ᐉ Whether to accept the offer to move in with a man. How to move in with a guy to live with him? How to prepare parents for this

Collection of answers to your questions

When a guy and a girl have been dating for a long time, the relationship eventually begins to require changes - a transition to a new stage. It is no longer enough for young people to just hold hands in the park; they want to live together, build their own home, and feel comfortable in it. This is a difficult stage associated with significant changes that not everyone is ready for. Therefore, we will tell you how to move in with a guy, notify your parents about this and other subtleties of the moment.

The guy offered to move in with him

Your beloved is a well-established person and he has a living space. One day, he says that he no longer wants to accompany you home in the evenings, but wants to share everyday life and bed. What does this mean, does he want to connect his life with you or is it simply more convenient how a girl should behave in this situation?

Don’t occupy his bathroom shelf with your joyful creams, take the essentials;
Your favorite cat will wait at home for now;
Periodically, still stay overnight with your parents.

Why is this necessary? Now it is important to decide what his intentions are and whether you can live together. The first days everything will be romantic and new - watching movies in the evenings, having breakfast together. But it could all end there, and any girl wants to get married, have a full-fledged family, children.

We live together, but the man said he doesn’t love me.

Question for a psychologist:

I met a man, I’m 30, he’s 36. We started a relationship quite quickly and soon began to live together. Both he and I had difficult breakups, failed relationships, and were both single for a long time. The first month I got used to the fact that someone had entered my world. After all, I always lived alone, it was difficult. A month later we got used to each other, he tolerated all my quirks. I got used to it and realized that this is the most wonderful relationship. We try for each other, he is always there with help and support, care, joy. He tries to help all the time, arranges romantic trips to the cinema, cafes. If he sees that I’m tired, he immediately comes up with something. I was shocked because I had never been treated like this before. In turn, I tried my best to support him in difficult situations, to come up with something. I realized that he had become very close and dear to me. I was glad that I had finally met the one with whom I was not afraid to move on. But at the end of 6 months of our idyll (albeit with minor rough edges, which is quite normal), the man started a conversation that he did not feel good in the relationship. We talked and asked what I can do on my part? After all, if it’s not good for one, it’s quite possible that the other didn’t notice. He answered that it was nothing, and the reason was that he did not feel love for me. Yes, he never said that he loved me, but actions of the week are more important than words. And then, like thunder, it struck. He said that he doesn’t know, maybe love and awareness will come over time, or maybe not. In his previous relationships it was the same; in the 3rd year he suddenly realized that he loved a girl, but she left because she didn’t want to wait any longer. On the evening of our conversation, I tried my best to support him, because doubts are normal, a man takes on enormous responsibility and is afraid of not being able to cope. It was very painful to have such a conversation, but I understood that I couldn’t take my brain out now. He opened up to me, this worries him, you are his support. But in the second week the support could not stand it. The thoughts that the man doesn’t love me took over. I began to treat him colder, I scolded myself, but I couldn’t force myself not to think about it. I decided that we still needed to talk rather than accumulate any grievances. I shared my worries with him, said again that I didn’t require these words, that he had done a lot for me, that I was glad to be together, but still something needed to be decided. After all, if he is not feeling well, then measures need to be taken. Without hesitation, he said that he could not bring himself to love me and that he was leaving.

I'm still in a stupor. After all, everything was fine, but wasn’t this the same love?

Question author: Svetlana Age: 30

What if his parents are against living together?

And if he doesn’t live alone - with mom and dad, but still calls you to his place - they may be against it. This happens more often, because you will make certain changes in the life of this family, everyone needs to get used to this idea

Don’t rush to move, first visit their home often, make friends with relatives;
If you can’t do this yet, abandon the idea. You come to someone else's house and living there in a tense environment will be difficult, first of all, for you
. Quarrels may even begin with your loved one, provoked by accumulated negativity.

But don’t harbor a grudge against these people and don’t turn your son against them, everything takes time. On the contrary, show how much you love each other, that your intentions are serious. Show attention and care - don’t forget to congratulate them on the holidays and help them go shopping. Later your parents will get used to it and you will become a member of the family.

However, do not allow them close to you, keep a certain personal space intact, this will help avoid many unpleasant situations

Adverse Signs

If you feel like you're being taken advantage of, but you can't be one hundred percent sure, listen to these warning signs.

Assumptions from family and friends that the man you love doesn’t love you at all, but is simply using you. At first, such conversations only cause rejection and anger in the “victim.”
Relationship analysis shows that you give much more than you receive.

Think about the question posed for several days in a calm atmosphere, and then, on the contrary, try to distract yourself and forget about it. The correct conclusion will come on its own.

How to tell my parents that I'm moving in with my boyfriend?

There are also your loved ones, and sometimes it is more difficult for them to communicate such a serious decision than for strangers. Dads experience this moment especially hard when they lose their daughters.

In this situation, the young man should take responsibility, because by taking you into his home, he becomes a kind of guardian.

However, this does not mean that everything should be blamed on him. The best option is to have a conversation together, he will talk and you will support.

Of course, a lot depends on the situation - the character of you and your family, age and established family traditions. In any case, don’t be nervous, speak firmly and stock up on a couple of arguments that are difficult to argue against.

How to hint to him about moving?

Often girls are the initiators, since some men do not decide to live together or simply do not realize that it is time. We need to push the faithful, but how?

You have two options:

Skillfully lead to this: slowly drag some things to him, stay overnight for another day - let him get used to your constant presence, without which he will not be able to live later;
Say it straight.

If he is “ripe”, he will gladly respond to the offer. It happens that a man tramples and pulls - don’t be upset, some specimens need time to understand.

What should you discuss before getting together?

Of course, in dreams, living together seems romantic, but in life it is not so. Therefore, discuss in advance what approximately everything will look like. This spoils the overall picture, but will simplify further existence.

What needs to be discussed?

Schedule;
What kind of music do you like to listen to and when?
Culinary preferences;
Harmful and unusual habits - smoking while lying in bed;
Discuss things that are unacceptable to you - unclosed toothpaste, walking around in shorts, scattered socks, the toilet lid not lowered, etc.;
Distribute approximate responsibilities and adjust them along the way;
Also discuss how often you will invite friends to the house: it is now shared and you will have to take into account your partner’s schedule.

What to do if a man doesn’t love you, but uses you. A man loves or uses – how to tell?

It’s a pity, but in the modern world, not all men behave like knights, respecting and protecting the lady of their heart. Do you spend fun evenings together and even wake up in the same bed? This does not mean that the relationship is serious, and the chosen one is really in love with you. Perhaps the man is indifferent to you or is simply using you to satisfy some personal needs. How to understand that a man does not love you? How to avoid manipulation by your partner? Read the article!

If a girl doesn't want to move in with a guy

It also happens the other way around - a man invites his beloved to move in with him, but she hesitates and does not decide for several months. Most likely, the partner is not going to change her place of residence

, and that's why:

Parents are against;
An untidy home: mountains of unwashed dishes and unwashed linen that she will have to wash;
Your financial situation. Perhaps, having left home, she will lose a certain income to which she is accustomed, and you cannot provide it to her;
Excessive jealousy, if you strongly control it at the bouquet and candy stage, what can you expect from living together, where everything is in plain sight;
She's just not sure she wants to.

In any case, do not put pressure on your partner, time will put everything in its place. Get your house in order, change your job, make friends with your parents if possible - show your serious intentions. And if she loves you, everything will work out.

So, you are faced with a serious question: how to move in with a guy, how to overcome many difficulties on the path to happiness? Everyone goes through this, the main thing is to understand exactly what you really want

Video about the pros and cons of living together

In this video, family psychologist Diana Zhorina will tell you what the advantages and disadvantages of living together are, whether it’s worth moving in with him, what you need to consider:

Pros and cons of cohabitation

Before you agree to live together, it is worth considering the pros and cons of living together.

This will allow you to evaluate whether it is truly right for you.

Pros of living together

you no longer need to look for a time and place to meet, now you see each other every day;
maintaining a general budget, this will improve your financial condition if there are not enough funds for living;
your relationship is becoming more serious;
you can test your feelings and ability to live together, solve everyday issues, plan expenses;
now sex can happen almost any time. When you lived in different houses, you had to plan it, choose a place and time;
you get the status of being in a relationship.

Disadvantages of living together

What is more for you - pros or cons - depends on the specific case and the people who are going to live together.

Living together requires some preparation

, including moral. As a rule, it is difficult for any person to change their usual lifestyle.

For guys

How to invite a girl to live together?

You are probably worried whether the girl will agree to live together, how she will react to the proposal.

But you won't know unless you ask.

Organize a romantic atmosphere, let the girl feel comfortable. She must understand that next to her is a reliable guy who can always be relied on

Try to find out what the girl thinks about the possibility of living together, whether this gives her positive emotions.
Before you make an offer, think about where you will live, whether you have enough money to rent an apartment, and if necessary, to live together.
If you plan to rent housing, then it is better to choose it together with your girlfriend. She will appreciate that you value her opinion.
Voice your proposal. It's better to do this in private, in a romantic setting.

The girl doesn’t want to live together: why and what to do?

It is quite possible that the girl will answer negatively.

Reasons for this

she is scared;
her parents are against it;
does not feel responsible in you;
she is not ready for life together;
she doesn’t want to depend on her partner yet;
she is not attached enough to you.

What to do in this case? Consider whether it is really worth insisting.

If a girl is not yet ready to live together, then there is no need to rush things.

If her parents are against it, get to know them better and show your best side.

If a girl does not perceive you as a responsible, serious person with whom you can live together, you will have to try to change her opinion about you. It is not words that speak about a person, but actions, so prove your worth with deeds

Fears can be dispelled by behavior and beliefs. Say kind words to the girl, create the image of a reliable guy you can rely on.

If you have problems with your financial situation, you may need to think about changing jobs or learn how to plan your expenses wisely. Don’t keep silent about the fact that you don’t have enough finances yet.

- this should not come as a surprise to the girl after you start living together.

For girls

Guys are not always in a hurry to live together, trying to maintain a certain amount of freedom. We have to find ways to push them towards this.

How to push a man to live together?

To push a man to live together, you need to tie him to you quite strongly.

One of the methods

- invite him to sometimes stay overnight with you or come over for the night.

This way the man will get used to the fact that there is a girl in his bed who also cooks breakfast in the morning. Respect his personality. If he is not ready yet, do not rush things - he may have various reasons for this.

The best way to find out a person's opinion is to talk to him. Start a conversation spontaneously, there is no need to demand a “serious conversation”, guys are very afraid of this.

In some cases, the support of his parents will help.

If you have found a common language with them, they treat you well and see a future in the relationship, then they may well push their son to make you an offer to live together.

How to invite a guy to live together?

The best way

- ask directly. But it must be taken into account that men do not like violence against their personality. The desire of the stronger sex is to make decisions independently. Don't insist if he doesn't want to yet.

The conversation should take place in a calm atmosphere.

It is believed that the initiative should come more from the man

, so you can lead the conversation to the point that he himself will offer to live together.

If not, ask directly if he wants to try living together. As an alternative, you can offer a trial option - for a couple of weeks.

How does a woman in love behave? you will find on our website.

Why doesn't the guy want to live together?

There are many reasons

why a man may still refuse to live in the same apartment with a girl:

He's not ready.
A free life is more attractive to him.
He is afraid that he will not cope financially.
I'm not sure that he wants to live with you.
He has an established life, especially if the guy lives in his own apartment, and he doesn’t want to let another person into his own territory.
You put too much pressure on him, which causes natural resistance in the male psyche.
He likes the life he leads now, and he has no plans to change anything about it yet.
He fears that now he will be under constant control and will not be able to fully manage his time and space - living with a girl means the need to take into account her interests, often to please his desires.

For a young guy, freedom, the opportunity to manage his own life and not depend on anyone can be more important than a permanent relationship

Before offering him a life together, it’s worth thinking about whether he really needs it, and whether it will negatively affect your relationship.

Of course, it is impossible to predict everything down to the smallest detail, which is why many couples prefer to live for some time before the wedding

, checking your feelings and compatibility.

How to persuade a guy to move in together?

How to convince a guy to move in together? If your desire to move in together is really strong, you will have to be smart and patient.

Perhaps the guy will agree immediately and has been waiting for such an offer for a long time, without risking making it himself.

Another variant

- he stubbornly refuses to live together, but you insist on it.

What to do

Do you want to live together

- be patient. It’s not enough to just move in together; some time must pass until you get used to living together, to the fact that there is another person with his own views, attitudes and habits.

Why does a married woman need a lover? find out right now.

About the pros and cons of living together with a guy in this video:

The first, second, ... tenth date with this man is behind you, and you are ready to share the budget, sofa and household responsibilities with him. But he’s not yet in a hurry to hand you the second keys to his apartment. How to convince a man to live together? We know five surefire ways.

1. Discuss with him the advantages of living together

The main rule of such a conversation is no pressure or emotionality, only calm argumentation. “Tell us about all the benefits that a man will get by moving in with you: for example, financial benefits or more comfortable living conditions,”

- recommends Mikhail Khors, head of the Center for Rational Psychology.

The full list of such “bonuses” depends, of course, on your man: if the opinion of his family is important to him, tell him that this step will elevate him in the eyes of his parents. Likes to spend time with friends? Promise to have noisy parties at home more often.

But a man doesn’t need to know about the reasons why you would like to live together. “Do not use the “I-position” in conversation, i.e. phrases like “I want to see you more often.” Talk about what it will do for your partner or for both of you as a couple. Let's say, “this way we can spend more time together,”

- explains Yulia Terekhova, psychologist, family psychological trainer.

Perhaps the partner will not make a decision right away, but will take a short time out. “In psychology this is called “going into a cave”

- says Mikhail Khors.
“ And you shouldn’t try to get him out of this “cave.”
Let him be alone with himself - this is how men make important decisions.” Do not rush your partner with an answer; he himself will give it to you no later than in two weeks.

2. Surround him with care

In some cases, you can convince a man to live together not just by word, but by deed - for example, by creating in your partner the feeling that he will be much more comfortable and pleasant with you than without you. “This should be unobtrusive care, pleasant little things associated with everyday life. Regularity is important here: this way a man quickly realizes his need for your constant presence,”

- says Mikhail Khors.

The course of action depends not only on the nature of your partner, but also on your goals. Do you want a man to move in with you? Pamper him with delicious home cooking or prepare sandwiches for him to snack on at the office. Are you planning to move into his apartment? Help him organize his dish drawer or closet: when the pile of ironed laundry in the closet suddenly runs out, he'll probably want it to appear there again.

3. Develop the territory gradually

This method is for those who are used to acting by hints. If you want to move in with a man, you can slowly fill his living space with your own or shared things. “Start with interior items: buy a couple of cups or a lamp with him - when he encounters these things in his apartment, his partner will unconsciously associate them with you,”

— advises Yulia Terekhova.

A little later, you can “accidentally forget” something from your property: a nightgown, cream or a warm sweater. Just without haste and fanaticism - tights and cosmetics scattered around his apartment will most likely cause the opposite effect.

If you plan to live with a man in your apartment, psychologists advise doing the opposite: make your area cozy for him. “A partner will probably want to stay for a long time if he associates your apartment with home, with a comfortable place where he is welcome. Persuade a man to leave you a couple of T-shirts, buy him a toothbrush and greet him after work with a delicious dinner, not scandals,”

- recommends Mikhail Horse.

4. Befriend his mom

Such friendship will play into your hands in any case: it doesn’t matter whether your partner lives with his parents or has already moved away from them. “Men most often listen to the opinion of their family, although they try not to show it. Therefore, the approval of your person by your parents and a few phrases in the spirit of “it’s time for you, son, to settle down” may well lead your partner to think about living together,”

- says Mikhail Khors.

However, it is worth considering that this method is not the fastest: establishing relationships with your partner’s parents is often difficult. Your task in such cases is to let the family understand that you are not going to take their son away from them, but would simply like to surround him with additional care.

5. Live together for a few days

Moreover, it does not play a special role where exactly: in his apartment, at your home or on a short vacation. “A weekend outside the city can be a good chance to both relax and show yourself as a hostess. An important point is to plan in advance not only leisure time, but also think through the details of everyday life,”

— advises Yulia Terekhova.

Observe a man: which aspects of everyday life play a primary role for him, and which fade into the background. Focusing on these points, it will be easier for you to build a life together and share household responsibilities.

But what you shouldn’t do during such a “test drive” is try to influence your partner’s habits. Does he throw his things around? Comments will only make matters worse. It is much more appropriate to simply collect them or make a witty joke on this topic. Or even think: if this annoys you so much, are you ready to move in with a man now?

The logical stage in the development of relations between a man and a woman is the decision to live together. This contributes to a more complete disclosure of the character of both and the decision to continue the relationship in the legal status of husband and wife.

Women are more likely than men to initiate cohabitation. It is inherent in nature that a woman is the creator of comfort and everyday life in the family. In addition, the guy’s positive decision to live together is proof of the seriousness of his feelings.

Also, a young man is often not ready to share the same roof over his head with his beloved.

What reasons prompt a young man to delay the moment of qualitative growth in a relationship?

Should I accept an offer to move in with a man?

Your relationship smoothly progressed to the point where your man offered to move in with him. It’s difficult to describe your joy in words, or maybe you were scared and tense. Because you were not ready for such a turn of events. Very often, we women are credited with some downright raider desires. Capture a man into your living space. But now fewer and fewer women want to change their lives so radically. The girl lives in her home the way she is used to and the refrigerator is stocked with her favorite foods. She can afford to get up in the morning not looking her best. Patches on the eyes, a mask on the face and the day begins with a mug of coffee. Order in the apartment or even a mess. It's all on the woman's conscience.

But then, like a bolt from the blue, the man’s offer to move in with him. Is it worth rushing to move, let's try to figure it out.

womancosmo.ru

The topic I chose for today’s conversation was suggested to me by a student at the Women’s School .

“I’ve been married for five years, everything seems to be fine, but my husband began to react violently to my absence from home. Lately he won’t even let me see my friends.”

Your husband won’t let you go on vacation alone, or won’t let you see your friends , and it also happens that he is against your business trips or trips to trainings and courses.

How to lead a normal lifestyle without spoiling relationships?

The issue is topical, and as always, has nuances that few people write or talk about.

Usually it comes down to the following conclusions:

If a husband does not allow his wife to go out with friends, to study, to relax, then he is a tyrant. But a woman has the right to freedom and no one can prohibit her from doing anything, especially in the 21st century.

On this basis, a lot of discord, quarrels and disputes arise. I think that every year this situation will only worsen and become more complicated.

But not my readers and students, because we look not superficially, but deeply into the problem.

Why doesn’t my husband let me go out with my friends or go on vacation alone?

The man feels disrespected .

Do you know why?

Because a woman wants to be married, but at the same time remain free.

Free to choose decisions, your movements:

“I made decisions myself, and I want to continue making them.” I am free, wherever I want, I go there, why are you limiting me?

Such conversations are, first of all, disrespect for your married status and for your husband.

And now, attention!

Rigidity and prohibitions arise in response to disrespect, and not to your desire to go out with your friends.

Also, a man may feel that by talking, for example, about self-education and development, you are simply running away from home.

I take situations where your man is normal and adequate, not a tyrant or jealous. What to do with inadequate ones? To begin with, answer yourself the question, why did I end up in such a relationship?

Lately we have often begun to quarrel.
The husband changed, he began to set some rules and dictate conditions. Over the weekend, my friends invited me to go to the sauna - a categorical refusal. A scandal began. I have no idea what to do. Help me to understand.

Please note that the reader writes that her husband has changed.

This means he wasn't like this before.

What made him change?
How does he feel?
What does he react to with a categorical refusal?

No amount of calls to the fact that you should have personal space, that you did not give reason to suspect you of something, will help you.

Just a direct and honest answer to yourself to the question: - Why do you urgently need to leave home?

When a man does not feel that a woman is running away from home, is separating and isolating herself, then without any problems he lets the woman go to her friends, to her parents, and to courses.

After all, it is really important for him that his wife is happy.

The situation that has arisen unsettles me. At the beginning of the year there was a lot of work, some constant problems. I'm mentally exhausted and I'm not feeling my best. I want to get distracted and relax, but here the May holidays are ahead, I wanted to get away and go to the sea with my friends. My husband can't go, he has problems at work. I said that I wanted to go with my friends and that I needed to unwind. and I need new experiences to fill me up. But he is against it. How can I leave without ruining my relationship?

The fact that you are tired and empty does not mean that you need to go somewhere, especially alone. There is egocentrism here and there are no reasonable arguments why you can only relax at sea. Especially when my husband has problems.

In the article “Five signs of a man in love”

I wrote that if you are dear and loved to a man, then he will be very reluctant to let you go. He will not welcome your travels and regular absence from home.

And you shouldn’t take this as a restriction of freedom, much less quarrel and insist on something.

Believe me, as soon as he stops loving you, the first thing he will say is - Go wherever you want!

In the end, I repeat once again, if a man feels respect for himself, if you respect your married position, then the man will not be against meeting with girlfriends or going on training trips.

But I wouldn’t practice vacationing without my husband. There is something unnatural and destructive about this, more details in the article about rest .

And our task is not only to preserve relationships, but to maintain trust and sincerity in these relationships.

All information about admission to the Women's School can be found here.

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This article was written only for the site womancosmo.ru. May be published in a book. It can be published on other resources only with attribution and an active link to the site.

Tatyana Dzutseva

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What you need to be prepared for when moving in with a man

Of course, living with a loved one is every woman’s dream. This is how it usually happens that a woman moves to live with a man. Everything seems to be simple and clear. This has been happening for centuries. That a woman goes to live with her man. Nowadays, of course, all this is much different, and it is not considered shameful for a man to move in with a woman. Owning an apartment is now an indicator of the success of a man or woman. And inviting a man to live in his apartment is a kind of act of trust and an advance towards the woman for the future. That further marriage is possible. Since a woman is usually the “keeper of the home,” she begins to take care of her new home. But let's look at everything objectively. The man bought this apartment not for you, but for himself. He simply invited you to live in it. You are not the owner of this home, and there is no guarantee that you will still live there tomorrow. There has not yet been a marriage proposal, and why should a man bother if you already live next to him. You are also not obliged to work there for shelter. This means being a full-fledged mistress of the home, cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry. If you still dream and want to marry this man. This should be discussed before your move. What kind of relationship awaits you in the future? Will there be a proposal and marriage itself? Under no circumstances should you faint with happiness that you have been offered to move and consider that this is manna from heaven and the answer to all your prayers for a happy family life. Keep common sense and a clear head. After all, maybe he just invited you to live together so that he could have a housekeeper, a cook and a mistress in his bed. Is this option possible? How often have you encountered this in your life? Remember, moving in with a man is not a marriage proposal. This may be a cold calculation of a man to save money on everything. Reading all this, of course, you think, but what about love and trust. My dears, yes, there is love and trust in our lives. But you are going to live in someone else’s territory, where if something happens, they can show you the door. And in this case, you must clearly and clearly understand your position. What it really is. After all, no one can give you guarantees that your relationship will last a lifetime. Therefore, make sure that you have somewhere to return if something happens. And since the apartment is not yours, you may often come across from your man that they will tell you what you absolutely cannot do in this house. So after all, the owner of the house is your man. He may prohibit you from changing the wallpaper or curtains, or even moving things around the house. Motivating that the house is his and as it is, so it will always be. Many women lose themselves in such cohabitation. And it seems that she is not a legitimate wife, but performs all functions around the house. Plus they begin to endure beatings and drunkenness and betrayal. And all because she lives in a man’s apartment and it seems like she has nowhere to go. Although in reality, if you think about it, there is always somewhere to go.

The man offered to move in with him: what should you be prepared for?

Living with your loved one is really great! The situation when a woman moves into a man’s house for the sake of living together is traditional. In most cultures, it is customary for a wife to move into her husband's house, and not vice versa - thus, she, as it were, leaves her clan and becomes a member of her husband's clan.

What is happening in our time? Of course, the concept of “childbirth” has long been outdated and has lost all meaning.

However, most women are still very approving of those men who have their own home and can invite a young lady to move in.

In addition to the fact that owning an apartment is an indicator of a man’s success and independence, an invitation to live in it is an important act of trust in a woman on the part of the owner, a kind of large advance for a future serious relationship!

But let's look at the situation objectively.

So, the man lives in his own apartment (or even under the same roof with his parents). It is unlikely that he acquired this property in order to settle a specific girl in it. Simply put, he didn’t lift a finger for the sake of your life and existence together, but simply offered a simple and convenient option - come in, live, there’s a place!

Of course, a young lady, if she is ready to move in with a man, should faint from the generosity of the offer! What happens next? Next, the woman begins to take care of the housework, ensure cleanliness and comfort - in general, in every possible way “work off” the opportunity given to her to live with her beloved.