protect each other from the wrath of company management. Friendship interferes with competition for career advancement.
But the company’s business is unlikely to be successful if envy, hatred and enmity reign among partners and colleagues. In friendly relations, partners are less demanding in terms of compliance with each clause of the contract and make concessions in the event of force majeure circumstances.
A friendly attitude towards absolutely all people is given to us from birth. Growing up, we understand that for a successful life it is necessary to divide people into friends and strangers. We awaken indifference or hatred towards strangers. We create a culture of relationships with our people by kinship, faith or business.
If friendship contains only kindness and compassion, then love is close to hatred. We love and at the same time hate people who force us to improve. Love conquers hate if you set yourself up to change.
It is impossible not to love a woman who does not accept you as you yourself do not want to be. Love awakens in a business relationship with a mentor, with whom you hone your own professionalism.
It is hardly possible to be friends with interns and students; discipline is poor due to familiar relations. It is not friendship, but love for them that helps to transfer knowledge and skills much better.
