How to meet a shy girl » Our Psychology

A girl becomes shy under the influence of factors - hereditary predisposition, the influence of the external environment, and the characteristics of her upbringing. In psychology, shyness is often associated with modesty and is seen as a positive character trait. However, this quality hinders the individual’s achievements in any area, including professional activities and personal relationships.

Going beyond the comfort zone

To stop being shy about girls, you need to understand the reasons for this feeling. In fact, anything can happen here. One of the reasons for shyness is complexes and fears that were formed in childhood. This time has already passed; you are no longer a child. However, unconsciously, for some reason, you begin to worry, worry, and sweat as soon as you need to approach and say a simple “hello” to the girl. The advice given here is to go beyond your comfort zone.

Over the years, a person gets used to living in one way or another. If you were constantly offended by your mother, she didn’t love you, the kindergarten teacher mocked you, the girls at school teased you, then you may develop shyness. You are used to living in a state where in the eyes of women you are a loser. You should realize this and imagine how stupid it looks.

What happened in your childhood should not prevent you from building a fulfilling life in the present time. Step outside the comfort zone in which you are used to hiding. How to do it? Just come up and meet the girl. Scary - not scary, but you have to come up and get acquainted, and do it in such a way that the girl respectfully agrees or refuses.

Doing various things that you are scared or embarrassed to do helps you go beyond your comfort zone. Eg:

It's scary to sing a song on the street.
It’s scary to offer a girl a bag.
It is scary to express your opinion to people who are authorities.
It's scary to ask for a pay raise or an opportunity to improve your grades.
It's scary to tell your parents something for which they will be unhappy.

In fact, in the soul of every person there are fears, complexes, and unpleasant experiences. If you cling to them, then you won’t be able to live fully. Feeling fear is common. But to do an act that will force you to face fear is to gain courage.

Do something that makes you feel embarrassed. This will allow you to step out of your comfort zone, develop courage, see your potential (especially if the outcome is positive), and gain self-confidence.

Superiority and complexes5

Some girls confuse self-confidence and high self-esteem with coldness and bitchiness.

The girl shows with all her appearance how independent and cool she is. She makes fun of guys who show her attention. She is looking for the ideal man with whom she will build an ideal relationship. Although in fact he is struggling with a bunch of fears and complexes, which he diligently buries deeper.

Well, what guy would want to approach someone like that? He didn’t even have time to open his mouth, and she was already looking at him with an arrogant look and rejected him.

The girl is a person just like you

Shyness is often the result of the fact that a person looks down on others, considering them better, more confident, beautiful, more successful than him. In fact, this is a misconception. A girl is the same person as a guy. She is not a princess, not a queen, not the president's wife, not a cool businesswoman. She is a simple earthly creature who also has complexes, fears, and unpleasant experiences that she experiences when meeting new people.

Believe me, when a guy approaches a girl to get acquainted, she also quickly begins to replay her own complexes in her head:

“Do I look beautiful?”
“Does he like it when I smile?”
“Is he interested in what I have to say? Doesn't he think I'm a fool?
“What could I do to make sure he’s interested in me?” etc.

A girl can be just as shy, complex, and unsure of herself as a guy. There is no crown on her head and she does not have such resources that she could be praised to the skies. Even if a girl behaves proudly and arrogantly, then most likely this is feigned. Often people show off to the public what they really don’t have. In this way, they try to be liked, so that later they can relax and become weak, complex, and themselves.

To stop being shy about beauties, realize the fact: girls are people just like you, with their own shortcomings, complexes, cockroaches, etc. Treat a girl as an equal person.

How to meet in the future

Shy people often want to be alone. You need to remember this. There's also a good chance she's an introvert. Therefore, she needs to be alone to feel better. If a girl doesn't want to go to a big party, don't pressure her or make her feel bad about it. Overcoming shyness and starting to live a social life will not be easy for her. Therefore, support her and help her overcome possible difficulties. If after a certain time after you meet, you notice that she begins to feel less shy, then she really likes you. Then you can invite her to various public places.

Of course, at your first meetings, she will not know what to say, so take the initiative into your own hands. And as we said earlier, try to joke more, and don't be afraid to be stupid. This will help her calm down and not be nervous. And as you continue dating, she will begin to become more confident. And the time will come when the girl will change and stop being too shy.

How would you rather ask a shy girl out on a date?

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Talk to girls and women more often

An excellent way to eliminate shyness in front of girls is to communicate with different ladies of different ages. Here your task is simply to communicate with women and girls, not for the sake of acquaintance, but for the sake of simply exchanging words. Communicate more often with waitresses, street cleaners, saleswomen, neighbors, girls you just happen to be next to. Don't try to start a relationship with them. Just talk to them.

Shyness is often the result of the fact that a guy doesn’t know what to talk to girls about, what words to say in their presence, how to start communicating with them, etc. Shyness will not go away if a guy reads multi-volume books on how to meet girls . It's one thing to know, and another thing to practice. If you can just exchange a few words with a girl, then it won’t be difficult for you to get to know her.

First, simply by communicating with strangers, you get used to talking with the opposite sex. Gradually, you develop some skills and abilities, and you learn the psychology of women.
Second, simply by communicating, you will face your fear. As it turns out, girls are just like guys. They're all just different. Everyone needs their own approach. Some girls are outgoing, while others are just as shy as you.

The more you simply communicate, the more strengthened your skill of contact with the opposite sex is. This helps eliminate shyness.

High competition4

Guys (again, not all of them) are afraid of high competition. “Such a beauty probably has a lot of cooler fans than me, where am I going?” - the guy thinks.

A girl may have no fans at all - neither cool, nor so-so. The guy will come up with everything himself. And his fears and uncertainty will help him with this.

It often happens that initially everything goes well for a guy and a girl. Perhaps they even managed to go on a date. And then the guy “merges”, leaving the girl perplexed. “What did I do wrong? Did he not like me? – the girl racks her brains and tries to understand where she made a mistake.

But the thing is that the guy never found the courage and chose to break off this relationship before it even began. He was afraid and did not want to get involved in a complex game with a bunch of small and large “bosses” waiting for him on the way to the princess’s heart.

Strive to achieve success

The reason for shyness in front of girls may be the constant replay in your head of the thought that the acquaintance will not take place, you will be sent to four directions, rejected. In reality, anything can happen. But you should think not about the bad, but about the good. Strive to achieve success, or rather, think that meeting a girl will happen, because you will take all the necessary steps for this.

While you are thinking about the bad outcome of events, you are presented with gloomy pictures of how you humiliatingly turn your back on the girl and slowly walk away with your head down. You imagine how a girl will mock you, think of you as a loser, scream, etc. Here, not only shyness will develop, but many other complexes that will ultimately force you to do nothing and sit without giving a voice.

While you are thinking about how to achieve success, you are thinking through a plan of action. What to tell a girl? How to approach her? What funny stories to tell? What to do if she starts to refuse? How to get her interested in you? At the same time, you look in the mirror to check whether you look attractive from the outside.

Analyze honestly and say: which of the two tactics will lead to haste and which will lead to disappointment? Thinking about failures makes you even more shy. Thinking about success, you focus on your capabilities and strengths, which, by the way, should be demonstrated to a girl from the first second of meeting you.

Love for beauty

Let's speak frankly. Everyone loves beautiful people.

So the answer to the question “Do guys like beautiful girls?” is quite obvious - they love it, and how!

It’s not for nothing that Playboy magazine enjoyed wild success for so many years, and beauties in bikinis were photographed for calendars. It was not for nothing that soldiers during the war kept photographs of beautiful women close to their hearts - wives, girlfriends or movie stars of that time.

Girls with chiseled figures and angelic faces invariably become the main heroines of melodramas. Take for example the film “Malena” directed by Giuseppe Tornatore. They invited none other than Monica Bellucci to play the role of the fatal beauty who drove all the men in the city crazy. A woman whose beauty has been praised for several decades.

Men love beautiful women. But here’s the rub: not everyone dares to approach an attractive stranger and take the first step.

Why? Because men (but not all) really feel embarrassed when they meet the eyes of a girl whose appearance takes your breath away.

Online dating

If you are too shy, then the next way to solve the situation is suitable for you - online dating. Here you definitely don't have to worry. Nobody can see you. You can post the most successful photos that demonstrate your strong qualities. No one will notice your excitement. Moreover, you can write to several girls at once. Some will not answer your “Hello”, while others will write something.

Dating online is much easier and calmer. Here you can find a person who will not wear a crown on his head and will react adequately to your anxiety. Over time, you can move on to telephone communication, where you can try to talk like in real life. And then move on to the real meeting.

Shyness will not disappear at the moment of the real meeting. However, you will already know what the girl looks like, how she communicates with guys, what she is interested in, etc. If you manage to get to know her well virtually, then in reality she will remain just as sweet and kind. Shyness in this case disappears due to the fact that you avoid such moments as: