How to bring love back into a relationship? Applying systems psychology


Adviсe

  • Why does a man lose interest?
  • How to regain your husband's interest?
  • Working on appearance
  • Communication
  • Changing our attitude towards sex
  • Taking breaks
  • We create peace of mind

Life together, which began with mutual admiration, tenderness and attention, fades over the years. Relationships become more reserved and stingy. Emotional outbursts and moments of joyful anticipation are replaced by an even sequence of everyday events in the lives of the spouses. But I want it as before: flowers, gifts, romance, love. The heart asks for feelings! But what to do if the husband has cooled down and goes home like he’s going to a second job, when phrases of love have turned into routine remarks?

Why does a man lose interest?

When faced with a man’s coldness, women look for reasons in their loved one: he fell out of love, found someone, or maybe there were no feelings. Some representatives of the fair sex blame themselves, but cannot say exactly what the mistake is and how to correct it. Why is my husband cold? Here are 6 main reasons:

Mommy wife

Such women pay too much attention to a man. They are overprotective. The husband is fed, dressed, shod, his shirt is perfectly ironed, the house is clean. But does a man need a nanny? Was it when he chose a woman that he was looking for a housekeeper and teacher? If a man is not one of his mother's boys, he will not appreciate such behavior.

All attention to the children

When a child appears in a family, the woman’s attention is directed to the baby. While the wife is babysitting the toddler, the man is left to his own devices. They forget about him, he does not feel the same love, affection, attention. Gradually the feelings fade away, and the man finds a new candidate for the role of his beloved.

Tight control

The habit of keeping all a man’s actions under control does not lead to good results. Monitor, correct, report and monitor again. The wife turns out to be a strict taskmaster, from whom you unbearably want to get rid of.

Boring sex

For men, intimate connection is very important. If after the wedding sex has become insipid, and the wife in bed is distant and uninterested in intercourse, interest on the part of the partner will disappear, along with the longing for love.

Unattractive appearance

Getting bogged down in work and household chores, women forget to take care of themselves. The result is an unattractive, nondescript appearance. But men love with their eyes.

Insanity

Cosmetics, beauty salons, shopping... Men get tired of the eternal diets of their chosen one, conversations about fitness, stories about an incredible nail file and super-resistant varnish.

Reasons for the fading of love

For what reasons and when does love end for a couple in a relationship? An emotional barrier, based on the cessation of people's emission of mutual sincere feelings of attraction and attraction, arises on the threshold of possible misunderstanding, loss of common values ​​or loss of interest in each other. Why is this happening? This may be preceded by the following prerequisites for the family life of young people:

  • addiction and gradual development of love into a habit;
  • eradication of feelings due to betrayal;
  • constant attempts by spouses to remake each other and crush each other under their leadership principles;
  • accumulation of hidden grievances;
  • regular quarrels with or without cause;
  • disrespect for mutual feelings and flirting on the side (even if it is without consequences).

How to regain your husband's interest?

Everyone makes mistakes. Ideal married couples are a fairy tale. Married life requires conscious work on oneself. If you notice that your husband has lost interest, then it’s time to act. Your marriage is in a dangerous situation. Coldness in family relationships leads to quarrels, misunderstandings, and divorces.

Is it worth resisting the departure of love?

If love has passed for some tangible and noticeable reason - betrayal, drunkenness, assault - then it makes sense to think about whether it is worth resisting the fading of feelings. After all, that unpleasant energy, those strong negative impulses that were felt during negative family scenes - they tend to sweep through the hearts and souls of people throughout their lives. This will come to mind every time there is some kind of resonance or another family disagreement. So is it worth keeping such ties afloat?

Working on appearance

A man marries an outwardly attractive representative of the fairer sex. If before marriage you had a stylish hairstyle, well-groomed nails, neat make-up and a fashionable wardrobe, and after a couple of years you contemplate the grown roots of dyed hair in the mirror, it’s time to change.

Body care

Men love well-groomed ladies. A flabby figure is an unattractive sight. Large volumes and saggy folds are two different things. Keep your body in good shape, watch your diet and add physical activity to your schedule.

Pay attention to the condition of the skin: your touch should bring pleasure to your husband. A woman's pride is her hair. Get a stylish haircut, choose a hairstyle that is in harmony with your face type and clothing style. Don't forget about makeup. Years make more attractive only those women who know how to take care of themselves. Focus on caring cosmetics. You won't be able to hide skin imperfections behind foundation in the bedroom.

Wardrobe

It's time to say goodbye to stretched sweaters and tatty jeans. Enrich your wardrobe with feminine models of dresses and skirts, choose elegant trousers and stylish blouses that suit your figure, and don’t forget about accessories. Pay attention to fashion trends: colors, styles, prints. You don’t need fanaticism, but keeping things that were fashionable 5-10 years ago in your closet is a bad idea. An attractive woman follows new trends and keeps up with the times.

How to prepare a person to confess his cold feelings

If the final feeling comes that love is over and there is no turning back, you need to gently and correctly inform your partner about the upcoming separation. Having prepared a place in a cozy atmosphere in advance and be sure to outline the reasons for your departure as gently as possible, you need to inform your interlocutor about the breakup. It is important to let him understand why this happened and calmly, without shouting or reproaches, to explain that further continuation of coexistence makes no sense.

Communication

Men quickly get bored with everyday conversations in front of the TV or at dinner. Over time, it turns out that there are no common themes left except for farming and past memories.

Find new points of contact: shared books, watching movies together, going to the theater or concert. Show interest in events in a man's life.

The male ego demands attention. Don't forget to praise and support your husband, but don't overdo it. Men get used to excessive praise and stop appreciating it.

When communicating, do not speak to your husband in a lecturing tone. Fight the habit of scolding him for any wrongdoing. Men are put off by cackling mother hens and nagging wives.

How to deal with leaving feelings

It happens that for some reason a person begins to feel a loss of interest in his partner or, conversely, to feel some kind of weightless indifference and inattention on his part. At such moments it seems that love is lost. What to do? Long-term relationships without moments of betrayal and obvious conflict grounds require a mandatory struggle for oneself and attempts to reanimate past feelings. How to prevent love from ending completely:

  • start spending more time together;
  • go somewhere together in nature or on an outing with an extreme sport - a portion of new sensations will not hurt in working on strengthening relationships;
  • print out an album with old photos together and put it in a visible place at home so that you can periodically flip through and remember the good moments spent together;
  • diversify your sex life - not everyone knows, but intimacy in a relationship has an incredibly powerful force, and a connection built on sexual compatibility can keep a couple in a union much longer than anything else.

Changing our attitude towards sex

Many couples experience sexual decline. For a man, intimate life is more important than for a woman. He feels her lack and inferiority more acutely. When boredom sets in in bed, a man becomes cold and loses interest. His instinct is either suppressed or directed towards another woman; you will no longer get the same warmth from him. In sex, a man more actively shows feelings, shows tenderness, and after a night of bed exploits, in the morning he is ready to become a romantic again for a while.

Stop treating sex as a mechanical process. When going to bed with a man, switch: thoughts about children, reports, purchases - away. If you can’t leave the hustle and bustle of the world outside the bedroom, take a warm bath, relax, and fantasize. Awaken your feminine charm and sexuality. Find the most erotic memory in your head and return to it when your thoughts wander in unnecessary directions. Desire your man.

You can add variety with the help of poses, unusual places, foreplay and caresses. Give your loved one an erotic massage, perform an exciting dance, and realize his long-standing sexual fantasy. Impressions of an intimate nature are the most vivid for men, and the women who create them are the most desirable.

Where do the feelings go?

A crisis in the relationship of lovers often does not allow them to find the root of the problem on their own. Where does love go? Psychologists explain the reasons for the loss of former feelings based on a specific situation, but state the fact of a general conditional problem hidden in the banal loss of interest of both partners in each other or one of them in relation to the other. The fact is that feelings do not go away for no reason. This occurs either as a result of the emergence of a new object of emotional and physical attraction, or is realized after the fact already at a specific stage of separation. In other words, unless it concerns a new love, a person does not immediately understand that he has cooled off towards his soulmate. And here it is quite important to catch the turning point of the fading of a loving family hearth in order to try to fight with leaving feelings and establish former warm relationships.

Taking breaks

Psychological rest is needed to return newness to the relationship. To increase interest, create distance, define a personal zone and don’t be afraid to move away from the man at times.

If you cook breakfast for your husband every morning, cancel this tradition for a couple of days, citing being overwhelmed at work, fatigue, or the desire to sleep an extra half hour. Let your man realize how important your presence in his life is to him.

How to understand that there is no more love

Today you can often observe the separation of couples in love. Relationships end both for young people who have recently met each other, and for lovers who have been living in a civil marriage for quite a long time, and even for husbands and wives who have been married for decades. All this happens for various reasons, but the basis of the conflict situation of most of them is a cooling of feelings towards each other.

How to understand that love has passed? There are a number of certain signs in one’s own feelings and perception of what is happening in a relationship that are harbingers of the gradual fading of emotional attraction to a loved one:

  • lack of desire to spend more time together;
  • ignoring any small requests or demands from the other half;
  • manifestation of a certain indifference to a loved one, inattention to him;
  • lack of intimacy or extremely rare sexual relations;
  • the emergence of new interests that contradict common, previously frequently used hobbies;
  • boredom and monotony in spending time together;
  • lack of former tenderness and warmth.

If at least a few of these characteristic factors of interaction between young people are felt on an intuitive or subconscious level, this means that the feeling of love has disappeared or is rapidly escaping from them.

Prayers

The power inherent in words addressed to God can work miracles

. Of course, we cannot impose our will on other people, this is contrary to the divine plan, but asking the Almighty to harmonize relationships is a completely adequate request.

The most important thing is faith; it is unconditional confidence and trust in the universe that will help you during this difficult period. You can make a request to the saints; your desire must be sincere and unfeigned. If you read this regularly, your appeal will be heard. It is especially effective to pronounce it on Christian holidays.

Prayer can be used to renew feelings for both spouses.

“I turn to you, holy wonderworkers Cosmo and Damian, only you can be an ambulance, a prayer for our salvation, we are not worthy to kneel before you, but do not despise the prayers of us sinners.”

Prayer to Nikolai Ugodnik to return her husband:

“Lord my God, Mother of the Most Holy Theotokos and holy servant of God Nicholas the Wonderworker, I trust in you! Help my soul find forgiveness and return my beloved, God's servant (name). Amen. Amen. Amen."

Prayer for a husband if his wife has fallen out of love:

“Lord, return my wife, God’s servant (wife’s name). After all, we were together (the number of years during the entire period of your relationship, and before marriage, include the same), and I love her as before. Only you can allow my wife and I to be together. Free her from negative thoughts and reluctance to return to me. Let my wife believe me. Let her love me even more. Help her realize that I have always been and will always be faithful. Don't let her leave me forever. Give us mutual love and happiness. God help me! Thank you! In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen."

How to prevent possible cooling of feelings in advance

No one knows in advance how their relationship will develop in the future. People meet, fall in love, get married, live. Then there comes a moment when one of the two suddenly gets the feeling that love is gone. What to do? The sudden reasons for the extinction of love have already been discussed earlier. But in order to try to avoid the fading of the source of the most pleasant emotions and feelings between people, it is necessary to feed them with positive moments together. Minimize conflicts, stop restructuring and bending each other, be attentive to each other and show mutual respect - the foundation of human relations is based on common mutual understanding and trust, this should not be forgotten.

What to do when love has passed

If it so happens that the feelings have died, and attempts to mend the broken ones have not been successful, you need to accept and let go of the situation. One love has passed, it will definitely be replaced by new meetings, new acquaintances, new hobbies and a new meaning in life. You cannot be discouraged, give up, return to unloved people again and again because of habit or pity - this still will not lead to happiness. After all, love was given to humanity so that it would be possible to feel the best and most delightful emotional experiences and give each other that feeling that can kindle spiritual fires and cement bonds with unbridled passion.

Children

Every woman, with rare exceptions, wants to become a mother. If you don't want children, your marriage will not last long. If you do not want to undergo treatment on which the conception of a child depends, the same applies. If you “feed” your wife with endless promises to first solve problems and only then think about children, sooner or later her patience will burst.

Every woman needs a man for whom children are the joy and meaning of life. Even if you both agree for now not to have children, but to realize yourself, sooner or later the woman will have a desire to give birth to a baby. And if it does not coincide with your aspirations, it will be sad.

>

If you have children, but you do not want to take part in their upbringing and disagree on their views on it, scandals that kill love are inevitable. Understand that a child needs a father just as much as a mother, no matter whether you have a boy or a girl. Take part in choosing clothes for your child, do not miss parent-teacher meetings, take your child to clubs and pick him up from kindergarten. It's not difficult at all, but it makes you a good dad.

Why did her feelings cool down?

The most important step on your part is not to sprinkle ashes on your head, but to deal with the current situation and events that could cause a cooling of your loved one’s feelings. After all, most often women do not leave their husbands because of a fleeting whim. There is a serious reason for leaving, and perhaps more than one. Therefore, don’t just tell her: “I want to return my love,” but try to understand or find out what actions or qualities of your character pushed your spouse away and forced her to make a radical decision to separate.

Here are just some of the reasons that make a woman forget about her past love and leave her family:

  • Cheating spouse.
    It is a humiliating and bitter feeling to be deceived by the person closest to you. And in such cases, the spouse decides to leave because she can no longer trust the person who betrayed her.
  • Husband's unstable financial situation
    . A husband lying on the couch while his wife is torn between three jobs, kindergarten and the stove is a familiar picture for many. But why then get married in order to avoid responsibility and care even for those closest to you? A family without a financial base is like a house made of sand, sooner or later it will fall apart right before your eyes.
  • Alcohol
    . Modern women have learned to value their lives and not put it on the altar of relationships in which the main task is to force the husband not to drink. After all, this almost never brings the desired result, and a drinking husband is unlikely to start a new life. Therefore, the healthy choice of a woman in such a situation is to leave.
  • There are no common interests and understanding
    . If you have been spending weekends apart for a long time, there is nothing to talk about at breakfast and every little thing in each other begins to irritate you, this is a sure way to one day wake up single again. Reminds you of your own family life? Hurry up to change it before you become completely alien and cold.
  • Jealousy and cruelty.
    If a husband literally persecutes his wife and forbids her to meet her friends, take up new hobbies, assigns her a place in life between the kitchen and bed, and he himself has a lot of fun, such a marriage is doomed.

Test. Is there love?

We have prepared a test with which you can find out whether you love your spouse or not. Perhaps you are driven by something other than a high feeling? To get quality results, give honest answers. If the result upsets you, read: How to make my husband fall in love with me after my betrayal?

1. I can’t imagine how I used to live without her (him).

2. I think that she (he) treats me well.

3. I would like to be like her (him).

4. I can say with confidence about our internal similarity.

5. For her (him) sake I will go to the ends of the earth.

6. I think I can trust her (him) with absolutely everything.

7. When we are together, our mood is the same.

8. I feel responsible for her (his) psychological comfort.

9. If I’m sad or have problems, then I’m ready to share them only with her (him).

10. I am pleased to feel that she (he) trusts me more than others.

11. I can confidently say that she (he) belongs only to me.

12. In most cases, she (he) finds contact with people immediately and everyone likes her.

13. She (he) is a very smart person.

14. Of course, she (he) is the most charming of all.

If you have any questions, you can write them in the comments. We wish you all the best!

Subscribe to receive new published articles on the site directly to your email. We guarantee no spam!

Rating
( 1 rating, average 4 out of 5 )
Did you like the article? Share with friends:
For any suggestions regarding the site: [email protected]
Для любых предложений по сайту: [email protected]