What to do if the girl you love leaves you? The right solution to the problem

If a girl wants to break up, but hides it, you should take a closer look at her behavior and trust her intuition. Women are given away by gestures, sudden changes in behavior, causeless irritation and reluctance to interact. The partner’s words are less eloquent than her views, body position, and intonation. Not wanting to part, a man can try to “reset” the relationship with the help of care, sincerity, and support. But there are times when it is worth letting a girl go in order to open your heart to new feelings.

The ex-girlfriend left, betrayed. How can I get it back?

Relationship disappointment happens to everyone. For a person, this is a kind of test and school that makes him an adult or breaks him. In the second case, we get misogynistic or childish guys. Misogynists will never find someone with whom they could be happy because they see the world around them in a distorted light. Infants will look for the one who will regret, warm and solve all problems. Neither one nor the other will build a happy relationship if they don’t change.

And it all starts with the right conclusions after breaking up with the very girl who brought pain with her departure.

If you can face the truth, there is a chance of getting rid of the pain and healing the wound. At first it will burn strongly, but the wound will stop growing and then begin to heal. Suffering is not bad. Pain is given to us so that we learn to survive it, and if you do it correctly, then even wounds are beneficial.

If you agree with me, then I suggest you forget about the wording of the question in the title for a while and talk about how the relationship is collapsing and what you should do next.

How did you miss everything

Any relationship begins like in a fairy tale. Everything around is literally filled with magical music and pleasant aromas - you have gotten to know each other and have not yet noticed the negative sides.

Feelings and care from a girl have a soporific effect on a man. Just yesterday I was steering my life and clearly understood where I was going, but today I was distracted from the helm and swam into a sweet pink fog in which neither land nor icebergs were visible. But this does not bother him: it seems to the guy that he has sailed to a heavenly place where happiness happens by itself. Serenity and carelessness inevitably lead to your ship hitting reefs or getting stuck on an unknown shore.

What about the girl? She is just a passenger on this ship. When the fog clears, you both understand: you have arrived. You feel sorry for the ship, the crew, and your dreams. And the passenger dissatisfiedly goes ashore and goes to the nearest hotel, grabbing his suitcases.

In fact, while still in the pink fog, you lost the steering wheel from your hands, and a woman had to take it - she began to steer as best she could. She, of course, was interested in holding on to him, but she didn’t expect that you would let go of him for good and fall into a soft hammock, taking a cocktail in your hands. When you came to your senses, she was already steering with all her might, swearing like a seasoned sailor, and giving out instructions. You objected, but received a rebuff, and after that you no longer dared to conflict with the new captain. All your attempts to appease this sea wolf failed: you began to look pathetic, the crew no longer respected you. Well, you yourself know what happened in the end.

Failed significance

Losing your dominant role in a relationship is like playing in a casino. First you lose a little money, then you try to win it back. Each time the amount doubles.

At the beginning of the relationship, there were small conflicts between you, but you quickly learned to resolve them - that’s exactly what you thought. But you took a step towards her every whim or dissatisfaction. After the next gift or surprise, she calmed down and again became that sweet and caring girl you fell in love with. It seemed to you that you had learned some secret of communicating with a woman. It's simple: please your beloved on time, and you will be happy together. Just think, sometimes indulge her whims - but we are together.

But conflicts began to occur more often, and efforts to extinguish them increased. You didn’t even notice how you began to lose respect in her eyes. Then her desire disappeared. It became increasingly difficult to light a fire in it.

From a woman's point of view it looks different. In the beginning you were strong, brave and principled. She was excited by your rod - literally and figuratively. But over time, you began to adapt to it, the rod softened until it looked like a dangling rag. She remembers all the good things and would like to return everything, but she can’t do anything about the fact that she is not turned on by a weak-willed boy.

When a guy's importance to a girl drops, she begins to think about leaving him. Everything is banal: the captain stopped fulfilling his duties, and the passengers decided that the ship would not sail anywhere like this. You yourself did not notice the signals that were given to you, and now you are reaping the fruits of your own carelessness.

A man is a leader in a relationship, and a leadership position implies not only responsibility, but also a certain educational role. And if you repeatedly put the brakes on a bad attitude towards yourself, then respect is lost, and leadership is called into question. What can we say about trying to appease the girl, as long as she does not force her to take responsibility in the relationship again.

When a girl tells the truth2

You should be nervous when the girl is confident in what she is saying. This is easy to understand.

Firstly, she usually has her things collected. She is ready to leave, she has somewhere to go, she has something to go to. She doesn't make a scene and expects no excuses. She simply communicates her decision. It poses a fait accompli, so to speak.
Secondly, she clearly formulated all the claims and is ready to give answers to all your questions. Clear and to the point. She has no pity or doubt in her voice, she clearly understands what she is talking about, and her presentation is not based on socks and unwashed dishes. As a rule, we are talking about serious problems: you cheated, you are not developing and are slowing her down, you earn little money and do not strive to improve your financial situation. And it doesn’t matter what you don’t have money for, bread or a fur coat. You just don't meet her requirements.
Thirdly, she notifies you by SMS, you are blocked in all social networks and applications, your things are collected and are on the threshold, or even behind it, you have come to an empty apartment.

These signs are a real reason to think about it and start acting while there is an opportunity to fix everything.

Has the girl left for someone else?

Guys who have been dumped often emphasize this to us. The most painful thing is to realize that the girl not only left you, but also immediately found someone else. But if you understand why she was looking for a relationship in the first place, her behavior takes on logic. And here you need to understand that girls are different. Some of them jump from relationship to relationship. They deliberately find weak-willed guys to enjoy a period of falling in love, and then win the battle for dominance and immediately move on to someone else. Such a lady will look for a new man while still in a relationship with the old one - because she is hunting for emotional and material resources and wants to come to everything ready.

Other girls are initially looking for a serious relationship and a real leader, next to whom you can be a weak woman. It is in such a couple that she is able to truly love. She will also leave the guy who was unable to take a strong position in the relationship, but unlike the first option, she will try to end communication with you first before looking for a new man. She didn’t intend to fight with you for the helm - she just took it for a while so that she could calmly dock and get off the ship ashore. But she doesn’t like looking at the captain who has lost control of his ship.

Psychologist's advice

Psychologists advise to communicate a lot during a crisis. The girl's openness, her willingness to discuss difficulties, her lack of irritation are good signs. This indicates that the woman is in love and wants intimacy back. Other expert recommendations:

You should surprise your beloved and make her happy. Conversations and tenderness will not be enough, you will have to try and present a special surprise - dinner, a gift, a romantic gesture.
It is worth reminding the girl about a happy common past, about what once connected you. You can remember your first carefree dates, simple shared joys. The purpose of these memories is to evoke the warm emotions that filled the relationship before. A touched woman may change her mind and return.
A traditional romantic letter with honest thoughts and memories can melt the heart of the chosen one. Putting your thoughts down on paper is an easier way to vent than direct communication or messages. You can give the letter to the woman with flowers or leave it at her work. A short, touching note will also do.

In difficult times, it is advisable to show your openness, weakness, and vulnerability to your partner. But these should not be emotional reproaches or hysterics. Instead of persuading a woman, it is better to share fears, failures, and dreams with her. This needs to be done simply, gently, humanely. Usually, girls consider the ability of men to open up and trust not weakness, but sincerity.
It is necessary to respect the independence of your partner. Men tend to suppress their lovers and limit their freedom. It is important to emphasize the self-sufficiency of the chosen one, not to hold back or manipulate. Girls are especially unfree when they are with toxic, jealous and patriarchal partners who seek to control their every move. You should support your other half and help her in her endeavors.

To protect relationships, it is necessary to avoid everything that alienates people: manipulation, indifference, intrusiveness, suppression. You can only keep in touch through sincere, regular communication. But sometimes the cooling of feelings is an objective phenomenon. In this case, the right decision is to remain a worthy person and let your partner go.

What to do if she doesn't respect you

Many men feel that they have lost respect in their relationship with a girl. You understand that very soon she will leave and hesitate between apathy and the desire to fall at her feet and beg to stay. But you will not change anything, but only risk joining the army of sufferers who mourn the breakup for years and do not allow their wounds to heal. I suggest another option. If you realize that a girl no longer respects you, don’t hesitate - end the relationship yourself.

At this moment, you need to accept the only truth for yourself: your relationship is over, you will no longer be together, and then you will be on your own. Save what remains of your pride. To do this, you need to start total ignoring. Say goodbye, and don’t contact her again and don’t expect any steps from her. It may happen that as time passes, she will want to return to you, but you should not think about it. Even if this happens, it will not last long, because you will remain the same. Until you begin to change and find yourself again - a confident man, independent, with strong self-esteem, who knows how to control himself.

But in order to start changing and not think about the pain that was caused to you, you need to work a lot on yourself. And you will have to start immediately.

Best regards, Roman Vinilov!

What should a guy do if he has no desire to break off the relationship?

Often, if a girl decides to break up, the young man begins to come up with romantic ways to get her back. He regrets that he did not show tender signs of attention at the height of the relationship, and worries that he rushed to fix everything too late. He becomes resentful of himself and his beloved. Everything is complicated by the guy’s pride, which blocks the desire to talk sincerely.

First, you should find out what kind of separation the woman has planned: a short pause or a complete break. Sometimes girls, by announcing the end of a relationship, provoke their loved one and desperately attract his attention. Perhaps your other half needs care, more communication, tenderness. It happens that the chosen one has problems that are difficult to talk about. Before you get offended, you need to ask your friend about the reasons for her decision.

Even when a woman directly talks about ending the affair, you should not give up. The female sex is inclined to doubt, analyze, and weigh for a long time. After breaking up, girls continue to mentally return to their ex-partner, evaluate him, and ask themselves about the correctness of the decision. After living at a distance for a couple of weeks, you can try to return the relationship. Your beloved will probably accept this proposal.

A breakup due to infidelity leaves deep grievances. It will be very difficult to get back the partner you cheated on. To restore trust, you will have to patiently achieve it again, prove by actions that the betrayal will not happen again. Only a beloved man can be forgiven for betrayal. If there are no tender feelings, the girl will not return to her ex-partner.

Recommendations for guys whose girlfriends have decided to leave them:

behave calmly, with dignity, but sincerely and without challenge;
you should talk, don’t blame, be patient;
apologize, admit guilt (if the guy internally disagrees with the accusations, then one day this will lead to anger, irritation, quarrels);
take into account the requests of your beloved, truly begin to change (it is better to do without eloquent promises, but briefly agree with her claims);
do not be afraid to appear vulnerable in front of your partner, to directly admit your affection.

If a woman resolutely insists on ending the relationship, you should not ask to be friends. Such a relationship rarely turns out to be sincerely friendly. There is no need to continue painful communication, since the guy’s feelings make it depressing. Such emotional dependence is fueled by self-flagellation, jealousy and lasts for years.

After a woman has finally decided to separate, we should wish her success. You need to show respect and remain a true gentleman. Parting as beautifully as possible, leaving behind a bright image is the best solution. It is advisable to hide the nuances of relationships and breakups even from loved ones, because gossip does not make a guy look good, it humiliates him and his ex-girlfriend.

Deciding what to do

Only after an honest conversation will both partners in the relationship be able to understand why the girl wants to leave him and what to do next. Nothing can be done by the man if she really leaves him. But at the stage of her thoughts and the absence of radical measures, the future fate of the couple is in the hands of the man. If a man doubts whether he needs to maintain a relationship at all, most likely, it has already outlived its usefulness.

A man’s actions in such a situation should be based on several points:

Giving the girl personal space to analyze the relationship from an objective point of view.
Attempts to save relationships by clarifying one’s guilt, admitting it and eradicating it. You can also try to surprise the girl with good deeds, recall all the good things that happened between them, confess your feelings and desire for a future together.
A man needs to let the girl go amid worries about her and in order to avoid anger and scandals in the relationship.
Next, you need to give yourself time to say goodbye to feelings and memories. At this stage, you need to start developing your personality.
Cutting off any contacts, deleting your phone number and social networks in order to distance yourself from your ex-girlfriend. You also need to get rid of any things that remind you of your relationship with this girl.

It is extremely important for a man to remain active, develop, play sports, maintain constructive thinking and a sober mind. Any relationship is an invaluable experience that teaches you in the future how to behave correctly and what mistakes it is better not to repeat.

A girl left a relationship of several years. What to do?

And so, you are going to return her feelings, but at the same time only positive moments pop up in your head, which relate mainly to the period of the beginning of the relationship. At the same time, you don’t remember the routine and what life together has slipped into. Therefore, if you want to return a girl who left you after a year of relationship or more, answer yourself the question: where exactly do you want to return her? The candy-bouquet period can be lived again, especially if you have not been together for some time. But it will last much less than the very first one. Then routine will inevitably return. And she will no longer give you chances, she will understand that you have not changed in just a couple of days.

Is this girl worth enduring all this for? Or are you ready to make sure that a life full of boredom and despondency never returns? If yes, then you must understand that the matter is primarily in yourself, and in any case you need to change your life. It should be more interesting, useful and memorable. You are active and successful in it, you have money and plans for every next day. You take care of yourself and easily communicate with others. And everyone likes such guys, including beautiful girls.

How not to behave during a breakup

Men are no less emotional than women, but they tend to hide it under the guise of indifference. But it is precisely because of this that problems arise that are expressed in aggressive or inappropriate behavior. Vivid examples of how not to behave:

Giving gifts to your ex-girlfriend. All types of persuasion, pleas for return are an example of behavior that is not characteristic of a man. If a girl achieves this, it only speaks of a desire to humiliate and subjugate. In another situation, such manifestations will only cause grins and a desire to quickly stop communicating.
Blackmail. If a guy has intimate correspondence, photographs or other compromising material, you shouldn’t talk about it. Humiliation will not cause positive emotions either in the girl who abandoned the boy or in those around her. But it’s easy to lose trust, respect, and affection, since the dissemination of information of this kind indicates a person’s unreliability.
Lack of activity when wanting to return the relationship. When a good and faithful girl leaves you, do not despair, because you will certainly be able to return your favor. It is important not to miss the moment and act. Surely the decision to break up was not easy, and she suffers no less, so try to talk, talk about the desire to resume meetings after correcting the behavior. This will help you find out the main complaints and begin to act. If you demonstrate inaction and believe that your beloved will return without good reason, you should not count on success.
Continue communication. There are examples when a couple ceases to exist, which is openly stated. But close friends notice that correspondence, meetings and calls continue. Such behavior is unacceptable, as it will not lead to a positive ending. Either one of the partners will begin parallel meetings with others, which will completely confuse him, or a relationship without commitment will lead to an even more painful separation without explanation.

Observing the girl's behavior

You can determine that a girl wants to break up with her boyfriend by paying close attention to her behavior. In fact, true motives and wishes always lie on the surface, but only a few can read non-verbal signs that promise a quick breakup. And only when the girl suggested breaking up, men begin to remember some of her behavioral characteristics.

You can determine the desire to break up the relationship by her behavior, namely:

touching - she decided to show less affection and show herself tactilely towards the man;
look - you can immediately see from her eyes that she began to communicate indifferently and look coldly in the direction of her partner;
ignoring - the girl avoids the meeting, hangs up in the middle of a conversation or refuses to communicate at all, says that she is busy, etc.;
lack of conversations about the future - any plans ahead, even if they do not concern family and children, will be immediately transferred to another direction of the conversation;
quarrels - it’s not that she would communicate dryly, but she can even show aggression and quarrel to the bitter end with a man.

Expert opinion
Elena Druzhnikova

Sexologist. Family relations expert. Family psychologist.

The most obvious sign that a girl is ready to break off a relationship is that during every quarrel and minor conflict, she constantly talks about breaking up. That is, such a program has already been built in her thinking and subconscious, it’s just a matter of time.