How to become courageous: 5 tips

“I’m very embarrassed to tell my story, but I’ll tell it like it is: in life I’m a real coward. Already as a child, I was a timid and timid boy, I could not fight back, I was afraid to fight. Because of this, my classmates constantly bullied me. I was never involved in sports, I was such a classic nerd - and still am. Nothing has changed either in college or in adult life. I can still come home late at night and run into some bad guys. They don’t bother me, of course, I look like a normal adult man. But I seem to attract them. And yes, I'm still afraid. The character is not at all masculine. I was also always embarrassed to meet girls, I don’t understand how I even got a wife. Well, in the rest of my life, cowardice doesn’t really help: I only dream about high positions, I’m afraid to make mistakes, to take responsibility. I'm even afraid to have children, although my wife wants me to. In short, I urgently need to take my life into my own hands, otherwise I will remain a nobody. All that’s left is to figure out how to become bolder and more self-confident.”
— Victor, 33 years old.

There is probably no such person who is not afraid of anything. Each of us has different phobias - for example, fear of heights, insects, dentists or closed spaces. And, of course, almost anyone will be nervous before doing something for the first time - for example, speaking in front of an audience. This is completely normal, and having fear does not equal cowardice. We can talk about it if a person cannot overcome his fear even for the sake of his own health or success.

Cowardice can greatly ruin your life - it has many consequences: from failures in business or difficulties in your personal life to low self-esteem and even depression. To be successful and happy, every person needs to learn to cope with their own fears, overcome them and take courageous actions.

In this article we will tell you what cowardice can lead to, why courage is so important, and we will share ways to get rid of natural cowardice and become a brave person.

Important note: developing courage is not the same as getting rid of fears. Fear is an innate or acquired reaction of the psyche to a threat, real or imaginary. But courage or cowardice is primarily our choice. These qualities are closely related to the volitional sphere: in order to take an action, despite your fear, you need a conscious decision. If in general you do not suffer from excessive timidity, but you have a phobia that is poisoning your life, we recommend reading our article on how to deal with fears.

Why is it so important to be brave?

Many of us have a stereotype associated with courage and courage that these qualities are needed only in extreme situations, for example, when it is necessary to save someone’s life. That is, the manifestation of courage is equal to a feat. But, you see, we don’t find ourselves in such circumstances every day. Why then is courage needed? Let's figure it out:

Self-development and self-realization are important for every person. But this process is inevitably associated with the fact that we have to take on more responsibility, make difficult decisions, express ourselves in unconventional ways, learn new things and use the acquired skills in practice. And, of course, making mistakes in the process—you can’t live without them. All this requires remarkable courage. After all, remember yourself at university, when you first had to write a large scientific paper. To make even an introduction, I had to overcome the “fear of a blank sheet”, the fear of the dissatisfaction of the supervisor and many other fears. It's normal when you do something for the first time, especially something that depends entirely on yourself. And this really takes courage. You also need courage to honestly look your own shortcomings in the eye - without this, true personal development is impossible.
Courage helps a lot in communication. Meeting a person you like on the street or in a cafe, calling a new client at work for the first time, and sometimes even just asking for a fare on a minibus - for some these tasks are not difficult, but for some people, for example, introverts, they can be practically impossible. Often this deprives us of many opportunities: to improve our personal lives, get a promotion, make new friends. And without this, life can lose its charm.
A lot of courage is especially needed for close relationships. Because true intimacy involves vulnerability. In order to be yourself next to a person, to reveal your “dark” side to him, in order to accept the “shadow” of a loved one, you often really need to be able to cope with many fears - the fear of being rejected, misunderstood, the fear of loss, conflicts.
Sometimes you need courage to solve basic life problems. We have already mentioned the notorious fare in transport, but there are enough such small tasks that require courage every day in our lives. Making an appointment with a doctor, going through an interview, filling out the necessary documents, asking directions from a passerby on the street - these methods of communication may require overcoming your fears. But without it, we simply cannot live normally in the modern world, where communication plays a vital role.
It takes enormous courage to be 100% yourself, to express yourself freely. Coming up with a new idea at work, being creative in solving a problem, or even just getting a bold haircut can be very difficult if you are afraid of the opinions of others or “extra” responsibility. But if a person does not overcome these fears, he lives with the feeling that he is not living his life, is not fully realized, and is relegating himself to the background.
A bright and rich life, new experiences also require courage. After all, a person who cannot push aside his fears will never go on a trip, ride a roller coaster, climb a mountain or deep-sea dive - in general, he will deprive himself of the opportunity to fulfill his dreams. And the result will be a boring, gray life and, of course, dissatisfaction with it and with yourself.

Courage does not mean not being afraid of anything, but it is always about the internal readiness to overcome one’s own fears, the ability to act in spite of them. [1] And fear is one of the main “brakes” of human development. Fear paralyzes, deprives you of achievements, new knowledge, new impressions, and pleasure from life.

When we make the decision to put aside our fears and become bolder, life begins to change as if by magic. In fact, this change in your behavior allows you to achieve career and creative success, create close and fulfilling relationships, meet new people and get vivid impressions. She becomes truly complete. It’s as if the picture of life was gray before, but now it’s finally painted with all the colors of the rainbow. Having become accustomed to showing courage and courage, in a few months you will not recognize yourself and your life.

In addition, courage gives an incomparable feeling of pride in oneself, self-esteem, and high self-esteem. And these feelings are very motivating for further achievements.

“All my life I seemed to be floating with the flow: school, college, boring office work. An unloved person who was “wooed” by his parents - they say, he’s a good guy, you shouldn’t miss this. I was even getting ready to get married. And on the day when they took the documents to the registry office, it was as if something clicked inside: I want to become brave! I thought: where is my life going? All my life I was a good girl, I was afraid to make decisions, I didn’t dare to express my opinion - my parents always decided everything for me. I was seriously afraid that I would never meet anyone better than my fiancé, that I would be alone forever - and I was only 23 years old, the very beginning of my life! I was afraid to be left without education, without work, without housing - who needs me, where will I go with my meager skills. Dreams of travel and creativity were pushed into the farthest box, and I had already forgotten that I once had them.
That day, I literally stopped my boyfriend in the middle of the road and said that I would not go anywhere with him any further - in every sense. The next week I resolutely quit my job. I bought paints with my vacation pay and painted excitedly for the next two weeks. And then she overcame her modesty, posted her work on social networks and the next day received her first order for illustration.
My story is not like a fairy tale: I still haven’t met my “prince,” but only because I approach relationships much more responsibly, I’m not afraid of growing old alone and I don’t grab the first person I come across. I still don’t earn millions and haven’t traveled the whole world, but I’m finally doing what I love, I feel like I’m developing every day and that I have prospects. Life has found meaning. All you had to do was cast aside your fears and doubts and take the first step. It’s good that I did it on time!”
— Anna, 25 years old

A real man in a relationship with a woman

Respectful attitude towards women. In general, this is a very valuable quality for women of any age. This is compliance with etiquette rules in relation to the weaker sex, the ability to properly conduct a conversation with a woman, recognition of her right to individuality and weakness, maintaining respect in negative situations, disputes, quarrels.
Courage and determination in expressing your feelings. If you really love, don't be afraid to show it, say it. Women, many of whom are doubtful and insecure, appreciate courageous men.
Consistency. This includes being faithful and keeping your promises. If a woman feels safe next to you and can trust you completely, then all the best she can give will be only for you.
Ability to behave in different situations. A heartless and stubborn tyrant and an obsequious henpecked man are two extremes that must be guarded against. You need to understand when you need to console and help her, and when to rein her in a little. Women aren't perfect either.
Caring is a very important factor for a harmonious relationship. If you think only about yourself, about what you can get from a relationship with a woman, that is, you show complete selfishness, there will be no strong mutual love. It is normal for a real man to take care (in every sense) about his woman, help her, look after her. Moreover, your actions are important. Everyone can speak beautifully, but real feelings are also confirmed by actions.
Sincere love is perhaps the most important thing your woman needs if she is with you for love. Men, compared to women, are distinguished by greater restraint and stinginess in expressing feelings. A woman needs to feel that she is loved, otherwise problems can arise from lack of attention. So don't forget to show your love to your woman more often.

By following these tips, you can become a real man. You can also look at the article How to become a man.

Consequences of cowardice

Cowardice seems like a relatively “harmless” character trait, but in fact it has a lot of serious consequences:

people who lack courage often have mental disorders. They may suffer from increased anxiety, and this condition can develop into an anxiety disorder. In addition, cowardice is almost always associated with low self-esteem, and, alas, it is not far from apathy, serious depression and even thoughts of suicide;
the inability to overcome the fear of communication leads to loneliness and even social isolation. Such people cannot build a strong family because they are afraid of close relationships; they rarely have children - after all, this is a huge responsibility;
timidity and fearfulness are considered negative personality traits, and therefore are often subject to public condemnation;
Cowardly people are often prone to cowardice: fear prevents them from being generous, sacrificial, and selfless. Other people may suffer because of this. And, of course, such a person has less chance of strong friendships and team relationships at work;
the fear of taking responsibility at work, expressing oneself and being proactive often leads to the fact that cowardly people have a very low standard of living, and sometimes they lose their jobs completely;
the fear of expressing oneself leads to a feeling of unfulfillment, loss, inferior and boring life;
Cowardly people tend to be overly dependent on the opinions of others. Because of this, they can fall under the “bad” influence of others: join a sect, become addicted to drugs, start gambling, and so on. This is especially true for teenagers and young adults;
fear of standing up for your rights can lead to financial losses, deterioration of your reputation, problems with the law and other unexpected consequences;
finally, fear of self-development and reluctance to overcome it can lead to personality degradation.

Holding back fear

Fear of the new holds back, numbs and sometimes even turns into panic attacks. It seems impossible to cope with it, and it will accompany you all your life. But psychologist Eleanor Gordon-Smith not only claims that this is an erroneous thought, but shows by her example that the fear of the new is not only possible, but also necessary to fight.

In her opinion, determination and courage can be developed in yourself in the same way as pumping up muscles. She adheres in her life to the thought expressed by Gordon Livingston, who argued that feelings follow action, and not vice versa.

How to become brave and courageous: 9 ways that work

Modern psychology offers many ways to get rid of cowardice and fear. They work well if used regularly and in combination. After all, the development of these qualities is similar to the development of a habit: the brain takes time to form new neural connections and learn a new behavior model.

We will share with you several ways to overcome cowardice, and all you have to do is try them for yourself, choose the most suitable ones and, finally, become a brave girl or a brave man.

Boost your self-esteem

Cowardice is often caused by self-doubt and low self-esteem. And then, even if you deliberately develop courage, the results will be much lower, because the cause has not been eliminated. We recommend reading an article on how to increase self-esteem and become more confident, or taking the 7Spsy behavior modification course aimed at solving this problem.

Start small

It’s better to start training your brain to behave boldly with very small “tests” that are guaranteed to end in success. For example, go to a creative master class for beginners, memorize a poem and read it aloud to a loved one, ride a new attraction or slightly change the recipe for a familiar dish - it all depends on what you are afraid of. You can start with changes in appearance: buy something of an unusual style or bright color, or get an unusual manicure. This way you will gradually accustom your psyche to the fact that there is nothing wrong with this and everything will definitely work out.

Prepare to Overcome Fear

When a person comes to work as a sales manager or in a call center and is afraid to make the first call, he is usually advised to write down verbatim the phrases with which he will start the conversation, and even better, possible options for developing the conversation. This actually makes sense. Firstly, a prepared script is a safety net in case an employee forgets what to say or the conversation goes in the wrong direction. And secondly, preparation helps you tune in to overcome fear. When a person has already replayed the future conversation in his head, the brain believes that the frightening event has already taken place, which means there is nothing more to be afraid of. As a result, the conversation goes easier.

This advice applies to many areas of our lives that require courage. Prepare whenever possible. [2]

Don't put off the scary action until later

Think back to your student years. Have you ever wondered why excellent students always passed their exams in the top five? Not at all because they were so self-confident and were not afraid of anything. It’s just that the less time we spend worrying, the more resources we have directly to complete the task. Experienced “walruses” or lovers of skydiving claim that the easiest way to decide on such an act is if you turn off your thoughts and just take a step. But such brave people certainly cannot make mistakes. If you scroll through a frightening situation in your head for a long time and worry, you will eventually have no strength left to show courage. Sometimes you don’t need to think about how to stop being a coward, but just take it and do it, no matter how it sounds. And with each next action, your courage will only grow. [1] Therefore, down with procrastination. Take action!

Don't forget about body language

We have already written about this in an article about self-confidence and we will repeat it again: our body is integral, the internal and external in it are inextricably linked. The way we behave affects our sense of self. Imagine what the brave and courageous person you want to become looks like: straight posture, confident gait, broad gestures, direct gaze. Reproduce this manner, rehearse it in front of the mirror. Let it become a part of you - and internal changes will not keep you waiting. [3]

Visualize your desires

You probably have dreams that you are very afraid to achieve. Make a list of them and hang them in a visible place. Re-read it every morning and imagine in vivid colors how you make these dreams come true. Imagine what you see, what you hear, what your skin feels, what feelings overwhelm you. You can even make a “wish map” - hang pictures on the wall that illustrate your dreams. Such a detailed “feeling” of your dreams will prepare your brain for their fulfillment, help you worry less, inspire and motivate you to take specific actions.

Take it step by step

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.” As cliché as it may sound, it's true. Right now, ask yourself, “What can I do today to get closer to what I’m afraid of?” Determine the smallest step and take it immediately. Then determine the next one. This way you can gradually change your whole life.

Play some sports

This is indeed a very effective remedy in the fight against cowardice. Sport helps you become more self-confident, which is important on the path to courage. Sport forces you to overcome yourself every day, get out of your comfort zone, try something new and reach new heights. This is what literally helps you become brave: by mastering self-defense skills or simply becoming stronger, you will definitely stop being afraid of the tough guys from the gates. And to make the path to masculinity easier and more effective, find a coach who will support you and will not allow you to give up in moments of failure.

Keep it simple

If being a brave and decisive girl doesn’t allow you to look at other people’s opinions, start treating them more simply.
You shouldn’t value so highly what others think or say about you. Believe me, they are not watching you as closely as you sometimes think. In addition, other people very quickly forget the actions of others, because they are more concerned about their own lives. As long as you look around at those around you, your life remains the same. Don't let other people control your reality. Do not attach importance to their assessments, act as you see fit, and not as you think others expect. They are not your judges.

Don't make life difficult for yourself. When you really want something, you need to stop thinking and act. Trust yourself more. You shouldn't ask other people for advice. Do not assume that they are more competent in your matters. Believe me, you can find the answer yourself. Don't hesitate, just take action.

Male and female masculinity

To the purely psychological of masculinity are very often added, and a real man is someone who, among other things, is physically strong, strong, and has pronounced male secondary sexual characteristics (beard, deep voice, etc.), that is, a masculine man.

But you need to understand that a masculine man is not always courageous. Masculinity is a psychological characteristic, while masculinity is a set of externally observable characteristics that distinguish a man from a woman.

But, of course, masculinity and manhood are closely related ! For example, if a young man decides to go in for sports in order to be stronger physically, he will undoubtedly develop masculinity, since playing sports involves the development of some of its components, such as willpower, endurance, hard work, and so on.

A courageous man is a mature male individual, both physically and psychologically (as a personality).

A man’s masculinity is manifested in his attitude towards himself, towards other men and, of course, towards a woman. As for the attitude of a real man to a woman, everything here seems quite simple and understandable. A man must be able to look after, care, help, respect, provide a woman with everything she needs, and so on, but in reality, everything is not as simple as it seems.

The fact is that in our time, the overwhelming majority of women, consciously or unconsciously, cultivate masculinity in themselves (after all, this trait is common to both sexes) and do this in order to be able to survive in society (mainly in order to find a job and build a career). A woman who is able to fully provide herself with everything she needs, is strong-willed, self-confident, active, knows how to be a leader, and is physically strong is respected.

But in matters of the heart and family, female masculinity greatly hinders modern girls. A courageous girl needs an even more courageous man and often cannot find one. Due to the fact that a strong-willed lady does not find a worthy man for herself or, having found him, still considers him insufficiently masculine, gender role conflicts often arise.

Modern women often simply do not provide their men with the opportunity to show masculinity, and then they themselves complain about this shortcoming.

To better understand the problem of gender role conflicts, read the articles “Gender role of men and women” and “Gender role stress: what do men and women suffer from?”