Greetings, dear girls! We all love to watch beautiful films about romance, especially with scenarios where a man leaves his wife and goes to a young and beautiful girl and they both become happy. In reality, everything happens a little differently. More often we encounter misunderstanding and condemnation of a woman who is dating a married man. Over time, the woman herself also understands the futility of such a romance. Therefore, we will look at how to break up with a married man. After all, having separated from a married man, there is a danger of falling into apathy, which will break your emotional and mental state.
Is it really necessary to break off the relationship?
We will not appeal to conscience, repeat banal truths about happiness that cannot be built on someone else’s misfortune, and offer to take the place of a deceived wife. You are already a big girl and you understand everything perfectly well. Moreover, such thoughts probably came into your head more than once, darkening your mood, but happily disappeared under the pressure of more positive ones: attitudes “I love him!”, “Everything is real with us, not like THERE,” “It’s not in my heart.” you order." And yet, the worm of doubt about how to break up with your married lover continued to gnaw at your loving heart, otherwise you would not have ended up on this page. Let's try to figure out what a forbidden relationship brings more - joy or worry?
Try the old psychologists' trick. Take a sheet of paper, divide it into two parts and write on one half all the advantages of your situation, and on the other half the disadvantages. And then, after comparing both lists, answer yourself honestly: is this relationship the best you deserve?
pros
- You are freed from everyday life. Meetings with a loved one are always a small holiday, something special, long-awaited, separated from the boring everyday life. You don’t demand that you take out the trash and lay the floor on the loggia; he doesn’t turn his nose up at yesterday’s borscht. All that remains is the joy of meeting, albeit for a short time.
- You show each other your love. If in the relationship between spouses the number of kisses, hugs and passionate experiments in bed inevitably decreases over time, everything is like after a long separation. Even if in fact you haven’t seen each other for a day or two.
- You feel loved and desired because the man continues to come to you. And it’s so easy to believe that he does this out of great love, and not because of a desire to escape from the family routine or just have a good time with such a smart and beautiful woman like you. Who, moreover, does not nag him over trifles, is always cheerful and well-groomed, unlike his wife in a robe and with a screaming gang of children.
Minuses
- Let's be honest, the vast majority of women, with the exception of a small percentage of surprisingly self-sufficient young ladies, cherish the hope of one day retraining from mistresses to lawful spouses. Alas, statistics are not on your side: according to its calculations, 75% of married men never dare to leave their families, and of the remaining 25%, almost half return to a rickety home after some time. After all, with your wife, your beloved ate a ton of salt, arranged his life, raised his children, but with you you have to start everything over again, and it’s not a fact that the gentleman will be capable of this. It turns out that you are simply giving a man your best years, which you could spend looking for a more worthy candidate, but in the end you risk being left broke.
- The routine that is missing in a relationship falls entirely on your fragile shoulders. No, if necessary, you can ask the gentleman to provide help in everyday matters, but, as a rule, this does not happen. In addition, at the most necessary moment a man may simply not be there - after all, he has his own life.
- The mistress is left alone not only in the face of everyday difficulties. She spends holidays and weekends alone, which the man is forced to give to his family. Of course, you can visit your parents or go to a party with friends, but even there you will remain a black sheep without a partner.
- It is not only the wife who suffers because of her husband’s infidelity. The mistress also has to put up with the fact that her beloved man is sent straight from her into the arms of another woman. And at the very least, it is naive to believe stories that there is no longer intimacy in their lives, that the wife is frigid, and that your sweetheart regularly wears a chastity belt outside the threshold of your apartment.
- Finally, public opinion. Oh, it can ruin the lives of even the most independent of us! Parents sigh disapprovingly and ask if they have a chance to wait for their grandchildren, colleagues glance disapprovingly, mutual acquaintances shyly remain silent when a taboo topic comes up in conversation. All this, of course, is a drop in the ocean, but it wears away the stone.
I've already stepped on this rake twice. I wouldn’t even wish my enemy to experience this, they are all the same... Although they live, it would seem, in different parts of the planet. The same words, the same gifts... Dear girls, never be fooled by these empty promises, you cannot build happiness on someone else’s grief, no matter how high the love may be.
Remaining in the status of a mistress, you waste time in almost guaranteed unpromising relationships, deliberately deprive yourself of the chance to start a normal family, regularly suffer from loneliness and, at least in the depths of your soul, realize that you are acting dishonestly towards your deceived wife. Even if you don't believe in karma, it's an unpleasant feeling. And in return - rare meetings, the same rare joy and the deceptive feeling that you are “not alone after all.” Is it worth it? Maybe it’s time to put the comma correctly, imprint in your mind “you can’t love, you can’t break up” and go in search of someone who will be ready to give himself to you without reserve, and not in rare stolen moments?
Ways to help you get through a difficult period
There are many ways to quickly recover from a breakup with your married partner. They will ease the breakup and the stages of experiencing separation. You can change your appearance, your place of residence, go on a trip, take up a new hobby, meet with friends more, or focus all your energy on building a career.
Changes in appearance
You can start by changing your appearance. To do this, you need to invite your friends to go shopping and buy new things. Then go to a beauty salon, get a haircut, recolor your hair, cut off your bangs if you’ve never had them in your life, or get a bio-perm. You should also refresh your manicure and try a color that you haven’t painted your nails before. These procedures will distract you from your worries and help you cope with melancholy.
Change of residence or travel
When the ghosts of the past haunt you after breaking up with your lover, frequent meetings with him occur, this begins to excite your feelings. If possible, then you can move to live in another area or even city, so that familiar places do not remind you of your former lover.
If the idea of moving is rejected, it’s enough to change the environment for a while and go on a trip. It will allow you to escape from memories, experience new emotions, and get rid of sadness. New experiences will help you get over the breakup faster. During the trip you will meet people who will tell you a lot of interesting things. Excursions to famous places will fill the mind with new facts and useful information, so there will be no time to experience the feelings of a breakup. And it would be a shame to waste time on this.
If it is not possible to change your place of residence or go on a trip, it is enough to at least start cleaning the apartment. Physical labor is a great fight against sadness. Rearranging your apartment is also not such an impossible idea. The new interior will refresh your thoughts and restore peace of mind. Changing the wallpaper or curtains would also work. Getting rid of old junk will also help.
Interesting hobby
A new hobby can reboot your brain and distract you from suffering. There are many ideas: learn to knit, sew, embroider, play the guitar, take up dancing, sign up for yoga, master the splits. Book lovers should start collecting a library, sorting books by genre, writer, cover color. After this process, you can sit in a chair with a cup of tea or coffee, pick up a book and go on a literary binge. Let the book be about love, suffering, in which you can see the ways in which the heroes of the book pages experience grief. After reading some works, your own story will seem funny and absurd.
For those who don't like books, head straight to the gym or the skating rink. In the gym, physical activity will help you take your mind off your worries, and at the skating rink you will have the opportunity to learn how to skate if someone doesn’t know how. In winter you can go skiing.
Communication with friends or relatives
Depression is a dangerous thing. It’s better not to be alone, but to invite guests: girlfriends, parents, friends. You can go to them yourself. Communication with loved ones will allow you to express all the pain, hear and feel the support of family and friends. They will tell you other stories from life, and when you hear them, you understand that you are not the only one to whom this happened.
Career Focus
Being immersed in work really helps many people, because there is no time left to think about personal problems. And in the evening, when you return home, you don’t have the strength to think about them. Some people even take work home just to immerse themselves in it and not let bad thoughts enter their heads. Only career, only work.
How to break up with the married man you love: two ways
Having made a strong-willed decision, one must be able to adequately bring it to life. Moreover, your man will probably have objections to this matter. They will use:
- appeals to your feelings;
- promises of imminent change;
- accusations of callousness.
…And much more. Not every woman can withstand all this and not give up, especially if your feelings for your chosen one are still strong. To save yourself from temptation and unnecessary hassle, think through your actions in advance.
Dear girls, a married man is always pain and masochism, if you only need men for money, perhaps this is acceptable for you. But if you want love and understanding, if you are looking for affection and tenderness, care and patience, you will not be happy together, because he no longer waited for you and gave himself up to someone else long ago. Even if you waited for the divorce and he is “sort of” yours, believe me, nothing will stop him when the same beautiful young lady as you is next to him. Dear girls, melancholy and loneliness push us into relationships with married people, but believe me, a married man is the first swing of a shovel to dig himself a hole of unhappy love, pain and suffering, I repeat, no matter how fabulous your relationship may be.
Advice from psychologists
Psychologists are sure that a connection between a family man and a woman occurs if she has had any experienced problems and disappointment in love .
Tired of serious relationships or abandoned, more often such girls start secret relationships. Thus, they increase self-esteem, escape from the fear of loneliness and dilute everyday life with a new spark.
Why do single beauties date married people?
There are several answers to this question:
- Romantic mood of the girl. She simply liked the signs of attention and courtship from a person attractive to her and his marital status is not important. The feeling of being in love and lightness, without the stress of everyday life, is enough for her;
- Hopelessness . The woman believes that all good candidates are already taken and therefore is content with the role of mistress;
- Calculation . For the sake of a decent financial condition, girls are ready to have a relationship with a married man. The main thing is to receive luxurious gifts and money for maintenance, and, perhaps, their goal is to take them away from the family in order to receive alimony later;
- Self-affirmation . For this reason, a woman can win the attention of a family man. She is interested in sex without obligations, the mystery of meetings, and constant flirting. She is not ready for a family, but she likes this kind of freedom;
- Love . A strong warm feeling gives a woman hope that she can become his only one and take the place of his wife. She is ready to wait and blindly believe that she is the one.
Attention! Such relationships cannot continue; you should leave your lover after consulting a psychologist.
The long way is for those unable to say no
- Start reducing the number of meetings gradually but steadily. No, no, you’re not breaking up, it’s just that tonight my friend Katya tearfully asked me to help her dye her roots before a date. And on Friday, parents dream of taking their daughter to the dacha. And in August you and the girls are going to the sea. With a competent approach, separation may not happen as such, just at some point you realize that you last met six months ago and do not plan to resume the practice of secret dates.
- Get moody. Demand more attention, complain about loneliness, make claims. Let the time spent with you stop seeming like such a fairy tale to a man.
- Talk less often, this greatly contributes to distance. Show less interest in his affairs, and in response to a story about an emergency situation that a man had at work, tell him your story about a broken nail and a stupid colleague who ruined your stapler.
- Look for imperfections in your partner. And don’t say that he is ideal, there are no such people. He snores, yawns loudly, throws his street shoes at random, splashes toothpaste on the mirror while brushing his teeth, doesn’t like dogs... Start small, and soon this list will grow to amazing proportions, and it will be easier for you to bring your plan to life.
- Start a leisurely search for a new partner, but do not start a new romance. Just take a closer look, otherwise you, firstly, risk receiving an offensive “Prostitute!”, and secondly, your behavior may be perceived by a man as an attempt to make him jealous and force him to fight for you. But if someone interesting appears on the horizon, it will become much easier to put an end to the history of previous relationships.
She was little and stupid. A married man, “his wife is bad, they sleep in different rooms, they only keep the children, but he doesn’t love her, only me”... She listened, believed, considered herself a queen. And now, 7 years later, I became the wife of someone else, we lived for many years, we had 2 children, and here you are: “I never loved you, but I love that one over there, she’s younger, she has no children, she understands me.” You say there is no boomerang? And I know why I got THIS.
Why he will never leave his wife
Such men give convincing arguments for why divorce is impossible now, but continue to insist that one day they will definitely decide to take this step. It's just not the time. Someone in the family is sick, the wife is a mentally unstable person who will commit suicide if he decides to leave her, they have a common business, children, a mortgage... Unfortunately, many women sincerely believe what they hear, not wanting to open their eyes The unpleasant truth is that they are simply used. Such relationships can last for years. More precisely, as long as it is convenient for the man himself.
A woman rarely decides to break up, confident that she is truly loved, appreciated, and one day she will become a wife. In addition to wasting time, relationships also bring great disappointment. Self-esteem also suffers, because the woman does not understand what she did wrong: she loved, gave herself, invested her feelings and emotions, but was never able to achieve what she wanted - to completely receive the person who took a place in her heart.
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