Is friendship possible between ex-lovers?

Psychology of relationships between exes: models of female behavior

When the relationship is over, girls, depending on their further behavior, are divided mainly into 2 opposite groups:

Passive observers. They try to constantly be present in the life of their former partner, but they do this almost unnoticed. They go to profiles on social networks, look at who he likes, who is interested in his page, follow status changes, new photos, and are even interested in every added audio track. Such girls do not lose contact with mutual acquaintances; they regularly keep in touch with them in the hope of receiving a piece of information about the life of their passion. The purpose of this behavior is to understand the true reason for the breakup.
Active initiators. These women say: “I want to communicate with my ex!” - and by any means they fulfill their desire. They dress up in the most beautiful clothes, put on bright makeup, keep themselves in the best shape and try to catch the eye of their former partner as often as possible. They attend the same events, can get a job in the same organization, and come to parties with mutual friends. Often, girls' goal is to get their ex to come back.

There is also a third category, but it is very small. These are women who have learned to let go. They are grateful to men for all the good things they brought into life, forgave the negative moments, wished them good luck and let them go. Often the initiators of separation do this directly, but among abandoned people there are also people with a similar unique model of behavior.

What makes girls be present in a guy’s life even after the end of a love relationship:

The desire to understand why they were abandoned. Often men, when leaving, say banal phrases - it’s not about you, I don’t deserve you, you need someone better, etc. A woman literally experiences a break in the pattern: all the time spent together was good, but now has it changed dramatically? Girls also have highly developed intuition, and the emotional connection between exes lasts for a long time. A woman feels a lie and tries with all her might to get to the truth.
The desire to demonstrate how good she is without him. Hidden message: look who you lost!
The desire to take revenge or make sure that he feels bad without her.

Only the first reason has a logical basis. A person needs to understand what led to the collapse so as not to repeat similar mistakes in the future. The rest is resentment, low self-esteem and a whole range of negative emotions. Our studio specialists will help you cope with such experiences.

When you can't be friends after a breakup

According to psychologists, it is most difficult for a person to let go and forget a loved one, and especially for the weaker half of humanity. This is how a girl is made that she cannot refuse someone who has been there for a long time, helped, with whom she experienced the happiest moments, communicated and whom she loved, even if this person changed, hurt her and even betrayed her.

Is friendship possible after love? If yes, then why? It is difficult to find a definite answer to this question, because everything depends on the specific situation. In any case, before you decide to be friends with your ex, you need to understand yourself, understand whether you still have feelings, and whether there is any point in continuing communication.

There are several specific cases in which friendship between ex-lovers becomes impossible. Here are the most common situations.

One of the partners continues to experience passion and tenderness. There is such wisdom that says that the one who still loves wants to remain friends. There is some truth to it, so you need to be careful if your ex offers to be friends. By agreeing, you risk sowing false hope in the person that the previous relationship will be restored. Such a “friend” will constantly look for ways to please, hoping to return lost love. If the guy doesn’t get what he wants, then all the emotions accumulated in the soul, in particular anger and resentment, can spill out and hurt you. In addition, he will be secretly jealous of other friends or behave impulsively. Because of this, the girl will not be able to quickly build a new relationship. Why try to cement friendship with a dangerous “volcano”? Usually such a case ends in failure, so it is better to stop communicating immediately if you are sure that you have definitely stopped loving this person, but he still hopes for something more.
One of the partners has not yet forgiven the other and holds a grudge in his heart. If the guy initiated the breakup, then the girl probably has every reason to be offended and even angry with him. However, you should not pretend that everything is wonderful and try to answer him with politeness. If you have not yet forgiven your ex-lover, then there can be no talk of any friendship!
A girl who agrees to be friends with her ex must completely get rid of negative emotions towards him. Otherwise, such a friendship will become painful for her, it will cause pain.

Love and friendship: differences

Love is a very intimate concept and its main difference will be sex. Yes, there is such a thing as “friendship sex,” but practice shows that it also has a love aspect. The second characteristic difference will be interdependence. Friends without long-term communication will be bored, but this will not result in hysteria and tears, as in the second case. We must not forget about the difference in obligations. The decision to devote yourself to one and only thing is a serious step that implies responsibility for every wrong action. This is not the case with a friend, and there can be more than one friend, unlike a love relationship.

The line between friendship and love

When communicating with a guy, you have already initially determined the level of relationship that is acceptable to you.

If there is sympathy, you flirt and make advances, resort to other “feminine tricks and tricks”; if you are interested exclusively in friendship, then the manifestations will be different.

But how can you find out about the feelings of the other person?

Here you can’t get into someone else’s head and ask directly. And you don’t want to spoil your relationship with him or hurt his heart if he cares about you. Or vice versa, it is necessary to win his sympathy and transfer communication into a loving direction.

How to determine: friends or loves?

In fact, there is a lot in common between emotional attachment and familiarity, but there are also differences. To further understand how love differs from friendship, let's take a step-by-step look at the commonalities and differences between these concepts.

Similarities:

you have a lot in common, you feel comfortable and have fun together. Any topic of conversation is not a problem for you, and there are no secrets between you;
Quarrels do not ruin your relationship in any way. In both the first and second cases, even if you are offended by each other, you will look for ways to make peace, you will be bored and sad, as if life had lost its meaning;
neither a friend nor a loved one will ever leave you in trouble or betray you. If you come up with a problem, they will listen to you and give you advice, wipe away your tears and help you cope with difficulties;
if you are faced with ridicule and attacks from the outside, then your loved ones will come to your defense, even if you yourself were wrong in some way;
you are accepted for who you are, forgiving all shortcomings, because your inner qualities make you who you really are.

Friendship is different from love:

when you love, you try not to separate, and a long separation is always emotionally difficult for both partners. In friendship, everything is much simpler: you know for sure that there will be a meeting, everything will return to normal and no circumstances will harm your relationship;
if someone flirts with your friend, you will certainly be happy for him, share good advice or make a couple of friendly barbs at him. But if someone allowed you to flirt with your loved one, this is unlikely to make you happy, but most likely, it will infuriate you and cause jealousy, even though you are perfectly sure that you are the one and only for your partner ;
When we are friends with a person, we are overcome by the thought that we have found a brother, that it is like your reflection. In love, your partner is your other half, a part of you, without which it is unbearably difficult for you.
in love, a person is engulfed in an uncontrollable volcano of passions, while friendships are less emotional.

Is friendship possible after love?

"Let's remain friends!" - this is how former love relationships most often end. What is this - the final point or a real desire to redirect the relationship to another level?

Of course, if no one is offended after a breakup, why not be friends?

It just so happens that you are not suitable for each other to live together, but common interests and hobbies, similar views on life, working together and common friends allow you to have fun together. But this delicate matter also has its pitfalls.

You're not going to remain single and completely immerse yourself in friendly relationships, are you?

Your future partner is unlikely to appreciate such devotion to your former lover. Most likely, you will remain friends only in words: a couple of comments on social networks, happy holidays several times a year.

If the scenario for the ending of your separation was initially different: resentment, hatred, sadness, despair, loneliness, indifference, then, of course, there can be no talk of any friendship.

Remember, only future romantic and affectionate affection will save you from past passion. Therefore, don’t hang your nose and look around: perhaps there is someone very close by who is looking for a meeting with you and considers you the most delightful person in the world.

Where is the line between friendship and love?

Question for a psychologist:

Good afternoon.

I've been thinking a lot about friendship lately. I have a friend, we knew each other for a long time, but did not communicate closely. Now we have been friends for almost 8 months.

He always liked me as a girl. A year later, we began to actively communicate, correspond, and soon he asked me to date. Then he suggested more than once. But the thing is that outwardly I didn’t like him at all. At first I tried to get rid of him, but I couldn’t. He found me on the street when I was walking with my friends. Joined my campaign. At first I kicked him out all the time, but then I got used to him being there all the time. He always treated me tenderly and kindly. The girls really liked him as a friend. Then we started walking together (the two of us), and we felt good together, comfortable and cozy. And alone with me, he says, he feels more comfortable than with girls. He often asked my advice when he liked some girl. He even liked it when I talked about my shortcomings directly to his face (at first, I thought it would turn him off). He listened to me and corrected everything. Now he doesn’t swear, doesn’t smoke, and has found a girl.

We still go out together, I packed gifts for his parents, his girlfriend and now our mutual friends, and he wants to pack a gift for me with his own hands. It turned out that he told his mother a lot about me (that I stopped him from swearing, smoking and even got him involved in sports). There is complete trust between us. Yesterday he said that his parents allow him to bring girlfriends and friends home, that you will sit in the room, no one will disturb you. Tomorrow I'll go play the console, eat delicious food and do other pleasures in life (within reason, of course).

The last time in the evening he said that he still hoped for my reciprocity. Those. He’s dating another girl, but he’s still in love with me.

Previously, I often felt guilty that I could not reciprocate his feelings, but soon this passed.

Now I can say that I even like him. I like his inner world, his soul or something. We began to communicate and argue like a real family.

Several times I noticed at the entrance that he was about to kiss me, quickly hugged me and ran away. Yesterday, we silently looked at each other for almost a minute, hugged and said goodbye.

The thing is that I am very squeamish and never show how I really feel.

I think I've fallen in love with him, but I'm still not attracted to him outwardly. I am afraid that I will never be able to kiss a person I do not like in appearance, and at the same time I feel some regret and suffering. It’s good for him to communicate with the girl, but he doesn’t love her.

When we walk, he does not take his eyes off me. He shares everything with me. I showed pictures of the girl, she really is very pretty. There was a moment when I was walking with him, he said: “I understand that I won’t be with her forever, but let me leave her today!” I said something like: “don’t be stupid.”

Tell me what should I do? I feel depressed. I don't know what to do.

Asked by: Melissa Age: 17

A respectful reason

The only argument that allows you to make such a proposal is that if your feelings for each other have cooled, you both understand that the relationship has reached a dead end

. You are ready to leave without shouting or scandals. Then be bold - make an appointment with the guy and tell him over a cup of coffee that you have decided to put an end to it with your own effort of will. After this, both he and you can be friendly towards each other, and sometimes remember the past with sadness, and sometimes with a smile. In all other cases, if you know that the guy is not indifferent to you, do not offer to remain friends.

Interest in another person

A feeling of friendship may or may not accompany the desire for intimacy. What status to be “friends” is decided by both partners. Many psychologists believe that “sex for friendship” is a normal phenomenon that does not interfere with friendly relationships. The main thing is that there is an attraction to spending time together, experiencing some events. And even in cases where this attraction will not be long-lasting, it will still be about mutual interest in each other.

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For many people, unconscious processes reduce the entire rich palette of shades of feelings, interests, emotions, to simple labels - “love or sex”, and thus prevent relationships from developing. For example, many men say that as soon as you meet a girl, she immediately begins to “press” about the seriousness of the relationship and subsequent marriage.

This happens after several meetings, when the man himself has not yet decided whether he has any feelings for her at all or not. With such behavior, girls can only scare off any man, even if he himself is interested in a serious relationship.

But, if the relationship is not prevented from developing, then such friendship is the best basis for a strong marriage. The most stable families were those people who were just good friends for a long time. This happens because friendship is the complete acceptance of another person with all his strengths and weaknesses.

There are friendly feelings towards other people's husbands and wives and they do not always end in intimacy, but this largely depends on upbringing, ethical standards and various circumstances. In addition, a desire may arise without close feelings and deep interest, only at the level of instincts, and this most often happens in young men. Here, the main thing is to separate the desire for sex from the desire for friendship and make decisions accordingly.

Be honest with yourself

Think about why you need to remain on friendly terms with your ex-boyfriend?

He will feel like a failure because you have officially benched him. Apparently, you are not sure that everything will work out well with the new guy, but here there is such a small bridge in the form of “friendship” along which you can always go back. Don't be so selfish, let your ex go.

This will be more honest to him and to you.

Is there a chance for friendship after a relationship?

Even the strongest relationships can end sooner or later. The most difficult thing in this case is to try to remain on friendly terms with the one who broke your heart or with the one whom you rejected.

Before understanding this issue, it is necessary to understand what happens to people immediately after a breakup, and how they feel. So, numerous studies show that those people who themselves initiated the separation are much less worried about it, one might even say that they experience relief from it. And it doesn’t matter who destroyed the relationship - a man or a woman. To put it simply, the emotional sensations of one of the partners are a real mirror image of the other. That is, the happier one of them feels, the more hopeless and unhappy the other.

After the end of the relationship, and it doesn’t matter who initiated it, each of the couple goes through five main stages of “recovery” after breaking up with a loved one. These include: denial, anger, reconciliation, depression and acceptance of what happened. The very last stage is decisive, which determines the possibility of continuing the relationship in the form of friendship. At this time, the person begins to realize that the relationship is over and cannot be returned.

According to statistics, those people whose breakup was caused by mutual desire remain in friendly relations after a breakup. But in reality, only seven percent of breakups occur with the consent of both partners. In other cases, the provocateurs of the breakup are either a man or a woman. Moreover, according to the same statistics, more breakups occur due to a woman’s desire to break off the relationship.

Before you decide to have a friendly relationship with your ex-partner, you need to make up your mind by asking a few simple questions.

First of all, understand what exactly you expect from this relationship. Sometimes it happens that the former partner does not even want to renew friendly relations. And if you understand that there are still tender feelings for him in your heart, then hoping for his friendship just to revive love is useless. Therefore, first, express your desire to be friends with your ex-partner with a note or message. You need to know if your ex-lover wants the same thing.

You also need to determine for yourself: is even a friendly relationship with a former partner necessary at all, can it be useful for you? It’s definitely not worth building friendly relations with a person, while losing self-respect, your certain values and sacrificing your interests.

Not a friend at all

How to determine a man's other intentions towards you? There are several criteria:

For a long time he does not have a beloved woman, and he sharply rejects all options for dating.
Attention becomes excessive. In this case, the man will always worry about you, like his dearest and closest person. No matter how bad the girl looks, he showers her with a bunch of compliments. Your communication will be long and regular.

Help. One o'clock in the morning? Do you live on the opposite end of town? It doesn't matter. Regardless of the time and circumstances, this so-called friend will come running at one call and do whatever is asked of him.
Gifts clearly differ in size and price from those that would be given by an ordinary acquaintance or friend. This is how he expresses his feelings and hopes to reach his beloved’s heart.

Discussion of men takes on a characteristic feature - yes, they are all bad, and you are absolutely right in everything.

Pros of friendship between exes

1. Intimate relationships. Couples do not always immediately find a new relationship after breaking up. And therefore, many former partners continue to practice intimate relationships for a long time to maintain the normal life of an adult.

2. Understanding. If the relationship has been long, then people usually know each other too well, from how many spoons of sugar to put in tea to how to help and what to say in a given difficult life situation.

3. Have someone to ask for advice. Again, knowing you almost 100%, your ex-lover will be able to give practical advice, understanding what will help you best.

4. Share common interests. If you had common interests, for example, music or business, then you can combine business with pleasure. For example, going to concerts of your favorite bands together or discussing new business projects over a cup of tea.

5. Absolute honesty. Former couples no longer make sense to deceive each other. And therefore, you can ask such a person about everything that interests you and, most likely, unless of course he is an inveterate deceiver, you will get the truth.

6. No envy or competition. Unlike friendships between same-sex friends. Here he won’t compete in the fight for the new guy’s heart, and she won’t envy the fact that you have bigger biceps.

Cons of friendship between exes

1. The presence of prohibited topics in conversations. Even if the feelings have faded, it is not very pleasant for each of the newly made friends to talk, for example, about new relationships, sexual achievements, and so on.

2. Suddenly the feelings did not fade away. If they have not faded away for both partners, then everything is not so scary and, perhaps, the couple will reunite. But if only one person has love in the heart, then this can cause many difficulties in communication, jealousy and prolonged depression.

3 Difficulties in developing new relationships. Perhaps former partners will be able to build a new relationship with someone, but will new passions be satisfied with friendship with their ex? Hardly.

4. Hints. If you have clearly decided for yourself that there is no sex without a relationship, then you may be faced with the fact that all sorts of hints may come from your ex-partner, which are sometimes difficult to resist. If you do not treat intimate relationships as something sacred, then this is, of course, a plus. But if this is considered humiliating for you, then be prepared to face unpleasant moments.

If we talk about whether friendship between exes is possible, it is important to understand that all cases are individual. Psychologists say that friendship is worth maintaining if you have mutual friends, children, or work. But it is worth giving up friendship if the separation occurred due to betrayal, endless jealousy, after physical or mental violence and assault, or if your partner suffers from alcoholism, drug addiction, and so on.

In general, if your former relationship caused you a lot of pain and suffering, give it up without regret, friendship will only make the situation worse. But if the breakup was mutual, then maintaining friendly relations will make your relationship more sincere and warm. In the meantime, the phrase “Let’s remain friends” after a breakup is the most popular and it’s up to everyone to decide whether they are ready to take such a decisive step!

Is friendship with exes possible?

The question of whether friendship is possible between people who recently called themselves loved ones is now being discussed in many popular talk shows and magazines.

Very often, girls, and especially guys, are sincerely perplexed as to what’s wrong with the fact that a once dear and close person today knows about my experiences, affairs, and is acquainted with a new lover or lover.

After all, this is one of the closest people, despite the fact that it was not possible to build a long-term and serious relationship. And finding a person who can become so close is not an easy task.

So, everyone knows that when communicating with anyone, we expend energy. Moreover, by communicating on a physical level, we unconsciously create an energetic connection for life. This information is not based on myths, legends and stories, but on actual confirmed facts. The connection exists, regardless of what you currently feel for this person, whether you have forgotten him or not.

Moreover, if you continue to communicate with this person under the guise of friendship, this connection will be much stronger. Deep down, it may be very painful for you to listen to how happy they are with their new lover, although you yourself will never admit it.

Typically, in friendships between ex-lovers, only one person is friends. And the other secretly keeps the hope that the relationship will return, that everything will be as before. But, of course, no one will ever admit it, because he’s just a friend. There is often “friendly sex” between such friends. After all, it doesn’t count anymore, it’s not real.

Therefore, girls whose boyfriends have similar girlfriends should think about whether you need this young man. Are you sure that your secrets will not be known to a stranger, and also that at your first quarrel the man will not be next to one of these “girlfriends”. This also applies to girls.

After all, when she communicates with her ex-boyfriend, she cannot completely give her energy to her current lover. This situation can lead to numerous conflicts or even a breakup.

Friendship is very good, every person needs friends, but do you need friends who were loved just yesterday? What good will such friendship lead to? Ask yourself the question: “What can I not get from my current partner that I can get from such a friend?” You may be surprised to realize that you cannot find an answer to this question.

Remember that it is better to part completely and irrevocably, to cut off all ties, than to torment yourself with hopes and dreams.

Does such friendship really exist?

Unfortunately, most often the phrase “let's remain friends” is said only in order not to offend the partner. However, many former lovers evaluate it as a hint that it is still possible to return. Why give false hope to your once loved one, especially if he still cannot forget those wonderful moments when you were together?

Friendship with an ex can give not only a sea of pleasant emotions and impressions, because a young man or girl in a new role is very tempting! But do not forget that this is also a great pain that can be caused not only to yourself, but also to your partner. First of all, it’s worth answering the question: is there friendship between exes in your particular case? In order to maintain a warm relationship that does not develop into something more, it is necessary:

It's good to part ways . If you don't have any grudges against your ex-loved one, you can try to move to the next level with him - friendship. The absence of irritation and resentment is a huge chance that you will be able to maintain friendly communication that does not turn into love. A few weeks of a passionate relationship - and you will again come to the same point that caused the separation.
To have something in common. Perhaps you share the same preferences in music or you are madly in love with one author whose books you devote a huge amount of time to reading. It is common interests that can contribute to good friendships!
New soul mates . Oddly enough, you will have a better chance of maintaining friendship with your ex-lover if your heart has long been occupied with new love. The main thing is that your ex is similarly passionate about other relationships.

The line between friendship and love

Friendship between a man and a woman is an eternal dilemma that everyone argues about. How many people, so many opinions. These feelings go hand in hand through life. Can ordinary, friendly relationships arise without falling in love and romantic feelings? Love and friendship have a lot in common - it can be difficult to understand where the border is, and to distinguish it. To begin with, it is important to understand these concepts and determine their meanings. What are romantic feelings and what are friendships?

Love - we can talk about it endlessly, it is one of the strongest and most beautiful feelings that people experience. It has many meanings and forms. Main types of love:

Eros - romantic feelings, sympathy towards a man or woman; Storge - implies feelings for relatives, family; Philia – feelings that are expressed towards close friends; Agape is love for God. Every facet of love contains a feeling of deep affection for another person. She encourages you to live for others and give back. Throughout human history, many heroic, beautiful, fantastic deeds have been committed in the name of love. It doesn't always have a happy ending. But it always makes the one who shows it happy. The ability to love others enriches and eliminates selfishness.

Friendship is a relationship between people based on love, honesty, and sincerity. Close friends have mutual sympathy, common goals and interests, and complete trust among themselves. Friends help each other become better people.

The concepts of love and friendship, as you can see, are closely related. These feelings simply cannot exist separately. There are no friends who don't love. Yes, and sympathy will arise if the foundation is good friendship. More than one example has shown that the secret of a happy marriage is a close, trusting relationship before marriage. A husband and wife simply have to be best friends.

Common grounds of friendly and romantic feelings Both falling in love and good friendship are characterized by attraction. People who communicate closely, like couples in love, can miss each other. They have a desire to often spend time together and call each other.

Both friendship and love imply close relationships. The desire to share your innermost thoughts, your feelings, dreams, goals. A loved one or friend becomes special, closer than everyone else. A connection based on understanding and trust is possible in both cases.

Friendship or love is simply not possible without mutual respect. You cannot say that you love a person and at the same time treat him carelessly or somehow humiliate his dignity. Both feelings encourage mutual support. Thanks to this, any relationship becomes stronger, develops and is more valued. And, of course, time spent together brings pleasure. It's nice to laugh together and look forward to the next meeting.

How do they differ ? This is not love, but friendship, how can you be sure? While friendships and romantic relationships have many things in common, there are also significant differences. These concepts can be distinguished in many ways. Of course, good friends have a lot in common; they may have the same views on life and common aspirations. But simply good friends do not strive for the common achievement of their goals. Only potential families plan a future together.

You can determine the true attitude towards a person by the amount of attention provided. Even the strongest friendships don't have as much time commitment as romantic relationships. Lovers spend all their free time, every minute, on each other. And if this is not so, then this is not love, but friendship, or even something less.

When two people love, they do not have the concepts of “I”, “me”, “mine”, they say “we”, “us”, “ours”. Comrades have a need for each other, but still each of them has their own life. Friends go through life in parallel, side by side, and when they bind the bonds of love, the two become one. Of course, the relationship between couples in love is in many ways closer and warmer than friendly feelings. Based on these aspects, it is not difficult to distinguish and understand the difference between friendship and a serious love relationship.

From friendship to love Can a good friendship develop into something more? The answer is obvious: yes, it is possible. As mentioned above, strong families come from good friends. No one is safe from love. And it’s more difficult to distinguish this fine line. Friendship develops into closer relationships gradually and imperceptibly. Therefore, it is not possible to determine immediately. Relationships become warmer and stronger, a person becomes simply irreplaceable in life. This is how they have been friends since childhood, sitting at the same desk, sharing their innermost secrets. But they claim that they are just friends, there is no talk of love. But suddenly something happens and the two fall in love. It’s great if these feelings are mutual, it will make a wonderful family.

Of course, this feeling does not always arise. The question of whether there is friendship between a man and a woman cannot be answered in the affirmative. Some will say “no”, others will say “yes”. It all depends on each situation individually.

There are many examples of friendship between opposite sexes. But there are no less examples when it developed into a warmer and more tender relationship. Sympathy and close relationships may arise, but they will not be romantic, but rather like family ones. Two people can be united by common memories, the past, they are comfortable together. But there is a different kind of love between them. The relationship between a man and a woman can be like that of a brother and sister. But again, no one is immune; even very long ordinary communication can develop into romance. It is not always easy to understand and sort out your feelings. Time spent together will help determine this. Love and friendship are the kindest and brightest facets of human relationships. It’s great when they harmoniously complement each other. Regardless of whether it is friendship or love.

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Friendship between spouses

Every second family in Russia gets divorced. In marriage and after it, the relationship between spouses develops differently: some become enemies, some become business partners, and some become best friends. Yes, you can maintain a good relationship after a divorce, but under several conditions:

the separation was a mutual decision;
the marriage did not end in betrayal or betrayal (people simply decided that there was no further path for them);
there was no emotional, sexual, or physical violence in the marriage>;
the former spouses still have a common business or a child.

If the divorce was a forced measure or one of the spouses was abandoned, then there can be no talk of friendship. It will not be possible to build a good relationship even if the marriage or divorce process was so difficult that just the name of the former partner causes a surge of negative emotions (disappointment, resentment, anger, fear).

Separately, it is worth considering the divorce of spouses who have children. In this case, they should try to maintain, if not friendly, then at least business relations. Of course, provided that one of the parents does not threaten the life and safety of the child. If someone is a good parent but a bad spouse, then this is a problem between two adults. The child should not suffer because of their differences. He has the right to communicate with both parents. But provided that parents can communicate normally with each other.

Interesting fact: 43% of women and 60% of men dream of having a sexual relationship with their ex-partner. This is not surprising, because during marriage people study each other inside and out, they know the characteristics and preferences of their partner. This is what sometimes becomes a stumbling point in friendship. A good relationship combined with nostalgia - and now you find yourself in the same bed again. But this is no longer friendship.

The partners have no feelings for each other

It is impossible to be friends when thinking about your ex (or ex) makes your knees weak. However, if your heart no longer clenches every time you hear his or her name, things can work out.

If, when you mention your partner, no feelings arise - no pain, no anger, no love - then everything has already burned out and friendship has a chance.

It may be a long and difficult process, but it is real. It is important that everyone understands that the feelings actually no longer exist. A psychologist or time can help here.

The partners were initially more friends than lovers

There was initially no passion or romance in the union, the future together was discussed superficially, or this issue was not raised at all, but respect and mutual understanding were always present. And, although something did not work out in the family plan, the partners are still interested in being together and they trust each other. In such a situation, the transition to friendly relations seems quite logical.

One of the partners perceives friendship as an opportunity to return the relationship

One is sure that everything is in order: you can share intimate details of your new life, talk about everyday little things and praise your passion. The other, gritting his teeth, pretends that he is glad to listen to all this, but in fact he hopes that everything will return to normal. He lives in illusions and waits for the imaginary friendship to develop into a relationship. And this is a traumatic experience that will cause nothing but discomfort for one and pain and disappointment for another.

What do psychologists say?

That friendship with a former partner is obviously a losing decision, but each case is still unique. It’s one thing when the breakup happened mutually, because the goals and expectations did not coincide, both partners were not satisfied with the way of life, pressure from the outside. Here communication is acceptable, especially if both spouses have a common child. It’s another matter when a partner set him up and betrayed him in the past, committed treason, and lied. There is no basis for friendship in such a situation and cannot be, unless, of course, you respect yourself.

In addition, British psychologists conducted an experiment trying to find out what character traits a person should have who values ties with past partners and stoically maintains friendships. J. Mogilsky and L. Welling examined about a thousand profiles of people who confirmed their communication with ex-partners. As it turned out, most of them had one of 3 character traits that are not characteristic of ordinary people. What are these features?

Tendency to be manipulative in relationships

A clinical test has shown that such people are often good manipulators who seek their own benefit in everything. They like to twist ropes out of former partners, play on past feelings, and influence moods. A lover from the past, one way or another, will feel a sense of awkwardness and guilt for breaking up, and this can only benefit manipulators, because it allows them to play cat and mouse, realizing their fantasies, enjoying their own power.

Narcissism

People with such character accentuation cannot stand the role of the rejected. They are used to being in the forefront, in the spotlight, enjoying the adoration of the crowd. This is why it is important for them to maintain the status quo in the public eye without appearing to have been abandoned. No, they didn’t break up, they just didn’t suit each other and remained friends. Narcissists cannot lose; it is too traumatic an experience for them.

Unscrupulousness

Those with this character trait put pragmatism and cold calculation first in relationships - they are not so much interested in the person himself as in the bonuses that he can provide. So these people maintain friendship with their ex-partner purely out of a desire to receive some goodies: sex for friendship, money, important information, influence, help in times of crisis. They are ready to pretend to be a victim, do not care about principles, but they will not lose their source of finance.

Of course, situations in life are different. But if your new acquaintance boasts of friendship with all his former passions, wives or lovers, this is a sure reason to be wary and not rush to trust him. Find out what motivates him and then draw conclusions. Be carefull!

What's good about being friends with your ex-boyfriend?

What are the pros and cons of such a friendship “after love”?

There are many positive aspects to such relationships.

Firstly, during the period while you were a couple, a certain emotional closeness and understanding arose between you. In other words, it is easier for you to find a common language with each other.

Secondly, you know each other’s strengths and weaknesses well, so you know how to behave with each other, what to expect, and can give or receive practical advice from your ex-partner in a given situation.

Third, the fact that you were once intimate makes your communication more open. There are also couples who remain friends and continue to periodically enter into sexual relationships simply because they enjoy each other and without a hint of a return to the past.

What are the disadvantages of being friends with an ex-boyfriend?

But in such friendship there are also many pitfalls.

Firstly, if one of the couple still has feelings for the former partner, then friendly relations can become torment for him. After all, your ex-lover may already be building a new relationship with someone else, and you are still counting on something... It’s not easy for you to see him regularly, communicate with him and at the same time know that he no longer belongs to you... They may have place seemingly unreasonable scenes of jealousy, inappropriate actions, etc.

Secondly, an affair that has developed into a friendship can seriously interfere with a new relationship. It happens that an ex-boyfriend rushes between an old girlfriend and a new passion, feeling guilty before both, while both ladies are desperately jealous of each other...

Thirdly, it is difficult for you to discuss your personal life with a friend who was once your lover, which would not be difficult if there had never been an affair between you. For example, you don't know how to tell him that you are already in a relationship with someone else.

Different relationships for love and friendship

Most often, the phrase “let's remain friends” has a negative connotation for the person to whom it is addressed.
Usually a person means by this that he no longer wants a relationship with his partner, but politeness and tact do not allow him to say this openly and directly. In this case, of course, there can be no talk of any friendship. It is better not to hold on to such imaginary relationships and not to look for meetings with your ex-other half. On the other hand, if you feel that the offer to remain friends was sincere, you can continue communication after the relationship. There is another development of events, if love has long passed, and the relationship has literally come to naught. In this case, both partners know that their feelings have long outlived their usefulness and cannot be returned. But at the same time, both are afraid to admit this to each other, so as not to quarrel and not lose the remaining warm relationship. In such a situation, it is better not to be afraid and start a difficult conversation. Otherwise, you will have to suffer from a breakup for a very long time and wait for a possible first step from a friend-partner.

It’s good if the feelings went away for both people at once, in which case warm friendly relations can really remain. It is much worse if one of the partners still has love feelings. With this development of the situation, it is impossible to do without a scandal and showdown, which will nullify all once warm relations and leave no room for possible friendship. Nothing good awaits former lovers when the cold partner broke off the relationship, and the person who retained the love tries to seek friendship from the former couple.

If the breakup was very difficult for you, it is better not to try to start a friendship with your ex. This way you can not only open up old wounds, but also have another fight with your lover. If you have nothing in common, try to avoid meetings if possible. It is worth remembering that friendships based on former relationships can again develop into a closer relationship. And if none of the couple took into account the mistakes of the past, the breakup may repeat itself, which will lead to mental trauma for both people.